Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon
Chapter 9: Byers Gets Down
Mulder and Scully just sat there grinning stupidly at each other. Skinner rolled his and started to stand up to leave when the stage lights went down again. A trio appeared and Mulder and Scully immediately stopped their smiling.
Standing downstage center was Byers, dressed in like a rapper, baggy jeans and all. Behind him were Frohike and Langly. Byers stepped back and Langly and Frohike stepped forward.
Langly said, "Oh my god, Frohike, look at her butt. It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriend. Who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok? I mean her butt, it's just so big. I can't believe it's so round. It's just out there I mean, it's gross. Look, she's just so black."
A rap beat started up and Byers jumped to the front. He started rapping and jumping about like so many Mexican jumping beans.
"I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got
Me so horny
Ooh, rub all of that smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz
Well use me, use me cuz you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
saying flat butt's the only thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back, so
Fellas (yeah), fellas (yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back
(LA face with Oakland booty)
I like'em round and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
I wannem real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mixalot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna fuck
Til the break of dawn
Baby, I got it goin on
A lot of pimps won't like this song
Cuz them punks like to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
If you wanna role in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back
(LA face with the Oakland booty)
Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo and got nothin to do with my selection
36-24-36
Only if she's 5'3"
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda
Playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hon
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
and tell you that the butt need to go
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You ain't it Miss Thang
Give me a sista I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cuz his girls were on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And pulled up quick to get with 'em
So ladies if the butt is round
And you wanna triple X throw down
Dial 1-900-mixalot and kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back"
Byers gave one final jumped and walked off stage, followed by Langly and Frohike. Mulder's jaw was on the ground. He was at a loss for words. As was Scully. "Mulder, what was that?"
"I-I….I…" Was all Mulder could manage to stutter.
They looked at each other as Skinner said, "Well, kids, it looks like the fun's just getting started."
A/n: Someone in a review suggested that I have Byers do "Baby Got Back" and it was so random that I went with it. Funny mental picture, huh? Anyway, keep reviewing and I'll keep writing. Who knows when I'll stop.
~The Evil Penguin
(aka Mulder)
Disclaimer: Yo, The X-Files belongs to Chris Carter and "Baby Got Back" belongs to Sir Mix-A-Lot.
