Lily pondered what the meaning of James' last phrase meant. Right now he was happily dancing with Nina and the ball was near to end. While she was dancing with Chris, Lily was just thinking about James in general. Lily knew everything about James. They had shared all their secrets and even though their friendship was only the span of about a year, they seemed like the best of friends. The five of them had an incredibly strong bond; Remus, Jeanne, Sirius, Lily and James.
Even though, there were an incredible amount of older girls who were weary and suspicious of Jeanne and Lily's motives, Lily had the back up of her great friends from her own age, and below. However Lily just couldn't deny it. She liked James. It wasn't like Jeanne and Sirius' relationship of a brother/ sister loving, it was more like Lily simply wanted James. It wasn't lust, Lily wasn't that kind of girl who lusted after what the feel of his lips on hers felt like or what his incredibly smooth hands could do. Lily wasn't obsessive either. True, she thought about him day and night; maybe even in her dreams, but she was not stalking him. She was not doing his homework for her. Lily was just Lily. Lily just liked James.
Lily sighed. James was just so perfect. True, he had his faults like being a bit withdrawn at times but Lily knew the reason back to that. She could list his favorite color, who his parents were, his habits, his hobbies, his best friends. And he could do the same. If only the feelings that she had were mutual.
Little did she know, James was now trying to figure out his blossoming feelings. It was crazy for him. It was driving him insane. He could make out the different tints of her beautiful wine red hair. He could see atleast ten different shades of her emerald eyes. She was Lily Evans. Her favorite color was lime green because it was so bright and she had an obsession with orange pens. She claimed that she only studied because of her parents' pressure but James could see deep down within that it was a pride for her to try and keep up with the top students. Lily and her sister Petunia were on opposite sides of the planet. When she thought no one was looking, she'd chew on the nail of her pinky finger. Despite her gorgeous long red hair, she always had it up because it was just too much of a hassle for her in school. James knew everything about her….
Sneaking a look at Lily, he saw that she was absently staring at him. James stared a little longer, smiling at her until she realized that he was looking at her! Lily blinked rapidly and then cast her gaze down, but not before letting James see a smile graze her lips.
James chuckled internally, with Lily he could be anything he wanted. He remembered how she had felt in his arms. He hated to hear some of his friends say that the girl of their dreams felt "just perfect" in their arms. Lily didn't feel "perfect" in his arms. It was a comfortable feeling. It was safe, secure, loving. Dancing with Lily wasn't awkward, it was just gently-so. Meant to be. Shaking his head, James wondered what was making him think all these thoughts. Besides, the song was over, Nina was going to go to the bathroom. Ahh.. the last song was here.
"Nina, while you're going to the bathroom," James said to her, "do you think I could dance with a friend?"
James could see some conflict in Nina's eyes but she nonetheless agreed and said she'd be right back. Walking towards Lily and smiling as he saw a girl around Lily's age ask Chris to dance, leaving Lily alone in the midst of the dance floor.
Lily looked up and her eyes widened as she saw James Potter coming towards her. He remembered. Well, duh he remembered, but he meant it. Lily waited what seemed like forever as James walked towards her. Her heart beat quickened. But suddenly it dropped. It dropped about 1000 feet. Just dropped.
Marianne had just intercepted James for the last dance. Her slim figure was standing in front of him, clad all in smooth crème cloth. She was smiling at him and he to her.
He accepted.
Lily slowly slipped away.
James slowly took Marianne in his arms. He was supposed to dance with Lily but how could he refuse the Head girl in which he worked with. Lily was his friend, she'd understand...hopefully. He didn't understand what had possessed him to ask her for the last dance. Maybe it was just his friendly instincts. However, something in his gut told him that he was totally lying. Hah. Friendly instincts, what a joke.
James looked around. Lily was nowhere.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily returned to the common room early. The younger years were asleep and she had left while everyone was dancing to the last song. Going upstairs to the bathrooms, Lily dragged herself in, carefully took off her dress and put it aside. Taking out all her bobby pins, the jeweled barette and the gorgeous circlet, Lily's hair tumbled down onto her shoulders. Ahh. She could do with a nice bath right now.
