It's never the wrong time for Christmas Romance!

THE BASEMENT

The gang is watching Christmas cartoons while Donna is decorating the tree. It had been a tradition since Kitty had sent the Forman's old fake treet to storage in favor of a fresh tree each year. The basement tree had stayed bare until a frustrated Donna started putting whatever she could find on it. I wouldn't mind sitting around watching cartoons, but no, I'm climbing a damn ladder.

Donna looked toward the TV, "Man the Grinch has a big butt!"

"Yes, nothing says Christmas like a big green Grinch ass!" Fez exclaims giddily.

Donna looks over at Eric, "Hold the ladder for me." Almost done, then I can sit and relax with the rest of the grinches.

"So, Eric what are you doing on Christmas Eve?" Kelso asks over his shoulder.

Eric's still watching the TV as he replies, "Oh, my parents are having the same lame Christmas party they have every year." He smirks.  "All the adults: 'Hey neighbor, is that mistletoe?'" He pretends to make out with the air.

Donna checks out her work. "Alright, now how does that look?" Another fine job!

Eric and Hyde turn to look at the tree and find themselves eye level with Donna's behind as she balances on the ladder.

"It's great man!" Hyde replies with a smirk on his face. The best I've ever seen.

"Oh, so fabulous!" exclaims Eric, also with a smirk.

"Guys, the ornaments are up here…"  Donna gestures to the top of the tree in exasperation and amusement.

Hyde and Eric simultaneously and unconvincingly -  "Oh yeah, that's great!"

From her spot on the couch, Jackie excitedly exclaims, "Oh, I just love Christmas! It's all about good tidings and cheer, uh, and shopping!"

Hyde shakes his head. Cheerleaders, man. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus was going for."

"Hey, I give too. Every year my friends and I deliver gift baskets to the unfortunate," the perky brunette replies defensively.

Donna attempts to correct her obviously clueless friend, "I think you mean less fortunate."

Oh my god, who cares, Jackie thinks. "Okay, whatever," she relents, "Bums!"

Kitty comes down the basement stairs and heads for the television set. "Oh, what are you guys doing watching cartoons? Holiday In is on!" She changes the channel and begins to sing along, "Where the tree tops glisten…la la la listen!" She stops abruptly and turns to Eric, "Eric, come on, help me get the decorations!"

"Sure mom," he smiles and follows her into the storage room.

Suddenly Kelso says excitedly, "You know what my favorite Christmas gift of all time is? Light-brite! It's fun making things with Light-brite!" No one else seems to share his excitement. "Well it is," he finishes defensively.

"Man, my favorite gift is cash! That way you can buy whatever you want!" Hyde speaks up. Turning to Donna, "Know what I mean Donna?"

"Uh uh." Donna replies, confused. OK, cash would be easy to give him, but it doesn't really say 'Christmas'. But if it's what he wants... And it's appropriately impersonal, which is good.

Hyde misses her look. "Like, let's just say somebody gave you… I don't know, uh, six dollars and some change right." He continues, "Yeah, to buy a present. What would you get?" Not a whole lot, it's only six bucks, but chicks are good at stuff like this.

"Well Hyde, it doesn't matter how much it could cost as long as it's personal and sentimental." Donna answers, sounding sincere.

"You know what's both personal and sentimental? Diamonds!" Jackie interrupts, nudging Kelso, who remains clueless.

The gang hears a scream from the back room and Eric and Kitty burst out of the storage room. Kitty continues running upstairs, frightened.

Eric pauses to regain his composure. "We were going through a box of Christmas decorations and we found the Christmas rat," Eric explains.

FORMAN KITCHEN

"So Laurie, seeing anyone special at college?" Kitty asks her daughter pleasantly.

"Oh, I like to date around." Laurie replies.

"Slut-choum!" Eric 'sneezes'.

"Well, bless you," responds Kitty, completely missing the obvious insult.

"Thanks mom. Hey, uh, Dad, instead of being at your party this year, maybe I could throw a party in the basement. I mean, I think I'm old enough," suggests Eric, while Kitty laughs in response.

"Fine." Red grunts out in his usual manner.

"Fine?" Kitty and Laurie are both surprised. Red caved so easily, it was very unlike him.

"Well every year, he just mopes around here like it's the end of the world anyway." Red grouses.

