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TV Shows » Gilmore Girls » Outta here! text size: (+) : (-) Author: emjai and oregano 1. Airguitar And Altruistic Danes'2. Bananas And Ballroom Dancing3. Counterfeit fruit and Casualty Cases4. Dilemmas and Dubbing Babies5. Elephant Women and EmbarrassmentsPG-13 - English - Humor/Romance - Reviews: 72 - Publish date: 03-23-03 - Updated: 04-19-03 story id: 1279552 Emjai: Sorry – I sorta had this idea in my head last night so I wrote it down as fast as possible, I'm so quick at this its probably all rushed and dodgy. Well, I'll leave you guys to tell me whether its good or its bad! Feedback is always appreciated! Ha Ha it's your turn again Reggie! You gonna take years again, this time?

Oregano: Hangs head in shame… Probably decades, with the rate I'm going… Emjai, you Porche, you're too fast for me!  Thanks to all the guys who reviewed!  Enjoy!

OUTTA HERE

Chapter 5: Elephant Women and Embarrassments

You know, I've never noticed it before but…

Feet are really ugly!

Lorelai laid on the sofa with her feet propped up on the armrest.

I mean, they're the only body part that get all sorts of gross diseases like…

Athlete's foot.

Or…

Yeah, that other thing which is gross.

She sat up a little to get a better look.

Surely feet don't have to be so weird looking.

Who thought up the whole 'Let's have toes!' thing anyhow! We don't use them for anything!

It's not like fingers where we can pick things up or write or do other cool stuff, no! Toes just sit there... and look ugly…until some decent person comes along with a bottle of nail polish to make them look pretty!

Like mine!

She wiggled her toes, where her nails -painted bright red- were starting to flake.

She frowned.

Darn it.

I haven't polished them in months.

Oh well, no time like the present to make my toes purdy. Got to have them looking brand spanking' clean for those stirrups in the delivery room!

Shuddering at the thought, she heaved herself up and waddled up the stairs to the Danes' bathroom.

She opened the cabinets and peered inside.

Somebody should clean in here sometime.

I would offer, but… I'm lazy.

Picking up several floral-looking bags, Lorelai rummaged through each nook and cranny, until she found the tiny shiny red bottle she was looking for.

Ahh! Oooh! Pretty colour!

She turned it on its side.

"Vicious Trollop"… cool!

Grabbing some cotton wool balls, she ran – waddled – bad down the stairs. She sat back down on the couch, fanning herself.

Gee, I'm getting all unfit.

… I should really care about that shouldn't I?

She twisted the lid off the nail polish, carefully keeping the bottle away from her face so she didn't inhale any. She started to bend down when something stopped her.

The enormous round bump where her flat stomach used to be was in the way, not allowing Lorelai to even reach her ankles with her fingers.

Surely I'm not THAT fat…am I?

Armed with a pained  expression – and determination to boot – she tried in vain to reach her toenails, until she gave up – bursting into tears.

Oh my god! I am so fat I can't even reach my toes… now not only are my feet ugly – but I'm fat!

I'm fat because of this baby! I'm fat and homeless because of this baby!

And my parents now hate me.

More than before. And Chris is no help… and I'm all alone…

I'm fat, ugly, homeless, parentless and all alone.

Once she had started crying, she couldn't stop. Her emotions took over her and she curled up, thinking of her life, sobbing on the sofa so loudly she didn't notice the front door opening, and Luke walking into the room – clutching his schoolbag.

Luke saw Lorelai crying and froze, obviously having no idea what to do.

He put down his bag, walked over to Lorelai and put his arms around her.

She rested her head on his shoulder and let her tears flow.

"It's okay, shhh…don't cry, Lorelai," he whispered, smoothing her hair.

In between her hiccoughs, Lorelai smiled, "You rhymed."

He smothered a laugh at her comment and continued to rub her back softly, "Yeah, I did."

Mmmmm, I could stay like this forever – his arms are really warm…

Ugh.

I'm probably squishing him with my elephant-woman fatness.

Lorelai swiftly pulled away from Luke and rested her head in her hands, not daring to look at Luke – who hadn't moved and was presently fiddling with his fingers.

Probably relieved I finally stopped smothering him with my humongous belly.

"Are you alright?" Luke ventured, standing up to crouch in front of her.

No. "Yes," Lorelai blurted, "fine, thanks."

Not that you would care anyhow.

She looked up, finally, to find Luke's blue eyes filled with concern.

