Connecticut Writers

Chapter 3 – Here and hiding

*This chapter is dedicated to Jess (not Mariano, though he is like him in some ways), one of my best friends, who is a great writer, and who gave me a lot of ideas for this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yale, any books or authors, or Gilmore Girls.

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long! I really do have this story planned out, but I know it doesn't seem like it. This time I don't really have any excuses either. I was on a school trip for almost a week in Florida and then I couldn't get to the computer. Which is all true, but I did have time, I think. It should be faster from now on. I'm working on chapter 4, but I have exams next week and I have to STUDY, and Monday's my birthday, and I just wrote my graduation speech for June 11th and I'm…not the best public speaker in the world. lol. I like how this turned out, so I hope you all do. Anyway, enjoy! THANKS to all reviewers! ~Arianna

It was a while before I saw Jess again. That didn't mean I stopped thinking about him. I kept going back to that bookstore. The books were great, of course. But I didn't have many friends in my classes, and for some reason I couldn't get myself to call Jess. So I was kind of lonely, and Melanie was fun to talk to. She and I got to be pretty good friends.

I went in one weekend, feeling like I had read every book in New Haven.

"Hey," Melanie greeted me.

"Hey, Mel," I answered.

She smiled. "How boring is your apartment?"

I laughed slightly. "Extremely."

"I can see that." She paused. "So, you never told me—how'd you get here, anyway?"

I told her about Stars Hollow, Chilton, and Harvard—and finally deciding to come to Yale.

"Cool. I went to Southern Connecticut State—actually did better than I thought I would. Reading was my thing…not school so much."

"Yeah.  I knew…someone who went there," I replied, thinking for a second about Dean. He was married now. And me? I hadn't had a real boyfriend since I'd broken up with him. It had been the right decision, though…right?

"Rory?" Mel said.

"Oh, sorry." I shook myself out of my thoughts.

"Hey…what happened the other day?" Mel asked.

"The other day?"

"You know. When you walked out of here with that guy…Jess."

That startled me. "Jess? How do you know his name? Wait—do you know him?"

"Sort of like I know you."

"Like you know me?" Ooh, Jess, you liar. What exactly did you mean by 'a while'?

She nodded. "He comes into the bookstore pretty often. Just says hi and stuff." She looked at me. "Or 'hi, I'm Jess,'" she amended.

"H-how long has he been coming in here?" I asked, my voice shaky.

Melanie thought for a second. "Nine months, I guess. Maybe about a year." She looked concerned. "Rory? Are you okay?"

He's in for it, I thought. Why didn't he tell me?

"Um…yeah," I said. "It's just…yesterday wasn't the first time I met him."

"What?'

I told her the whole story. About living in Stars Hollow, and being with Dean and breaking up with him. About Luke's nephew moving in and being best friends with him—Jess. About going to college and how he'd stopped writing.

It was the first time I'd really told someone everything. Not even my mom knew every detail. It had been too hard to tell her then… It did make me feel better. I had to think about a lot.

"Wow," Melanie said softly, when I'd finished.

"Hey—thanks for listening," I said.

"No problem—"

"Listen, I have to go." I practically ran out of the bookstore, questions reeling through my mind. I couldn't figure out why Jess had hidden that from me. Didn't he want to talk to me? Did I hurt him or something? I would have thought he'd miss his best friend. I was hurt. Didn't he care?

I sat down in my chair to think, back at my apartment. Then I pulled my binder toward me and tried to review my notes. I couldn't concentrate at all.

I put the binder away and sat there for a few more minutes. Then I reached into my pocket and pulled out the slip of paper with Jess' number. And stared at it.

I got up and went over to the phone. I stood there, my hand hovering over the receiver, and then I went back to sit down.

What would I say? What could I say?

"Jess, why were you in New Haven for a year?" Stupid.

"Jess, why didn't you talk to me?" I don't wanna sound desperate. I just sort of missed him, that's all.

"Jess, I missed you." True, but pathetic.

What could I gain from this?

But on impulse, I went over to the phone again. And before I could have second thoughts, I dialed.

He answered on the second ring.

"This is Jess Mariano."

"Uh, hey, Jess." Why did I do this again?

He sounded surprised, but not unhappy. "Hey, Rory."

"Jess, I have to talk to you."

"Uh, okay. What about?" I could tell he was going to sit down now. Probably get a book, too. How could he be so casual about this? I could not get hysterical now.

"I was at that bookstore today. The one I saw you at." Lame, lame…jeez.

"Oh. Cool." He knows what I'm gonna say…

"I was talking to Melanie."

"Right. She owns the place, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does. And you know that!" I burst out. "You know that because you've been here for a year, going there and donating books and talking to Mel, and you knew I was here. You never looked for me or called me! You never did anything! I don't know why you were here and I wanna know. I don't know what happened to you, why you left New York or why you came here! Weren't you my best friend? What the hell happened?" I suddenly felt like I was gonna cry.

"Rory, I—I'm sorry," he managed to say.

"You are. Huh. Why…why, Jess?" As much as I tried to hide it, I knew he heard the tears in my voice. He still knew me too well.

"I was gonna tell you, Rory…" He sounded weird too. I had trouble caring just then, concentrating on calming myself down.

"I don't get it! Tell me why you didn't!" My voice cracked at the end of the sentence. I couldn't figure out why this hurt so much.

"I…I don't know how to—" I thought I heard Jess start to cry. I wasn't sure. Then he hung up.

"Jess?" I said tightly.

I hung up too, and then I went to my bed and started crying. What had I done? What had Jess done?