"Alright! Thanks dad!" Eric was quite surprised and ecstatic.

This doesn't sit well with Kitty, however. "So now, who's going to sing the high parts on 'The Little Drummer Boy'?" she pouts.

Laurie looks at Eric with a smirk, "Well, traditionally, it's the man who can't grow facial hair."

Ignoring Laurie, Eric decides things are going so well he may as well ask... "Hey dad, uh, one more thing about the party… I need some money." He finishes nervously and waits for a nasty response.

"Alright Eric. I want you to pick out this year's tree. And whatever you don't spend, you can use for your party." Red replies, reaching for his wallet.

"Hey dad, you know how much I hate haggling with those tree…" the scrawny boy trails off.

"Haggling is part of being an adult. Now, here's forty dollars." Red retorts, and hands Eric two twenties.

"I want fifty." Eric demands.

"Knock it off!" shouts Red. Apparently the man did have his limits, even at this holiest time of year.

"Oh. Sure." Eric replies and tucks the money into a pocket.

"Pick out a good one." Red warns.

"Okay fine, throw your party. But can I at least make you some punch and cookies?" Kitty asks exasperatedly.

"Mom, no." replies Eric, obviously uncomfortable.

"Just punch," she suggests.

"No mom."

"Well you can't have a Christmas party without punch! That, that's just insanity!" exclaims Kitty.

A FOREST ON THE INTERSTATE

Kelso is sawing away at a tree on the other side of the guardrail, while Hyde and Eric stand watch in the cold.

"Forman man, would you relax?" Hyde says to a nervous looking Eric. "This is a good plan. We cut down the tree and keep the forty bucks for beer!" Eric continues looking in the distance for trouble.

His persistance pays off. "Car!" Eric shouts, and Hyde and Eric duck down.

Kelso stupidly pops up to look into traffic, "Where?"

"Kelso, car means get down!" Eric reminds him. Kelso returns to sawing at the tree. He saws a bit more than gets up; the tree is still standing, "Okay, I'm done."

"No, I disagree Kelso. See, if you were done the tree would probably be more horizontal." Eric points out.

"No, I mean I'm done!" Kelso retorts, obviously not intending to saw anymore.

"Car!" Hyde shouts, and all three of them duck this time.

"Alright, cut it yourself!" shouts Kelso, while handing Hyde the saw.

"Fine, Kelso!" Hyde hands the saw to Eric. "Do you believe him?"

Eric takes the saw and heads toward the still standing Forman Christmas Tree. "Oh, come on Hyde, did you have to write your name in the snow so close to the tree?" he exclaims from under the tree.

"Sorry." Hyde replies, with no real remorse on his face as he snuggles deeper into his coat and Eric starts sawing away at the tree.

FORMAN DRIVEWAY

Eric and Kelso are struggling to get the tree down off the top of the Vista Cruiser.

"Now we got forty bucks for beer! You know what else we should do? Not get any presents!" Kelso exclaims loudly, excited as he falls under the tree and gets back up again. "No presents! That way we got more money for beer!"

"Hey, shut up!" admonishes Eric, as Midge and Kitty come out the kitchen door into the driveway.

"Oh Eric, this is the most beautiful tree I think we have ever had! Oh, and it's just, it's so fresh!" Kitty says with pride, while touching the tree. A bird flies out at her from inside the tree. Kitty ducks and heads back into the house.

Hyde takes Midge aside. "Mrs. Pinciotti? Look, I was thinking of getting a present for this girl, and um, you know, she's about Donna's age, so I was kinda wondering what Donna likes," he asks politely. Maybe her mom will have a better idea than Donna did. I know she's a space cadet, a hot space cadet, but she has to know what her daughter likes.

"Perfume!" Midge exclaims. "Donna wears 'White Shoulders'. It's not just for shoulders, you can wear it anywhere." Midge continues.

"Really?" Hyde replies, suggestively, thinking of Midge's shoulders and working his way down... Focus!

"Sure, like your neck or the mall." Midge is completely ignorant of Hyde's tone.

"Wow, uh, alright well, how much does a bottle of that run?" he asks nervously.

"Um, about twelve dollars," replies Midge while thinking.

"Um. Well, what about a bottle of crappy perfume? What does that run?" Hyde asks. I don't want to give her crappy perfume, but I definitely only have six bucks...

