The three stood at the edge of one of Seattle's dirtiest streets, ready to begin the competition (it had been named Dirt War 2020 just five minutes ago by Max.)

"CU1, CU2." Maxine nodded and gripped her Lemon Pledge so hard her knuckles began turning white.

"Maxine." Max and Logan said together, then for effect they added a little nod. They had discussed the greeting prior to the arrival on the street, hoping that their... teamliness would intimidate Maxine just a little.

It didn't. She snarled and took a racing position.

"You know the rules." She barked. "First one to thoroughly clean their side of the street gets to feed the loser poisonous cookies until they die."

"I hope you like poisonous cookies." Max said, her game face in place. That rhymed. "Cause you're gonna be eatin' a whole lot of 'em."

"I think not." Maxine replied. Then she began the countdown. "Five... four... three... two... o -"

A metal garbage can slammed down on Maxine's head. She staggered backward and even dropped her Lemon Pledge. She swayed a bit, then mumbled "Always remember to wash your hands." Then she passed out.

Logan threw the garbage can to the side and dusted his undusty hands. He and Max high-fived as they have been doing a lot lately, then Max tied up Maxine with a conveniently placed rope.

"I gotta say, that was a good plan." Logan said after Maxine was securely tied.

"Yeah, I'm just glad we didn't actually have to clean." Max shuddered at the thought.

"So what're we going to do with her? We can't just leave her..."

"Oh, don't you worry. I've got a plan."

Logan mulled that over. "An actual plan? Or more praying?"

...

"This time it's an actual plan."

Logan raised his eyebrows in shock.

"I know. I was surprised myself."

* * time lapse... * *

* * somewhere in a mostly peaceful community... * *

Maxine groaned and opened her eyes. After her vision cleared and her memory came back to her, she struggled against her rope-y restraints and cursed the names of Max and Logan. She let out a frustrated scream when she found herself unable to free herself.

She sat and fumed a bit, then noticed that she was on a doorstep. She found it curious, but decided to question it later. She was angry right now gosh darnit, and she was gonna stay that way!

A few minutes later, the door opened. Maxine saw the slippers and looked at the hem of the robe of the person that was standing before her. The tag read:

K-Mart, white sale.

Maxine slowly looked up and finally saw who was in the doorway.

Martha Stewart.

Maxine's lip began to quiver and her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Mommy?"

* * meanwhile, back in Seattle... * *

"Now, what were we doing before we were so rudely interrupted?"

Max and Logan flopped onto the couch.

"We were about to engage in some strenuous activity..."

...

"Wanna watch TV instead?"

"Yeah, okay."

And so, this is how our story ends. Martha Stewart has found a new protégé and Max and Logan are damn tired. They've settled in to watch some Animal Planet... why? Because they can't watch TVLand without twitching anymore.

The End.