CHAPTER NINETEEN: Priori Incantatem
For two days Roxanne stayed locked in her room. The trays that appeared on her table at mealtimes returned to the kitchen untouched. She slept a great deal-or at least tried to sleep-curled up on her bed clutching a pillow to her chest, fighting to rid her mind of the sight of Remus' suffering.
She thought often of Severus Snape and the words he'd spoken: "You must do what he would want you to do-go on-do it now." But she felt as if she lacked the strength. For the first time since raising a bottle of beer to a windy Montana sky nearly a year ago, she truly wished she'd chosen differently. She wanted to go home, to hide away forever, to die sad and lonely and friendless.
One day. Just one day. Now that he was gone and that one day was behind her, Remus gone forever, it no longer seemed like the edge of eternity. It seemed like a flash of light-like a shooting star, come and gone so quickly she couldn't be sure she'd actually seen it. But with shooting stars, one had hope of seeing another. Roxanne had no hope of seeing Remus again.
On the third morning, she woke quietly from a restless sleep and rubbed at her eyes. The draperies were drawn and the sun streamed in, stinging her puffy eyes. She became aware of noises in the room and sat up angrily. Professor Dumbledore, sitting near the foot of the bed looked sternly at her flashing eyes and she cowered slightly at the power she saw there. Professor McGonagall bustled about picking up after a fit of destruction that Roxanne had indulged in, freeing some of the pent up hate and rage. She'd torn the curtains from her bed and flung at least one plate of food at the wall. Clothes, torn books, and magic supplies littered the floor.
Sirius came in carrying a tray, which he set on the table, bringing a steaming cup to Professor Dumbledore. He held it out to Roxanne. "Drink this, Roxanne," he said firmly. "It'll perk you up a bit."
She groaned and sank back into the pillows, drawing the blankets tightly around her head and shutting the sun out of her eyes. "I don't want to perk up," she croaked tiredly.
"I'm no longer greatly concerned with what you want or don't want," he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "Drink this now, or I will drag you out of that bed and pour it down your throat."
She'd never heard the Headmaster speak to anyone like this before. It was more than a threat. It was clearly a promise.
Roxanne sat up and drew her knees to her chest, holding them with one arm and reluctantly taking the cup with the other. She took a small sip and felt warmth and strength surge through her body. After ignoring her hunger and feeding her misery for two days, the tea tasted good and dulled the sharp edges that cut at her heart.
Dumbledore waited for her to finish, then offered her toast, eggs and bacon, all of which she ate obediently, almost hungrily. He watched carefully as she ate, as if she'd hide it, uneaten, beneath her pillow if he looked away.
"That's better," he said, taking her empty plate and handing it to Sirius. He stood and extended his hand. "It's time to get up-no arguments."
Roxanne did not argue. She let him help her up and into her dressing gown. She wobbled unsteadily for a moment, clinging to Dumbledore's arm. He handed her off to Professor McGonagall who led her, rather forcefully, into the bathroom where she made her shower and helped her dress. Sirius and Dumbledore waited, talking quietly, until she came out, her hair damp and piled neatly on her head. Dumbledore took her arm again and led her form the room, Sirius following, to the Headmaster's office.
The Professor seated her in a large cushioned chair in the alcove. Remus' father sat across the small space from her. He looked as gaunt as his son and many years older than the last time Roxanne had seen him. He smiled weakly at her, then looked away, gazing out at the forest. A table stood between them. On it lay a wand.
The Headmaster took a third chair in the alcove, his back to the windows. Sirius stood by Roxanne's chair.
"This wand came to me by owl late last night. It belonged to the late Lucius Malfoy," Dumbledore said.
Mr. Lupin gasped. Roxanne stared at it. Sirius placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Priori Incantatem," breathed Mr. Lupin. Dumbledore nodded. Roxanne understood the meaning of the Latin words well enough, but not what Lupin meant by speaking them now.
"What is it?" she asked, looking around at the three men.
"I often forget how little you have learned, Roxanne. 'Priori Incantatem' is a spell used to examine the previous spells cast by a wand," Dumbledore explained. "It seems certain that the last spell cast by this wand was the curse that killed Remus."
She thought quickly, still unsure of what Dumbledore was offering her. "I don't want to see him die again, Professor," she whispered.
"'Priori Incantatem' will not show you Remus' death. Remus, rather a shadow of him, will emerge from the wand. He will have only a few minutes to speak with us."
Roxanne understood now. She frowned uncertainly, not knowing if she could watch him leave her again. But she did not object as Dumbledore took out his wand and placed its tip against Malfoy's.
"Priori Incantatem," he commanded quietly.
