Author: Tori Sakana
Summary: If you could see the future, what would you do? Would you start a war to save your friends? Or let them die to win peace? When all the paths lie in shadow, Heero must make a terrible choice...
Warnings: blood, violence, POV
Time frame: Five years after Endless Waltz...no, this isn't an AU.
Pairings: none
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters or plot or anything.
This part is entirely within Heero's mind. Don't freak, this is just a vision. But blood and violence lie ahead...
Now, on to the fic!
********************
Nexus
Part 2: Ignorance is Bliss
********************
I stand for the second time in an unfamiliar room.
In the same doorway by which I first entered this cursed hall, I watch the movements of my fellow pilots and myself as though through a curtain. Sounds are dulled, colors muted, but the actions and meanings are etched upon the face of the future.
There is nothing I can do now but watch.
I see myself, standing with the others at the refreshments table again. Relena and Duo are dancing, Wufei and Quatre are talking business, Trowa and I are watching. Around them--us--are the laughing and talking guests. Faintly in the distance a clock strikes twelve.
Suddenly, a gunshot rings out in the hall.
One of the crystal baubles on the chandelier shatters. A murmur of panicked conversation, as heads turn and curious looks turn to shock. Those too innocent to recognize the sound are puzzled. The soldiers react. Many pull their loved ones behind them, a futile action when the gunman's location is unknown. Several Preventors pull their weapons out, but this only panics the crowd. The Gundam pilots all run forward to where they knew the sound came from, hands ready near their hidden guns.
The music limps to a halt.
A circle gradually widens around a group of men near the north end of the ballroom. Dressed in some bizarre uniform, they are terribly out of place. How they had entered unnoticed is a mystery.
I try to walk forward to get a better view, but to my surprise I am glued in place. *Why can't I move?*
*Watch.*
As the other Gundam pilots move, I--Heero--the other me grabs Duo and holds him back.
"It's a trap. An attack." I hear my own voice somehow monotone and laced with urgency at the same time. "I'll go around and come in the door behind them. Stall them until then."
Duo nods, eyes serious. Then he runs to join the other pilots and Preventors in a growing semicircle around a group of intruders.
The vision splits. Part of my mind watches as I run through the back hallways and corridors, making my way to the north entrance of the ballroom. The other part watches as Relena bravely but unwisely challenges the gatecrashers.
"Who are you and what do you want?"
The leader, a tall nondescript man, grins at her. "Nothing, princess. Nothing you can give us."
Accustomed to terrorists making demands, the former Queen frowns at him. "Nothing?"
"No. But we are here to offer you something."
"And what is that?"
His grin turns evil. "Your lives."
Duo steps up next to Relena. His best Shinigami glare bores into the leader. In a low, dangerous voice I have never before heard him use, he growls, "What do you mean by that?"
"We have already taken control of your government. Foolish, to put most of your leaders in one unprotected palace. But, in the spirit of humanity, we will offer you a choice.
"You all can join our cause. Support us, and we won't have to waste time replacing existing power structures. You'll be watched, of course, but you'll be alive and in positions of some authority."
No one bothers to ask what 'cause' he means. All these groups are the same- -justice, freedom, equality for all. What they always mean is the exact opposite. They can't do what they want, and so feel themselves wronged.
*It is not injustice that stings, but justice.*
Zero's voice sounds wistful. Why am I suddenly ascribing emotions to this twisted machine?
*Perhaps I am no more a machine than you, my dear Perfect Soldier.*
Duo's voice prevents me from answering as I turn my attention back to the future unfolding before me.
"And the alternative?"
The leader aims his gun at Duo's head, but the braided ex-pilot doesn't flinch. "Death."
Several people in the crowd scream. Others start begging, asking to be released.
"Calm down, calm down. All you have to do is swear your loyalty to us. After that, your safety is guaranteed."
Yeah right. If these people fall for it, they deserve the betrayal that will come.
A murmur of voices fills the room.
"Now, who would like to be the first to choose?" The leader's eyes scan the room. No one makes eye contact, except the semicircle of former soldiers.
Duo grins. "Could we have a couple of minutes to think about it?"
The leader's smile fades into a frown. "No. And in fact, let's start with you, shall we?"
