Heartbreaking

Part - 10





Susan

The journey upstairs to the quarantine ward seems endless. With every step that I take, it seems as though I'm making no progress to reaching my destination. Maybe it's because I'm not walking at my usual pace, I don't seem to have enough energy, but that's what comes with exhaustion. The long journey allows me to reflect on the past 24 hours, summing up what I have lost and what I'm losing, and think about what the next 24 may bring. If they are anything like the one's that I have just experienced, then may god help us all. I'm not a religious person, I never allowed myself to believe in something that was based on a book of stories from thousands of years ago, but today, for the first time I found myself in the hospital chapel praying. It was the only place where I could go to escape all the chaos that was going on around the hospital, especially in the ER. With carter being the first victim after the John Doe, I couldn't stand being in the ER. I could have been out there helping, but instead I turned my back on them. I suppose that was because there was something inside me telling me that what was going on wasn't true, that maybe it was just a nightmare and I would wake up any minute. I suppose that's why I walked out of the ER and to the chapel, so that I didn't have to face the truth nor admit it.

I stayed in the chapel for as long as I could, every time someone entered I would hide myself in the shadows, telling myself that if I could believe that I wasn't there then none of this would really be happening. Rumors had begun to bounce of the hospital walls, and soon they slowly filtered to me. I learned that several of them were in fact false, much to my relief, as one of them was that Mark had become the next fallen colleague. I suppose you could call me a coward, for not going out and dealing with the situation as everyone else was doing, but I guess I'm not as strong as everyone had believed me to be. The rumors, however, finally pushed me out into the open, giving me no choice but to confront my fears of reality. When I heard that Randi had died, I had to go and see for myself, so that not only would I confront my fears but believe in them too.

I had stayed in the chapel for nearly an hour. I suddenly realized the seriousness of the situation, as the atmosphere changed from the tranquility of the chapel to desperation, sadness and a higher degree of fear. Put the two together and the contrast was evident.

As soon as I arrived in the ER, I saw the HAZMAT guys carrying a body away from trauma one. I looked around and met Mark's eyes. They said it all, as they confirmed that Randi was dead. He filled me in on the present situation, and it wasn't good. He told me about Kerry and Abby, and with that I couldn't help but feel guilt, as they had risked their lives to save Carter's and at least try and help save Randi's, and I wasn't there, instead I was a coward, and decided to hide away.

With the ER shut down, I tried to make myself useful. I went up to the quarantine ward, to find out what the conditions of Carter and Malucci's were. Malucci was critical and Carter was stable. He had finally regained consciousness, and although the virus was still attacking his internal organs, it was at a much slower rate and the drugs had started to attack the cells of the virus. At last, someone's prognosis was looking good, and that filled me with relief. I talked to him briefly before making my way back down to the ER. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I was greeted by Mark. He gave me his instructions, and I followed them, oblivious to what the reason behind them was. I went and collected the protective gear that HAZMAT had left us, and when I returned, I realized the full extent of what was happening. Kerry had rushed straight into trauma one, fully exposed to the virus. Mark had managed to hold Luka back, telling him to wait outside. He grabbed a gown, some gloves and a mask from me and headed in after Kerry, I closely followed. Kerry refused to leave, despite protests from both me and Mark.

As soon as I entered, I saw the heaped body on the floor. I thought she was dead, and literally she was. As soon as we hooked her up to all the monitors, it was clear that she was. The machines registered no heartbeat, and she wasn't breathing either. And there was no telling how long she had been there either. With all the factors taken into consideration the outlook was bleak. I know that the doctor in me had already decided that it wasn't worth the effort to revive her, it had already decided that she was dead. But somehow, the emotion inside me, the real me had managed to switch off the autopilot, and keep battling. I wasn't ready to fully admit anything yet, and there was no way that I was going to let a friend die without even helping one bit.

Time had slowed until it was at a virtual stop as we continued to fight a losing battle. No matter what we tried, the monitors still rang out with their deathly tune, haunting us all. At one point, I moved my stare from my befallen colleague to another stood outside: Luka. That look alone gave me all the strength that I needed to continue fighting, and make sure that I kept my hopes high. That look made the full horror of the situation finally kick in. People were dying, patients, friends, colleagues, it didn't matter. They say that being a doctor would make you hardened to death. In a way that's true, because if you think about it, the people around you who die are patients, they are not directly linked to you, so the effects that you feel after they die are never as severe as those felt when it's someone close. Today the feelings are mixed. Anyone could be a victim. In one day alone, all your friends could die, leaving you with nothing. That punishment, to me, is just as severe as death itself.

After battling for an hour, the heart monitor finally began singing it's song of life, and the relief slowly circulated around the room. Although she's still at deaths door, she hasn't yet entered it. That itself, gives us all the reassurance we need, for now. We just hope she holds on.

I finally reach the top of the stairs and make my way towards the quarantine wards. I grab a mask, and make my entrance through the automatic doors. I glance to my right and see Jing-mei stood by Malucci's bed. His condition is no better. Then I look to my right and see Carter. I head towards him. He must have noticed the sad expression on my face, as he takes the words right from me. "It's bad news, isn't it?" I try so desperately hard to make the situation sound better than it really is. He and Abby had become a lot closer than they had let on in the past few weeks. They thought that they could disguise it from everyone, I suppose that was because of the past, because of me and Luka. There's a lot of history to deal with. Carter should have known better, I know him inside out. He and Abby are great together, they're right for each other, I hold nothing against them. Carter and me are old friends, we go back too far to have taken our relationship to the next level. What we have is a great friendship. And that's what's making it so difficult to tell him about Abby. If he was just a patient, then there would be no links, but because he and Abby are my friends, it crushes me to tell him the truth. Not just because I will once again have to admit to myself that this is all real, but because I will have to admit to myself that Abby is dying and I will have to deal with Carter and his breaking heart as well as my own.

I look up and make eye contact before, at last, I allow my self to tell him. "Abby's in a critical condition" I pause to allow my words to sink in. Carter looks away for a moment in sadness, before bringing his attention back to me. "What happened?" The words quietly escape his mouth. The grief that I see in his eyes is conveyed in my voice as I reply with the answers. "Mark found her collapsed in trauma one. She was down for an hour, but we managed to get her back. She's dependent on a ventilator, and her condition is continuing to deteriorate." I pause briefly, I didn't know how much detail he wanted me to go into, but still I continued, "Her vital organs are shutting down," I sit on the end of the bed, and take his hand in an effort to show him my support. He looks up at me, "How long does she have?" The question is shattering. It's one that I don't want to answer, but I know that I have to for his sake. "She might not make it through the night" Those words are equally shattering, but I knew that I had to reply. I look into his eyes and can see his heart breaking. It's like looking into the mirror, because inside me, my heart too, is breaking.

Well guys that's part 10 hope ya liked it! Part 11 will be here soon and from Kerry's point of view. Please keep those reviews comin, it's the highlight of my day! (Yeah I no I need to get out more, but hey!) Hmm, really I'm not that sad! Well until next time . . adios!

Rainbow345uk