Lily pulled on a silk robe, got her pajamas and stole out of the common room to the Prefect's bathrooms. Lily smiled in relief as it was empty and quiet with no occupants. Filling the water in the gigantic tub, Lily played with the taps. Just like the suite in Europe. Lily sank down into the warm water with a layer of thick purple foam on the surface of the water. Mmm. It smelled like Lilacs. Lily lied back so that her head floated on the surface of the water, relaxing herself. That was enough. The water soothed her; acting like a warm embrace….from a certain person.
All Lily wanted was for someone to be hers. Lily just wanted to be happy, like her parents with each other. Lily wanted the comfort and security that her parents didn't provide for her. Sure, she loved her parents, but they were constantly putting pressure on her academic performance. And Petunia, she'd left and gotten married to whom she didn't know. She and Petunia weren't close at all. She just wanted someone to put their arms around her so that she could be safe in them. She wanted someone to really really pay attention to her and listen to her chatter about her day. She wanted to cry into the shoulder of that certain someone. It didn't matter if it was James because for all she knew, he really didn't have a crush at this point. All Lily wanted was for someone to think she was special.
Lily got up from the water slowly and coiled a yellow towel around her body. She was all nice and clean and it felt good to be relaxed. Lily put on her new silk pajamas, loving the way it felt against her clean skin and put on the matching silk robe. Putting a drying charm on her hair, Lily walked out of the bathroom and back into the common room where many couples were telling each other goodnight. The last thing she remembered was the flickering of the fire across from the couch.
It was probably 2 oclock when James came into the common room. He'd already showered in the Head room and was coming back to spend the night in the Boys' Dormitory. James passed the couches as the fire was dying and caught a flash of white. Curious, he got closer to the couches and took a look. It was Lily! With one hand hanging off the couch and another tucked behind her head, Lily's robe was sort of open, exposing her silky nightgown. Even though it wasn't R-rated, James felt a bit protective and scooped her up. Walking up the stairs to the Girl's dormitory, James unlocked the doors and walked towards the only empty bed. Lily mumbled something as James gently placed her onto the soft bed. Taking the covers, James placed them over Lily as she unconsciously laced her fingers in between James'. James stared at her sleeping figure, brushing some hair out of her face, noticing the smoothness of her pale skin, her full lips, small nose and dreamy smile. He took in the barely noticeable freckles, the adorably chubby cheeks, and dark lashes.
For the first time, James fully realized that Lily was beautiful.
Kissing her on the cheek and untangling her hand from his, James left the room, a bit confused with his thoughts, but strangely understanding what they meant.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily lay back in her bed. She coughed and tried to breathe through her stuffed up nose. Hacking out phlegm and walking up into the bathroom to spit it out, Lily tied back her red hair and rinsed cool water all over her face. Her normally vibrant hair looked so limp and dead against her pale, pale, even paler than normal face color. Today, her cheeks were lacking in color whereas she was usually rosy cheeked. Lily groaned, she had the flu.
Jeanne was sleeping peacefully next to her on her bed, her chest rising up slowly with every breath.
Maybe she shouldn't have run outside while the spring shower was pouring down. Truth be told, even though the weather was starting to get warm, Lily was coming back from dinner when she came across the encountering of James and Marianne.
Flashback:
James' thin wired glasses glinted in the flickering evening light as the sun was slowly setting. He was all sweaty from quidditch practice and desirably hungry for sustenance but a shower was definitely in order. Munching on an apple thoughtfully, James pondered about……Lily.
"How could she be so beautiful and I didn't notice?" James asked himself, unconsciously running his hands through his hair (only when he was deep in thought, according to Lily.)
His inner voice laughed at him, yet soothing him, saying "Oh you knew it, you just knew she was beautiful from the inside first."
James knew he was impartial to dating at this point in time. It really didn't matter to him at this point. He knew how manipulative some girls were. He knew the reputations of the…---er—…more eager of the female species. But what was so good about himself? Sirius and Remus joked to him so many times saying that he broke the hearts of a billion girls daily just because he wouldn't succomb to their hinting. Yet, each time they said so, he hadn't noticed.