Instantly a silver gray swirl of smoke erupted from the end of Malfoy's wand. It flowed to the ground, taking shape as it grew, straightening, tall and lean. It was Remus. He seemed dazed for a moment and turned completely around, taking in his surroundings. Then his eyes rested on Roxanne. His shoulders sagged.
"Roxanne," he said, his voice soft and silvery as his body. "I'm so sorry."
"Remus-" she began.
"Please. I don't have long. I wish I could touch you. Someday-someday we'll be together again. Never forget that. We are bound together for all time. I've left something for you. Wait for it. It will come."
Roxanne cried silently, looking longingly into his eyes, only half hearing the words he spoke.
Remus looked at Sirius next. "The last of the faithful marauders," he chuckled. "Still, old friend, you are not alone. Roxanne, watch out for him, will you?" Sirius looked at him, puzzled.
Remus turned last to his father. "I am honored to have been your son." Mr. Lupin sobbed. "I died well. I hope I have made you proud of me."
"My son, you could not possibly have done any less," William answered as the shadow began to fade.
"I'm out of time. I love you Roxanne. I will never leave you-even if you don't always believe that."
"I love you Remus. Take me with you!" she pleaded.
"No! You cannot follow. You MUST not. Promise me, Roxanne," he said urgently, his voice fading. "Promise me!"
"I-I promise," she whispered.
Remus sighed deeply and stood erect. "Thank you, Albus," he said, his voice very faint and far off, his image little more than an outline of thin smoke.
Dumbledore bowed and Remus was gone.
**********
Sirius stood in the open doorway of Roxanne's room. She was packing, stowing miniaturized clothes, a few books and a picture of Remus in her shoulder bag.
"Do you know where you'll be staying?" he asked, frowning.
She shook her head, not looking at him. "I just need to go home for awhile."
"I understand. I could help you find a wizard family in Montana. I'm sure there must be a few."
"No thanks. I just want to be a muggle," she said quietly.
"You should at least-"
"Sirius, why don't you come with me to London. I'll make arrangements from there. You'll know where I'm going and who I'll be with. Then you can leave me alone," she said irritably.
He struggled not to scowl at her. He didn't think she should be going anywhere. But Dumbledore seemed to think it might be a good idea-at least for a little while-and Roxanne would not be forced to stay. "May I at least give you the names of a few wizards in the area that you could contact if you need to?"
She thought a moment, then sighed. "That would be fine."
Done packing, she took her robes from the bed and hung them on a hook beside her cloak, then put on a wool-lined denim jacket and tucked her wand into the inside pocket. The jacket didn't seem to fit anymore. She would have felt more comfortable in her warm cloak, but such a thing would only attract unwanted attention back home. She felt certain she'd be back for it, someday anyway.
**********
Rain fell lightly on Diagon Alley. Roxanne kept her head down, turning her eyes away from all that she had come to love there, and she strode quickly through the Leaky Cauldron, ignoring Tom's surprised greeting, and onto the streets of London, Sirius following close behind. They went first to a nearby bank, where she'd made arrangements for money to be transferred from Gringott's. She spoke with the manager, signed a number of forms and waited. Sirius scanned the room nervously, ready to disparate if necessary- he was still a wanted man, in both worlds. The man handed her a credit card and a sheaf of yellow papers, shook her hand, and they left.
Roxanne led Sirius to the nearest pub where she bought him a drink and left him at a dimly lit corner table while she made a long-distance phone call from the phone booth.
"Angela? It's Roxanne-I'm in London-yes, England. Listen, I'm coming home. Could you help me find someplace to stay-But, Allan-Divorced? Oh. I'm sorry-Are you sure? I won't be any trouble and I can help out with the kids and-Yes-Yes. I'm surprised Allan told you.-No, he won't be coming. He died not long ago," Roxanne said, lip trembling a little now. "I need to get my feet back underneath me-I don't know how long-Are you sure?-What about Allan. He won't be too happy-If you're sure. I don't want to cause you any more problems-OK. Thanks, Angela-I'll be there tomorrow night-All right. Goodbye."
Sirius rode in a cab with her to the airport. "Are you sure you want to travel this way?" he asked. "I could've made arrangements for a portkey."
She shook her head. "I think it's better this way."
Inside the terminal he waited as she purchased her ticket then walked her to the metal detectors.
"This is as far as you go, Sirius," she said. "Take care of Harry. I'll see you." She kissed him on the cheek and they embraced. She felt a warm tear fall on her neck and pushed him away, wiping his eyes with her finger. "I'll be fine, Sirius. Don't weigh yourself down worrying about me, too."
He nodded. "You have those names, and some floo powder?"
"Yes. They're right here," she said patting her bag. "Thank you-for letting me go."
Sirius hugged her again, then turned and walked away, looking for a quiet corner where he could apparate secretly back to Hogsmeade.
