"CHEESEHEADS OF AMERICA"

DRAFT 4

by zimrocks

(Zim is walking home from school. People with cheese hats pass by.)

Zim: What are those- things you're wearing on your head? They're so yellow and... holey!

People: Shut up! You're green and... stinky.

Zim: (gasp) My stink? My stink is good!

Dib: Smell? You mean smell, right?

Zim: Why do people wear those on their head?

Dib: I dunno. Do you see me wearing them? (walks away)

Strange man: Cheese ROCKS!

Zim: Cheese? Is that it? Cheese? Hah! Crazy humans and their cheese!

(Zim walks in base. GIR is wearing cheesehat.)

Zim: You too, wear the cheese!

GIR: Yes, I am wearerer of the cheese. (bites cheesehat.) Yum, cheesy plastic!

Zim: Well, I'm going to the lab and see if I'm missing out on this cheese stuff. To the lab! I said, to the lab! Computer? Ahhh! (falls to lab.) Oww! (rubs butt.) Computer, give me information on... cheese.

Computer: Cheese is... uh... an underwater creature... that led the Spanish Revolution... and solved world hunger in 1948.

Zim: Man, cheese sounds important! So humans digest this cheese. I must try it. GIR! Come, we're going to take a walk.

GIR: YAY! Can I get some tacquitos?

Zim: No, but we are going to get cheese.

GIR: Mmmm, I like cheese.

Zim: Yes... I'm sure you like the cheese.

(they walk to store.)

Zim: Hey you, bag baffoon! I need come cheese over here!

Bag boy: Cheese? We're all out!

Zim: All out! Of cheese! How could you be out of cheese?

(in background) GIR: No, not the cheese!

Bag boy: Sir, we're out of it, okay?

Zim: Fine, I'll spend my earth monies elsewhere.

(they leave.)

Bag boy: Earth monies?

Zim: Well, I guess our Cheese Quest has failed.

GIR: I've seen cheese at the gas station. Next to the tacquitos.

Zim: Yes, the gas station. Gas Station? They sell gasy space material?

GIR: You mean stars? They put them in cars. Stars, cars... they rhyme!

Zim: For once, you got something right.

(They walk in gas station.)

Zim: Do you have cheese?

Gas station guy: Yes, yes we do.

Zim: Could I try some?

Guy: Try cheese? What planet are you from, everyone has had cheese!

Zim: Irk... I mean Earth. Yes, I am an Earth Monkey.

GIR: (laughs) Earth Monkey.

(Zim takes cheese.)

Zim: Mmm, this is good. (doesn't really like it.) I will buy all of your cheese.

(outside)

Dib: Zim? At the gas station? Maybe buying GIR a taco. Or does he like burritos... Chalupas? Chinchurras? Quesadillas?

(Zim walks out with huge pile of cheese.)

GIR: What are you going to do with all that cheese? (Bites tacquito.)

Zim: I don't know, maybe we can just throw it at that huge head of Dib's!

(they get home. They pile the cheese onto the ground.)

GIR: I'm going to jump on the cheese now! (Jumps, cheese flies all over.)

GIR: (screams with joy)

Zim: What are you doing? You promised that you wouldn't mess around if I bought you a tacquito!

GIR: Oh, I forgot. Wee!

(outside)

Dib: Maybe they were nachos. Nah!

(back at base.)

Zim: Here's Dib now. GIR, hand me a cheese thing.

GIR: Okie Dokie!

(Dib walks by. Zim throws cheese. Dib falls.)

Zim: (laughs manically) I got you, Dib!

Dib: NOOO! I'm allergic to dairy!

Zim: Now, look at Dib's big red head!

(GIR takes pictures)

GIR: Dib's even cuter when he's got red stuff all over him.

Zim: My squidly splooch feels... (barfs)

Dib: Hah! That's called karma! (walks away)

Zim: Oooh, that cheese! I can't believe... (barfs)... I can't belive humans eat that awful yellow stuff.

GIR: I like it! (throws cheese in mouth)

(on Armada ship)

Technician: Incoming trasmissiooon! From Earth!

Red: Not Zim again!

Zim: Ah, my Tallest.

Purple: What do you want?... I mean good to see you.

Zim: I give you cheese! (holds out cheese) It is a human food.

Red: So... cheese... is it good?

Zim: No! It made me vomit... wait a sec (barfs)

Red: I see what you mean...

Zim: However, it seems that they have some kind of reaction to it.

Purple: So they eat it... but they break out in hives?

Zim: Yes. But what can you expect... GIR stop eating the cheese! We need it for our cheese-filled victory!

Red: (laughs) Cheese-filled victory!

Zim: Well, I'm off to defeat the humans!

Purple: You go get'em! (laughs) (screen turns off)

(Zim goes outside)

Zim: I've got to find this cheese gathering. (finds cheesehead.) Hey you, cheese worshiper. Where is the cheese?

Guy: Follow me.

(they follow him to an alley, and jump in a sewer hole.)

Zim: Agh! It stinks!

Guy: Yeah, but you get used to it. Prepare for initiation!

Zim: NO, not another weird human gathering!

Guy: Phase 1!

(the people dip Zim in the sewer water.)

Zim: FOOLS!

Guy: Phase 2!

(they stuff cheese into his mouth.)

(Zim barfs)

Guy: You couldn't pass Phase 2? Get out of here! (they throw him back up to the surface.)

(Zim barfs some more.)

Dib: Still barfing? Hah!

Zim: Still red?

Dib: Well, yes. Be quiet!

(Dib walks away.)

Zim: Now, to find a way back in. Ah, a cheese headcover!

(puts on cheesehat, drops back down sewer.)

Zim: I too, am one with the cheese.

Guy: Aren't you that one guy...

Zim: What guy?

Guy: That green guy...

Zim: I'm not green! It's a skin condition.

Guy: Well, in that case, you can stay.

Zim: Success! I mean, free cheese for everyone!

(They all eat the cheese. They chew on it for a while, then spit it out.)

Guy: How could you give us this cheap gas station cheese?

Zim: Well, it's getting late...

Guy: No! I want you to eat the rest of the cheese!

Zim: Actually, I had a lot of cheese at home. My food pouch is overflowing.

Guy: And I thought the green kid was crazy! This guy's insane! Get him out of here... food pouch. What is that?

(Zim gets thrown out.)

Zim: So much for cheese-filled victory...

(Zim walks back home.)

(at lab. Zim is talking to the tallest.)

Zim: And so, my Tallest... humans will only eat food that costs more. It's all about the monies.

Red: Of course it is!

Purple: Ah... the monies.

Red: Speaking of monies... don't we still owe that waiter?

Purple: No, I took care of that...

END