"Gosh, I don't know. I'll call Bob's mom!" Midge suggests, not even realizing the burn she's tossing him. She turns around and heads for home, and Laurie comes out of the house.

"Oh, you did not get this from a lot! You stole it!" snaps Laurie, looking scornfully at Eric.

"I haggled." Eric defends.

"With who, Smoky the Bear? You stole it," she replies snippily.

"Well, I mean you're the one to talk, you're flunking out of college." Eric retorts.

"How'd you know?" Laurie responds, rather unpleasantly surprised by the sudden turn of events.

"I didn't." Eric responds, smirking. Now I've finally got something on the bitch…what a wonderful day… $40 for beer and Laurie's in my grasp...

"Shut up!" Laurie shouts, eager to escape the confrontation now that Eric's blown her cover.

"Shut up!" Eric shouts back.

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Okay."

"Okay."

FORMAN LIVING ROOM

Laurie, Kitty, and Bernice are decorating the Christmas tree. Laurie is standing on a ladder, hanging a decoration on the front of the tree.

"Okay now, be careful with this one, it's very, very old." Kitty admonishes.

"Oh, it looks terrible! Laurie, Laurie, hang that one around on the backside." Bernice replies, obviously trying to upset Kitty.

"Okay Grandma." Laurie replies, reaching behind the tree with the decoration.

"Oh, and Kitty, you got two red ones together." Bernice points out nastily, taking another puff of her cigarette.

"Uh uh, so I do. Thank you Bernice." Kitty says nervously, obviously biting back her frustration at the bitter older woman, Red's mother.

Eric chooses this moment to slide down the banister into the living room.

Laurie looks in his direction and bites out, "Eric, help me hang these stupid ornaments."

"I can't, I'm planning a party." Eric reminds her, reveling in her distaste.

"I don't get it, how come the Little Drummer Boy gets to have a party." Laurie whines.

"Because I asked, you stupid sister." Eric retorts, never one to miss an opportunity for a good Laurie burn.

"That's not clever." Laurie replies in her defense, obviously disgusted.

Eric just continues to rub his newfound freedom from his parent's party in, "I don't have time to be clever. I'm planning a party, miss dumb girl." With that, he takes off to the basement, as the doorbell rings.

Bernice heads for the door, "I'll get it." She opens the door up to Jackie and three of her friends.

"Oh, hi, is Michael here?" inquires the perky brunette cheerleader.

"There's no Michael here. You have the wrong address," retorts Bernice, slamming the door in their faces.

FORMAN KITCHEN

"Michael, I want you to drive me and my friends around on Christmas Eve." Jackie demands.

"Why?" asks a baffled sounding Kelso.

"To distribute gift baskets to the less fortunate bums," she informs him.

"Okay, but we better be back in time for the party." Kelso says emphatically, as he concedes.

"Yes, perhaps you lovely ladies would like to join us?" Fez inquires of Jackie's friends.

"I don't think so," replies the first blonde cheerleader.

"Well, we are supposed to be helping the less fortunate," the second pipes in.

The third one adds, "Okay."

Hyde is across the kitchen, gesturing for Jackie to come over, "Hey Jackie, come here."

"Why?" she retorts.

"Just come here!" he exclaims, clearly annoyed.

"Hyde, if you wanna make out with me, the answer's probably no." she snaps, as she makes her way across the kitchen. Not that he'd ask me, although I'm obviously so much prettier than that big lumerjack. I wonder what the deal is with those two now. Weeks of trying to pry information out of Donna and I've got nothing! 

"Well, okay, look Jackie, I know this girl right and I wanna get her a Christmas present." Hyde begins hesitantly.

"Oh my God it's Donna!" exclaims a shocked looking Jackie. Act surprised, shocked, amazed. Which shouldn't be hard. Looks like Nancy Drew has found a clue!

"It's not Donna," denies Hyde, rather unconvincingly.

"Okay, it's not Donna." Jackie temporarily concedes. "So, how much do you have to spend?"

"Six dollars," he replies with a pitiful look on his face.

"You don't deserve a girl like Donna for six dollars," the perky cheerleader promptly informs him.

"I'm not trying to get Donna!" Hyde replies rather emphatically.

"Good, 'cause you won't for six dollars!" Jackie bites out.

