~Wednesday, May 28~

118 lbs (yes! Have theory: cheese help diet!), chocolate units: impossible to recall (surely one cannot get drunk off dark chocolate?), no. of zits on forehead 3, no. of zits on cheeks 2, no. of zits all together 5, no. of times tried to rationalize with self involving odd behavior from Mum: countless.

11:54am. Have come up with perfectly normal explanation for Mum's odd interpretation of language yesterday. You see, was trying to impress Paul.

Though he was not there.

Perhaps was trying to impress James, the, the son of Paul? Surely own Mother is not… No. Of course not.

But then again…
No.

But Mum did sort of run off with next door neighbour to America, which she had insisted she was only going for a little "vacay". Was great relief when stopped using Americanized words and phrases such as "no way Jose" etc when told her to get rid of hideous sunglasses in manner of Elton John.

Anyway mustn't worry. Today Mum finally snapped out of this Tarzan and Jane approach at living in wilderness. Ran out of room with Mad afro-hair as had not put on rollers in properly and starts shouting at Dad about going to clinic with telephone withdrawal. At last! Can talk to Jude and Shaz in matter of minutes! Hurrah! Hurrah!

4:43pm. In supposed bedroom-box. Was great except for Mum's intrusion.

Jude picked up in sheep-innocent voice, "Hello. Jude here, may I please take a message for Sharon as she is busy having sex with the Prime Minister." (Turns out Jude was over Shaz's house.) Hears sniggering in background.

"Jude!" I shout in enthusiasm as have not talked with Jude since day left house.

Small pause, then in uncertain tone she said, "…. Bridget?" Thought for moment was doomed. Had finally made friends and now they had forgotten all about self. Started nodding before realizing was on phone.

Before could reply, however, Shaz's voice rang out on the other line, "Bridge, how are you! Sorry 'bout Jude over here. She's read some pagan book and concluded you were assassinated by some Mad rapist man. Christ, you should've seen her face when she heard you."

Was greatly relieved and had nice chat with Shaz before asking her to put Jude on again. Another lovely conversation with Jude (with Shaz bellowing some, to be frank, downright frightening Frank Sinata.) Anyway both Jude and Shaz sympathized about James greatly. At last had to get off when Mum said in odd-high-pitched voice, "Darling, could you hurry up a bit? Una's waiting for my call."

"But I thought you told everyone to leave messages at home because the place we were going is still young and fresh and not touched by the awful industry, and that we were intending to keep it that way?" I said, confused.

"Darling, don't be so inquisitive!" Mum continues in strangled-voice, "Of course I may call if it is during an emergency."

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

"An emergency, darling. Emergency. Anyway I must tell Una about my clinic idea. Say bye-bye to Jude and Sharon!" With that she took phone from me.

Cannot believe Mum.

10:00pm. Room. Eaten more cheese. Should really write book about art of dieting. Can see self years from now. Cool. Poised. Thin. Zit-free. With boyfriend/fiancée. Professional career woman.

10:05pm. Still in room. Should really call Magda. Right. First thing tomorrow will suggest Mom for another call to Una.