"CHEESEHEADS OF AMERICA"
DRAFT 4
by zimrocks
(Zim is walking home from school. People with cheese hats pass by.)
Zim: What are those- things you're wearing on your head? They're so yellow and... holey!
People: Shut up! You're green and... stinky.
Zim: (gasp) My stink? My stink is good!
Dib: Smell? You mean smell, right?
Zim: Why do people wear those on their head?
Dib: I dunno. Do you see me wearing them? (walks away)
Strange man: Cheese ROCKS!
Zim: Cheese? Is that it? Cheese? Hah! Crazy humans and their cheese!
(Zim walks in base. GIR is wearing cheesehat.)
Zim: You too, wear the cheese!
GIR: Yes, I am wearerer of the cheese. (bites cheesehat.) Yum, cheesy plastic!
Zim: Well, I'm going to the lab and see if I'm missing out on this cheese stuff. To the lab! I said, to the lab! Computer? Ahhh! (falls to lab.) Oww! (rubs butt.) Computer, give me information on... cheese.
Computer: Cheese is... uh... an underwater creature... that led the Spanish Revolution... and solved world hunger in 1948.
Zim: Man, cheese sounds important! So humans digest this cheese. I must try it. GIR! Come, we're going to take a walk.
GIR: YAY! Can I get some tacquitos?
Zim: No, but we are going to get cheese.
GIR: Mmmm, I like cheese.
Zim: Yes... I'm sure you like the cheese.
(they walk to store.)
Zim: Hey you, bag baffoon! I need come cheese over here!
Bag boy: Cheese? We're all out!
Zim: All out! Of cheese! How could you be out of cheese?
(in background) GIR: No, not the cheese!
Bag boy: Sir, we're out of it, okay?
Zim: Fine, I'll spend my earth monies elsewhere.
(they leave.)
Bag boy: Earth monies?
Zim: Well, I guess our Cheese Quest has failed.
GIR: I've seen cheese at the gas station. Next to the tacquitos.
Zim: Yes, the gas station. Gas Station? They sell gasy space material?
GIR: You mean stars? They put them in cars. Stars, cars... they rhyme!
Zim: For once, you got something right.
(They walk in gas station.)
Zim: Do you have cheese?
Gas station guy: Yes, yes we do.
Zim: Could I try some?
Guy: Try cheese? What planet are you from, everyone has had cheese!
Zim: Irk... I mean Earth. Yes, I am an Earth Monkey.
GIR: (laughs) Earth Monkey.
(Zim takes cheese.)
Zim: Mmm, this is good. (doesn't really like it.) I will buy all of your cheese.
(outside)
Dib: Zim? At the gas station? Maybe buying GIR a taco. Or does he like burritos... Chalupas? Chinchurras? Quesadillas?
(Zim walks out with huge pile of cheese.)
GIR: What are you going to do with all that cheese? (Bites tacquito.)
Zim: I don't know, maybe we can just throw it at that huge head of Dib's!
(they get home. They pile the cheese onto the ground.)
GIR: I'm going to jump on the cheese now! (Jumps, cheese flies all over.)
GIR: (screams with joy)
Zim: What are you doing? You promised that you wouldn't mess around if I bought you a tacquito!
GIR: Oh, I forgot. Wee!
(outside)
Dib: Maybe they were nachos. Nah!
(back at base.)
Zim: Here's Dib now. GIR, hand me a cheese thing.
GIR: Okie Dokie!
(Dib walks by. Zim throws cheese. Dib falls.)
Zim: (laughs manically) I got you, Dib!
Dib: NOOO! I'm allergic to dairy!
Zim: Now, look at Dib's big red head!
(GIR takes pictures)
GIR: Dib's even cuter when he's got red stuff all over him.
Zim: My squidly splooch feels... (barfs)
Dib: Hah! That's called karma! (walks away)
Zim: Oooh, that cheese! I can't believe... (barfs)... I can't belive humans eat that awful yellow stuff.
GIR: I like it! (throws cheese in mouth)
(on Armada ship)
Technician: Incoming trasmissiooon! From Earth!
Red: Not Zim again!
Zim: Ah, my Tallest.
Purple: What do you want?... I mean good to see you.
Zim: I give you cheese! (holds out cheese) It is a human food.
Red: So... cheese... is it good?
Zim: No! It made me vomit... wait a sec (barfs)
Red: I see what you mean...
Zim: However, it seems that they have some kind of reaction to it.
Purple: So they eat it... but they break out in hives?