"You know what? Thanks a lot, never mind, bye-bye," he replies, as he turns her around and pushes her back toward her friends. Jackie, her friends, and Kelso wisely choose this moment to leave.

"We will see you tomorrow, babes." Fez shouts after them, and he turns back to Hyde. "May I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Hyde replies.

"What the hell are you doing?" Fez accuses.

"What?" Hyde denies.

"Buying Donna a gift. You know Eric likes her."

"I know man, but you know, they're not officially…" Hyde attempts to defend his actions, but is cut off.

"Still, in my country, I would string you from the tallest tree." Fez informs him vehemently.

"We're not in your country Fez." Hyde reminds him.

"Right, so good luck with Donna!" Fez replies.

FORMAN KITCHEN

Laurie and Bernice come in carrying lots of brown grocery bags.

"We're back from the store!" Laurie shouts to her mother.

"Kitty, I made a few changes on your groceries list. I don't like your taste in dip." Bernice adds, snippily.

Laurie heads over to the punch bowl, and attempts to drink some but Kitty stops her before she can take a single sip. "No. Oh Laurie, no, no, no, no, no. The punch is for Eric's party. Here, why don't you take this tonic out to the bar, make sure we have enough rum and vodka."

"All that rum and vodka! Kitty, you have a problem!" Bernice accuses.

"It's for the party Bernice." Kitty replies, looking tired and annoyed due to the time she's spent accommodating the horrible older woman all day long.

"Oh, that's convenient. All I know is that my Red didn't start to drink until he met you." Bernice snaps.

"And I didn't start to drink until I met you." Kitty informs her in a rather snide voice, and then uncomfortably laughs as she realizes she's said this out loud. She tries to change to subject by 'cheerfully' adding, "Merry Christmas! Okay Bernice, here, help me get more of the party supplies."

They walk out, and Laurie walks into the kitchen with a bottle of alcohol. She opens it and proceeds to pour its entire contents into the punch bowl. "Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum!" she adds snidely.

THE BASEMENT

Donna is making the final touches on the tree's decorations as Eric comes up behind her with some mistletoe, which he hangs over them.

"This should probably go here." Eric says suggestively.

"Mistletoe?" Donna looks at him, and raises her eyebrows, clearly amused.

Eric attempts to play it off, "Yeah, well it's really more for decoration."

"Is that a fact, neighbor?" Donna teases.

"Um, no." Eric replies.

Eric leans in to kiss her, but is interrupted by Kelso and Hyde, who come in with grocery bags. Hyde looks pissed at what he's walked in to, but he quickly covers it before Eric notices. At the same time, Kitty and Laurie start to head downstairs as well.

"Hey Eric, where do we put the beer?" Kelso loudly inquires, not realizing the stupidity of asking that right then, with Kitty and Laurie heading downstairs.

"Put it in the ice chest! SHHH! SHH!" Eric informs him, chastising.

"Okay now, here you go. Punch and cookies just like I promised." Kitty says, clearly having ignored Eric's earlier protests.

"No, mom! Mom!" Eric emphatically replies, clearly embarrassed.

"Eric, mom made it for you. The least you could do is drink a lot of it!" Laurie intones with a smirk on her face. I'm gonna love seeing the results of this…

Kitty puts her arms around Eric and Laurie's shoulders. "You know, you two, you are just the best Christmas present a mother could have," she informs them, while hugging them close.

Laurie, unbeknownst to Kitty, reaches behind and smacks Eric upside the head. Eric retaliates in kind, and Kitty leaves.

Kelso, seeing an opportunity to hit on Laurie, attempts to make his way over. He jumps over the sofa, gets his foot caught on a cushion, and bangs his shin on the table in the process. He gets up and struts over. "Hello Laurie," he says silkily, trying to act all cool.

"Kelso." Laurie replies, snidely and breezily at the same time, if that's even possible.

"So, uh, um, cool!" he stammers, as Fez comes in carrying a bag.

"Hey Fez." Donna greets him.

"Merry Christmas," he replies and looks in the direction of the punch bowl, "Oh, punch." He adds excitedly.

"Yeah, can I pour you some?" Laurie offers, with a giant smirk on her face.

"No thank you, but if you would like, you can bend over and put my gift under the tree." Fez replies suggestively.

"Oh, gifts? I thought we said no gifts!" Kelso panics.

"No Kelso, you said no gifts." Eric bluntly reminds him, rolling his eyes.