James didn't want a gorgeous trophy as his companion. He wanted someone he could really talk to, laugh with, study with, have fun with. He wanted someone who'd challenge him and rebuke him (once in a while'd be nice). He just wanted a nice girl that'd trust him and respect him and give him the security he didn't find at home. Although his friends were awesome with the security measure since the three of them (minus Peter, he hadn't been in school lately) had a bond of almost 15 years, James couldn't help but wonder when he'd find his future significant other. Or maybe he wasn't meant to have one……
James didn't realize that he had stopped right in front of the smiling face of Marianne.
"Good evening James." The Head Girl beamed at him, holding a pile of books in her arms.
"Hello Marianne," James smiled politely.
"I take it you were just at Quidditch practice," Marianne said to him.
James looked down at himself and than at Marianne. Despite the fact that it was late in the evening and by now most student's uniforms would be all wrinkled and buttons would be unbuttoned, Marianne still looked as picture perfect as ever. With her dark ebony hair tied back into a simple pony tail, her wide almond shaped eyes stared him with curiosity and something he couldn't quite interpret. Her grey cashmere sweater with the Ravenclaw house crest was lint-free and snug fitting but not too much as the white collared blouse she had underneath was pristine and impeccably white. And even though some girls decided to test their limits on the dress code, Marianne was certainly business like with her pleated skirt stopping right at her knees and white knee socks matched with black school-girl pumps.
"Yep, dirty and sweaty from Quidditch, as always." James said simply.
Marianne smiled at him with her lush red lips, "We need to get together sometime, James. You and I. Afterall, we are Head boy and Head girl. We have certain…duties to discuss." As she said this, she stepped closer and closer and closer to James.
James felt his heartbeat quicken it's pace. Marianne stopped until they were so close that if James had just moved his neck forward a bit, his chest would have probably bumped with Marianne's nose.
"Wouldn't you say?" Marianne's lips murmured and came closer and closer to his own.
Smoothly, he turned his face to the side just as Marianne chastely kissed the lower part of his cheek.
She looked up at him simply, smiling a bit.
"You haven't changed a bit James," Marianne said, amused. James looked away, knowing what she was saying was true. It'd always be true.
Gathering her books and gliding past him making him smell the floral scent of her hair, she looked back at him smiling and said, "We have a lot of planning to do. Professor Dumbledore warned for us not to shirk our duties for this is the complicated season of the year."
Turning on her heel, she walked off, barely making a sound, leaving James standing there with an apple in one hand and his broom in the other.
Lily had seen the whole thing and she did the one thing she usually did,
Ran.
End Flashback.
Blahhh, Lily waved that thought aside. So that's why Marianne broke up with James! Because he wasn't willing to let go of his virgin lips. Lily smiled at the irony. Usually it would be the girls thinking this way, but Lily knew that Sirius, James and Remus had all made a pact agreement. If that girl couldn't take the fact that James was truly looking for something special; than she didn't deserve him.
Lily coughed again and groaned just as Jeanne rose up from her bed, yawning and smiling as usual. She had been smiling a lot this school year, and Lily knew it was because of her friendship with Sirius. Sirius treated her just like a younger sister, except without the rivalry. Together, Jeanne was more outgoing while Sirius was more protective of her. Once when a 7th year boy from Hufflepuff had tried to ask out Jeanne and even though she hadn't intend to say yes, Sirius had quickly told him off without even asking her for her approval. Jeanne and him had a whole row for about 3 weeks before he came back to her and gave her a public apology. The fight had only gotten them to be even closer.
"Lily, are you ok?" Jeanne's smiling face quickly turned into a concerned one, her motherly side coming out full blown. " Do you want me to go get Madame Pomfrey?"
Lily shook her head fervently. Whenever she was sick, all she had to do was sleep and relax and then the sickness would go away. Her illnesses were mainly because of stress.
Jeanne was staring at her critically, but knowing about Lily's stress colds, she nodded and proceeded to get dressed.
