Making Up
Description: A Buffy/Spike fic.
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy are not mine, sadly. They belong to the good people at Fox, the WB, UPN and of course the God of all things Buffy, Joss Whedon.
Spoilers: For everything that has happened on Buffy far, through season six, episode As You Were.
Rated: R
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There was a knock on the door. Tara answered, to find Buffy standing there, fighting back tears.
"I ended it. With Spike," Buffy said with a strained voice. She lost the battle and the tears came flooding down her cheeks.
Tara threw her arms around her. "Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry."
"It was the right thing to do. I mean, wasn't it? Tell me it was the right thing to do."
Tara gently stroked Buffy's hair. "If you think it was the right thing, then it was."
"It was. I mean it has to be. It's just . . . what am I going to do without him?"
"You'll do what you always do, go on living. You're the strongest person I know Buffy. You'll get by." Tara told her.
Buffy tried her best to sound cheery. "Thanks Tara. I know I'm laying a lot on you . . ."
"Nonsense," Tara interrupted, "that's what friends are for." She gave Buffy one of her trademark smiles. "I have to get to class. Are you going to be ok, or do you want to come with?"
"No, I'll be ok. Well, maybe not *ok* ok, but" she remembered Tara's words of encouragement, "I'll get by."
"You're sure?" Tara asked.
"Yeah. My last experience with school wasn't really a good one. Besides, I have work. Yup, fun at the Doublemeat." Her mind strayed to the things she and Spike had done outside that very establishment. Her eyes began to tear again.
"Poor thing," Tara said, hugging her once again. "Tell you what, we should do something. Just us girls. Involving lots of ice cream."
"Sounds kinky," Buffy joked through her sniffling.
Tara had to laugh. "No, I didn't mean . . ."
"I know. You have to get to class don't you?"
"Yeah, I do." Tara picked up her book bag and headed to the door. Buffy followed her out.
They started to head their separate ways when Buffy stopped.
"Tara?"
"Yes?"
"How about tonight?"
"Ok, I'll stop by, ice cream in hand," Tara promised.
Buffy headed for the mall. She had two hours until work, and broke or not she was feeling the need to do some serious shopping.
* * *
Buffy and Tara had made themselves banana splits. Dawn was upstairs doing homework, with the understanding that she could join the two of them as soon as she was finished.
"See," Buffy said, taking a large bite, "who needs men?"
"I've been saying that for as long as I can remember," Tara agreed.
Buffy laughed. "I sometimes wish I could follow your example."
"Well, it isn't all easy," Tara admitted.
"How are you doing?" Buffy asked her, correctly guessing that she was thinking of Willow.
"It's hard. I mean, to want someone so much, yet know you can't be together just feels so . . . I guess you know how it feels."
"All to well." Buffy took another bite of her ice cream. "Just gonna think about frozen treats right now."
Dawn came down stairs.
"I am so totally done and I have one word to describe geometry—ick!"
"Pull up a bowl," Buffy told her.
Dawn began scooping herself some ice cream. "What's the deal with all this? Not that I'm complaining, but I thought Ben and Jerry's was only reserved for emergency crisis's with boys."
Buffy fought to keep her composure.
Tara jumped in. "Buffy was just trying to cheer me up. Girl trouble, not boy trouble."
Dawn frowned. "You're not seeing someone, are you?"
"If I was would we need all this?" Tara pointed out.
Dawn relaxed. "I guess not."
The front door opened and Willow came walking in. She froze when she saw the three of them.
"What's going on?" Willow asked.
"Girls' night out," Buffy told her, feeling guilty once more. She should have met Tara at her place. She knew how hard it was for the two of them to see each other.
"Th-there's plenty to go around," Tara said.
"You don't mind? Because I could just go study in my room if you wanted to . . ." Willow began.
"Stay," Tara said. "You're a g-girl." Willow smiled, grabbing what was left of the carton and sitting down.
Buffy's guilt lifted. Maybe they were on the mend after all.
* * *
Buffy spent the next weeks patrolling like crazy. She figured that killing vampires would help to keep her mind off of doing other things to them. He theory worked fine until Saturday rolled around.
The slaying had been going slow that night. Buffy was about to give up and head back home when she sensed someone nearby. She crept slowly forward and jumped around the corner of the alley, poised to stake. Curiously enough, she found a stake pointed at her own chest. Then she noticed the platinum blond hair.
