There was a warm breeze in the air as the sun slowly descended behind the trees on the other side of the lake. Liz couldn't bring herself to look at him as they walked by the edge of the water. She closed her eyes as the gentle warmth of the wind caressed her face. For a moment she tried to ignore the tight hold Max had on her hand and pictured her self as one of the wave's rippling gently into nothing only to suddenly appear again to repeat the effortless movement.
"When did it start?" Max's sudden question brought her eyes open. When she didn't answer him Max pulled her to a stop. "When did it start?" He asked again.
"I don't know." Liz sighed pulling her hand free then sitting on the ground looking out at the beautiful lake in front of them, but it's beauty was lost to her as she closed her eyes. "I've always been afraid of him…always."
"But you're not afraid any longer." He said looking down at her. When she didn't answer him he dropped to the ground next to her cupping her face within his hands and turned her to face him. "But you're not afraid of him any longer." He repeated as he
stared down into her eyes. It wasn't a question. It was a statement everything in him needed her to confirm.
"God…Max." She cried pulling her face out of his hold. "I know what you want me to say, but I can't. I am …I'm afraid of him." She admitted.
"He'll never hurt you again…Liz. You understand that don't you?" He tried to reassure her as he felt the uneasiness hovering beneath the confidences he was trying to betray.
"Max…" How could she make him understand? Turning to face him she tilted her head to the side staring at him for a moment as she tried to put what she was feeling into words. "I know that he'll never hurt me again, Max at least in my head I do, but subconsciously he has a strong hold on me."
"Liz…why didn't you ever tell anyone what he was doing to you?" Max asked softly not wanting to make the question sound as if it was her fault because she hadn't told.
"I did once." She said taking a deep breath. "Before he moved away. She was a friend of my mother. Her daughter and I were playmates." She felt the tears fill her eyes, but she forcefully blinked them away. "I thought…I…thought that she would understand." She closed her eyes tightly as she fought against the pain and humiliation of that day as it raced through her. She laughed, the hollow sound ricocheting on the wave retreating in front of them. "She said I was over reacting…God." Liz roared wiping at the tears running down her face that she couldn't control no matter how hard she tried. "Do you know how stupid I felt? This women who was like a second mother to me was standing in front of me a frown on her face telling me that what he was doing was okay." Her body shook with her sobs, her face drenched with the tears she didn't try to control any longer. "It was okay for him to hurt me. I didn't matter… I didn't matter." She cried. "God…I was nothing…nothing." She repeated covering her face with her hands.
When Max tried to pull her into his embrace she held up her hand warding him off.
An uneasy silence's settled around them as her cries echoed in the air and his rage directed at the woman who could have stopped this so many years ago coursed through him. Max closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to digest everything that she'd said his heart racing. He wanted to stop her now and reassure her that none of it mattered, but he knew that she needed to finally voice the pain inside her.
"What happen when you were five, Liz?" He asked watching her intently. "What happen?" He made himself repeat.
Her head quickly turned to face him as a flesh roll of tears filled her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about." She demanded softly as she turned away from his penetrating stare.
"Liz…"
"Damn it…Max." She yelled jumping to her feet and running away from him her tears blinding her as her sobs raked her body.
He jumped to his feet and raced after her making the distances between them quickly. Grabbing her he pulled her to a stop hauling her into his arms. She sank into him burying her face into his shoulder as she cried holding him tightly to her. Max held on to her his heart breaking. Staring up at the stars hovering above them he took a deep breath as he tried to control the conflicting emotions fighting inside him.
"They left me alone with him." She cried. "Oh…God. I was so scared." She sobbed. "I tried…I really did." She said pulling away slightly to look into his eyes pleading for him to believe her. "I tried to do everything right, but I couldn't. I couldn't. God…I was only…I was only a kid… Max…only a kid."
Max sighed as he held on to her. "I know sweetheart…I know. What did he do?" He demanded trying to make his voice as gently as possible.
"No!" Liz roared, pulling out of his arms. "I don't want to remember… I don't." She cried.
"God, Liz. I've seen the flashes when we've kissed of the holidays he's spent with your family. I've seen it. Every year he's come here to celebrate one holiday or the other, but the only year you acknowledge is when you were five. What happened?" He demanded again.