No. Not Duo. Not yet.
I check the other vision frantically. No, I haven't reached the other door yet, there's still a few more minutes to go! Duo, stall!
*You cannot change what happens here.*
I know. And for that I hate myself.
*It isn't your fault.*
*You are not one to talk about fault.* Not after what you did to Quatre.
The leader of the rebels (how strange that we were once rebels, but now 'rebels' are the enemy) advances on Duo. His gun raises to point directly between Duo's expressive eyes.
"What will it be, Gundam pilot?"
At that moment, the door behind him bursts open.
I close my eyes. I have seen all this before.
*No. Watch.* Zero's voice commands. *You must understand.*
Reluctantly I obey.
"Heero!" Relena shouts my name even as the terrorists spin around to face me.
Six shots, six bodies, and an empty gun. Even after all these years, I can still kill.
I swore I would never have to kill again. Never only lasted five years.
The leader yanks his gun away from Duo and points at me. Angrily, he fires.
I don't watch myself fall. Instead, I watch my friends. But that is even more painful. Relena looks like it was she who was shot. Duo's screaming my name and trying to run towards me. Quatre is doubled over in pain. Trowa's expression, unguarded for once, is stricken, and Wufei is angrier than I have ever seen him.
It is touching to see how much my friends care. I just wish it was under different circumstances.
Duo shoves past the leader, ignoring the gun with single-minded fury, and falls to his knees beside me. I can't hear what he says, he's too far away and he's mumbling too much for me to read his lips. But I almost don't want to. His words are not for me.
A long moment passes. Screams erupt from the weak-minded in the ballroom, and a rising panic makes itself known. The leader and his remaining men fire several shots into the air to regain the crowd's attention.
Out of nowhere, the leader is on his back on the floor. Over him stands Duo, eyes blazing and body shaking with rage. I didn't even see him move.
But almost as quickly, the man is on his feet again. He must have been a soldier, another spent weapon like ourselves, but one who could not be bent to peaceful purposes.
He leaps at Duo and a scuffle ensues. The other terrorists level their automatic weapons at my friends, daring them to interfere.
After a moment, Duo's lack of practice catches up with him and he is on the floor, with the rebel standing over him. His gun once again points at Duo's forehead.
"That was his choice, Gundam pilot. And he died for it. Now what is yours?"
Strange to have deja vu when you're seeing the future.
This is the image from before. But now, there is a meaning to it. Duo's fear and pain that I had not understood -- it is not his own death that he fears or his own pain that hurts him. My death is the agony in his eyes, and the fate of the others is his terror.
I wait in my own agony for his answer. I want, no pray for him to accept the offer, to walk away to a life in prison. But I know him as I know myself. As I know his answer.
"Guess I'll be seeing you in hell."
*Don't make me watch this Zero, I don't want to see! No!*
*You wanted to know. You wanted to see. You wanted the knowledge to choose. Accept it.*
No...
A gunshot.
No!
********************
*You were right, Zero. I have grown weak. Weak enough to beg you to stop.*
*You think I'm the one doing this? Foolish, boy. I merely show you what will be.*
*Then show me how to change it!*
********************
Reality hits the ground with a heavy thud.
Quatre stumbles to his feet, clutching his heart so hard his shirt is starting to tear. "Duo..."
Blood starts to spread on the tile as the sound of screaming drowns all else.
Like watching a memory replay, I can't look away as Trowa and Wufei run to his side. Hope clouding the obvious, they check his pulse. When they draw their guns, my trigger finger twitches. How badly I want to pull my own weapon and---
*Ah, but you're already dead.*
*Thank you, Zero. I know.*
I know I am helpless here. I know that I'm dead there. Past, present, and future, I can do nothing.
But I still shout a warning as the leader brings up his gun.
********************
*You cannot change this. This is the only path the future shows.*
*But you told me there would be peace or war! Two paths! Dammit, you said there was an alternative!*
*There are two paths. But they have not diverged yet.*
*What?!*
********************
Quatre's holding Trowa. By now, the rest of the room has grown silent. Somehow, they sense the magnitude of the tragedy. They wait in silent witness.
Someone must walk from this room to tell their story.
