"Amy what do you want me to say to you? I can't make everything go away
with a few simple words. Trust me I know. Losing someone you love takes a
long time to get over. Truthfully you never get over it but your able to go
on with life without feeling your suffocating and drowning in all that life
it without the person to pull you back up." A nostalgic look filled
Ephram's handsome features. He was remembering pain long forgotten and lost
in the past.
"Why does it hurt so bad? I feel like I'll never truly feel awake again.
Like I'm inches from the top of the water, from a beautiful sun but
something won't let me pop up for air. Ephram I miss him so much. I keep
thinking of the future and how many things he won't be there for, are high
school gradation, the prom, college and life. He's just not going to be
there. But I guess he never really was after he came out of the coma. I was
never blinded by love for him when he came back because I didn't love him
it was just be living out a ridiculous fantasy where nothing could ever
come between him and me. He was my first love and always will be but what
scares me is I feel like its time to move on and he has just died. I feel
guilty, like I am betraying him or something." Amy leaned over and sunk her
body's weight into Ephram, letting him softly brush the hair away form her
eyes and the tears away form her cheeks.
"There's no betrayal in giving into your feelings. If you feel in your
heart its time to move on than it is. Listen to what your heart and head is
telling you, trust yourself. Amy you have never guided me wrong, I don't
think in the end you will guide yourself wrong either. Things take time
though, you can't just expect to move on in the snap of someone's fingers."
"You don't understand, I've been moving on ever since he came out of that
blasted coma. I was just going through the motions, playing the dutiful
girlfriend. I was living a fantasy Ephram but it wasn't about Colin and me,
it was you and I. I knew somehow even with the hand that I was dealt the
world could never come between you and me. I felt loyalty still to the
first Colin though. The one you never knew. Whose smile could light up the
world and my face. It was perfect, but I should have known nothing stays
perfect for long. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and exactly who I
was, but then you came along and made me realize I was never that person. I
was living in sheer ignorance until you and you purple hair made its way
into my life."
"Amy why are you telling me all this now! It's never going to be the right
time for us. We both got dealt sucky hands. It's the way you play them that
counts and I guess I never even stayed I the game long enough to fold or
continue. I gave up before it even started. I can't be with you like you
want Amy. I lost trust in you a long time ago. You betrayed me. You told me
lies even after my father did the operations. You just wanted someone who
would always be there and I understand that, everyone does. But you never
really believed in me, form the start I would have always been there for
you. I never once failed you and I never will. I'll always be here for you
as a friend, but not some passing rebound guy to settle your fears, I won't
play the whispering lover who you'll never tell anyone about, and I can't
be your savior. I will never be Colin, and I won't try.
Amy let out gasping tears as Ephram headed for the door. She looked up just
as the door slammed shut. She slid off her bed and onto the floor heaving
silent sobs and heavy gasps for air. She reached her hand up blindly to
where her dresser was and pulled down a picture frame of her and Colin. She
laid and soft kiss on the frames glass cover and dabbed at her eyes with
some tissues Ephram had left on the floor. She placed the picture back in
its rightful spot, opened her door and promptly ran out of her house into
the world she could now truly see without all the pain, confusion, and
haunting coming back to her. She could no longer smell Colin's scent
everywhere or see his mop of dark brown hair on every person she saw. She
was free form her feelings for him because they where now in the past. Not
to be forgotten, but still in the past. She gazed upon the mountains with a
new sense of calm and waited for the day to begin as the first light of the
sun shown.
Now Amy was here three years later looking at the same picture of her and Colin she looked at that very day. She still had feelings for him but she couldn't explain how they no longer seemed to be constant. Like now it was just a part of her, something she kept of him when he left. She knew somehow that he was all right and that he was looking over her. He had been forever, now it was just in a different way. "I'll always love you Colin Hart, I hope you understand what I feel and why I do what I do. Goodbye for now.
Now Amy was here three years later looking at the same picture of her and Colin she looked at that very day. She still had feelings for him but she couldn't explain how they no longer seemed to be constant. Like now it was just a part of her, something she kept of him when he left. She knew somehow that he was all right and that he was looking over her. He had been forever, now it was just in a different way. "I'll always love you Colin Hart, I hope you understand what I feel and why I do what I do. Goodbye for now.