She sank to the ground covering her face with her hands her sobs the only sound around them. "I…I don't what to remember. I don't want to remember." She kept repeating over and over again.
Kneeing in front of her he cupped her chin within his hands and pulled her face up to his. "Liz… you have to… sweetheart you have to remember." He felt her body stiffen under his hand. "But this time you won't be alone." He whispered, running the back of his hand over her cheeks. He captured her eyes with his taking deep breaths. "Take a deep breath…Liz." He said. "That's it let your body go."
The connection was instantaneous. He turned his head to look at her as they both stood in her old kitchen. He felt her tighten the hold he hand on her hand.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'll be good…I promise… I'll be good." The little girl on the kitchen floor cried her body shaking as she glanced up at the angry figure hovering above her.
Liz shook her head as she watched a younger version of herself. 'Oh…God.' The words echoed in her head as the memory of that night came crashing down on her. "No…I…won't do it again." She cried her voice intertwining with her younger self as she watched the small being franticly trying to clean up the mess she'd made.
She watched as she wiped her hands around the cereal on the ground. "It…I…just…" Her body jerked as he brought his closed fist down on her back. Liz fell in her knees never allowing her eyes to break away from the younger imagine of herself as she felt the blow mentally strike her body. "No." She yelled her tears racing down her face. She didn't try to control the anger that suddenly sprung into her. "I won't let you hurt her again." She yelled rushing forward.
Max grabbed her, holding her tightly as she tried to pull away from him. "It's only a memory…Liz." He cried. "You can't change what happen…I'm sorry, but you can't."
She closed her eyes as she allowed Max to hold her in his arms. "No!" Her eyes shot open when she heard the little girl scream as Mike abruptly grabbed her and pulled her to her feet. "No…no…no…" She cried pushing at the hand holding her as he dragged her out of the kitchen.
Following them down the hall they watched as Mike jerked a door open then pushed her inside the room. They could hear her small tiny body hit the ground forcefully, could hear her cry out in pain.
"Liz…" Max moaned his tear's running down his face when he felt her body jerk at the sound of the tiny form hitting the ground. "Oh…God…I shouldn't have made you relive this. I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" He kept repeating, but she didn't hear him as she made her way into the room.
"Until you learn how a young lady should behave you're going to stay in there." Mike's words brought Liz out of the daze that held her as she watched the little form on the ground curled up into a ball, shaking. Max stood behind her placing a hand on her shoulder as Mike slam the door casting the room into darkness.
He moved to stand over the young version of his beloved his tears running down his face. Kneeing he reached a hand out to her wanting to comfort her as he watched her body heaving with the sobs she was trying to smother afraid if she was to loud he would come back. Clutching his teeth together tightly his eyes closed he snatched his hand away. 'It's only a memory.' The words echoed in his head, but it felt so real. He could actually feel the pain and fear surging from her. Could actually feel the rage running through Liz as she stood staring down at her self, could feel her trying to push away the pain. He watched her lay down beside the little form.
"Shhh….don't cry. It's okay…your not alone…I'm right here with you." Liz spoke softly trying to smooth the child beside her. Reaching her hand out she tried to touch her, but her hand with right through her. She couldn't stop the tears the strung into her eyes as she balled her hand into a fist. "I can't help her, Max. She's all alone and I can't help her." She cried.
Her head suddenly jerked up and she looked around her. Her frighten eyes wide as she jumped to her feet and ran to her bed. Curling up on the bed she grabbed the little bear sitting on it. They watched as she held the bear up in front of her, her tears running down her face. "We're not afraid." She said to the bear. "We're grandma's brave little girl…we're grandma's brave little girl." She repeated as she held the bear tightly to her.
"God!" Max pulled his hand away terminating the connection. His body heaving, his mouth held wide open as he tried to draw air into his lungs. Running his hands through his hair he tried to fight the anger inside him. "Liz."
She was so still. She just sat there her tears running down her cheeks as she stared out into the darkness.
"Liz." Max said again grabbing her arms his heart pounding at the void look in her eyes.
