A/N: Alai to Ender, post-bugger war. Could be slash. R/R, please.

Pieces of You

Right here, Ender, right here. I hold you in my heart so hard that sometimes it hurts, catches up with me like a wave that threatens to crash down and smother me. But your eyes are dull and clouded, and your mind is caught up with blood and pain, and tactics of war.

You're in love with it, I can taste it in the air around you, like the sweat that seeps through your pores. You're in love with it, but you hate it. Can't stand to think about, want to cover your ears and scream until the world breaks and you realise it is all a dream.

It's not a dream. Or maybe it is, maybe everything is a dream and when we die, we're waking up and truly living, for the very first time. Maybe this is all fake, except during those clouded moments of sleep; then we come close to reality, our fingertips brushing against the gauzy curtains that separate us from our true selves, our true lives.

And now, as you softly breathe into the too-warm air, your eyebrows arched in worry, I hope that you're near that beautiful world. But it will never be as beautiful as you. You, with your dark curls falling lightly against pale skin. You, with your black eyes, closed to the dreamworld around you, shadows pooling deeply in them.

Your hand clutches the blanket, tightly, as though you need to grip a piece of this world, something tangible. I wish I could do something, let you know the truth about this world, that it's all fake, it's not real, and the only thing that matters is you. Sometimes the truth hurts, and sometimes it doesn't. You'll never know, though, because you are my commander and our language is battle tactics and starships. I'm not even allowed to see you, to be near you; they separate you from us, slowly breaking you down, and we - no, I - can't do anything about it.

But it's over, it's over, you killed the buggers and we won. And now we can be together, now we can live our dream-lives until the world ends and we finally grasp reality.

Salaam, Ender. If this truly is a dream, then I never want to wake up.