Chapter Fifteen:

Max stood and watched him as he moved frantically before him in his apartment.

"Michael." He shouted trying to get his attention.

"What!"

"I need you under control.  Do you understand me?"  Max said watching Michael's angry movements consume the distance of the room and then turn to retrace his steps.

"Why?"  Michael demanded stopping.  "Why do you need me under control?"  He stared across the room at Max.  "Could it possible be because you're afraid your going to loss it once you come face to face with that monster?  Are you hoping that I will keep you from killing him?  Well right now Max I'm feeling the same damn thing so you tell me how the hell I'm going to grab on to this control your talking about when you can't yourself?"

"Look…Michael we don't have the time for this.  We have to do this tonight."  Max said grabbing his arm.

Pulling away his pain racing inside him, he didn't try to stop the tears any longer.  "I know that all of you think I'm this hard ass…God…that I don't feel anything, but I do.  I…do and it tears me up inside that I couldn't protect her to."  He sighed.  "Don't you know that?"

"Michael…"  Max's voice caught in his throat as the uneasiness inside him progressed to an overpowering panic. 

"Dame it.  I've lived through what she's going through…I've lived through it my whole life."  He screamed.  "So don't you dare tell me to stay in control when all my life I had to fight against the pain…the what ifs.  What if I hadn't dropped my food, what if I hadn't made so much noise, what if I wasn't so big and took up so much space.  There's so many what ifs Max.  So many that one day you stop asking what if and except that you're nothing.  Now you tell me after years of feeling that way how can you just stop because I sure as hell haven't been able to.  I still feel the rage of that little boy inside me.  Do you understand that, Max?  It's still there and now…now with what's happening with Liz…"

"Don't you think that I blame myself every day for what you had to go through?"  Max demanded.  "Because I do…everyday.  Everyday I have to live with the fact that I left you behind.  I wish I can go back…go back and pull you from where you where hiding when the Evans found us, but I can't.  I was as scared as you Michael."

"Apparently you weren't Max because I was the only one hiding behind that stupid rock." He murmured turning away.

"When the Evans adopted us do you think for one moment that I ever forgot you?  God… Michael I use to cry myself to sleep every night.  They thought it was because I missed my parents, but it was because I knew that I left you out there alone…I left a part of myself out there." Max took a deep breath.  "Look…I have no intentions of losing control to night.  Michael I have to know that I can count on you because I can't do this alone so get over it or channel it…what ever you have to do, but get it under control."

"Do you know what you're asking from me?"  He demanded.

"Yes.  I'm asking you to be my first in command."  He forced the word from his lips, but even to his own ears it sounded ridiculous.

Michael laughed.  The sound hollow and etched with the pain, the rage racing through him.  "First in command." He stared at Max the emotions overwhelming him clouding his eyes.  "Do you know how sick I am of this King, Princess, First in command bullshit?"  He took a deep breath.  "I'm tired Max.  I'm tired of trying to fit into this world; I'm tired of the world waiting for us to save them.  When is it my turn?"  He demanded.  "My turn to just be me, damn it… without the other stuff weighing me down?"

Max stared at him for a few seconds before answering.  "Weighing you down?"  He asked.  "I won't belittle what you went through as a child, Michael…I won't.  But you have no idea what I've had to deal with my whole life.  If you haven't realized it, Michael, you and Isabel was my only friend until I saved Liz that day in the diner.  I may have had parents who loved me, but that never ever distracted me from the knowledge that you two was my responsibility.  God…I had no life before Liz.  No life of my own that didn't consist of what more can I do to make sure that you and Isabel was safe."  

"I'm not trying to …"

"I know your not, Michael, but that's not the point.  The point isn't about all the things we've had to endure on this plant.  This is about Liz.  About the person who dare tried to destroy one of the few people willing to risk their life to protect us."

"You're right."  He said running his hand through his hair. "You're right."

"I have to know that I can count on you."  Max said capturing his eyes with his.

"I'm your First in command.  If you can't count on me, who else can you depend on."

He knew that he'd said what Max needed to hear, but even though he was trying hard to control the rage inside him, he couldn't.   He couldn't erase the memories of the little boy inside him.  As he looked at Max he made himself repeat.  'This is for Liz.  This is for Liz.'  And God knows with everything within him he tried to believe it.


TBC