Max and Logan peered around the corner and looked into the kitchen. It was just like in cartoons. Logan's head was above Max's and it would've been a hilarious sight if Maxine wasn't so busy making every kind of baked good known to man.

The pair pulled their heads and crossed their arms, then put on their meanest faces. In unison they whispered, "You go talk to her." "I'm not talking to her." "Fine."

They turned away from each other, then there was a loud crash in the kitchen. They both cringed and moved a bit back. But all that came from the kitchen was a small voice. "Oh fiddley poo!"

"We need to get her out of here." Logan whispered.

"Ohh, ohh. NOW we need to get her out of here, but when she was Miss Here Logan Have Another Muffin it was all honky doory!" Max whispered back harshly.

"What?"

"Nevermind." Max sighed and threw up her hands. "So, what's the plan?"

"The plan? I thought you had the plan."

"Why would I have the plan?"

"You wanted her gone from the moment she got here." Logan shrugged. "I figured you'd been plotting."

"Plotting? I don't plot. Evil villains and people who're mean to puppies plot. I do not plot."

"Well, fine. What're we -"

Maxine poked her head around the corner and Logan shrieked. Max turned around and she shrieked too, then backed into Logan. She stepped on his foot and he began backing away as well. They plastered grins on their faces as they slowly scooted away.

"Where're you off to?" Maxine asked with a huge smile. "I've made brownies!"

"...I'm on a diet?" Max offered weakly.

Maxine put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "Oh you."

She grabbed Max's arm and began dragging her into the kitchen. Max turned to Logan and mouthed 'Help.' After Max disappeared around the corner, he put his most charming smile and walked into the kitchen. "Maxine, I -"

"Sit." Maxine commanded and pointed to a stool.

He though of objecting, but Max turned to him and shook her head, brownie crumbs smeared on her face and her cheeks puffed out. Gulping, he sat in the stool Maxine had pointed to without a word.

She placed a large brownie in front of him and smiled. "Max has already gobbled hers up!"

Max nodded vigorously then swallowed the mass of baked chocolate in her mouth and downed the glass of milk in front of her. She then turned to Logan and his eyes urged him to eat his brownie before Maxine turned into The Hulk or something.

Logan gave a nervous smile and took a large bite of the brownie. He smiled as he ate, not wanting to upset Maxine. She clapped her hands and giggled when he took another bite.

"I'm glad everyone likes my baking." Maxine chirped and returned to the oven.

While she wasn't looking, Logan pushed the brownie into the garbage and Max quickly covered it with the paper plates the brownies had been served on. They looked at each other, both wondering what they were going to do.

"Cookies are done!" Maxine smiled and set a pan of cookies down in front of them.

They both knew what they were going to do. What they had to do to keep their body parts intact.

...They were going to eat her cookies and they were going to pretend they liked it.

* * time lapse... * *

Max shoved the last half of her fifth muffin into her mouth and chewed slowly. She turned to look at Logan, who was working on his sixth or seventh cookie, and wanted to cry. She had been prepared for a lot of sick tortures, but this particular one had never been brought up at Manticore.

Logan turned sluggishly and looked at Max. She had as much baked good remnants smattered on her face as he did, which was a bit of a relief. He wasn't the only one that was going to suffer a cleansing by the Martha Stewart from hell. Well, a worse hell than the original Martha Stewart was from.

"Oh, you've finished." Maxine said, a tinge of sadness in her voice. "Well, I'm all baked out anyway. Let's get you two cleaned up, shall we? You're a mess!"

Max and Logan looked at each other, wondering how exactly she planned to clean them up. They didn't have to wait long to find out, however. She grabbed them both by the backs of their shirts and dragged them into the bathroom. She left them in a fattened heap by the door and got to work putting water in the tub.

"Why don't you... kick her ass?" Logan suggested in a whisper.

"She's a psycho." Max whispered back. "A psycho with Manticore training. I have the training, but I'm considerably less psycho. And no comments from the peanut gallery."

Logan closed his mouth, then opened it again in fear. Maxine was towering over them, a bar of soap in one hand. Max and Logan looked at each other, then... then they began to cry like little babies.

"We don't want to die!" They sobbed together.

Maxine shook her head and let out a chuckle. "You two are hilarious!"

She grabbed Logan and ushered him to the tub. He kneeled before it, wondering exactly what she was going to do. Then a felt a hand on the back of his head... then he crashed down into the water. He was brought back up, choking on water.

"Dirt is the enemy Logan!" Maxine chirped as she rubbed the soap all over his face. "I'm going to win this war!"

She dunked him back down into the water then brought him back up and tossed him to the side. She then turned to Max, who was slowly trying to crawl out of the bathroom. She waggled a finger at her retreating form, then grabbed her ankle and dragged her over to the tub and repeated the dunking process.

"It's all fun and games until things get dirty!" Maxine said cheerfully as she ran the soap over Max's face. Then she dunked and tossed her aside as well. She then let the water out of the tub and frowned. "Why don't you two go clean yourselves up while I clean this tub, hmm?"

The pair nodded vigorously then hightailed it out of the bathroom. They stood in the hall, dripping wet.

"This has to end." Max said quietly.

"How though? Like you said, she's a psycho."

"First, we dry off." Max said, a plan forming. "Yeah, I got it. I got it."

"What is it?" Logan asked eagerly.

"First, we dry off." Max told him. "Then... then we cry. And then... and then... then we pray. Pray a helluva lot. Then... then we'll expand on the plan."

"Sounds good." Logan nodded.