Disclaimer: Joss owns all things Buffy.

Spoilers: Everything up the Chosen

A/N: This is the end of the interview. Next chapter, Giles' manuscript.

Chapter 4: Looking Up

Buffy sobbed quietly for a few minutes, and then she wiped her eyes and pulled herself together. She needed to tell Giles the rest of the story.

She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts about the previous fall.

"After you took Willow back to England, things started getting better. Dawn and I kind of got our lives back on track. Xander had plenty to keep him busy with the new high school. And Anya was busy getting her vengeance on again. But, I missed Spike. I wouldn't admit it, not even really to myself, but I did."

She looked at Giles with a small smile on her face.

"Nobody would have believed me if I'd told them. I wouldn't have believed anyone if they'd told me I missed him. But when I saw him in the school basement that fist day of school, I was so relieved to see him and that he was real. That's when I realized that I had actually been thinking about him before then.

"And he was so wrong, Giles. That cocky, snarky vampire was suddenly quiet and scared. He was so...fragile. And believe me, that's not a word I ever thought I'd use to describe Spike."

Giles shook his head.

"No, I can't imagine it either. Even after your death and his obvious grief, fragile is still not a word I can imagine using to describe Spike."

Buffy suddenly giggled, "He wouldn't like it either. I can hear him now, 'Take that back! I'm not bloody fragile, Slayer.'"

Giles chuckled. "You're right. But, dear, please don't ever try to do a British accent again. I beg you."

Buffy laughed, "Oh, all right. But, my accent's still better than Spike's American accent. Now that was bad."

Giles had only heard tales of Spikes attempt at an American accent, he had given up the pretense by the second time Riley had found him with the Scoobies, but the young people had found it quite amusing.

Buffy sighed, thinking about Spike and all the little things she missed.

"Anyway, after I left him in the basement, I decided not to mention him to anyone. For starters, considering all the weird stuff going on down there, I wasn't totally sure he was real. But, if he was, I didn't want Xander and Dawn going all Terminator and trying to dust him. They were still so mad at him.

"So, I kept it quiet, but then the next week, he showed up to help me, because he knew that something big was coming. He kept trying to pretend that he was 'old Spike', but he kept slipping.

"Then after he accidentally hurt this guy Anya turned into a demon, but then changed back, he lost it and took off. I found him in an old church and that's when I found out that he had his soul."

She shivered at the memory of his painful ramblings and the smell of his flesh burning on the cross.

"But, I wasn't sure how to deal with him. He was in the basement, alone, dealing with his guilt, listening to the First. He didn't know what was real and what wasn't. He was talking to invisible people. He wanted to help, but he wasn't in any shape to offer much real help. So, I got him out of there. I convinced Xander to let him move in."

She shook her and smiled.

"Then something happened that I never thought I'd see, Xander and Spike not only formed a truce, they started getting along. I mean, not at first, but when we were all under the influence of that evil jacket, they worked together to solve the problem. When we found out that Spike was killing again, at first, Xander believed Spike could have gone evil again. But, after everything that happened, Anya wanted to stake Spike and tried to get Xander to back her up, but he wouldn't. Xander was even the one who figured out that Spike was being triggered, not acting of his own free will. And when the Bringers attacked, and took Spike, Xander was the one beside me when I ran to the basement to see if he was still there.

"Then after we got Spike back and that demon chick caught Xander, Spike was right there helping me help Xander, no comments about the whelp and his demon birds, or anything. And when we were in the vineyard and Caleb attacked Xander, Spike was the one who went back and got Xander and got him out of there. I don't know if it was more because of Spike's soul or Xander growing up, or both, but it made things alot easier for me, not having to stop those two from killing each other every five minutes."

She noticed Giles stiffen and knew why, but she decided not to mention anything yet.

"It was after I got him to Xander's that we found out that he was killing again. I found out from one of the vamps he sired. When I confronted him, he didn't know what I was talking about. Then he had some sort of flashback of some girl he met at The Bronze, so he went there to try and find out more about her and ran into one of his minions. Then he started remembering more. So, he called me and asked me to meet him. When I did, he told me everything he remembered about the people he killed. Then he vamped out and tried to bite me, but he didn't. One of his minions cut me, and he tasted my blood from that cut. When he did, he came back and remembered everything he'd done.

"Then he looked as horrified as he did that night in the bathroom."

