"Nice of you to join us Major." Jack said sarcastically as Sam came through the gate into the embarkation room. Jack had already removed his hat and was stood waiting with the General for her return.

"Sorry sir, I had a slight problem with my shoes. General permission to remove them?"

"Granted Major." Sam slipped her shoes off and held them in her hand.

"Shoes are shoes Carter next time keep up."

"Will all due respect Colonel, women's dress shoes are different from men's dress shoes and combat boots. After I got my heel stuck, I tried call out to all of you but you'd already come through the gate. I had to try and find a dignified way of getting myself free with out causing a diplomatic incident by revealing more than I should to the delegation who were seeing us off sir."

"Whatever next just keep up next time." He started to head for the door. Sam scowled at him, then a flash of inspiration hit her. She looked at General Hammond for approval, he smiled and nodded.

"Colonel." Jack stopped and turned around, spinning his hat around with his hands.

"Yes Major."

"What size are your combat boots sir?"

"11 why?"

"General, when did you want to debrief?" Sam asked turning back to Hammond.

"It appears you have a meeting with Dr Fraiser after your post-mission exam will two hours be sufficient enough time?"

"Yes sir." Sam smiled.

"You can brief me on the outcome of that meeting after the post mission debrief."

"Yes sir." She walked out of the room, Jack followed her.

"So Carter what was that about my combat boots?"

"Just a general enquiry sir. If you'll excuse me I need out of my dress uniform as General Hammond mentioned I have a meeting with Janet."

"Go ahead but I will get to the bottom of this Major."

"I'm sure you will sir." She called over her shoulder.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Sgt Siler, just who I was looking for." Jack said as he cornered Siler in the commissary.

"Colonel O'Neill, was your mission successful sir?"

"Yes, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Sir?" Siler asked.

"What do you know about bugs?"

"Not a lot, perhaps you should ask one of the entomologists sir." He suggested.

"Not that kind of bug, listening device bugs."

"Can I ask why you want to know sir? If you're worried about base security we complete sweeps for bugs every night and the sweeps during the day on the lower levels."

"My point was can you make one?"

"Yes sir, but Major Carter would be a better person to ask as she builds the test bugs for training purposes."

"It's Major Carter I need to listen in on. She's acting strangely I want to make sure she is okay." Actually he wanted to make sure she didn't have something bad planned but he wasn't about to tell Siler that.

"You could just use the security cameras sir." Siler suggested. "It would easier than bugging the base sir. Besides Major Carter's lab has instruments which detect emitted frequencies, she'd probably pick up on it."

"That aside what happens to the bugs she makes?"

"She takes them apart again, apart from the she used to bug your office last year that actually looked like a bug, I think she keeps it in her safe sir."

"Thanks Siler, you've been a great help."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Sam that's just evil. I like it." Janet smiled.

"It's been almost two months since the doll thing. As all the SG team leaders are make this should prove interesting."

"Do you think the General will go for it?"

"He seemed to indicate he would when I asked Colonel O'Neill what size his boots were."

"I'd pay good money to see it."

"Well some people are going to have to accompany them, a Doctor would be a great asset just in case they fall, wouldn't want them to injure themselves would we."

"Let me know what the General says."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Daniel, I don't suppose you know the combination for Carter's safe do you?"

"No, Sam would probably be the person to ask, considering it's her safe." Daniel pointed out.

"I can't ask her, I need to borrow something with her knowing."

"What?"

"A bug."

"As in a creepy crawly?" Jack shook his head. "Isn't there some military regulation about bugging other people's offices?"

"She's up to something, she's getting all cosy with the Doc and she has a meeting with Hammond. Last time she was like this we ended up with those damn dolls."

"Try this." Daniel tossed him a small device.

"What is it?"

"A spy listening device. It's Cassie's she left here when she came to borrow a book for her history project. You plug in a set of headphones. It only works over a few metres and not through solid concrete walls.

"Thanks."