For two days Roxanne stayed locked in her room. The trays that appeared on her table at mealtimes returned to the kitchen untouched. She slept a great deal-or at least tried to sleep-curled up on her bed clutching a pillow to her chest, fighting to rid her mind of the sight of Remus' suffering.
She thought often of Severus Snape and the words he'd spoken: "You must do what he would want you to do-go on-do it now." But she felt as if she lacked the strength. For the first time since raising a bottle of beer to a windy Montana sky nearly a year ago, she truly wished she'd chosen differently. She wanted to go home, to hide away forever, to die sad and lonely and friendless.
One day. Just one day. Now that he was gone and that one day was behind her, Remus gone forever, it no longer seemed like the edge of eternity. It seemed like a flash of light-like a shooting star, come and gone so quickly she couldn't be sure she'd actually seen it. But with shooting stars, one had hope of seeing another. Roxanne had no hope of seeing Remus again.
On the third morning, she woke quietly from a restless sleep and rubbed at her eyes. The draperies were drawn and the sun streamed in, stinging her puffy eyes. She became aware of noises in the room and sat up angrily. Professor Dumbledore, sitting near the foot of the bed looked sternly at her flashing eyes and she cowered slightly at the power she saw there. Professor McGonagall bustled about picking up after a fit of destruction that Roxanne had indulged in, freeing some of the pent up hate and rage. She'd torn the curtains from her bed and flung at least one plate of food at the wall. Clothes, torn books, and magic supplies littered the floor.
Sirius came in carrying a tray, which he set on the table, bringing a steaming cup to Professor Dumbledore. He held it out to Roxanne. "Drink this, Roxanne," he said firmly. "It'll perk you up a bit."
She groaned and sank back into the pillows, drawing the blankets tightly around her head and shutting the sun out of her eyes. "I don't want to perk up," she croaked tiredly.
"I'm no longer greatly concerned with what you want or don't want," he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "Drink this now, or I will drag you out of that bed and pour it down your throat."
She'd never heard the Headmaster speak to anyone like this before. It was more than a threat. It was clearly a promise.
Roxanne sat up and drew her knees to her chest, holding them with one arm and reluctantly taking the cup with the other. She took a small sip and felt warmth and strength surge through her body. After ignoring her hunger and feeding her misery for two days, the tea tasted good and dulled the sharp edges that cut at her heart.
Dumbledore waited for her to finish, then offered her toast, eggs and bacon, all of which she ate obediently, almost hungrily. He watched carefully as she ate, as if she'd hide it, uneaten, beneath her pillow if he looked away.
"That's better," he said, taking her empty plate and handing it to Sirius. He stood and extended his hand. "It's time to get up-no arguments."
Roxanne did not argue. She let him help her up and into her dressing gown. She wobbled unsteadily for a moment, clinging to Dumbledore's arm. He handed her off to Professor McGonagall who led her, rather forcefully, into the bathroom where she made her shower and helped her dress. Sirius and Dumbledore waited, talking quietly, until she came out, her hair damp and piled neatly on her head. Dumbledore took her arm again and led her form the room, Sirius following, to the Headmaster's office.
The Professor seated her in a large cushioned chair in the alcove. Remus' father sat across the small space from her. He looked as gaunt as his son and many years older than the last time Roxanne had seen him. He smiled weakly at her, then looked away, gazing out at the forest. A table stood between them. On it lay a wand.
The Headmaster took a third chair in the alcove, his back to the windows. Sirius stood by Roxanne's chair.
"This wand came to me by owl late last night. It belonged to the late Lucius Malfoy," Dumbledore said.
Mr. Lupin gasped. Roxanne stared at it. Sirius placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Priori Incantatem," breathed Mr. Lupin. Dumbledore nodded. Roxanne understood the meaning of the Latin words well enough, but not what Lupin meant by speaking them now.
"What is it?" she asked, looking around at the three men.
"I often forget how little you have learned, Roxanne. 'Priori Incantatem' is a spell used to examine the previous spells cast by a wand," Dumbledore explained. "It seems certain that the last spell cast by this wand was the curse that killed Remus."
She thought quickly, still unsure of what Dumbledore was offering her. "I don't want to see him die again, Professor," she whispered.
"'Priori Incantatem' will not show you Remus' death. Remus, rather a shadow of him, will emerge from the wand. He will have only a few minutes to speak with us."
Roxanne understood now. She frowned uncertainly, not knowing if she could watch him leave her again. But she did not object as Dumbledore took out his wand and placed its tip against Malfoy's.
"Priori Incantatem," he commanded quietly.
