Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon
Chapter 3: CSM Goes Country
"Tonight I'm gonna be…I'll be a karaoke queen!"
-Catatonia, "Karaoke Queen"
Skinner looked at Mulder and Scully and asked, "Well, who's next?"
Mulder sighed and replied, "I guess it's me." He started to get up but before he had the chance the lights on the stage went out and a man stepped on the stage. When the spotlight came up on him, the agents' jaws dropped as the recognized the man on stage. Standing there was none other than the Cigarette-Smoking Man. Gone, however, was his usual suit and serious expression. Instead he wore a grin, tight jeans, a black t-shirt, a huge cowboy hat and boots.
Scully, Mulder and Skinner exchanged a frightened glance. "What the hell…" Scully muttered.
The three agents looked on in absolute disbelief as the Cigarette-Smoking Man picked out the microphone.
"How y'all doing tonight?" He asked in a thick southern accent. "I'd to sing one of my favorite songs for y'all tonight." He grinned broadly and tapped his foot as the music started and then began to sing…
"' Plowing these fields in the hot summer sun, over by the gate, lordy here she comes with a basket full of chicken and big cold jug of sweet teat
I make a little room and she climbs on up, open up the throttle and stir a little dust, just look at her face she aint foolin' me…
She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on
She's always starin' at me, while I'm chugin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin; up the land
She even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy."
After he finished singing the chorus, the Cigarette-Smoking Man looked down at Scully and winked. Scully continued to look dumbfounded as he continued to sing.
"We go back and forth 'till we run out of light
Take it to the barn, put it up for the night
Climb up in the hayloft, sit and talk with the radio on
She says she's got a dream and I ask what it is
She wants a little farm and a yard full of kids
One more teeny, weenie ride before I take her home
She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on
She's always starin' at me, while I'm chugin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin; up the land
She even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy.
Well, she aint into cars or pick-up trucks but if it runs like a Deeer, man her eyes light up!
She thinks my tractor,
She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on
She's always starin' at me, while I'm chugin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin; up the land
She even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy
She thinks my tractor's sexy
She thinks my tractor's sexy."
As the music faded out, the Cigarette-Smoking Man, bowed, tipped his hat to Scully and walked off.
Mulder looked over at Scully with a look of absolute confusion. Scully was just as dumbfounded by the performance. "What the hell was that?" Mulder questioned.
"I-I-I don't know…you're the expert on unexplained phenomenon, Mulder."
"This is way beyond my expertise, Scully…"
A/n: It just keeps getting better, doesn't it? CSM makes a wonderful karaoke queen, doesn't he? Stay tune, folks, there's much more to come! Keep reading and reviewing!
~The Evil Penguin
(aka Mulder)
D/c: Like always, all the X-Files characters belong to the great Christ Carter. The song, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" belongs to Kenny Chesney.
