Connecticut Writers

Chapter 6 – Memories of everything

Disclaimer: I don't own: GG, any books, any authors, any movies, any colleges. The dialogue near the end (you'll recognize it! lol) isn't mine either.

A/N: This was gonna be part of the last chapter, but I decided it would work better separately. THANKS for all the reviews! Sorry this took so long! I'm trying to get faster…it's sort of working. I have so much work to do this summer… I have tons of writing to do now…I'm working on 4 fics…but I like it. lol. I also have to do math work for honors class next year. Lots of math. Anyway… In response to a review: thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like this and I'm sorry if you think it's moving too slowly. I promise it will get faster soon, so please keep reading (and thank you if you are!). However, actual R/J stuff might be a little while…because they did just meet after several years, and they were just best friends before. Don't worry though, I am definitely a Literati! This was a hard chapter to write…so, sorry it's short, and I hope you like it! And now I can't concentrate on anything because I've been on the computer too long. lol. On with the chapter! ~Arianna

As soon as I got back, I opened the notebook. It was filled with Jess' strangely neat handwriting, on both sides of every sheet of paper. I lay on my bed and began reading.

It was incredible. I couldn't stop reading. I had always known that Jess was talented. But this…was more than talent. I saw Jess in the main character. I saw myself in his best friend. I read about him moving away—I actually cried.

About halfway through, I found a pencil and started making a few suggestions on the sides of the pages. I didn't have that many. I knew, as a writer, for things like this, I wasn't this good.

The book wasn't finished. But I couldn't wait to read the rest.

When I finished, I wiped my eyes, got something to eat, and read it over again. By that time it was after eleven at night. I didn't care. I called Jess.

"This has to be Rory," he said when he answered the phone.

"It is. I—"

"You finished it?"

"Twice," I admitted.

"Twice?"

"It was…Jess, it was amazing."

"Look, Rory—I can't sleep either. You wanna come over and tell me…"

"Sure," I said. "I'd love to." I hung up and leaned back to glance out the window. It was dark, but not completely. The moon was out; a bright crescent, stars everywhere. It reminded me of nights in Stars Hollow, when I would meet Jess at the bridge, and we would sit there together, silent, looking out across the water or up at the sky. And I would wake up the next morning, on the bridge, with Jess' arm around me. And we would get up and go to Luke's, and Luke would look at us strangely and give me coffee, after much persuading, and make Jess work. And Mom would come in and smile at me, and I knew she would hope, even though we were best friends, that…nothing had happened. It was a routine; a tradition, one I liked.

I decided it was okay to walk over. I got my jacket and the notebook, and I put a pen in my pocket. I wasn't tired at all. I wanted to tell Jess how much I loved the story.

Jess opened the door, and we sat down while I told him how great I thought it was, pointing out my comments in pencil.

"Is it you?" I asked finally.

"Me?"

"The main character. And his best friend. Is it you and I?"

Jess looked away. "I just got this idea…I don't even know why I wrote it."

"Is it?" I persisted.

"Yeah. I guess it is." He looked at me again. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not." Then I realized… "Is it all real? What happened? You still haven't told me, and I want to know! You said you'd tell me, and you—"

"Ror, calm down."

"Jess—"

"I'll…I'll tell you," he said softly.

"Okay." I waited. Jess seemed to be thinking. I knew, from what he'd said and the way he had acted, that this was hard for him. At least he was willing to tell me.

"There isn't just one thing that happened," he said at last. "There isn't just one reason I stopped writing…" I resolved not to say anything while Jess was talking. I wanted him to tell me, and I didn't want to make it any harder for him.

"You know what happened—why I went to New York," he began again. I nodded. "My mom wanted me to come back…you know; we talked about it. I remember crying with you at the bus stop." I remembered that too. "And when I got there, I hung around, mostly by myself, reading. I went to school…enough to graduate. Did well enough…I had a reasonable GPA. What I didn't tell you—while I was leaving Stars Hollow…I had a huge fight with Luke." Pieces were, ever so slowly, beginning to fit together.

