Author's Note: It's been a while since I've updated. Summer finally came! Haha.

~Friday, May 30~

119 lbs (Gaah!! GAHH!! NO!!! Must eat more cheese. Trouble is already stuffed self with stringed ones.), no. of times tried Magda's number and got farting sound instead of normal "hello." constant, chocolate units 2 small pieces (v.g), no. of times contemplated barging in James' room demanding to see secret lacy panties: frightening amount as thinks is drag queen in secret.

11:32am. In Mad Room. Am disgusted at self for crying in front of James. Am poised. Am cool. Am 16. Anyway he and his family are off on fishing trip. Ha! Scary decaying gurus sitting cross-legged waiting for stupid fish to eat worms. Heard in Florida in US people get eaten by sharks? When he comes back with shark bite in arm will laugh arse off. Surely will be massive amounts of sharks waiting for innocent fishermen in river?

Um… Oh wait. Sharks live in saltwater.

Hmph.

11:56am. Still scheming James doom. I know. Will casually walk into room (James') and… and… AND DISCOVER TRUTH ABOUT HIM!!!!!!

12:00pm. Hmph. Mum keep shooting me death ray look.

12:43pm. At destination (In James' Room.) Hmm… room appears to be in good shape. No messy dirt pile as previously imagined. In fact looks cleaner than self's.

1:30pm. Am v. disturbed when saw rows of neatly folded boxers on end of bed. Surely is not another ritual (of folding underpants?) before self? Is 7 boxers. If all under garments (am assuming is all here for otherwise must be gathering quite a collection) are here then what does he keep in his drawers? Must go find out.

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH IS BLACK LINGERIE IN FIRST DRAWER. GAAH GAAAH CANNOT BELIEVE IT, JAMES IS DRAG QUEEN!

Actually should not be big surprise, why else would… Oh god. Door is jingling. Hope James is not home already.

2:00pm. In self room again. Hmph. Was Mum who came in. When saw me became hysterical and launched in whole lecture about respecting people's privacy, violating law etc etc. By end think Mum lost it. Sounded as if had violated James in some way or another.

But.

Mission was successful! Shall confront James first thing come back. Will be Smug. Maybe should go practice in front of mirror. 

2:12pm. Am afraid face was not meant to look Smug. Every time tried it face muscles look all clinched and tight as if self was constipated. Have –AHA! THEY'RE BACK! WILL TELL ALL TRUTH ABOUT JAMES.

4:00pm. Outside. Oh god. Did not go as planned. But have gotten James into various degree of troubles. Turns out is not drag queen as had hoped, but lingerie belonged to his ex-girlfriend. Ugh. Am disgusted. Am still virgin while he has savoring memories of making love to ex-girlfriend from lingerie, though he is 18. Probably prostitution money involved here. Not fair. Am old hag. No one wants me. Wah.

11:00pm. Mad Livingroom. James is sulking now. HA! Serves him right. Apparently his mum found out and was just demanding why he was having sex before marriage. But also think have gotten self in trouble as his Mum keep shooting darting glares at me as if was my fault that his son broke their family tradition. Ah. They have just called his dad. Should be interesting.

11:20pm. Hmph. Paul seemed a bit too chuffy. Strolled in, spotted James, and gave him hug in manner of husband and wife embracing each other in pain. Am v. disturbed by amount of manly-man-pats given by Paul. Also Paul keeps giving me haunting winks. Wonder if Wonderbra had slipped thus revealing deranged self?

11:50pm. Bed. Christ alive.

Cannot believe it.

Just, CANNOT believe it.

Paul thinks have had sex with James. Said something along the lines of, "So."

I smiled, thinking he would go on. However, Paul only repeated, more loudly and some eyebrow movement, "SO."

Thinking was another family tradition so went along and frantically tried wiggling own eyebrows, raising voice and exclaimed, "SO!"

Could not believe then. Paul reached over, patted back, winked, then whispered, "So. I know he's a bit shy at first, but keep at it; he's a tiger in bed."

Cannot believe it. What was he thinking, anyway? Am controlled. Am poised. Am… ughh cannot believe it. Me. James. Gaaah.

Surely Paul did not tell James?

Gaah life is ending. Gaaaaaaah.

12:30am. Bed still. Am hearing noises outside window. Perhaps is robber.

Gah. Bet is Mad rapist man coming to exterminate self. I know. Will sneak out with broom and attempt to capture/attack in manner of Superman/Spider-man.

12:35am. Outside. V. hard to write as is no light. Just came out of door. Am clutching broom. Do not see Mad rapist man. Do- THERE!!!