The leader is standing over Quatre. "What is your choice? You can avoid their fate, if you would only join us."
"Go to hell."
Well, that was unexpected.
"So you refuse?"
"I said go to hell! The answer is no! How could anyone join a bunch of cold-blooded killers like you?! You killed them all...all of us...even me..."
A hint of the Zero system creeps into his eyes.
*Sadly, even I cannot help him. He cannot hear me as you can.*
The madness fades quickly. Sadness replaces it, and tears spill down his cheeks.
That bastard puts the gun against his forehead. "Last chance, boy."
"I said NO! I would rather die!"
And so he does.
********************
*What do you mean, there's only one path? I can't avoid this?*
*From the moment you stepped into the ballroom, there has been only one path. You cannot step from it, nor can you change it...*
*That's impossible. There is always a choice!*
*No...there is always fate.*
********************
The era of the Gundams has come to an end. But it is not the peace we had expected.
Five bodies on a ballroom floor, only three with drawn weapons. Not killed honourably in battle, dying for peace as we had expected.
Executed.
Murdered.
By a man who didn't even give his name.
The leader steps back from Quatre's body. To his credit, he looked a little sad. "It's really too bad. We could have used their help."
"Then perhaps you should have acted less cowardly."
"Who said that?" he growls.
"I did." Relena steps forward, despite Lady Une's attempt to restrain her. "If you had wanted their help, perhaps you should have come to us peacefully. Told us your concerns."
She moves forward once more, to stand next to the sad tableau. The hem of her skirt drags in the blood of men she had once called friends.
"If you had wanted the help of men who fought for peace, did you really think you could earn it by threatening them?"
She kneels down, stroking Quatre's still face. She ignores the tears flowing silently down her face as steadfastly as she ignores the other body lying just past the doorway. To look that way now would break her.
"They were the greatest fighters of our time. Strong, brave, dedicated, and proud. They would never bow to anyone. Not Oz." She surges to her feet and faces the rebel leader, eyes blazing with such fire that he takes a step back. "And not you.
"And neither will we!" Relena swings a gloved hand behind her, encompassing the entire room in her gesture. "I stood by them in war and I stand by them in peace. If the pilots of the Gundams would choose death over subjugation, then so will I.
"Shoot."
He looks into her eyes of tears and fury with genuine regret. "I'm sorry."
Then obeys her.
********************
*I hate you.*
*I'm hurt.*
*You show me all this, and why? To torment me? So I have to live this nightmare twice?!*
*You asked me to show you.*
*I never asked the first time. Five years ago you showed me this room. Why? Why taunt me with hope?*
*...*
*Answer me! Damn you, answer me!*
*....because...I...I wanted you to find a way to stop it...*
********************
Relena's impassioned speech did something to the crowd.
One by one, the soldiers in front were asked their choice.
One by one, they refused and accepted their deaths.
It was expected. After all, a soldier must be prepared to die.
But when the rebels reached the civilians, these weak, spoiled, peace- fattened politicians spoke loud and strong...
...and chose to die.
Such courage has never been seen, before or since. Down to the last man, they all chose to take their ideals to the grave.
Idiots!
I watched it all. Standing here in the corner, unable to help, unable even to cry, I watched.
And now here I stand. Alone in an empty hall. The rebels have left, to make some declaration or other. I think they were disappointed; I don't think they expected resistance. I don't think they really expected us to die.
By the end, even the leader shed a tear.
But I cannot.
And so I stand.
Alone with my thoughts.
And Zero.
********************
*You what?*
*I wanted to stop it. To find a way. I showed what I could as early as possible. To get you to avoid this path, to avoid this room. I warned you in dreams, in visions, in nightmares. But...*
*But it was unavoidable.*
*All paths since the war led to this room. I...I'm sorry, Heero.*
Sorry. Zero's sorry. If I wasn't so empty, I'd start laughing.
*It's true. I don't want them to die anymore than you do.*
*Shut up! You're mocking me! How could you know them? How could you give a shit whether my friends live or die?! Stop tormenting me by pretending to care!*
A long silence.
*I can't explain it. You wouldn't understand.*
*Just leave me alone.*
*Here?*
*No. Take me back.*
******************** End Part 2 ********************
Don't worry, it's not over yet...