Spike morphed out of game face. "Buffy? Bleeding hell woman, I thought you were a vampire."
"Me too. I mean you are, but I thought you were a dangerous one," Buffy told him.
"Right. That's me, not dangerous at all."
They both lowered their relative stakes. They looked at each other, unsure of what to say. The breakup was still fresh in both of their minds.
"How are you?" Buffy asked.
"Fine," he said. She didn't believe him. He tried to act indifferent, but she could see the pain behind his eyes. "And you? How are you doing Buffy?" He was sincerely concerned.
"I'm surviving," she told him. There was a slight tremor to her voice that she prayed he didn't notice. "What are you doing out here anyways? Not testing you chip, I hope."
"Same as you, patrolling." He saw Buffy's look of surprise. "It's something to do," he explained.
"Oh."
"I should go," he said.
"No, I should," Buffy countered.
"Tell you what, I'll head over to the cemetery, see if there's any nasties there that need eliminating. You need anything, you holler, ok?"
"Ok," she answered. He started to walk away. "And Spike?" She wanted to tell him how empty she felt with out him, how much she wanted him to hold her and reassure her that everything would be all right.
"Yes?"
But she couldn't get the words to come. "Never mind. It's nothing."
* * *
Buffy managed to pass another week Spike-free. She began to feel better. True, she thought about him constantly, but she was feeling stronger. Buffy knew she could make it alone, even if that meant utter and total despair and loneliness. It was better this way, she told herself. Spike and her could never ever work out, and she'd already done the dating a vampire thing to death. She didn't need Spike. She didn't need anybody. She was so over Spike. Well, getting over him. Ok, still completely infatuated with him, but she was sure it would go away any day.
Buffy reluctantly agreed to go out to the Bronze. The Scoobies couldn't understand her sudden depression and were beginning to grow concerned, so Buffy had decided to join the gang and fake an enthusiasm for life. She had to do something.
Buffy regretted her decision to come, the instant she stepped in the door. There, at the bar, was Spike. He was taking shots, quite obviously drowning his sorrows.
"Didn't anyone ever warn him that alcohol can kill you?" Xander joked.
"Or turn you into a Neanderthal," Buffy muttered. She was quite tempted to start hitting the drinks herself. That's right, alcohol and ice cream healed all wounds, at least temporarily.
"Somehow, I have a feeling that wouldn't make too much of a difference on Spike," Xander told her.
"Leave Spike alone, he's all right," Buffy snapped, before she even realized what she was saying. Tara shot her a puzzled look.
Xander put up his hands, as if surrendering. "Whoa there Buff. I was only kidding."
Buffy sighed. It was going to be a long night. "I know. I've just had too much caffeine today. I guess I'm a little on edge." Buffy hadn't had any caffeine, and she knew it.
"That's ok. What do you say we get some of those coffee-induced jitters out doing the jitterbug?" Xander asked her.
"Why don't you and Anya go dance," Buffy told him. "I think I'll sit this one out."
Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara all went out on the dance floor. Buffy sat down at the opposite side of the bar from Spike, and ordered a martini. Hopefully she wouldn't become a cavewoman again. Besides, even if she did it might be kind of nice to function at a "fire bad, tree pretty" type of mentality. The fewer and less complicated the thoughts she had, the better. "Spike bad, but Spike pretty," she mumbled.
Spike noticed her sitting there. He winced as if in pain and quickly turned away, ordering another shot. Buffy downed her drink. Why did Sunnydale have to have just one popular hangout for the entire town?
Willow and Tara took a break from the dancing.
"So," Willow said.
"S-so," Tara replied.
"Is Buffy ok?" Willow asked. "You seem to see more of her than I do these days."
"She'll be fine," Tara told her. "She's just sad."
"Because I took her out of heaven?"
"No. Other reasons. I can't really get into it."
"Are you in love with Buffy?" Willow asked her pointedly.
"What? N-no. W-we're just f-friends. I'm not in love with anyone . . . I mean that I wasn't already in l-love with. I m-mean . . ."
Willow stopped her. "You've just been spending so much time together, that I thought maybe . . ."
"No. J-just friends."
Willow smiled in relief. "That's good. I mean, it's not good that you're not in love with anyone, although that sort of is . . . I'm making a mess of this, aren't I?"
Tara took her hand. "I still l-love you. You know th-that. But now isn't the t-time."