"What's Christmas without gifts?" Donna adds. I can't believe he's really this dumb…

"Yeah man, where is your heart?" inquires Hyde. He glanced at the mistletoe again. That is too good of an opportunity to pass up, even if I do get slapped. Gotta work the mistletoe angle, and soon.

"Nobody tells me anything around here! Now I gotta go get something for Jackie. She'll kill me!" Kelso informs them, clearly fearing the wrath of his prissy cheerleader girlfriend.

"Hey, cheer up, have some punch!" Laurie suggests, holding up a glass with a smirk.

"I don't want any punch. I gotta get a gift for Jackie!" Kelso replies, panicked, then remembering he was trying to impress Laurie, add a rather unconvincing, "Who I'm breaking up with."

BARGAIN BOB'S

Red is alone and watching 'The Little Drummer Boy' on TV as Kelso runs into the store.

"Hi Mr. Forman," greets a rather frantic looking Kelso.

"Kelso, what are you doing here? It's Christmas Eve." Red inquires, wondering why he's not over at Eric's party with the rest of the 'homeless' kids that seemed to think they lived at his house.

"I know, I'm looking for a Christmas gift. You know you're the only place in this whole town that's open?" Kelso responds, clearly anxious and grasping at straws to get Jackie a decent Christmas present.

"Yeah, I know." Red replies, clearly annoyed and dejected. Why do I have to spend Christmas Eve here, when no one in their right mind would spend their Christmas Eve looking at refrigerators. Kelso's obviously not in his right mind, but then again everyone already knows that…

"What can I get for seventeen dollars?" Kelso asks desperately.

"Well, we've got some really nice heavy-duty extension cords," mocks Red.

"No. How much is that refrigerator?" Kelso asks, gesturing toward the fridge.

THE BASEMENT

"Hello Ladies. So glad you could make it. Now, may I get you something to drink? We have beer you know." Fez replies suggestively, obviously hoping to get some action.

"What else do you have?" the first blonde cheerleader asks, obviously not interested in their beer; Fez either, for that matter.

"We have punch, but we also have beer!" Fez exclaims, trying his best to charm her into taking the beer.

"Punch is fine," she replies, rolling her eyes.

"Punch it is, ok. Would you like to chase down that punch with a nice beer?" he inquires in a teasing manner.

BARGAIN BOB'S

Red and Kelso are seated on a couple of crates, playing Pong.

"Oh, I am kicking your ass!" Red exclaims, laughing. As dumb as Kelso is, it's better than being stuck here alone. And I love kicking his ass at Pong.

"Good game Mr. Forman!" exclaims Kelso, clearly enjoying himself as he sets down the paddle and gets up.

"Oh, you're leaving?" asks Red, clearly disappointed.

"Yeah." Kelso answers, and sighs.

"Oh, come on now! Come on! We'll play another game." Red pleads, clearly not looking forward to spending the rest of the night alone in an empty store.

"No, Jackie's waiting for me, I really…" Kelso begins reluctantly and trails off.

"One more game. Come on! Come on!" exclaims Red.

Kelso gives up trying to leave, sits back down and continues playing.

THE BASEMENT

Fez is pouring the perky blonde cheerleaders some punch. The bowl is half full now, and the girls are all over him. He's obviously relishing all the attention.

"You know who you remind me of? Freddie Prinze," the first one says.

"No, Riccardo Modelblond," the second replies while looking at her friend.

"You said model blonde," the third one points out to her friend.

"Okay, shut up," the first one snaps to her friends, before turning in Fez's direction and saying seductively, "Okay Fez, I want you to say something like really slow."

"Hello my darlings. And when I say hello, you know what I mean." Fez drawls in a deep suggestive tone.

A rather drunken Jackie strolls up and puts her arm around Fez's shoulders. "Hey, he was my friend first!" she slurs.

Hyde looks to Donna from his place on the dryer, wistful for a second before gesturing toward Fez and his 'collection' of cheerleaders. "Man, what's going on with the pep squad?" he asks.

"Yeah, they seem extra stupid tonight." Donna adds, suspicious. Why does he have to keep looking at me like that? I wonder if he got me something for Christmas. I can't give him mine until he gives me his. And if he doesn't give me a present... I guess that means...