Summary: If you could see the future, what would you do? Would you start a war to save your friends? Or let them die to win peace? When all the paths lie in shadow, Heero must make a terrible choice...
Warnings: blood, violence, POV
Time frame: Five years after Endless Waltz...no, this isn't an AU.
Pairings: none
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters or plot or anything.
This part is entirely within Heero's mind. Don't freak, this is just a vision. But blood and violence lie ahead...
Now, on to the fic!
********************
Nexus
Part 2: Ignorance is Bliss
********************
I stand for the second time in an unfamiliar room.
In the same doorway by which I first entered this cursed hall, I watch the movements of my fellow pilots and myself as though through a curtain. Sounds are dulled, colors muted, but the actions and meanings are etched upon the face of the future.
There is nothing I can do now but watch.
I see myself, standing with the others at the refreshments table again. Relena and Duo are dancing, Wufei and Quatre are talking business, Trowa and I are watching. Around them--us--are the laughing and talking guests. Faintly in the distance a clock strikes twelve.
Suddenly, a gunshot rings out in the hall.
One of the crystal baubles on the chandelier shatters. A murmur of panicked conversation, as heads turn and curious looks turn to shock. Those too innocent to recognize the sound are puzzled. The soldiers react. Many pull their loved ones behind them, a futile action when the gunman's location is unknown. Several Preventors pull their weapons out, but this only panics the crowd. The Gundam pilots all run forward to where they knew the sound came from, hands ready near their hidden guns.
The music limps to a halt.
A circle gradually widens around a group of men near the north end of the ballroom. Dressed in some bizarre uniform, they are terribly out of place. How they had entered unnoticed is a mystery.
I try to walk forward to get a better view, but to my surprise I am glued in place. *Why can't I move?*
*Watch.*
As the other Gundam pilots move, I--Heero--the other me grabs Duo and holds him back.
"It's a trap. An attack." I hear my own voice somehow monotone and laced with urgency at the same time. "I'll go around and come in the door behind them. Stall them until then."
Duo nods, eyes serious. Then he runs to join the other pilots and Preventors in a growing semicircle around a group of intruders.
The vision splits. Part of my mind watches as I run through the back hallways and corridors, making my way to the north entrance of the ballroom. The other part watches as Relena bravely but unwisely challenges the gatecrashers.
"Who are you and what do you want?"
The leader, a tall nondescript man, grins at her. "Nothing, princess. Nothing you can give us."
Accustomed to terrorists making demands, the former Queen frowns at him. "Nothing?"
"No. But we are here to offer you something."
"And what is that?"
His grin turns evil. "Your lives."
Duo steps up next to Relena. His best Shinigami glare bores into the leader. In a low, dangerous voice I have never before heard him use, he growls, "What do you mean by that?"
"We have already taken control of your government. Foolish, to put most of your leaders in one unprotected palace. But, in the spirit of humanity, we will offer you a choice.
"You all can join our cause. Support us, and we won't have to waste time replacing existing power structures. You'll be watched, of course, but you'll be alive and in positions of some authority."
No one bothers to ask what 'cause' he means. All these groups are the same- -justice, freedom, equality for all. What they always mean is the exact opposite. They can't do what they want, and so feel themselves wronged.
*It is not injustice that stings, but justice.*
Zero's voice sounds wistful. Why am I suddenly ascribing emotions to this twisted machine?
*Perhaps I am no more a machine than you, my dear Perfect Soldier.*
Duo's voice prevents me from answering as I turn my attention back to the future unfolding before me.
"And the alternative?"
The leader aims his gun at Duo's head, but the braided ex-pilot doesn't flinch. "Death."
Several people in the crowd scream. Others start begging, asking to be released.
"Calm down, calm down. All you have to do is swear your loyalty to us. After that, your safety is guaranteed."
Yeah right. If these people fall for it, they deserve the betrayal that will come.
A murmur of voices fills the room.
"Now, who would like to be the first to choose?" The leader's eyes scan the room. No one makes eye contact, except the semicircle of former soldiers.
Duo grins. "Could we have a couple of minutes to think about it?"
The leader's smile fades into a frown. "No. And in fact, let's start with you, shall we?"