"We've got to go anyway, the debriefing starts in ten minutes."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Fins a suitable planet and you have a go for next week." Hammond said as he and Sam walked out of his office.

"Thank you sir."

"Colonel O'Neill, busy with you late reports I hope." Hammond said as he saw Jack sat at the briefing room table. The listening device hadn't worked so Jack had hung around in case he could hear anything.

"Yes sir, you know how I love paperwork."

"Good. Major remember to organise a MALP to record it for posterity."

"Yes sir."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jack looked at the memo on his desk for the tenth time. Why did he need to wear his dress uniform to the weekly meeting of the SG team leaders? If someone important was coming he would have already been told and the base would have been on alert.

Despite this he was still worried about Carter's meeting with the General. It had almost been a week and nothing had happened. Every time he'd asked her about it she had replied it was classified and General Hammond had told him to wait and see.

There was no point worrying about it, luckily tomorrow was going to be a light day, team leaders meet followed by a quiet afternoon of paperwork. No teams were off world due to the fact that they had all been busy lately and everyone had paperwork to catch up on, that was except Carter who had it all finished and complete.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Jack arrived for the meeting the next morning he found the table adorned with pink boxes. Each box bore the name of an SG team leader and a warning not to open them.

"Colonel, I see you are the first one here. Take seat while we wait for the others."

"General what's with all the boxes?"

"You'll find out at the end of the meeting. Ah gentlemen come in." He said as the others joined them. "Don't touch the boxes until I order you too."

Three-quarters of the way through the meeting Sam entered the briefing room.

"Sorry to intrude General, sirs."

"Take a seat Major we're almost done here."

"Yes sir." Sam sat in a corner out of the way. Jack knew she was behind the boxes and he couldn't figure out why she was dressed in camouflage trousers rather than the typical blue or green they usually wore.

"So gentlemen was there anything anyone wanted to add?" They all shook there heads.

"Can we open the boxes yet sir?" Major Devlin asked.

"Not quite yet. Major Carter I think this is where you come in." General Hammond pushed back his chair from the table.

"Thank you sir." Sam took her place at the top of the table. "Good morning. Captain, Majors, Colonels, welcome to phase two." Jack groaned and put his head on his arms.

"Colonel." Hammond scolded.

"Sorry sir. Please continue Major."

"General Hammond and I both feel that as the leaders of the SG teams you should lead by example. We will be departing for P7J 714 in thirty minutes time for four hours of training. P7J 714 is an uninhabited and abandoned planet, with no known Goa'uld activity in the region. As such you won't be required to bring weapons however we will bringing a small arsenal just in case. Dress uniforms are a requirement for this mission, however we recommend that you leave all badges, medals and insignia behind. Additional items, which you are required to wear, are in the boxes you have received. Everything should be of the correct size any problems contact Dr Fraiser. Any questions?"

"Yes, why do you keep doing this to us?" Jack put his head back on his hands.

"Because I asked her too. The President this kind of training is beneficial since you interact with all kinds of people off world. Major if you'd like to finish checking the equipment."

"Yes sir." Sam left.

"Gentlemen, Major Carter is in charge of this mission, and therefore should be treated with respect and no pulling rank on her. These situations are designed to fester a better understanding of your female colleagues. If anyone disregards her orders or acts in an unprofessional manner, you will find yourself in the Brig when you get back on charges of insubordination. Dismissed." Hammond left the men to open the boxes. Jack's head was still on the table.

"Jack you're going to have to stop pissing her off." Ferretti stated.

"Huh?" Jack looked up.

"Skirts, heels and pantyhose." "She got to be kidding right?" Devlin asked.

"Apparently not. We'd better change I've seen my girlfriend try to put on pantyhose and it doesn't look easy."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Hi guys." Daniel entered the locker room to find fifteen very disgruntled men.

"Don't you dare laugh Jackson." Ferretti warned.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He said biting his lip. "Sam asked me to come and tell you not to bother with your hats, the women have all kindly donated theirs instead to complete the outfit."

