1.1.1 Song and Dance
In one of those miraculous occurrences that miraculously occur when an author's back is turned for five minutes, Star and Starshine had compiled all of the bits and pieces of the new M.A.I.D. into a completed and functional robot. (This highly upset the author, who had been hoping to have a good long chapter or two about the fitting together of the bits and pieces, if only for the purpose of further annoying her non-existent readers for her own amusement. Sadly, it was not to be- the new M.A.I.D. was completed, and the author had had no say in the matter.) The two sisters looked contentedly at the new M.A.I.D. It looked back at them, but with no emotion, since that was a part of the processing circuitry that Star's clodhopper hooves had damaged in the last sentence of chapter one. In fact, many of the problems associated with the new M.A.I.D. would stem from this damaged processing circuitry, but the employees of the beautiful and wonderful Paradise Estate did not currently know that.
The new M.A.I.D. stood complacently in the beautiful, wonderful lobby of Paradise Estate, awaiting her operators' first orders. The sisters stood complacently (also in the wonderful and beautiful lobby of Paradise Estate, by sheer coincidence), awaiting the new M.A.I.D.'s first action. It was a vicious, downspiraling cycle that we shan't go into. The band and backup dancers had finally gotten situated during the author's five minute coffee break, and had begun rehearsing without Starshine. The sisters turned their gaze from the ponybot and observed the dancers for a few moments.
"Would you like to see our new routine? I think this will be my breakthrough hit- it's called Where Do we Go From Here?" At Star's indifferent shrug, Starshine hobbled over to the other end of the lobby, stood in front of the mike (she certainly couldn't hold it very well with only one functional front hoof) and started singing.
'Unicorns, unicorns,
Once covering the land
Now greedy King Haggard
Has you in his hand.
Stuck ever in sea,
Roll on the waves,
There you will be
For the rest of your days.
When will you live?
Scared of the Bull
Fall with the give,
Rise with the pull.
In human-girl form
I have shed a tear
My heart is now torn
Where do we go from here?
Star finished, with the backup dancers swooping, traipsing, or winking as was natural for them. Everyone (Starshine, Spike, the band, and the backup dancers included) except Star applauded emphatically. Star was too busy trying to hold back her gag reflex to bother stomping on the floor. Besides, she knew who would have to show the new M.A.I.D. how to polish said floor later that day, and she wasn't eager to add to the task.
Starshine limped awkwardly to the side of the lobby (which retained its qualities of being wonderful and beautiful) where her sister stood. "Well, what did you think? Did you like it? Do you think it will fulfill my lifelong passion of becoming a pop star?"
Star muttered something that sounded positive, knowing full well that if she told her aspiring sister what she REALLY thought of the performance, her sibling's feeling would be deeply and gravely injured.
"What was that? I can't understand you. Speak up!"
Star grimaced, knowing that she wasn't allowed to lie, but not knowing how she could avoid hurting Starshine. Suddenly and quite unexpectedly, she was saved from having to choose which was the lesser of the two evils.
"Up."
Both ponies stared in amazement at the new M.A.I.D. who had just spoken.
"Ooooh, did you hear that?" Starshine asked breathlessly.
"No. Did you?"
"Nope."
"Then why are we staring in amazement at the new M.A.I.D. as if she just said something?"
"I don't know. I just stared in amazement because YOU were staring in amazement."
"You're such a copycat, Starshine!"
"I am NOT a cat! I'm a Pony! How dare you insult me like that!?!"
"Because it's true! You always do EVERYTHING that I do! It drives me crazy!"
At this statement, Starshine broke down in sobs. "I just want to be popluar, like YOU. Everybody likes YOU, and they always compare me to YOU, and YOU always get recognition, and YOU have the cushy hotel job, and YOU have a new M.A.I.D., and YOU don't have to try and eek out living as a highly-successful pop star, and YOU were always our parents favorite, and YOU have that extensive collection of erotic potte—"
Starshine was cut off by Star's front hoof plastering over her mouth. "I thought I told you not to say anything about that! And it's EXOTIC, not erotic! I don't know what that latter word is, because I don't think it's allowed in wonderful and beautiful Ponyland, but it shouldn't be applied to MY extensive pottery collection. Why didn't you ever tell me that you felt that way?"
Starshine mumbled something incoherent and eyed her sister's appendage warily. Star shrugged and returned her foot to the floor, where it belonged. "Thank you. It's awfully hard to say something meaningful with a foot in your mouth, as YOU certainly ought to know by now. As I was saying, everyone LOVES you, Star. You don't have this nasty deformity- yes, I know there are plenty of others with it as well, but it's really hard to get a good game of kickball going when you can't kick OR run! And don't try to tell me about Sky-Ball. I have enough trouble trying to fly as it is, much less landing, and I can't waste my concentration on some stupid air-filled dragon bladder! Sorry, Spike," she told the little dragon as color drained from his face at the mention of Sky-Ball and dragon bladders.
"Oh, it's not as bad for me as it is for some of the others. My uncle Merle is famous now. He won the world championship five years ago." The little purple dragon sniffed sadly in rememberance.
Star was puzzled. "I didn't know that dragons played Sky-Ball, too. Isn't that a little- I don't know- cannabalistic?"
Spike beamed. "Uncle Merle didn't play- he was the ball."
A short yet profound silence filled the room.
"So, how do you think the Pacers are going to do this season?" Star promptly changed the discussion.