Instantly a silver gray swirl of smoke erupted from the end of Malfoy's wand. It flowed to the ground, taking shape as it grew, straightening, tall and lean. It was Remus. He seemed dazed for a moment and turned completely around, taking in his surroundings. Then his eyes rested on Roxanne. His shoulders sagged.
"Roxanne," he said, his voice soft and silvery as his body. "I'm so sorry."
"Remus-" she began.
"Please. I don't have long. I wish I could touch you. Someday-someday we'll be together again. Never forget that. We are bound together for all time. I've left something for you. Wait for it. It will come."
Roxanne cried silently, looking longingly into his eyes, only half hearing the words he spoke.
Remus looked at Sirius next. "The last of the faithful marauders," he chuckled. "Still, old friend, you are not alone. Roxanne, watch out for him, will you?" Sirius looked at him, puzzled.
Remus turned last to his father. "I am honored to have been your son." Mr. Lupin sobbed. "I died well. I hope I have made you proud of me."
"My son, you could not possibly have done any less," William answered as the shadow began to fade.
"I'm out of time. I love you Roxanne. I will never leave you-even if you don't always believe that."
"I love you Remus. Take me with you!" she pleaded.
"No! You cannot follow. You MUST not. Promise me, Roxanne," he said urgently, his voice fading. "Promise me!"
"I-I promise," she whispered.
Remus sighed deeply and stood erect. "Thank you, Albus," he said, his voice very faint and far off, his image little more than an outline of thin smoke.
Dumbledore bowed and Remus was gone.
**********
Sirius stood in the open doorway of Roxanne's room. She was packing, stowing miniaturized clothes, a few books and a picture of Remus in her shoulder bag.
"Do you know where you'll be staying?" he asked, frowning.
She shook her head, not looking at him. "I just need to go home for awhile."
"I understand. I could help you find a wizard family in Montana. I'm sure there must be a few."
"No thanks. I just want to be a muggle," she said quietly.
"You should at least-"
"Sirius, why don't you come with me to London. I'll make arrangements from there. You'll know where I'm going and who I'll be with. Then you can leave me alone," she said irritably.
He struggled not to scowl at her. He didn't think she should be going anywhere. But Dumbledore seemed to think it might be a good idea-at least for a little while-and Roxanne would not be forced to stay. "May I at least give you the names of a few wizards in the area that you could contact if you need to?"
She thought a moment, then sighed. "That would be fine."
Done packing, she took her robes from the bed and hung them on a hook beside her cloak, then put on a wool-lined denim jacket and tucked her wand into the inside pocket. The jacket didn't seem to fit anymore. She would have felt more comfortable in her warm cloak, but such a thing would only attract unwanted attention back home. She felt certain she'd be back for it, someday anyway.
**********
Rain fell lightly on Diagon Alley. Roxanne kept her head down, turning her eyes away from all that she had come to love there, and she strode quickly through the Leaky Cauldron, ignoring Tom's surprised greeting, and onto the streets of London, Sirius following close behind. They went first to a nearby bank, where she'd made arrangements for money to be transferred from Gringott's. She spoke with the manager, signed a number of forms and waited. Sirius scanned the room nervously, ready to disparate if necessary- he was still a wanted man, in both worlds. The man handed her a credit card and a sheaf of yellow papers, shook her hand, and they left.
Roxanne led Sirius to the nearest pub where she bought him a drink and left him at a dimly lit corner table while she made a long-distance phone call from the phone booth.
"Angela? It's Roxanne-I'm in London-yes, England. Listen, I'm coming home. Could you help me find someplace to stay-But, Allan-Divorced? Oh. I'm sorry-Are you sure? I won't be any trouble and I can help out with the kids and-Yes-Yes. I'm surprised Allan told you.-No, he won't be coming. He died not long ago," Roxanne said, lip trembling a little now. "I need to get my feet back underneath me-I don't know how long-Are you sure?-What about Allan. He won't be too happy-If you're sure. I don't want to cause you any more problems-OK. Thanks, Angela-I'll be there tomorrow night-All right. Goodbye."
Sirius rode in a cab with her to the airport. "Are you sure you want to travel this way?" he asked. "I could've made arrangements for a portkey."
She shook her head. "I think it's better this way."
Inside the terminal he waited as she purchased her ticket then walked her to the metal detectors.
"This is as far as you go, Sirius," she said. "Take care of Harry. I'll see you." She kissed him on the cheek and they embraced. She felt a warm tear fall on her neck and pushed him away, wiping his eyes with her finger. "I'll be fine, Sirius. Don't weigh yourself down worrying about me, too."
He nodded. "You have those names, and some floo powder?"
"Yes. They're right here," she said patting her bag. "Thank you-for letting me go."
Sirius hugged her again, then turned and walked away, looking for a quiet corner where he could apparate secretly back to Hogsmeade.
