"When You Think Of Me"

Chapter Six

Chandler, plane, hurt, hospital, Chandler…

The words swam incessantly through her head, making it hard for her to concentrate on anything else.  The stewardess had to ask three times before Monica finally looked up and politely declined something to drink.  She was sure if she put anything in her stomach right now, she would be sick. 

Pete was the only reason she managed to get on the plane to begin with.  If it hadn't been for him, she'd probably still be sitting on the bed in her hotel room, completely catatonic, as she had been when Pete came back into the room a few minutes after she hung up with Joey.   After managing to extract the basics, Pete had called the airline back immediately, changed her destination to Boston, and booked himself a ticket as well, refusing to let her talk him out of it.  He wanted to make sure she was safely reunited with Joey, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel before he left her alone.

It calmed her a little bit to know that her friends would be there when she landed in Boston.  According to the follow-up call she received from Ross as she and Pete were heading back to the airport, the flight from New York would land about twenty minutes before hers, and Ross had informed her they would be at her gate when she arrived.  She was relieved to know she wouldn't have to walk into the hospital by herself.  She had a feeling they knew she didn't want to do it alone. 

It was slightly ironic – all of them rushing to his side after all this time, as if they'd forgotten that they hadn't seen or heard from him in more than a year.  As if they couldn't admit that all five of them had spent the last year or so hating him – or at least wanting to hate him.  But in the end, she knew that they were all feeling the same thing she was.  No matter what he had done, or how badly he had hurt all of them, he was still Chandler and they had loved him for years.  It was hard to just forget that.  She, of all people, had learned that lesson the best.

  Monica sighed and felt Pete's concerned glance turn her way again.  Joey's phone call had sent her into a tailspin, and poor Pete was probably afraid she was about to have a nervous breakdown or a stroke – or worse.  But she couldn't help it; her emotions were running rampant and she was flying from heartache to worry to confusion and back again.  Joey had been bewildered himself, unable to understand what Chandler was doing flying alone in a plane.  Monica hadn't bothered to explain that he was a pilot now; that Chandler was someone completely different than the friend they'd once known.  

It wasn't until she was almost to Boston that Monica realized that the others had no idea that she had already seen Chandler, had talked to him.  And as soon as that knowledge flashed through her consciousness, a second possibility occurred to her: that maybe the accident had something to do with the fact that he had run into her.  What if he had crashed the plane on purpose?

She closed her eyes at the thought, telling herself it wasn't possible.  Chandler would never do that, and besides, why would that conversation have affected him negatively?  He didn't love her anymore.  So why would seeing her again matter anyway?

Still, the thought lingered, plaguing her for the rest of the flight.  So strange.  Only a few hours ago, she had walked away from him, telling him to stay away from her.  Now she was desperate to get to his side.  And as soon as someone assured her he would be okay – her second-hand version of Nora's phone call gave little information as to his actual condition, and besides, he had to be okay – she wanted to know what had happened in that plane. 

As promised, her friends were pacing outside the gate when Monica and Pete entered the terminal, and they all sprang forward to greet them, their faces as tense and worried as she knew hers was.  No one provided her with any additional news, and she assumed this was because they didn't have any. 

Pete bid them goodbye as they crawled into a cab, and Monica appreciated his sensitivity for not imposing himself on the situation.  He really was a good guy.  She wished she wasn't breaking his heart a second time.

The ride to the hospital was quiet, all of them occupied with their own thoughts.  Monica finally broke the silence, deciding that her friends needed to know about the day's earlier events, just in case. 

            "I saw him today," she admitted in a quiet voice, and the only reaction she got was that they all turned to look at her.  "When Pete and I tried to get a plane from Boston to Pittsburgh…I saw him at the airport.  He was going to be our pilot."

            "So he really is a pilot?" Ross questioned incredulously, and Monica nodded. 

            "Yes, apparently he is.  And, um…you guys should probably know, his boss told us – before we knew it was Chandler – that he was supposed to be leaving for New York today.  He was coming home, for whatever reason."

            "Did you…talk to him?" Phoebe asked softly, her eyes concerned. 

            "Yeah.  For a minute.  We kind of skipped the pleasantries, you know."

            "What did he say?"

            Monica sighed and blinked away tears.  "That he was sorry."

            "Is that all?" Rachel asked gently, peering at Monica's face.  Monica just nodded, not wanting to go into further detail for fear she would lose it.

            "Basically."

            The cab fell silent again as the other four contemplated this new development.  But there wasn't much time for them to think about it; the cab pulled up in front of the hospital just a minute later.

            They waited impatiently for Ross to count out the cab fare, then headed for the entrance.  It didn't take long for Joey to get Chandler's room number from the nurses at the Admissions desk, and a moment later they were stepping off the elevator onto the sixth floor.

            Nora spotted them immediately and jumped to her feet, looking relieved that they were there.  She was followed by a younger man that they all ignored while Nora brought them up-to-date, directing her comments to Monica.

