Disclaimer: You get the picture.
A/N: This is going to be completely a Gordo journal entry. I might do Lizzie and Miranda diaries next. We'll see.
Journal-
These past few days have been nerve racking. My brain has just been on overload, as if I don't get enough from school and my parents, I had to screw up and create problems with the two people who mean the most to me. The night is still a blur to me. It's not that I don't remember what happened (How could I forget?) it's just that it seems surreal and fake. I have yet to grasp the fact that Lizzie and I kissed. That we betrayed Miranda. It was horrible.
What's even worse than my mind, is my emotions. I don't understand them anymore. I think I just need to give up on all girls. Period. No more questions. It's just so messed up right now. I don't know what I want. I used to think it was Lizzie, and I do still have feelings for her. But, my time spent with Miranda wasn't all fake. My emotions for Lizzie were lessened because of Miranda. I really do love her, I just don't know which one is the right one to choose, if there is a right one to choose. The other thing about Miranda is she always knows EVERYTHING! I can't hide anything from her.
But, then that brings up a big question for me: If Miranda knew about Lizzie and how I feel, why did she go out with me? Why would she be with me if she knew/thought that Lizzie was the one I wanted? Is it really that obvious that I love/loved Lizzie?
Questions that will go unanswered most likely until the end of time, if everything keeps going this way, of course. Which, it probably will. I want to talk to Miranda, ask her these things, talk to her, I miss talking to her. Although, I know she won't hear it. She's too stubborn. Hell, we're all too stubborn, which doesn't make this "fight" any easier. It's going to be hard for one of us to break.
Even if I do choose one of them, the other won't get over it too easily. There's no way that Miranda will easily forgive if I confess to Lizzie how I feel (and if she feels the same way). And there's no way that Lizzie (if she likes me) will be happy if I got back to Miranda (if she does want me back). It's a lose-lose situation, I've got. I can't get anything out of this. There's got to be a way though, right?
I just want everything to go back. Back to simpler times. Times when I was young and impressionable. Well, I never really was that impressionable, but you know what I mean. I just wish Miranda and Lizzie were just my two best friends, the people I relied on, I people I loved as people not as girls. Does that even make sense? I just want to go back before girls were supposed to be liked by me and before Miranda and Lizzie were my love interests.
-Gordo
A/N: Still waiting for someone to be willing for the ear lending!
A/N: This is going to be completely a Gordo journal entry. I might do Lizzie and Miranda diaries next. We'll see.
Journal-
These past few days have been nerve racking. My brain has just been on overload, as if I don't get enough from school and my parents, I had to screw up and create problems with the two people who mean the most to me. The night is still a blur to me. It's not that I don't remember what happened (How could I forget?) it's just that it seems surreal and fake. I have yet to grasp the fact that Lizzie and I kissed. That we betrayed Miranda. It was horrible.
What's even worse than my mind, is my emotions. I don't understand them anymore. I think I just need to give up on all girls. Period. No more questions. It's just so messed up right now. I don't know what I want. I used to think it was Lizzie, and I do still have feelings for her. But, my time spent with Miranda wasn't all fake. My emotions for Lizzie were lessened because of Miranda. I really do love her, I just don't know which one is the right one to choose, if there is a right one to choose. The other thing about Miranda is she always knows EVERYTHING! I can't hide anything from her.
But, then that brings up a big question for me: If Miranda knew about Lizzie and how I feel, why did she go out with me? Why would she be with me if she knew/thought that Lizzie was the one I wanted? Is it really that obvious that I love/loved Lizzie?
Questions that will go unanswered most likely until the end of time, if everything keeps going this way, of course. Which, it probably will. I want to talk to Miranda, ask her these things, talk to her, I miss talking to her. Although, I know she won't hear it. She's too stubborn. Hell, we're all too stubborn, which doesn't make this "fight" any easier. It's going to be hard for one of us to break.
Even if I do choose one of them, the other won't get over it too easily. There's no way that Miranda will easily forgive if I confess to Lizzie how I feel (and if she feels the same way). And there's no way that Lizzie (if she likes me) will be happy if I got back to Miranda (if she does want me back). It's a lose-lose situation, I've got. I can't get anything out of this. There's got to be a way though, right?
I just want everything to go back. Back to simpler times. Times when I was young and impressionable. Well, I never really was that impressionable, but you know what I mean. I just wish Miranda and Lizzie were just my two best friends, the people I relied on, I people I loved as people not as girls. Does that even make sense? I just want to go back before girls were supposed to be liked by me and before Miranda and Lizzie were my love interests.
-Gordo
A/N: Still waiting for someone to be willing for the ear lending!
