AN: SPECIAL!! :D A special chappie done in Naruto POV. Around the same
time of Sasuke running after them, Naruto and Jiraiya are in a town and
wandering around, and Naruto thinks...I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK! GAH! Since
there's no more slashy goodness in what little I have left of the
manga....all cannon will have to go out the window. So, I need a plot.
And I need a good one. Dilemma. So, here, have a special Naruto POV
chappie to tide you over until my brain works again.
Sincerely
Bah. Old pervert-sennin is dragging me around this town. I really want to sit down right about now. NO, dammit, not another store! I want to sit! Dammit, there'd better be ramen after this, or I'm going to revolt.
Really, this is a training trip, but the bastard drags me around as if we're sight-seeing. I want to train, not oogle the brothel-girls. I say so out loud, and that earned me some shouting. Stupid pervert-sennin.
*You remind me of the fourth Hokage a little...*
So he's training me because I remind him of the Fourth? Kinda crappy reason to train someone. But I can't complain, really, I'm learning stuff.
Still, I'm kinda lonely. It's been so long since I've been by myself, or even with just one person. In fact, it's been a while since I've been in company of anyone other than Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, and Sasuke...
Sasuke. What was he doing now? I hadn't really talked to him since the chuunin exam went downhill. I heard he was training, and he's awfully secretive, so maybe that explains his long absences. Still, I wish it didn't feel as though he was avoiding me...
Gah, I'm being stupid. Of course Sasuke avoids me. He hates me, just like everyone else. Although, he's not as bad as the others. He doesn't hate me because of the reason the adults do, he hates me because he thinks I'm stupid. That, at least, is modifiable, while what the adults hate me for is slightly....not.
Then again, it's not like he hates me, more like disrespects me....It's not real hate...I really shouldn't start thinking these things, it gets my hopes up too far. Pervert-sennin is dragging me somewhere else now, and I'm almost glad for the distraction. I tend to start thinking when I'm left alone, and that's never good.
Today is a relaxtion day for the city's inhabitants, I can tell. Families are out, travelling and having fun on the outing. It sure looks like the kids are having fun, being out with their parents like that...I'm jealous, parents must be wonderful things.
Iruka-sensei once asked me if I cried, or felt upset, that my parents weren't there. I think I shocked him deeply when I said, "No, not really."
It's kinda hard to miss what you never had.
The only pain I got from not having parents was the inevitable pangs of jealousy of seeing kids having fun and being happy with their parents. Jealous. I was always jealous. Jealous of other's parents, jealous of other's love, jealous of Sasuke...
I've heard that he's an orphan too. His clan was killed in some big massacre or something. Still, I wonder what's worse, losing your parents or not having them at all? I guess losing them, since kids love their parents so much, it must really hurt when you lose them.
But really, I was always jealous of Sasuke. Even if he lost his parents, he at least had them in the first place. He was loved, he loved them, he *knew* them. Unlike me. I was always alone.
I was also jealous of his strength. He was so strong, and he made it look so easy. He had the respect, adoration, and attention of the whole school, and a great deal of the village, and he had Sakura's love. All the things I've ever wanted, he has, and he doesn't even care. That was always what made me angry. If he had appreciated it, I wouldn't feel so mad at him...
We've stopped again, and pervert-sennin is examining....plushies? No, I don't want to know. But he watching me out of the corner of his eye, and I know my lapse into depressive thoughts hadn't gone unnoticed. I know I'm easier to read than an open book, just another failure at being a ninja. At being the best.
I kinda wish Sasuke were here, so I could yell at him, and get good and angry. When I'm angry, all that exists in my mind is my anger and the thing I'm angry at. No room for loneliness or worthlessness. It's better that way.
The problem with Sasukeis that he didn't stay an untouchable rival. We were forced onto the same team, and had close experiences together. We weren't friends, but we had mutual like, if not at least tolerance. Sasuke had gone fomr the rival who had everything to the teammate who had everything....and that made it worse somehow. Because then I couldn't hate him. It couldn't just be me and the anger. And that made it harder to keep the thoughts away.
I sigh, as I'm dragged off to another shop, pervert-sennin being excruciatingly cheerful. Apparently his way to deal with sadness is to pretend it doesn't exist. I allow his cheerfulness to touch me, and soon we're arguing again, playfully. I can't be sad all the time, because if I were sad all the time...
If I were still alone...
If I didn't allow myself to be cheered up, then I'd end up like Gaara, or worse. And that was a fate all too real for me. And that scared me.
So I'll allow myself to laugh with pervert-sennin, to grin wildly with Sasuke as we compete, to yell good-naturedly at Kakashi-sensei when he's late...