No. Not Duo. Not yet.
I check the other vision frantically. No, I haven't reached the other door yet, there's still a few more minutes to go! Duo, stall!
*You cannot change what happens here.*
I know. And for that I hate myself.
*It isn't your fault.*
*You are not one to talk about fault.* Not after what you did to Quatre.
The leader of the rebels (how strange that we were once rebels, but now 'rebels' are the enemy) advances on Duo. His gun raises to point directly between Duo's expressive eyes.
"What will it be, Gundam pilot?"
At that moment, the door behind him bursts open.
I close my eyes. I have seen all this before.
*No. Watch.* Zero's voice commands. *You must understand.*
Reluctantly I obey.
"Heero!" Relena shouts my name even as the terrorists spin around to face me.
Six shots, six bodies, and an empty gun. Even after all these years, I can still kill.
I swore I would never have to kill again. Never only lasted five years.
The leader yanks his gun away from Duo and points at me. Angrily, he fires.
I don't watch myself fall. Instead, I watch my friends. But that is even more painful. Relena looks like it was she who was shot. Duo's screaming my name and trying to run towards me. Quatre is doubled over in pain. Trowa's expression, unguarded for once, is stricken, and Wufei is angrier than I have ever seen him.
It is touching to see how much my friends care. I just wish it was under different circumstances.
Duo shoves past the leader, ignoring the gun with single-minded fury, and falls to his knees beside me. I can't hear what he says, he's too far away and he's mumbling too much for me to read his lips. But I almost don't want to. His words are not for me.
A long moment passes. Screams erupt from the weak-minded in the ballroom, and a rising panic makes itself known. The leader and his remaining men fire several shots into the air to regain the crowd's attention.
Out of nowhere, the leader is on his back on the floor. Over him stands Duo, eyes blazing and body shaking with rage. I didn't even see him move.
But almost as quickly, the man is on his feet again. He must have been a soldier, another spent weapon like ourselves, but one who could not be bent to peaceful purposes.
He leaps at Duo and a scuffle ensues. The other terrorists level their automatic weapons at my friends, daring them to interfere.
After a moment, Duo's lack of practice catches up with him and he is on the floor, with the rebel standing over him. His gun once again points at Duo's forehead.
"That was his choice, Gundam pilot. And he died for it. Now what is yours?"
Strange to have deja vu when you're seeing the future.
This is the image from before. But now, there is a meaning to it. Duo's fear and pain that I had not understood -- it is not his own death that he fears or his own pain that hurts him. My death is the agony in his eyes, and the fate of the others is his terror.
I wait in my own agony for his answer. I want, no pray for him to accept the offer, to walk away to a life in prison. But I know him as I know myself. As I know his answer.
"Guess I'll be seeing you in hell."
*Don't make me watch this Zero, I don't want to see! No!*
*You wanted to know. You wanted to see. You wanted the knowledge to choose. Accept it.*
No...
A gunshot.
No!
********************
*You were right, Zero. I have grown weak. Weak enough to beg you to stop.*
*You think I'm the one doing this? Foolish, boy. I merely show you what will be.*
*Then show me how to change it!*
********************
Reality hits the ground with a heavy thud.
Quatre stumbles to his feet, clutching his heart so hard his shirt is starting to tear. "Duo..."
Blood starts to spread on the tile as the sound of screaming drowns all else.
Like watching a memory replay, I can't look away as Trowa and Wufei run to his side. Hope clouding the obvious, they check his pulse. When they draw their guns, my trigger finger twitches. How badly I want to pull my own weapon and---
*Ah, but you're already dead.*
*Thank you, Zero. I know.*
I know I am helpless here. I know that I'm dead there. Past, present, and future, I can do nothing.
But I still shout a warning as the leader brings up his gun.
********************
*You cannot change this. This is the only path the future shows.*
*But you told me there would be peace or war! Two paths! Dammit, you said there was an alternative!*
*There are two paths. But they have not diverged yet.*
*What?!*
********************
Quatre's holding Trowa. By now, the rest of the room has grown silent. Somehow, they sense the magnitude of the tragedy. They wait in silent witness.
Someone must walk from this room to tell their story.
The leader is standing over Quatre. "What is your choice? You can avoid their fate, if you would only join us."