"Did I ever tell you that my parents use to call me a chatter box?" She asked so softly that he almost didn't hear her.
"No." He said watching her intently.
"Their little chatter box with a thousand questions. They never noticed that when he was around their precious little chatter box was silent. That she was afraid to move let along ask a question." She looked at him her eyes filled with her tears, her voice echoing the anger inside her. "They didn't notice."
"Liz…you could have…"
"Damn it Max don't tell me what I could have done. I sure the hell couldn't have told them. They loved him…Max. Everyone loved him."
"But they loved you more." His hands itched to reach out to her, but the anger emulating from her held him back.
"I couldn't Max…I couldn't tell them…at least I thought I couldn't." She took a deep breath as she ran her hands through her hair. "I can't remember a time when I wasn't afraid of him. I've tried to remember when he was just my uncle, my father's brother, but I can't. I can't… I've always been afraid." She said capturing his eyes with hers. "But after that night…I was…I was terrified of him." She whispered the words as she leaned closer to him as if it was a secret she wanted no one else to hear.
"I know Liz. I could feel it. I felt everything that little girl was feeling, everything you were feeling. God…Liz. I wish I could somehow go back in time and stop this from happening."
She smiled through her tears. "You would do that for me?" She asked taking one of his hands into hers.
"I'd do anything for you." Max said cupping her cheek with his hand. He wiped at the moisture on her face with his thumb. "Don't you think it's time you started talking to your parents about this?" He felt her body stiffen. "Liz…I think…"
"Max…I can't do that." She said pulling away from him drawing her legs up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them.
"You've kept this secret inside for to long… Liz. You'll never be able to get past this if you don't…"
"I can't hurt them like that… I can't." She said closing her eyes.
"Liz… your not the one who hurt them, Mike is. If you keep this inside you'll never be able to let it go."
"You sound like my therapist, Max."
"I'm not trying to, Liz. I just know what I've read and ever book say's the same thing. If you don't face this head on you've never be able to let it go…. never." He said. Taking her chin within his hands he turned her to face him. "I can't do this for you, Liz. As much as I want to I can't."
"You didn't see the pain and guilt in their eyes, I did." She said. "I did and that was just because they though his abuse was a one time thing." She tried to make him understand. "I don't think they could handle knowing that he's hurt me my whole life. It would destroy them, Max."
"It's not your job to protect them
from something like this, Liz. It's
there job to protect you." He yelled as
he felt the anger hovering inside him surface.
"God…why do you always thing about everyone else around you before you
think of your self?"
"I can ask you the same question." She yelled back. "'Why haven't you told your parents about your alien static?" She demanded angrily as she returned his anger stare.
"God…it's not the same thing…Liz… you know it's not the same thing. Me telling my parents would only put them in danger. If you told yours it would only help all of you. Can't you see that?" He demanded.
"Max." She cried closing her eyes. She knew he was right, but she didn't know if she could do it. Everything in her wanted to protect them even though they didn't protect her.
"Just tell me you'll think about it." He said. "Please just think about it." He begged as he stared at her.
"I promise, Max." Liz said touching his cheek. "I'll think about it."
He pulled her into his arms closing his eyes. "If you need me there I'll be there. I'll hold your hand the whole time. I'll be there to lean on if you need my strength it's yours Liz. Anything you need I'll be there for you."
"God…why do you love me so much?" She asked as she held on to him.
He drew away from her at her question. He looked down into her eyes as he cupped her face within his hands. "How can I not love you?" He countered. "You are an enigma to me."
"What?" She asked frowning as she pulled slightly away from him.
"Liz, just when I think I've pulled the last layer of your character away and I know with everything within me that I finally understand who you are, I find myself staring at another layer. Your character knows no depth. You are the most intelligent, caring, giving person I've ever met."
"Max…" She smiled closing the small distance between him. Holding him tightly to her she whispered. "I love you."
"Liz…I don't think there's a word known that would express exactly what I feel for you." He said holding her tightly his eyes closed. "We're in this together. What affects you affects me." He said trying to make her finally understand. "Together."
"Yes, together." She said closing her eyes. "Forever."
"Forever." He echoed her word as he held on to her.
TBC