Zim: Yes. But what can you expect... GIR stop eating the cheese! We need it for our cheese-filled victory!
Red: (laughs) Cheese-filled victory!
Zim: Well, I'm off to defeat the humans!
Purple: You go get'em! (laughs) (screen turns off)
(Zim goes outside)
Zim: I've got to find this cheese gathering. (finds cheesehead.) Hey you, cheese worshiper. Where is the cheese?
Guy: Follow me.
(they follow him to an alley, and jump in a sewer hole.)
Zim: Agh! It stinks!
Guy: Yeah, but you get used to it. Prepare for initiation!
Zim: NO, not another weird human gathering!
Guy: Phase 1!
(the people dip Zim in the sewer water.)
Zim: FOOLS!
Guy: Phase 2!
(they stuff cheese into his mouth.)
(Zim barfs)
Guy: You couldn't pass Phase 2? Get out of here! (they throw him back up to the surface.)
(Zim barfs some more.)
Dib: Still barfing? Hah!
Zim: Still red?
Dib: Well, yes. Be quiet!
(Dib walks away.)
Zim: Now, to find a way back in. Ah, a cheese headcover!
(puts on cheesehat, drops back down sewer.)
Zim: I too, am one with the cheese.
Guy: Aren't you that one guy...
Zim: What guy?
Guy: That green guy...
Zim: I'm not green! It's a skin condition.
Guy: Well, in that case, you can stay.
Zim: Success! I mean, free cheese for everyone!
(They all eat the cheese. They chew on it for a while, then spit it out.)
Guy: How could you give us this cheap gas station cheese?
Zim: Well, it's getting late...
Guy: No! I want you to eat the rest of the cheese!
Zim: Actually, I had a lot of cheese at home. My food pouch is overflowing.
Guy: And I thought the green kid was crazy! This guy's insane! Get him out of here... food pouch. What is that?
(Zim gets thrown out.)
Zim: So much for cheese-filled victory...
(Zim walks back home.)
(at lab. Zim is talking to the tallest.)
Zim: And so, my Tallest... humans will only eat food that costs more. It's all about the monies.
Red: Of course it is!
Purple: Ah... the monies.
Red: Speaking of monies... don't we still owe that waiter?
Purple: No, I took care of that...
END
DRAFT 4
by zimrocks
(Zim is walking home from school. People with cheese hats pass by.)
Zim: What are those- things you're wearing on your head? They're so yellow and... holey!
People: Shut up! You're green and... stinky.
Zim: (gasp) My stink? My stink is good!
Dib: Smell? You mean smell, right?
Zim: Why do people wear those on their head?
Dib: I dunno. Do you see me wearing them? (walks away)
Strange man: Cheese ROCKS!
Zim: Cheese? Is that it? Cheese? Hah! Crazy humans and their cheese!
(Zim walks in base. GIR is wearing cheesehat.)
Zim: You too, wear the cheese!
GIR: Yes, I am wearerer of the cheese. (bites cheesehat.) Yum, cheesy plastic!
Zim: Well, I'm going to the lab and see if I'm missing out on this cheese stuff. To the lab! I said, to the lab! Computer? Ahhh! (falls to lab.) Oww! (rubs butt.) Computer, give me information on... cheese.
Computer: Cheese is... uh... an underwater creature... that led the Spanish Revolution... and solved world hunger in 1948.
Zim: Man, cheese sounds important! So humans digest this cheese. I must try it. GIR! Come, we're going to take a walk.
GIR: YAY! Can I get some tacquitos?
Zim: No, but we are going to get cheese.
GIR: Mmmm, I like cheese.
Zim: Yes... I'm sure you like the cheese.
(they walk to store.)
Zim: Hey you, bag baffoon! I need come cheese over here!
Bag boy: Cheese? We're all out!
Zim: All out! Of cheese! How could you be out of cheese?
(in background) GIR: No, not the cheese!
Bag boy: Sir, we're out of it, okay?
Zim: Fine, I'll spend my earth monies elsewhere.
(they leave.)
Bag boy: Earth monies?
Zim: Well, I guess our Cheese Quest has failed.
GIR: I've seen cheese at the gas station. Next to the tacquitos.
Zim: Yes, the gas station. Gas Station? They sell gasy space material?
GIR: You mean stars? They put them in cars. Stars, cars... they rhyme!
Zim: For once, you got something right.
(They walk in gas station.)
Zim: Do you have cheese?
Gas station guy: Yes, yes we do.