            "He's in surgery now – they're taking out his spleen.  They're also going to put a pin in his wrist.  He broke some ribs, too, but luckily his lungs are okay.  His collarbone is fractured, but that's fixable.  It's his head they're worried about.  He hit it hard, but they can't tell yet if it's just a concussion, or…"  She let that thought trail off, then glanced at each of them before letting her eyes fall on Monica again.  "He's been unconscious the whole time.  I haven't even been able to see him."

            Monica digested the news, running the words over and over in her mind.  She looked up at Nora, realizing that the one essential question hadn't been answered.

            "Is he going to be okay?"

            Nora sighed and reached for Monica's arm.  "We don't know yet, sweetie.  The doctors can't say much until they can determine the extent of the head injury."
            Monica released a shaky sob, almost collapsing against Joey.  He instinctively held her upright and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly.  Monica could tell from the shaking of his chest that he was fighting tears as well. 

            "What happened?" Monica finally whispered, looking up at Nora through tear-filled eyes.  "Do they know why he crashed?"

            "They're checking the plane and bringing in the CVR now," the man said from behind Nora, and all eyes immediately turned to him.  "The Cockpit Voice Recorder," he clarified.  "It records every sound in the cockpit, just in case something like this happens.  They can sometimes determine a cause from the pilot's last words before the crash.  Right now, they're not sure what happened.  All of Chandler's radio transmissions were regular.  The tower didn't know he was in trouble until he went down."

            "This is Mark Taylor," Nora offered, noticing the confused looks and raised eyebrows Mark was getting from the group.  "He's a pilot, too," she added, and the friends nodded their understanding.  That explained his extensive knowledge about the procedures.  Monica glanced at him curiously, wondering what other information he might have to offer.  What he had told them so far seemed to imply that they didn't think anything had been wrong with the plane.  If there had been, wouldn't Chandler have sent a panicked message over the radio?

"How much longer will he be in surgery?" Monica asked, aware that she was changing directions like a three-year-old playing tag with his father – very fast and without warning.   "Can we see him when he's out?"

"It shouldn't be much longer," Nora answered, looking at Monica with shared concern.  "He's already been in there for a while."

Monica nodded and slumped into a chair, rubbing her forehead with one hand.  Her head was absolutely spinning, and all she wanted was to see Chandler.  She didn't care if she was acting like the girlfriend she no longer was, or that earlier that same day, she had pushed him away in anger.  All she knew was that Chandler was hurt, that he needed her – and that it might just be all her fault.

It was almost another hour later before a doctor entered the waiting room and headed straight for Nora, who was asleep against Mark's shoulder. 

"Mrs. Bing?"

Nora woke up immediately as the others crowded around her, waiting for the news.  The doctor glanced around at group of people – that had grown significantly since he'd taken Chandler in to surgery. 

"Chandler came through just fine," he told them, and was met with a unison sigh of relief.  "We stopped all of the bleeding and got him all stitched up.  All in all, he's done very well.  Now we just wait for him to wake up and see what kind of head injury we're talking about.  I will say, so far the various tests we've done don't indicate any extensive injuries, but we can't be sure until he wakes up and we can talk to him."

"Can we see him?"  Monica asked anxiously.  The doctor glanced at her, then back at Nora, finally answering with an apologetic shrug. 

"I'm sorry.  I can only allow family in with him now."

Monica closed her eyes, wanting to yell at the doctor that she was the closest thing to family Chandler had, but knowing that was no longer true.  Uncharacteristically, she accepted the decision without fighting it, nodding slowly without looking back up at the doctor.

"I understand," she stated softly, then turned to Nora, her voice breaking.  "Will you give him a kiss for me?"

Nora glanced at her, then back at the doctor.  "Dr. Welborne, Monica is Chandler's girlfriend.  Can't you make an exception for her?  I'm sure he would want her there."

The doctor glanced at her again, then finally nodded.  "Fine.  You can see him, but just for a few minutes.  And one at a time."

"Go ahead, honey," Nora told Monica, gesturing toward the hallway.  "I'll wait until you get back."
            Monica gave Nora a grateful look, then an impulsive hug.  "Thank you," she whispered in her ear.  "I won't be long."

Monica followed the doctor to Chandler's room, then nodded that she was okay before he left her.  She stared at the doorknob for a long minute, unable to look into the room through the small window.  Finally, she turned the knob and entered the room, her breath catching as her eyes fell on Chandler.

He looked horrible.  His face was cut and bruised, his lips dry and swollen.  There was a bandage over one eye, and the same eye was swollen shut.  She could see the top of the white cast covering his chest, and the sight caused the flash of a memory of Pete bruised and broken after his first Ultimate Fighting Champion match.  His arms were lying on top of the blankets, his left wrist also wrapped in white.  Choking back her tears, Monica walked to his side and sat down in a chair, pulling it close to his bed.  She silently reached for the uninjured hand, and leaned over to kiss his fingers. 