She looked at Giles.

"He went back to being fragile again. He ended up curled up in a corner, rocking back and forth. He looked like a scared kid, Giles, not a Master Vampire.

"After I got him back to my house, I decided to keep him there and get him better. That's when he told me how much he hated himself. And he told me that he understood how much I'd hated myself the year before."

"Did he ever tell you how he got the soul?" Giles asked.

"Sort of. He got kind of snippy, said he saw a man about a girl. Then he said he went to 'seek out a legend'."

"'Seek out a legend'?"

"That's what he said. He said that he had to endure trials, pain and suffering. And at the end he got his soul back."

"Fascinating. Did he say if it came with any conditions, or clauses, like Angel's?"

"He didn't say, but I don't think so. I mean it was a reward, not a curse, right? And I'm pretty sure there was no happiness clause."

"Oh, so you did renew y-your relationship?"

"Not that way, Giles. But that night after you guys made me leave the house, he found me. We talked and he held me while I slept. Then the next night he told me it was the best night of his life. That he'd never been close to anyone before then. So, if there was a happiness clause, I think that might have triggered it. Either that, or when I let him know that I considered him a champion."

She smiled fondly remembering the look of astonishment on his face when she'd handed him the amulet.

"Okay, I think we're getting ahead of ourselves. After he told you about how he got his soul, his trigger was still active. What happened after that?"

"Well, we had Andrew in the house, and the First triggered Spike to attack Andrew, so that's when I chained him in the basement. When he came to he told me I had to stake him before he got loose and someone got killed.

"I swear, Giles, I have never met another vampire that tried to convince me to kill him as much as he did over the past year. Most vamps try to kill me to keep me from staking them; he kept trying to get me to stake him."

She sighed.

"Thank God I never did."

Giles looked straight ahead, but chose not to respond.

Buffy continued.

"I told him that I wasn't going to stake him, that Xander had figured out he was being triggered and we'd figure everything out. He tried to goad me into staking him by telling me about his past and that the only reason I hadn't killed him was because I needed men who hurt me. But I told him that he was still undead because I had seen him change, that he had become a better man, and that I believed in him.

"Then the Bringers attacked and took Spike, then you showed up with the Potentials and the First used Spike to open the seal and let that first Turok-Han thing out. And I had to kill it before I could find Spike, but somehow I knew that he was a key to fighting the First. Call it a Slayer thing, gut instinct, whatever, but I just knew that we needed him.

"And after we found him, he proved me right. He stepped right up and started helping me train the girls. He gave them something no other Slayer has had, not even me. A real vampire to train against. Even with Angel around, he didn't really train with me, but Spike gave the girls someone with vampire speed, strength, and reflexes to test themselves against. He helped me make them better fighters.

"But, no matter what you, or anyone else, thought he never took the threat of the trigger lightly. He made his own decision that if he wasn't with me he would be chained up. Or in his words, 'Either I'm with you, or I'm on the leash.' He knew that I wouldn't let him hurt anyone, but he didn't want to take any chances if I wasn't around.

"I know that you thought that I made a rash decision when I had his chip removed, but I needed him strong and healthy and the chip was killing him. I knew I couldn't leave it in, and I didn't know what might happen to him if they put a new one in. If it was stronger, it might kill him if he was triggered. Or if the First managed to draft a human accomplice that I needed Spike's help to fight, he wouldn't be able to do it with a chip in his head. And I was right about that, I might add, Caleb was human.

"No matter what, I believed in him Giles. I still felt like it was important for him to be with us, not just because I wanted him around, but because we needed him around. He offered to leave, after Andrew said that the First said it wasn't time for Spike yet, but I told him I wasn't ready for him to go.

"And that's why I couldn't let you and Wood kill him. I trusted him and he trusted me. We needed him. I couldn't let you two play divide and conquer. It was wrong. You wouldn't even consider that he might actually have an important role to play in the battle. You both looked at him and you saw vampire, and nothing else. You refused to see trainer, warrior, helper, or defender.

"You accused me of letting my feelings cloud my judgment, but I think I was the one who was seeing most clearly. I was the only one who could see that he had actually changed. You were still seeing the same vampire who came to Sunnydale six years ago. And, I bet you were seeing Angelus, too."