Kelso comes in at that moment, effectively stopping Donna's internal dialogue. He walks over to Jackie and hands her something wrapped in a brown paper bag. "Jackie, this is for you." He informs her.

"Oh, Michael, what is it?" Jackie inquires, clearly drunk and more than a little excited as she takes it out of the bag. "It's hot rollers! And with steam!" she exclaims with enthusiasm.

FORMAN LIVING ROOM

The women are sitting at the piano drunkenly singing Christmas carols as Red comes in from the back.

"Hiya Red. How did it go tonight?" Bob asks, curious.

"Well, I sold a set of hot rollers Bob and … a pong game." Red replies, clearly hinting that he was the one who bought the pong game.

The doorbell rings.

"I'll get it." Midge replies, and opens the door to two policemen standing on the front porch. "May I help you?" she asks.

"Ma 'am, do you own a 1969 tan Oldsmobile station wagon in the driveway?" the first officer asks in a menacing tone.

"No, I don't." she replies densely, obviously not following what the officer is hinting at.

"Do you know who does?" he asks again, clearly irritated.

"Yes, I do. " Midge replies.

"Could you get them please?" he inquires, annoyed.

"Sure," she says finally cluing in. She turns around and looks around the living room, "Red!"

"Sir, we believe your vehicle was involved in the unlawful removal of state property," the first officer informs Red.

"What?" Red asks, clearly puzzled, and more than a little annoyed.

"We're gonna have to confiscate that tree," the first officer continues.

"The tree? No, I mean… no, it's all done, I mean… I mean look at it… Do you, I'm… NO!" Kitty exclaims, panicking as she puts herself in front of the tree as a body shield.

THE BASEMENT

Hyde walks over and offers Donna a gift.

"Hey, I got you something. It's no big deal, but you know, Christmas," he says with a nervous smile on his face.

"Suddenly Hyde is getting bashful?" Donna teases as she unwraps it. He got me a gift! OK, calm down. She looks at it in surprise and awe, "Oh, wow! This is great!"

"Well, what is it?" Eric asks, walking over. Why is Hyde giving her gifts? He never buys stuff for other people, he just steals from them. Buddy can't be right about them. I mean, he's my best friend and I'm practically dating Donna. Granted she's kind of cooled off lately, but…

 "It's a picture of me and Hyde!" Donna informs him while looking at the picture fondly. So not only did he get me a gift, he got me a sweet gift. That has to mean something, right? Oh god, my gift doesn't even compare to this! But if he understands what it means like I think maybe he will, and if Eric doesn't understand what it means. Wait, did I have any of that punch? This is like, the nicest gift ever!

 "Yeah, yeah, it's me and you in fifth grade. I've had it in my drawer forever so I just framed it." Hyde replies, obviously trying to play it off. Man, I'm pathetic… But she seems to like it. And it looks like Forman doesn't. He got her that damn perfume, even though it was my idea first. You know what, it's just stupid old Christmas presents, it doesn't matter anyway.

 "That is so sweet." Donna replies, and looks at Hyde fondly.

"Yeah, that is so sweet." Eric agrees, a hint of suspicion evident in his voice, as he bends over and gets a package from under the tree. "Hey, look, why don't you open my present?" he adds, clearly trying to upstage Hyde.

Donna takes the gift from Eric and opens it. "Oh, White Shoulders! I love this stuff, thank you!" she exclaims in slightly forced tone. Eric's gift is nice, but Hyde's really came from the heart… She pulls herself out of her thoughts and kisses Eric on the cheek.

Eric looks pleased, somehow missing the forced tone, or perhaps convincing himself it wasn't truly there, "You're welcome."

Donna looks at the two gifts, mentally comparing them. She squints to have a better look at the picture. "Oh, Oh my god! You can see my training bra through my shirt!" she exclaims.

"Yeah, I remember that training bra!" Hyde replies with a smirk on his face.

"Gee, um, I wish I got you something like…" Eric begins, and trails off, realizing the enormity of his mistake in trying to impress Donna with an extravagant gift.

"Man, dude, it's nothing." Hyde attempts to reassure him, still uneasy about his own gift choice.

"It's not nothing. This is so thoughtful. It's the sweetest thing any one's given me!" Donna informs him with a happy look on her face. She leans in and gives him a kiss on the cheek, and then reluctantly turns to Eric. "Next to the perfume," she informs him, trying to convince both him and herself of that very fact.