"Who?" Starshine queried.
In one of those miraculous occurrences that miraculously occur when an author's back is turned for five minutes, Star and Starshine had compiled all of the bits and pieces of the new M.A.I.D. into a completed and functional robot. (This highly upset the author, who had been hoping to have a good long chapter or two about the fitting together of the bits and pieces, if only for the purpose of further annoying her non-existent readers for her own amusement. Sadly, it was not to be- the new M.A.I.D. was completed, and the author had had no say in the matter.) The two sisters looked contentedly at the new M.A.I.D. It looked back at them, but with no emotion, since that was a part of the processing circuitry that Star's clodhopper hooves had damaged in the last sentence of chapter one. In fact, many of the problems associated with the new M.A.I.D. would stem from this damaged processing circuitry, but the employees of the beautiful and wonderful Paradise Estate did not currently know that.
The new M.A.I.D. stood complacently in the beautiful, wonderful lobby of Paradise Estate, awaiting her operators' first orders. The sisters stood complacently (also in the wonderful and beautiful lobby of Paradise Estate, by sheer coincidence), awaiting the new M.A.I.D.'s first action. It was a vicious, downspiraling cycle that we shan't go into. The band and backup dancers had finally gotten situated during the author's five minute coffee break, and had begun rehearsing without Starshine. The sisters turned their gaze from the ponybot and observed the dancers for a few moments.
"Would you like to see our new routine? I think this will be my breakthrough hit- it's called Where Do we Go From Here?" At Star's indifferent shrug, Starshine hobbled over to the other end of the lobby, stood in front of the mike (she certainly couldn't hold it very well with only one functional front hoof) and started singing.
'Unicorns, unicorns,
Once covering the land
Now greedy King Haggard
Has you in his hand.
Stuck ever in sea,
Roll on the waves,
There you will be
For the rest of your days.
When will you live?
Scared of the Bull
Fall with the give,
Rise with the pull.
In human-girl form
I have shed a tear
My heart is now torn
Where do we go from here?
Star finished, with the backup dancers swooping, traipsing, or winking as was natural for them. Everyone (Starshine, Spike, the band, and the backup dancers included) except Star applauded emphatically. Star was too busy trying to hold back her gag reflex to bother stomping on the floor. Besides, she knew who would have to show the new M.A.I.D. how to polish said floor later that day, and she wasn't eager to add to the task.
Starshine limped awkwardly to the side of the lobby (which retained its qualities of being wonderful and beautiful) where her sister stood. "Well, what did you think? Did you like it? Do you think it will fulfill my lifelong passion of becoming a pop star?"
Star muttered something that sounded positive, knowing full well that if she told her aspiring sister what she REALLY thought of the performance, her sibling's feeling would be deeply and gravely injured.
"What was that? I can't understand you. Speak up!"
Star grimaced, knowing that she wasn't allowed to lie, but not knowing how she could avoid hurting Starshine. Suddenly and quite unexpectedly, she was saved from having to choose which was the lesser of the two evils.
"Up."
Both ponies stared in amazement at the new M.A.I.D. who had just spoken.
"Ooooh, did you hear that?" Starshine asked breathlessly.
"No. Did you?"
"Nope."
"Then why are we staring in amazement at the new M.A.I.D. as if she just said something?"
"I don't know. I just stared in amazement because YOU were staring in amazement."
"You're such a copycat, Starshine!"
"I am NOT a cat! I'm a Pony! How dare you insult me like that!?!"
"Because it's true! You always do EVERYTHING that I do! It drives me crazy!"
At this statement, Starshine broke down in sobs. "I just want to be popluar, like YOU. Everybody likes YOU, and they always compare me to YOU, and YOU always get recognition, and YOU have the cushy hotel job, and YOU have a new M.A.I.D., and YOU don't have to try and eek out living as a highly-successful pop star, and YOU were always our parents favorite, and YOU have that extensive collection of erotic potte—"
Starshine was cut off by Star's front hoof plastering over her mouth. "I thought I told you not to say anything about that! And it's EXOTIC, not erotic! I don't know what that latter word is, because I don't think it's allowed in wonderful and beautiful Ponyland, but it shouldn't be applied to MY extensive pottery collection. Why didn't you ever tell me that you felt that way?"
Starshine mumbled something incoherent and eyed her sister's appendage warily. Star shrugged and returned her foot to the floor, where it belonged. "Thank you. It's awfully hard to say something meaningful with a foot in your mouth, as YOU certainly ought to know by now. As I was saying, everyone LOVES you, Star. You don't have this nasty deformity- yes, I know there are plenty of others with it as well, but it's really hard to get a good game of kickball going when you can't kick OR run! And don't try to tell me about Sky-Ball. I have enough trouble trying to fly as it is, much less landing, and I can't waste my concentration on some stupid air-filled dragon bladder! Sorry, Spike," she told the little dragon as color drained from his face at the mention of Sky-Ball and dragon bladders.
"Oh, it's not as bad for me as it is for some of the others. My uncle Merle is famous now. He won the world championship five years ago." The little purple dragon sniffed sadly in rememberance.
Star was puzzled. "I didn't know that dragons played Sky-Ball, too. Isn't that a little- I don't know- cannabalistic?"
Spike beamed. "Uncle Merle didn't play- he was the ball."
A short yet profound silence filled the room.
"So, how do you think the Pacers are going to do this season?" Star promptly changed the discussion.
"Who?" Starshine queried.