"Go to hell."
Well, that was unexpected.
"So you refuse?"
"I said go to hell! The answer is no! How could anyone join a bunch of cold-blooded killers like you?! You killed them all...all of us...even me..."
A hint of the Zero system creeps into his eyes.
*Sadly, even I cannot help him. He cannot hear me as you can.*
The madness fades quickly. Sadness replaces it, and tears spill down his cheeks.
That bastard puts the gun against his forehead. "Last chance, boy."
"I said NO! I would rather die!"
And so he does.
********************
*What do you mean, there's only one path? I can't avoid this?*
*From the moment you stepped into the ballroom, there has been only one path. You cannot step from it, nor can you change it...*
*That's impossible. There is always a choice!*
*No...there is always fate.*
********************
The era of the Gundams has come to an end. But it is not the peace we had expected.
Five bodies on a ballroom floor, only three with drawn weapons. Not killed honourably in battle, dying for peace as we had expected.
Executed.
Murdered.
By a man who didn't even give his name.
The leader steps back from Quatre's body. To his credit, he looked a little sad. "It's really too bad. We could have used their help."
"Then perhaps you should have acted less cowardly."
"Who said that?" he growls.
"I did." Relena steps forward, despite Lady Une's attempt to restrain her. "If you had wanted their help, perhaps you should have come to us peacefully. Told us your concerns."
She moves forward once more, to stand next to the sad tableau. The hem of her skirt drags in the blood of men she had once called friends.
"If you had wanted the help of men who fought for peace, did you really think you could earn it by threatening them?"
She kneels down, stroking Quatre's still face. She ignores the tears flowing silently down her face as steadfastly as she ignores the other body lying just past the doorway. To look that way now would break her.
"They were the greatest fighters of our time. Strong, brave, dedicated, and proud. They would never bow to anyone. Not Oz." She surges to her feet and faces the rebel leader, eyes blazing with such fire that he takes a step back. "And not you.
"And neither will we!" Relena swings a gloved hand behind her, encompassing the entire room in her gesture. "I stood by them in war and I stand by them in peace. If the pilots of the Gundams would choose death over subjugation, then so will I.
"Shoot."
He looks into her eyes of tears and fury with genuine regret. "I'm sorry."
Then obeys her.
********************
*I hate you.*
*I'm hurt.*
*You show me all this, and why? To torment me? So I have to live this nightmare twice?!*
*You asked me to show you.*
*I never asked the first time. Five years ago you showed me this room. Why? Why taunt me with hope?*
*...*
*Answer me! Damn you, answer me!*
*....because...I...I wanted you to find a way to stop it...*
********************
Relena's impassioned speech did something to the crowd.
One by one, the soldiers in front were asked their choice.
One by one, they refused and accepted their deaths.
It was expected. After all, a soldier must be prepared to die.
But when the rebels reached the civilians, these weak, spoiled, peace- fattened politicians spoke loud and strong...
...and chose to die.
Such courage has never been seen, before or since. Down to the last man, they all chose to take their ideals to the grave.
Idiots!
I watched it all. Standing here in the corner, unable to help, unable even to cry, I watched.
And now here I stand. Alone in an empty hall. The rebels have left, to make some declaration or other. I think they were disappointed; I don't think they expected resistance. I don't think they really expected us to die.
By the end, even the leader shed a tear.
But I cannot.
And so I stand.
Alone with my thoughts.
And Zero.
********************
*You what?*
*I wanted to stop it. To find a way. I showed what I could as early as possible. To get you to avoid this path, to avoid this room. I warned you in dreams, in visions, in nightmares. But...*
*But it was unavoidable.*
*All paths since the war led to this room. I...I'm sorry, Heero.*
Sorry. Zero's sorry. If I wasn't so empty, I'd start laughing.
*It's true. I don't want them to die anymore than you do.*
*Shut up! You're mocking me! How could you know them? How could you give a shit whether my friends live or die?! Stop tormenting me by pretending to care!*
A long silence.
*I can't explain it. You wouldn't understand.*
*Just leave me alone.*
*Here?*
*No. Take me back.*
******************** End Part 2 ********************
Don't worry, it's not over yet...