"Right, well I wrapped it myself. I know how you like things… wrapped so…" Eric boasts, puffing out his chest before he trails off.

"Wait here for a second! Both of you!" Donna exclaims, and goes and grabs two gifts from under the tree. She hands one to Hyde and one to Eric. "Merry Christmas! Now open up!" She shifts her gaze from one to the other, a nervous expectant look on her face when she looks in Hyde's direction. Eric misses this though as he tears open his gift.

"Oh wow, the new Kiss album! Donna, thank you!" Eric exclaims, as he gets up and goes to give her a kiss on the cheek.

They both turn around and wait for Hyde to open his gift. He opens it to reveal a sand candle. Jackie seeing it, exclaims, "OH MY GOD DONNA!" That's what I told her to get for Eric when she liked him! And she's giving one to Hyde too! That slut. I'm impressed.

Eric gets an uncomfortable look on his face, thinking back to his birthday when Donna gave him the very same thing and the kiss that occurred after. However, neither he nor Hyde gets a chance to react to this, as Red comes downstairs.

"ERIC, before you explain the beer, maybe you can tell me why there are two State Troopers in the living room confiscating our Christmas tree." Red demands, clearly reigning his angry in with a very short leash.


"Oh, that, um, funny story and a true story, you're gonna laugh…" Eric begins nervously and trails off, completely forgetting about Hyde and Donna for the minute.

"Get to the point!" Red snaps.

"We cut down a tree of the side of the interstate." Eric informs him remorsefully, clearly embarrassed by their actions.

"Well, that's just great Eric. Now, the party's over, you're grounded and I want what's left of my forty bucks." Red snidely informs him.

"Kelso, give it to him." Eric replies, resigned.

"Oh, no!" Red shouts, realizing that was the money Kelso spent at the store earlier.

"Yeah, I sorta spent it on Jackie's gift." Kelso confirms, clearly afraid of the furious Red, while looking down at his shoes.

Jackie gets up from the tricycle she was sitting on and runs over to Kelso. "Oh Michael, my hot rollers! You got in trouble for me Michael? Oh, I love you Michael!" she drunkenly exclaims, all kissy faced, and grabs him into a hug. He puts his arm around her as she turns and faces everyone.

"Oh, God Bless us everyone!" the first blonde bimbo cheerleader slurs out.

"And Hyde and Donna are in looooove!" she exclaims.

Eric looks shocked. OK, Buddy never said anything about love here.  What the hell?!

"Whoa, she's crazy man!" Hyde exclaims in an attempt to defend himself.

"So crazy!" Donna chimes in, glancing at Hyde nervously.

"Eric, what the hell is going on here? Have these girls been drinking?" Red asks Eric angrily.

"No, look, dad, I swear, just mom's punch!" Eric exclaims, obviously afraid. Between Donna and Hyde…and now Red, what a crappy Christmas.

Red walks over to the punch bowl and tries some. "Lousy with hooch!" he exclaims, getting more furious by the minute.

"You see, you see Red? She's drunk man, that's drunk talk! False!" Hyde continues very defensively, yet unconvincingly. He tosses a quick glance to Donna, looking to see what her response will be.

"Lies! All lies!" Donna adds, more unconvincingly than Hyde, if that were possible, and looks down and wrenches her hands.

"Come on Jackie, I'll take you and the sob sisters home. Eric, the rest of that beer goes into my refrigerator. Donna, your father is upstairs I suggest you join him. Steven, you help Eric clean up and Kelso… go home!" Red orders, effectively breaking the party up.

Fez turns to Eric and pleads, "Eric, do something! Your father is taking my women!"

"Thanks for the gifts guys. Merry Christmas." Donna says, and turns toward the stairs, grateful for the opportunity to avoid the much needed discussions with both Eric and Hyde, for the moment anyway. Damn those sand candles. Damn that punch! She gives both Eric and Hyde one last kiss on the cheek in thanks for her gifts, though Hyde's kiss lasts a few seconds longer than it should.

He got her a sentimental gift like she wanted, and I got her perfume. Stupid stupid stupid! Eric keeps his mouth shut, however and looks down at his KISS album. Maybe she just really likes sand candles. She could be giving them to everyone. Donna would never do anything with Hyde, he's my best friend. And she kissed me first. That means something. I think.