Giles looked down, somewhat embarrassed to admit that once again he had decided that he knew better than Buffy and had been proven wrong. While that had seldom happened in the past, it had, unfortunately, happened more than once in the past year.

He had been right earlier, Buffy had matured, he just hadn't recognized how much until recently. Spike had been right, he had been somewhat jealous because Buffy had in some ways surpassed him. She made choices based on her instincts, instincts he had trained her to trust, and they had turned out more often than not this year to be correct. But he had second-guessed her repeatedly and nearly lost her trust for good.

Buffy had had faith in Spike and that faith had proven to be well founded, more than once. And clearly Spike had had faith in Buffy as well. They had managed to believe in each other and hold each other up when no one else had faith in either of them. And it was that faith in each other that had gotten them over the rough spots and allowed them to find a way to defeat the First.

"So, I told you that he got Xander out at the vineyard, but he also got me out. He made me retreat, he might have been the only one at that point, since I was being pretty stubborn about Caleb. But, he made sure we got out, more or less intact.

"Then he got me through that night after you guys made me leave the house. He told me that I was right," she paused and smiled slightly, "told me he hit Faith a bunch of times and left"

Giles understood the smile. He knew that she and Faith had reached an understanding, but he also knew that Faith had come between Buffy and Angel and caused problems between Buffy and Riley. Spike was the only one of Buffy's men who wasn't blinded by Faith.

"Then we talked about alot of things, my calling, the war, the girls, and he told me that he loved me, that I was the one. Then before he could go, I asked him to stay, and hold me. So, he did. We just held each other while we slept. And the next day I felt strong enough to do what I needed to do. I went to the vineyard and I found the scythe.

"When Spike came home, I showed him the scythe and we talked about what happened between us. He told me he was glad I was home, and that the night before had been the best night of his life.

"Then later that night when I was fighting Caleb, Angel showed up and gave me the amulet and that file. He told me about the amulet and said he'd wear it. But I told him I needed him to go back to LA and set up a second front. He said okay, but wanted to know if the other reason was Spike, because he recognized his scent on me.

"He kept asking me questions, was Spike my boyfriend, did I love him, and told me he was confused because it was Spike. So, I told him about Spike's soul and he got all pouty because he wasn't the only one anymore and because he was getting the brush off for 'captain peroxide'.

"I told him that Spike wasn't my boyfriend, but that he was in my heart, of course Angel got a little shirty about that. Gotta say, I was starting to see a little 'family' resemblance.

And he started wanting to know if we might have a future, out of left field, since he's the one who kept telling me we couldn't have one."

Giles raised an eyebrow at her use of the word 'shirty', but said nothing.

"But, you know, he never once asked how Spike got his soul, where he got his soul, if his soul was permanent. Not one question."

Giles pondered that. He decided that that was a question for another time, but it was an interesting one. Why wouldn't Angel show an interest in how and where Spike was able to obtain his soul?

"I told Angel I didn't know if we had a future or not, that I think about it, but I'm not ready to make a decision and sent him home. Then I went back to talk to Spike. He got all jealous and snarky. I was about ready to stake them both. But then he asked about the amulet. He had been in the tomb and overheard Angel tell me about it. And he decided that he should be the one to wear it.

"But when I told him it had to be worn by a champion, he backed down. Then when I put it in his hand, he looked totally amazed. He couldn't believe that I considered him a champion.

"But that's exactly what he was. And he proved it. He sacrificed himself, willingly, to save the world."

She choked back a sob and looked at Giles with a shaky smile.

"He saved me. This time he saved me when it counted."

She sat up and took a deep breath.

"He never stopped amazing me, Giles. He was my hero. He went against his nature so many times. He did things no vampire should ever be able to do. He allied himself with me to save the world when his own sire was trying to destroy it. When he found out he could hurt demons, he could have used that to dominate fledglings and force them to do his bidding until he could get the chip removed. But he didn't. He helped us, most of the time. He endured hours of torture to protect Dawn. He stayed here for almost four months after I died to help you guys because he promised me he'd protect Dawn. He chose to go and fight for his soul. And he did all of it as a soulless demon. A supposedly evil, soulless thing.

"Then when he did get a soul and he wasn't an 'evil, soulless thing' anymore, he went and gave up his life to save world."

She leaned her head on Giles' chest.

"I miss him so much, Giles."

Giles stroked her hair.

"I know, Buffy, I know."

TBC