Conflicting Emotions Part - 15

Susan

I'm finding it hard to distinguish between my emotions. Everything feels so surreal, and I wish to god that it were. Even though I've been confined to this place for, I steal a quick glance at my watch, it's not even been a whole 24 hours yet, I'm still finding it difficult to even begin to contemplate what's happening. But as I glance into the room, and see Abby, I can't help but feel lucky. And that makes me feel selfish, it makes me hate myself. How can I even start to think about myself when all this is happening? Abby's dying, along with Carter's heart and Kerry's spirit. Nothing is ever going to be the same again.

I can't watch this happen, I can't stand here and watch a friend die, I just can't. I slowly retreat away from trauma one. I told myself that I wasn't going to turn my back on my friends again, like I did when I hid in the chapel, and I'm not going to, or I at least hope I'm not, but I just can't watch this happen. I have no idea where I'm going, I just need to get away. The roof seems like a good idea, it's the one place where I feel I could escape. Perhaps the conflicting emotions would push me over the edge, perhaps then I would finally be free, free from death, heartbreak and the torture that comes with living, with surviving this nightmare. But is that the way that I really want to die? No, of course it isn't, and I know that I am stronger than I think. I'm no good to anyone dead. And besides that the roof is cordoned off, so even if I did want to commit suicide, I couldn't.

I head towards the stairs. I have finally decided what I am going to do. I'm heading towards the quarantine ward, deciding that there is one last thing that I can do. You hear stories about how people wake from a coma after their loved ones gently plead with them to wake up, and that's why I'm getting Carter. I know that it's a long shot, but I just can't stand by and do nothing. But even if it doesn't work, at least Carter will be by her side. The thought of losing a friend fills me with sadness, and thought that I can't do anything to prevent it, fills me with anger. But I put those thoughts to the side, as I near the top of the stairs. I'm trying the last thing I can think of, and I hope to god that it works.

That's part 15 for u! hope u liked it, part 16 is here to, not sure when 17 will be posted, but it is under construction! Thanx for all the reviews, keep reading! : ) Rainbow345uk