"You're saying there might be a time farther down the road?" Willow's eyes were full of hope.
"W-we'll see," Tara said.
"So, do you want to dance? Or is it too soon for that too?"
"No," Tara told her. "A dance would be n-nice."
* * *
Buffy and Spike had fallen into a pattern. Buffy would watch Spike, until he caught her looking at him. Then Buffy would look away, and both of them would drink a little more.
Buffy was feeling quite buzzed.
Tara had been watching their interactions. It broke her heart to see the two of them yearning for each other, yet unable to act. When she could stand it no longer, she excused herself, and came over to Buffy. "How are you?"
"Far too sober," the Slayer answered, ordering yet another drink.
"You should go to him."
Buffy looked at Tara as if she had grown a second head.
"L-look, I know this might not be the m-most logical thing to say, but you should. B-buffy, you're miserable without him."
"He's an evil vampire!" Buffy protested.
"Who isn't a little bit evil? He makes you happy, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, he does," Buffy admitted.
"Then go to him."
"What about the others?"
"They're your friends, they'll support you."
Buffy gazed longingly at Spike.
Tara gave her a gentle shove. "Go!" she ordered.
"Thank you," Buffy told her. "I might not be home later . . ."
"I'll watch Dawn," Tara promised. "Go to him."
She obeyed. Spike was shocked to find himself being approached by Buffy.
"Slayer?"
Buffy put a finger on his lips. "Hear me out, please. I need you. You're all I think about, all I dream about. I'm going insane without you. And if you're willing to give me a second chance, I—"
Spike silenced her with a kiss. He would give her a million chances if that's what it took. Buffy wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight, not caring who saw.
Xander
and Anya had stopped dancing and were staring in horror.
Xander
pulled Tara aside. "What did
you just say to her?" he asked.
"What she needed to hear," Tara answered.
"Someone needs to pt a stop to this." Xander went to break up the smooch-fest.
Tara grabbed his arm. "Don't you dare disturb them!" she warned.
"But she's kissing Spike! She's obviously disturbed," Xander told her.
"No, not disturbed," Tara replied, "She's just in love."
Buffy and Spike allowed their lips to part, so that Buffy could catch her breath.
Their eyes met and an unspoken understanding flowed between them. Hand in hand they walked out of the Bronze. Together.
* * *
They went back Spike's, or rather the remains of Spike's place. He had done his best to repair the damage from the grenade.
"I missed you so much," she told him between kisses.
"I missed you more," he answered.
They quickly removed one another's pesky clothing.
She laid back on the bed. Spike reveled, not for the first time, in the wonder that was Buffy. He carefully kissed every part of her body. Of course certain areas received preferential treatment.
"Oh God, Spike!" she cried out. He returned his lips once more to hers. "I love you," she told him.
Spike found himself in a pleasant state of shock.
"Say it again."
"I. Love. You." Buffy punctuated each word with a kiss.
"More than anything else in this world, Buffy, I love you," he said, taking her at last.
Once more they joined, in perfect rhythm with each other. Perfect.
* * *
Buffy lay in Spike's arms.
"I like this," she said.
Spike smirked. "I gathered as much a moment ago."
Buffy blushed. "Yeah, that too. I mean I like *this*. You holding me, it's nice."
"It is, isn't it?"
"Do you think we could stay like this a while?" she asked him.
He snuggled closer to her. "Yeah, I think we can manage that."
* * *
Buffy reluctantly left Spike's side in the morning. One thought dancing around in her head: they knew. She prepared for the wrath of the Scoobies as walked in her front door.
She was greeted by a huge hug from Dawn. "Oh my God Buffy, it's so wonderful!"
"You're not mad?" she asked her little sister.
"Are you kidding? I love Spike! He's way better than your other boyfriends."
Buffy spotted Tara standing in the hallway looking sheepish.
"I'm sorry," Tara apologized. "I was going to let you tell her yourself, but I had to say something. And she sort of weaseled the rest out of me."
Buffy was still glowing from her night with Spike and felt inclined to forgive. "Don't sweat it. No harm was done. And thanks for taking care of her on such short notice."
"That's ok. She's no trouble."
"Nope, I was good." Dawn was just as giddy as Buffy. "But now that I know, you better be around more. You and Spike."
Buffy laughed. "I promise, I promise!"
"Great. It'll be like having a family again."
"A family. I like that."