Because the alternative is a lot worse.
So, I smile, and go on.
~Tsuzuku~
AN: Whee....depressive. I'm better at making happy characters have angst, than at having ansgty characters have happiness. I guess that says something about me, ne? v.v;
Sincerely
Bah. Old pervert-sennin is dragging me around this town. I really want to sit down right about now. NO, dammit, not another store! I want to sit! Dammit, there'd better be ramen after this, or I'm going to revolt.
Really, this is a training trip, but the bastard drags me around as if we're sight-seeing. I want to train, not oogle the brothel-girls. I say so out loud, and that earned me some shouting. Stupid pervert-sennin.
*You remind me of the fourth Hokage a little...*
So he's training me because I remind him of the Fourth? Kinda crappy reason to train someone. But I can't complain, really, I'm learning stuff.
Still, I'm kinda lonely. It's been so long since I've been by myself, or even with just one person. In fact, it's been a while since I've been in company of anyone other than Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, and Sasuke...
Sasuke. What was he doing now? I hadn't really talked to him since the chuunin exam went downhill. I heard he was training, and he's awfully secretive, so maybe that explains his long absences. Still, I wish it didn't feel as though he was avoiding me...
Gah, I'm being stupid. Of course Sasuke avoids me. He hates me, just like everyone else. Although, he's not as bad as the others. He doesn't hate me because of the reason the adults do, he hates me because he thinks I'm stupid. That, at least, is modifiable, while what the adults hate me for is slightly....not.
Then again, it's not like he hates me, more like disrespects me....It's not real hate...I really shouldn't start thinking these things, it gets my hopes up too far. Pervert-sennin is dragging me somewhere else now, and I'm almost glad for the distraction. I tend to start thinking when I'm left alone, and that's never good.
Today is a relaxtion day for the city's inhabitants, I can tell. Families are out, travelling and having fun on the outing. It sure looks like the kids are having fun, being out with their parents like that...I'm jealous, parents must be wonderful things.
Iruka-sensei once asked me if I cried, or felt upset, that my parents weren't there. I think I shocked him deeply when I said, "No, not really."
It's kinda hard to miss what you never had.
The only pain I got from not having parents was the inevitable pangs of jealousy of seeing kids having fun and being happy with their parents. Jealous. I was always jealous. Jealous of other's parents, jealous of other's love, jealous of Sasuke...
I've heard that he's an orphan too. His clan was killed in some big massacre or something. Still, I wonder what's worse, losing your parents or not having them at all? I guess losing them, since kids love their parents so much, it must really hurt when you lose them.
But really, I was always jealous of Sasuke. Even if he lost his parents, he at least had them in the first place. He was loved, he loved them, he *knew* them. Unlike me. I was always alone.
I was also jealous of his strength. He was so strong, and he made it look so easy. He had the respect, adoration, and attention of the whole school, and a great deal of the village, and he had Sakura's love. All the things I've ever wanted, he has, and he doesn't even care. That was always what made me angry. If he had appreciated it, I wouldn't feel so mad at him...
We've stopped again, and pervert-sennin is examining....plushies? No, I don't want to know. But he watching me out of the corner of his eye, and I know my lapse into depressive thoughts hadn't gone unnoticed. I know I'm easier to read than an open book, just another failure at being a ninja. At being the best.
I kinda wish Sasuke were here, so I could yell at him, and get good and angry. When I'm angry, all that exists in my mind is my anger and the thing I'm angry at. No room for loneliness or worthlessness. It's better that way.
The problem with Sasukeis that he didn't stay an untouchable rival. We were forced onto the same team, and had close experiences together. We weren't friends, but we had mutual like, if not at least tolerance. Sasuke had gone fomr the rival who had everything to the teammate who had everything....and that made it worse somehow. Because then I couldn't hate him. It couldn't just be me and the anger. And that made it harder to keep the thoughts away.
I sigh, as I'm dragged off to another shop, pervert-sennin being excruciatingly cheerful. Apparently his way to deal with sadness is to pretend it doesn't exist. I allow his cheerfulness to touch me, and soon we're arguing again, playfully. I can't be sad all the time, because if I were sad all the time...
If I were still alone...
If I didn't allow myself to be cheered up, then I'd end up like Gaara, or worse. And that was a fate all too real for me. And that scared me.
So I'll allow myself to laugh with pervert-sennin, to grin wildly with Sasuke as we compete, to yell good-naturedly at Kakashi-sensei when he's late...
Because the alternative is a lot worse.
So, I smile, and go on.
~Tsuzuku~
AN: Whee....depressive. I'm better at making happy characters have angst, than at having ansgty characters have happiness. I guess that says something about me, ne? v.v;