"Daniel do you think if we killed her on 714 anyone would find her body?" Jack asked as he tried to stand.

"I don't know it would probably depend on whether Janet shot you or not. Besides which killing your 2IC would probably get you into trouble not only with the Air Force, but with Jacob and the Tok'ra, Brat'ac and his rebel Jaffa, Teal'c me, half the men on base, a few other aliens races if we mention it to them."

"Get out Daniel." Jack teetered on his feet.

"By the way nice legs guys."

"Out."

"Seriously how do women walk in these things?"

"Practice? Lower centre of gravity? Counter Balance?" Offered the head of the science team.

"It's now or never. Prepare to move out." Jack ordered.

There was a loud wolf whistle as they made their way down the corridor. They all snapped round to see who it was. No one was there.

"Security cameras" Devlin pointed out. "They're everywhere."

"She's so dead." There were a few mutters under breaths.

"We're just going to have to suck it up if we don't want to end up in the Brig." Jack pointed out.

"It's your fault were in the mess anyway."

"How do you figure that?"

"You leave her holding a baby and we get those dolls, you make a crack about her shoes and we end up crossing do you see a pattern here?"
"Gentlemen take a hat as you go." Janet instructed standing by the door to the embarkation room. Sam was making final checks to the FRED. Behind her the gate was fluttering.

"General?" Sam called up to the control room.

"You have a go Major." Sam nodded to two of the women who voluenteered to go with them to walk the FRED through the gate.

"A few final word of advice." Sam stood in the centre of the ramp. "One take it slowly up the ramp, it's difficult until you find your balance. Secondly keep your legs together when you walk the gate otherwise things might get very cold."

"Good luck gentlemen and enjoy yourself." Hammond said. Sam and Janet stood either side of the ramp and watched as the men faltered in their step slowly up the ramp and through the gate."

"God are you trying you make us all sterile." Someone groaned as Sam and Janet joined them.

"It's perfectly safe. Besides people go through the gate wearing a lot less." Janet stated.

"In other words welcome to our lives."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"It's getting hot." Janet whispered to Sam after an hour. They'd spent the hour teaching the men the art of staying upright and how to bend graciously without revealing their underwear.

"Give me a hand." Sam took a large yellow box from the top of the FRED. "Guys, we're going to take a break for an hour as it's getting to be mid day here." A series of whoops let out. "While the ladies and I are putting up the tents you might want these." Sam opened the box. "Major Griff." Sam tossed a package towards him. "Colonel O'Neill, Major Ferretti." Soon all the parcels were distributed.

"T-shirts." Jack exclaimed.

"Can't do anything about the skirts guys, but its going to be too hot to hang around in the top half of your dress uniforms. One stipulation from General Hammond, you have to return as you arrived."

"One other point gentlemen." Janet added. "Keep your legs together when you sit down, we don't want to see anything you'd only show your doctor or your girlfriend. Speaking as your doctor I don't want to see it either." Sam smiled.

"We'll leave you to change. We'll be over in the clearing when you're done."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"So how are you doing sir?" Sam sat down next to Jack. She had rolled her combat pants up to her knees and had tied her overshirt around her waist.

"You mean apart form complete embarrasment." He twiddled a blade of grass in his hands.

"Think of it as a kilt sir." Sam suggested.

"And the shoes?"

"Maybe it will help you understand why I couldn't keep up last week."

"So this is my fault?"

"No sir, this wasn't your fault, it was indirectly that you gave me the idea. This also wasn't about embarrassing you, it's about making you understand the women of the SGC."

"Do you want to explain what you want us to understand?"

"All the women want is for you to treat as equals and to understand that we can do our jobs otherwise we wouldn't be at the SGC. We can do anything that you can do, we won't give up just because things get hard and it's not our fault that the Air Force thinks we should wear skirts and heels for our dress uniform."

"That sounds like the speech you gave on your first day." Ferretti chipped in.

"And I'm still waiting for the Colonel to take me up on that arm wrestle." Sam smiled and got to her feet. "If you'll excuse me I need to report into General Hammond."