She didn't say a word for the entire fifteen minutes she sat beside him.  When she stood up to leave so that Nora could come in and see her son, she leaned over and gently kissed his bruised lips for the first time in more than a year.

When she reentered the waiting room, she immediately noticed Chandler's boss – what was his name?  Charlie? – talking quietly with Mark in one corner.  A moment later, they walked back over to the rest of the group, and Mark smiled when he saw that Monica was back.

"How did he look?"

"Horrible," Monica answered, wincing as the image of Chandler reentered her mind.  "What's going on?  Did they find out what went wrong?"
            Mark glanced at Charlie, then turned back to Monica.  "The verdict is engine failure.  Luckily, he wasn't flying too high, or he could have been hurt much worse."

Monica heaved a huge sigh, relieved to hear that Chandler hadn't been on a suicide mission.  "Are you sure?  Chandler didn't – "  She paused, unwilling to voice the thoughts she'd been having out loud.  "He didn't do something wrong?"

"The CVR is textbook," Charlie told her.  "Right down to the last word."
            "The last word?" Monica asked, not sure what he meant.

            "The majority of pilots involved in a crash say the same thing as they're about to hit the ground.  Chandler followed the tradition to the letter."

            "What…what do they say?" Monica asked, her voice shaking as she considered the thought that it could have really been Chandler's last word.

            "They call out for their mothers," Mark told her.  "Chandler said "Mom".

            Monica swallowed and nodded, then looked up at Mark pleadingly. 

"Can I hear it?"

A few minutes later, Charlie, Mark, Monica and Joey were seated in a small office down the hallway, preparing to listen to Chandler's last moments before the crash.  Charlie had brought the tape and a proper recorder with him in case Nora wanted to listen to the tape, but she had declined.  Joey wasn't sure he wanted to hear the tape either, but he was determined to be there to give Monica moral support. 

Charlie hit the play button, and Monica immediately felt her body tense.  There was nothing but silence for a few seconds, then she heard Chandler's clear voice filling the room.

"Kyle, I'm going to turn a little south from my flight plan.  It's pretty windy up here; that'll put the breeze at my back." 

"Kyle's the traffic controller," Mark whispered to them in explanation.

There was a moment of silence, then Chandler again.  "Roger that.  Turning south." 

Silence again.  Monica tried to visualize Chandler at the controls in the cockpit, but it was a hard picture to create.  She hadn't even known he was a pilot until this morning.

"Hey, Kyle," Chandler spoke again.  "Kyle?  Crap, don't tell me the – WHOA!  Kyle?  Kyle?!  What the hell is happening?"  They could hear what could only be described as a "bump", and Monica could almost feel the physical sensation of the plane dropping, as if Chandler had run into some bad turbulence.  "Oh no no no.  This isn't happening!  Kyle??  Kyle, if you're there, I've got problems.  I think the damn plane just quit working."  Another brief pause, and then "SHIT!" as Chandler threw something across the cockpit, presumably his mike or headphones.  "This can't be happening," Chandler said again, sounding desperate.  "Please God, not now.  AHH!"

He screamed again, and Monica knew that he was probably starting to plummet downwards, the wings of the plane the only thing that kept him from going straight down.  She swallowed hard and gripped Joey's hand.  This was absolutely terrifying, and she had the benefit of knowing that Chandler was at least alive now.   

"If anybody can hear me," Chandler screamed, presumably into the radio.  "I'm going down!  Repeat, I'm going down.  I'm forty miles east-south-east of the city, lots of fields around me."

Monica closed her eyes, waiting for the final sounds and then the silence that would mean he'd hit the ground.  She could hear Chandler's panicked breaths, and then the final scream.

She bolted upright in her chair, her eyes snapping open.  The tape had ended, and Mark and Charlie were both looking at her with concern.  She stared at the recorder, then back up at Charlie. 

"Can you rewind that?  Please?  Just the very last part."

Charlie raised his eyebrows in puzzlement, but did as she asked.  Monica stood right next to the recorder and listened, trying to make sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her.  But there was no doubt about it.  Chandler hadn't followed all the rules, after all. 

She shifted her gaze to Joey, who was staring at her, just as incredulous.

"Did you hear it?" she asked him, ignoring the confused looks Mark and Charlie were giving her.  "Did you hear it, too?"

Joey nodded, rising to his feet to put his arms around her. 

"He didn't say "Mom"," he told the other two men, who probably didn't understand the significance anyway.  "He said Mon." 

AN:  Okay, an explanation.  I know nothing about planes or flying or any of that, so please ignore any glaring errors – especially the fact that Charlie was able to bring the tape and recorder to the hospital.  I know that would probably be impossible, but…oh well. 

As I was reading "The Pilot's Wife" and came across the tidbit of information about most pilots calling out for "Mom", this scenario popped into my head, which is why I decided to turn Chandler into a pilot.  So, I have to give Anita Shreve a little of the credit.  And probably Dean Koontz, too, as "Sole Survivor" has some info on the cockpit recorder thingies as well. 

Okay, hope you liked the little twist.  To be continued!