"I'll get your homework for you and all that other stuff ok?" Jeanne placed her perfectly manicured hands on Lily's forehead, feeling if the temperature was hot or cold. " You seem a bit clammy, but just go to sleep for today. You'll be better tomarrow."
Jeanne kissed her on the forehead, just like a mother would, and pulled on her socks and shoes as other girls told her to get well and sleep. Soon, they hurridly flounced out of the room into the Great Hall for breakfast.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When James heard from Jeanne that Lily was sick, his first instinct was to run up to the Girl's Dormitory and see how she was doing. Yes, so that's what he was doing. Following his first instinct. James ran; his doc marten shoes silently gliding across the floor as his the wind went through his hair. His black robe billowed out in back of him making younger years part from his path with admiration. His long legs took him to the far corner of the Common Room, but not before stopping by the kitchen, and he hastily said the password to climb through the Portrait Hole.
Striding up the narrow winding stairs to the Girl's Dormitory, he stopped, composed himself and opened the door quietly. Looking to the area where he had once settled her down onto the very same bed, James saw a very pale Lily sleeping soundly. In about two strides he had reached the side of her bed, and sank down on the edge of it, gazing at Lily.
Poor Lily, James' mind kept thinking.
James instinctively pushed the damp hair out of her eyes and back behind her ear as he felt her forehead for a temperature.
It was a bit cold. Was Lily cold?
James pushed aside the thin blanket that Lily had covering her and looked at her pajamas. Although maybe if people came in, this would look like an act of perversion, James was doing it to see how much Lily had on. If Lily was having a fever, she'd need to take a shower immediately to be comfortable. Luckily, Lily had on simple blue cotton pajamas with a t-shirt and it was only her face that was clammy.
James rushed into the bathroom, grabbed a washcloth and filled it with cold water. Squeezing out the excess water, James hurried back to Lily's bed and dabbed her face with it.
Lily's eyes fluttered and then opened slowly.
"James." She smiled faintly at him and held out her hand.
James took it in his own.
" I heard you were a sick little girl today," James teased Lily gently as he watched her eyelids flutter and then she smiled.
"Only for today, just wait. I'm a tough girl, I'll be able to beat you up tomorrow."
James chuckled.
"James?" Lily opened up her eyes, wide. " Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? I don't want you to miss school or anything---"
James tugged on her hands and interrupted. " I'll stay with you the whole day."
Lily looked a bit worried. " Are you sure? I mean, you play an important role. If you're not….there…."
She didn't finish her sentence for James had laced his fingers through hers and looked at her with the smirk that told her to stop talking.
" It's ok," James said, smiling shyly. " I'll spend the day with you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily had fallen asleep, but not before asking James to tell her more about himself and everything that was going on. Lily didn't feel comfortable feeling that she was like an old lady waiting for some guy who was sitting on a chair watching her sick in bed and so therefore James had taken off his shoes and gotten beside her, sitting upright as she was laying down, smiling at him.
" I saw you and Marianne…" Lily murmured. " I saw her kiss you…"
James cast an alarming gaze at a sleepy Lily and mumbled, " It wasn't really kissing. I turned my head."
The sleepy Lily smiled dreamily and clutched his arm unconsciously making an extremely nervous James look around rapidly and try to pull away. However, James just couldn't because the sleepy Lily just gripped his arm harder. Until did he relax, Lily relaxed her grip.
"James…" Lily mumbled again. " Is there no one that you love? Do you really think you're alone in this world, besides Sirius and Remus. Do you really think that you'll never find Her?"
James gulped knowing full well what she was talking about, " Who's her?"
" The girl of your dreams. The girl in your dreams." Lily mumbled and she finally dozed off.
James stared at her for the longest time.
"She's close by," He whispered. James slowly leaned towards Lily, hesitantly. As his lips got nearer to her cheek, James gently kissed Lily on her cheekbone and smoothed back her hair.
"There is one girl that I love," James said softly. " I think I know who it is."
A/N:: Ahhhh!! Stupid FF.NET, all these stupid blocks in which I can't upload! So sorry if this came up too slow. FF.NET sometimes won't put mine up when I've updated so you might hafta just track my name~ Thanks for reviewing!!