Zim: Could I try some?
Guy: Try cheese? What planet are you from, everyone has had cheese!
Zim: Irk... I mean Earth. Yes, I am an Earth Monkey.
GIR: (laughs) Earth Monkey.
(Zim takes cheese.)
Zim: Mmm, this is good. (doesn't really like it.) I will buy all of your cheese.
(outside)
Dib: Zim? At the gas station? Maybe buying GIR a taco. Or does he like burritos... Chalupas? Chinchurras? Quesadillas?
(Zim walks out with huge pile of cheese.)
GIR: What are you going to do with all that cheese? (Bites tacquito.)
Zim: I don't know, maybe we can just throw it at that huge head of Dib's!
(they get home. They pile the cheese onto the ground.)
GIR: I'm going to jump on the cheese now! (Jumps, cheese flies all over.)
GIR: (screams with joy)
Zim: What are you doing? You promised that you wouldn't mess around if I bought you a tacquito!
GIR: Oh, I forgot. Wee!
(outside)
Dib: Maybe they were nachos. Nah!
(back at base.)
Zim: Here's Dib now. GIR, hand me a cheese thing.
GIR: Okie Dokie!
(Dib walks by. Zim throws cheese. Dib falls.)
Zim: (laughs manically) I got you, Dib!
Dib: NOOO! I'm allergic to dairy!
Zim: Now, look at Dib's big red head!
(GIR takes pictures)
GIR: Dib's even cuter when he's got red stuff all over him.
Zim: My squidly splooch feels... (barfs)
Dib: Hah! That's called karma! (walks away)
Zim: Oooh, that cheese! I can't believe... (barfs)... I can't belive humans eat that awful yellow stuff.
GIR: I like it! (throws cheese in mouth)
(on Armada ship)
Technician: Incoming trasmissiooon! From Earth!
Red: Not Zim again!
Zim: Ah, my Tallest.
Purple: What do you want?... I mean good to see you.
Zim: I give you cheese! (holds out cheese) It is a human food.
Red: So... cheese... is it good?
Zim: No! It made me vomit... wait a sec (barfs)
Red: I see what you mean...
Zim: However, it seems that they have some kind of reaction to it.
Purple: So they eat it... but they break out in hives?
Zim: Yes. But what can you expect... GIR stop eating the cheese! We need it for our cheese-filled victory!
Red: (laughs) Cheese-filled victory!
Zim: Well, I'm off to defeat the humans!
Purple: You go get'em! (laughs) (screen turns off)
(Zim goes outside)
Zim: I've got to find this cheese gathering. (finds cheesehead.) Hey you, cheese worshiper. Where is the cheese?
Guy: Follow me.
(they follow him to an alley, and jump in a sewer hole.)
Zim: Agh! It stinks!
Guy: Yeah, but you get used to it. Prepare for initiation!
Zim: NO, not another weird human gathering!
Guy: Phase 1!
(the people dip Zim in the sewer water.)
Zim: FOOLS!
Guy: Phase 2!
(they stuff cheese into his mouth.)
(Zim barfs)
Guy: You couldn't pass Phase 2? Get out of here! (they throw him back up to the surface.)
(Zim barfs some more.)
Dib: Still barfing? Hah!
Zim: Still red?
Dib: Well, yes. Be quiet!
(Dib walks away.)
Zim: Now, to find a way back in. Ah, a cheese headcover!
(puts on cheesehat, drops back down sewer.)
Zim: I too, am one with the cheese.
Guy: Aren't you that one guy...
Zim: What guy?
Guy: That green guy...
Zim: I'm not green! It's a skin condition.
Guy: Well, in that case, you can stay.
Zim: Success! I mean, free cheese for everyone!
(They all eat the cheese. They chew on it for a while, then spit it out.)
Guy: How could you give us this cheap gas station cheese?
Zim: Well, it's getting late...
Guy: No! I want you to eat the rest of the cheese!
Zim: Actually, I had a lot of cheese at home. My food pouch is overflowing.
Guy: And I thought the green kid was crazy! This guy's insane! Get him out of here... food pouch. What is that?
(Zim gets thrown out.)
Zim: So much for cheese-filled victory...
(Zim walks back home.)
(at lab. Zim is talking to the tallest.)
Zim: And so, my Tallest... humans will only eat food that costs more. It's all about the monies.
Red: Of course it is!
Purple: Ah... the monies.
Red: Speaking of monies... don't we still owe that waiter?
Purple: No, I took care of that...
END
