Author Note: First of all, thank you, thank you and thank you for the encouraging reviews for me to continue. After reading OotP I got very discouraged to continue to write as the point of view of the Marauders is very different to the point of view of JK's, so I'll continue the story totally AU like I planned. Secondly I am totally astounded that I have reached the 20 mark in the number of reviews, thank you for all the faithful readers and reviewers! Well I should stop ranting and start the chapter. *Grins*
15. Summer holidays or memories always will catch up with you.
The last few months went much to quick for my disliking. As then suddenly the exams were coming up I wondered who had been playing with the time. Of course I loved my father like I loved my new home, and I also couldn't wait to see my small sister again. But Hogwarts was different, I felt wanted, and I had gotten friends, this place was like a second home to me. A place well I felt save and I knew as long as I could keep my secret I could finish of my education with no problems at all and become a full-fledged wizard.
I looked at Sirius and James, both looking also a little downcast as we wandered to the Great Hall for lunch. We weren't talking at all until we were sitting at the Gryffindor table, but even there silence was a constant member. Until finally Sirius broke the silence.
"So what are you guys going to do in your summer break?" Sirius asked curiously, with his fork in hand picking around in his food somehow uninterested.
"My parents are planning with a trip to Europe." James said cheerfully taking another plate full of Shepherds Pie, smiling broadly.
"Peter?" Sirius looked at our friend with a curious gaze. Peter looked up blushing, like he had been thinking about something completely else and hadn't even listened to the conversation Sirius had started.
"What? Oh… sorry… holidays… erhm… I don't have a clue." Peter stammered looking quickly away again, down on his plate picking through his food just like Sirius. I sighed as I noticed that I wasn't the only one hiding secrets, as I could smell something coming of Peter, something forbidding. Still Peter was innocent, not capable of anything so I quickly pushed the worried thought aside and answered the question that was now directed at me.
"I don't know…" I answered knowing not really what was coming upon me this summer. Yes I had already spent a great deal of time at Lupin household, but still hadn't got used to living with my father, my true father. That thought brought a smile upon my face and I hoped that I could finally get used to my new life. And I had planned to get to know my small sister better; I had hardly seen my baby sister during the Christmas holidays, mainly because I had spent a lot of time with Romulus.
"And what about you Sirius? Asking everyone what he or she is doing during his or her holidays but keeping quiet yourself. Come on, answer, I am waiting." I then said pulling Sirius of the thought of killing Snape who had just passed the Gryffindor table, waving my hand in front of his face.
Sirius shook his head and the pushed my hand away, while taking a mouthful of his food that was still on his plate.
"I am just as clueless like you Remus, my grandparents from America are coming for several weeks but well that is also the only thing I know." Sirius answered while meanwhile starting to enjoy the Shepherds Pie eating it with very much enthusiasm.
We spent the rest of the day talking happily about the year we had had, coming to the conclusion that the next would be just as fun when not even better as we all knew each other now. We had grown quite close friends during the last weeks, sticking together everywhere and in whatever situation. No one would find any of us alone now, except of course for the full moon where I still disappeared still making up many excuses. I didn't know how long I could still make up lies, after all Sirius, James and Peter had become great friends and I had doubts still lying at them. Because as far as I know one shouldn't lie to his friends, but was this different? I didn't know.
As we retreated to our bed that night I couldn't find any sleep at first. Everything that I had tried to forget, everything that had happened only until a year ago, came up again. I closed my eyes wanting them to open them again as old pictures up again. But also as I opened my eyes I could see Jonathan's face everywhere, glaring at me, sending words of disgust at me and warning me.
I pulled my legs against my chest, trying to push the tears away that were threatening to fall. I closed my eyes and rocked back and forth trying to push away the horrible memory but nothing seemed to work.
"Go away… leave me alone…" I begged but he only came closer.
"I will never leave you alone… you'll always be mine." He said menacingly and I covered my ears with my hands trying to push the mere thought of my stepfather away.
"Go away! You're not real!" I whimpered shaking my head letting the tears fall, forgetting everything around me I cowered in shame on my bed. No one understood what I was feeling, what was happening and no one was also supposed to know. One would call me insane if I would tell what was just happening to me. I tried to block all the truth away from me feeling somehow stuck in the vision of Jonathan.
I didn't know what was happening to me as suddenly strong arms were wrapped around me, and soothing words were whispered in my ear. I tried to struggle at first panicking as I felt even more hands upon me, holding me; I only relaxed again as only the strong arms were around me rocking me.
"Ssshhh Remmie calm down… everything is going to be ok." I could tell that Sirius was holding me soothing my fears little by little. I slowly opened my eyes looking at Sirius fearfully and somewhat ashamed of my emotional breakdown. He only shook his head and pulled me closer.
"You've got nothing to be ashamed of Remus… I just want to tell you if you need ether someone to talk too you can always come to me… I don't want to push you, just tell me when you're ready." Sirius whispered and I just nodded not finding any words to say.
I felt somehow weird, the wolf in me was so calm and not restless like normally as Sirius is holding me. I felt so safe and secure in his arms, I felt like if I had found a place where I felt normal and where the wolf and all the cruel memories were absent.
"You're ok now Rem?" James asked who I found sitting at the end of my bed, smiling warmly while still concern was coming from him. I whipped my last tears away and smiled back at him.
"Yes… yes I guess so." I stammered for an answer blushing, as I couldn't find any more coherent answer. James nodded and excused himself to bed, leaving Sirius and me alone.
"Sirius?" I looked up to Sirius still blushing. He just looked down at me and smiled, chuckling as he saw my flushed cheeks.
"Something wrong Remmie?" Sirius then asked.
"No… nothing, I just wanted to say thank you." I whispered blushing even more. Sirius just chuckled and we spent the rest of the night talking about the most different things, until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and fell asleep in his arms.
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A/N: So this chapter didn't turn out really how I wanted but well. Please review! (If you have forgotten, the little button for that is down on the left side, you just need to press it.) Thanks!!