"Ah, gee," she sighed, "okay, so maybe I'm not fine."

He nodded, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked at the ceiling and tried not to cry again, "I can't paint my toenails."

Okay, now I sound like a jackass.

She squinted and screwed up her mouth, "I mean, I'm so fat I can't even reach down to my toes to make them look," her voice shook again, she took a deep breath, "pretty."

Luke took Lorelai's hands into his and clasped them together, "Lorelai, look at me."

She pouted, "No."

"Lorelai," he coaxed.

She shook her head, "no."

"Lorelai."

"No."

"Lorelai."

"No."

"Lorelai."

"WHAT!" she cried in exasperation as she snapped her eyes down to look at him.

He shifted a little, "first thing: you are not fat – you are…well, you're… you're beautiful."

He thinks I'm beautiful?

They both flushed red, and Luke shifted again before continuing, "Second thing: If you're really that…upset…about the whole toenails thing. I could… I mean – if you want – as long as nobody hears about this…" he then muttered something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, you could what?"

He stood and turned, frustrated, "Paint them for you!" he paused, looked back at her and sighed, "If you want…"

Awwww cute!!

Lorelai squealed, "Yay! Thank you Lukey, you're the best!"

She grinned at him and patted the spot next to her.

He sat down and she lifted her legs and put her feet on his lap.

"So, Lukey, have you ever done this before – or will I have to give you a step by step guide to the art of painting Lorelai's nails?"

He blushed again, "Actually… well – Liz used to never be bothered about actually doing things herself, so I used to get roped into doing her nails before she went out."

"Oooh, wow! You must be an artiste at it by now! We should open a beauty parlour or something! It could be… ooh ooh! It could be 'Luke and Lorelai's Beauty Trip!'"

"No."

"Yeah, you're right. That actually that sounds as if we're doing drugs… ooh! What about 'Luke and Lorelai's House of Beauty!'"

"No."

"Mmm, true – it does sound a bit too upper-class. I wanna be able to give some funky make up advice – or would that be your department?" Luke blushed, "Ooh! Ooh! 'Luke and Lorelai's Beauty Shoppe!' With the cool extra 'p' and 'e' on the end!!!"

"No!!"

Teeheehee

 "No, no! THIS bit!"

The two were still sitting on the couch, with Lorelai fidgeting and mucking about with the record player.

"Lorelai, you've made me listen to this 'bit' ten times, can you please sit still!?"

"No! Not until you fully appreciate this moment"

"Fine! I appreciate it, now let go of the needle!"

"Hey, buster you take care of the last three toes – I'll take care of the music."

"I don't know whether I trust you with that"

"I don't know whether I trust me with this either, but we'll both have to learn to deal."

"Sadist!"

"Beauty queen!"

"Sorry – am I interrupting something?"

Both heads swiveled to the doorway where Lorelai saw a pretty girl with curly hair and a red backpack.

Ahh.. This must be –

"Rachel!" Luke jumped up off the couch, knocking Lorelai's feet to the floor.

She frowned, "Hey, don't you see the sign?  WET PAINT!"

Luke pulled a face and checked the carpet for nail polish, "So, uh, Rachel, what are you doing here?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow, "What, I'm not allowed to come and visit my boyfriend after netball practice?"

Netball? Pfft. Netball is for sissies.

      - Lorelai, you used to play netball.

Shut up, brain.

- Don't shoot the messenger! I was just pointing it out.

Roger that, BANG BANG BANG BANG!

-

MUCH better.

Rachel put her arms around Luke and moved in for a kiss. Luke pecked her on the cheek and took a step back, "Uh, Rachel. This is…" he coughed,  "This is Lorelai. She's staying with us for a while." He turned to Lorelai, "Uh, this is Rachel. My… uh, my…"

Rachel's eyes narrowed at him, "Girlfriend. Girlfriend," she walked up to Lorelai, her hand outstretched, "I'm Luke's girlfriend."

Lorelai looked at Luke's face.

Beet red. Either he's embarrassed because he got caught with me painting my nails, or he's embarrassed because he got caught with me in general.

Boy, do I feel special.

She took Rachel's hand and smirked, "Pleasure, I'm sure."

Yes siree, pleasure. About as much pleasure as having my foot put through a blender.

Rachel sat down, "So, Luke's told me so much about you!"

"Really?" Lorelai looked at Luke pointedly, "He hasn't mentioned a thing about you…"

en guarde!


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