"Jack, it might be a good idea to get her over her need to push us to our limits."

"I don't have a problem with her being a woman. She does her job, saves the world and us regularly. She just expects us to make the mental distinction between times when they want to be treated like women and times when they're soldiers."

"Outside the SGC we want to be tried as women, off world unless an alien has other ideas we want to be treated as people who have a job to do regardless of sex." Janet added.

"So don't treat them any differently unless someone has a problem with it?"

"Treat the situation the way you would if anyone had a problem with the member of your team. There's no difference from a Goa'uld wanting to make a woman his queen than there is Hathor wanting to make you all her Jaffas." The men cringed.

"Not a good idea to mention her doc?"

"Why because the women saved you all from allowing a Goa'uld to take over the world."

"Janet." Sam scolded as she got back. "We've got them in skirts and heels, we don't need to mention that."

"Thank you Major." Jack added.

"Yes sir. General Hammond asked me to remind you that you are all officers in the United States Air Force and Marine Corps."

"Anything else to go with that Carter?"

"No sir. Janet, time for the medical bit." Jack cringed.

"Don't worry Colonel I'm saving the needles for when we get back and I can have the SF's restrain you if you try to run away. This tent it protecting us from the heat but we still have some training to do outside. As we don't want you to get sunstroke or have to explain where you got sunburn when it's raining back on Earth, we brought you all a supply of sun block and hats. Remember to do the backs of your legs. And keep up your fluid in take."

"Yes Mom." Someone muttered under their breath.

"Thank you for that comment Major we'll be outside. Join us when you're ready." Sam said.

"So did the General get approval?"

"Yes, Saturday. Everyone is invited." Sam replied.

"So are we going to tell them?"

"Not specifically, General Hammond is going to order them to turn up, with wives and girlfriends etc. It should be fun and stop me feeling guilty."

"And what would you be feeling guilty about Carter?"

"Forgetting to water the pot plant I gave you." Sam quickly countered.

"Since when did you start watering my pot plants?"

"Since you never do and I don't want it to die." It wasn't a lie she did water the plant once a week.

"Didn't know killing plants was on your resume Jack." Ferretti patted him on the back.

"Don't you remember the time Carter nearly killed those people on P- whatever by crashing the UAV into their plant?"

"I did fix it sir."

"Only because you talk to your plants."

"They listen and don't make smart alec remarks sir."

"She has you there Jack." Ferretti added.

"So sir, are you up for learning to run in heels?" Janet asked.

"No, but I take I'm going to learn."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Welcome back." Hammond greeted them. "General permission to go and change before we're all crippled?" Jack asked. "Of course. Report to the infirmary when you're are changed." "Thank you sir." Jack lead the team leaders out. "I take it was a productive exercise Major." "Yes sir, I think they learned a lot. How are the plans coming for Phase 3?" "All the basic details are covered and the information is sitting on my desk. I take it you'd like to inform them of the plans."

"General I was thinking more along the lines of you ordering them to be there in dress uniform and guests where applicable. The rest of the base can follow the same orders, only you, me and Dr Fraiser need know the truth."

"I think that can be arranged Major. I've set up the screen in the main storage room on Level 18. I'll lock the tape in the safe when you've completed your reports."

"Thank you sir. If I start in an hour I should have basic notes done tonight and have the report complete by the end of the day tomorrow."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Excuse me gentlemen." Sam called out to the men sitting in the infirmary. When they didn't quieten down she let out a loud whistle.

"Carter, were back on Earth, which means I'm back in charge. So keep the noise down." Jack warned.

"Sorry sir, I just wanted to inform you that I had to review the tape in order to complete my report and if any of you wished to watch it with me your welcome. I also wanted to point out that only people who actually went on today's mission will see the tape after which it will be placed in General Hammond's safe."

"You made your point. Now we need to figure out a way to get you back so leave us to it."

"I'll be in the storage room on level 18. If you'll excuse me sirs."

TBC