Even though I hadn't been going to talk, I heard myself saying, "Why didn't you tell me?" Rory! I scolded myself silently.

"I…the night before I left, I was in the apartment, packing and everything. Luke came up and saw me…and just kind of lost it. He started yelling at me, about getting into fights at school, messing up the apartment, stealing that gnome when I first got here, leaving him at the diner when I'd promised I would work. A lot of things."

It wasn't like I'd taken an oath of silence—it would be okay if I just said something. "Jess…don't you think maybe Luke just did that…because he didn't want you to leave?" I asked gently.

"Because he didn't want me to leave."

"Yeah. Luke cared about you, Jess. He didn't want you to get hurt. And you know Luke. He couldn't tell you that. He had to get mad at you, maybe. So it would be easier."

Jess sighed. "Looking back…I think maybe you're right. But then—it got me really mad. And I was already upset about leaving. And I yelled back. I think it was something about being scared of talking to Lorelai…"

I moved over and put my arm around Jess. I think he just needed to talk to someone. Needed to talk to me.

He continued. "I took the bus to New York, put my stuff away and everything. My mom wasn't around much, but she was doing okay. That night, I got a call from Luke. He wanted to know if I'd gotten there okay. I guess that supports your theory, Ror." I squeezed his shoulder. I'd pretty much…almost forgiven him for everything. He had said, several times, that he'd missed me. Like I had missed him.

"I was still mad at him," Jess explained. "So I told him that he didn't care. He told me I hadn't given a damn—his words—about anything in Stars Hollow. Except you." Jess looked at me; answered my unasked question: "He really said that."

I smiled slightly.

"Yeah. And I asked him why I would, and it got around to Luke saying that Stars Hollow should be glad I was gone."

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "It's not true though. You know that."

He didn't answer.

"Jess—" Then I thought of something. It was past one in the morning. But neither of us really seemed tired, and this was important. "That isn't why you stopped writing to me, is it?"

"No. Not exactly," he replied. I didn't have to ask. "It was…okay…Rory—I'll understand if you get mad. I don't want you to. But you have a reason—"

"I won't," I interrupted.

"Don't say that."

"I promise."

Jess took a deep breath. "You were my best friend."

"You were my best friend too."

"I told you everything. We were…really close. Everybody else considered me the James Dean wannabe, the New Yorker, the rebel-without-a-cause, and I was, and I know that."

"Not really."

"You told me everything too. You actually cared about me; you could understand when I was talking. You are the only person who's ever seen me cry—"

"I didn't just give up when you left!" I burst out. "I wrote to you—I just didn't want to, if you didn't want me to. And I couldn't know you did—"

"Listen, Rory…I didn't want things to change. I couldn't admit it, but I thought maybe it would hurt too much if I saw you at Yale and we weren't still best friends. I really missed you." Knowing Jess, I understood how tough this was for him to say. But he was telling me anyway.

"Wow."

"I know it doesn't sound like me."

"It does." Jess turned to look at me; neither of us said anything. "Hey. Thanks."

He laughed slightly, out of reaction. "For what?"

"Telling me that. I know it was hard."

"I would have told you eventually. Really."

"Yeah…I know." I put my arm around Jess again and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me too, hesitantly. "Wait. Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you come to New Haven?"

"Right." He grinned. "My mom didn't want me in New York anymore, when I finished college. She told me; she said I should go back to Connecticut. She thought it was good for me or something. I didn't have anything going for me there, so I left. I didn't want to go back to Stars Hollow, and I knew you were here, so I came…I didn't find you at first for the same reasons I stopped writing to you. I'm sorry. And I knew I'd see you sometime."

"There aren't enough bookstores here for you to avoid me forever."

"Come on."

"I am." I sighed. "I'm tired."

"You wanna stay here tonight?"

"What?"

"The apartment came with a guest room," Jess answered.

"Okay," I agreed. We got up, and Jess showed me where the room was.

"Goodnight, Rory."

"Goodnight, Dodger," I called.

"What?" he said, re-enacting the scene I would never forget.

I smiled. "Figure it out."

"Oliver Twist."

"Of course." So things were okay again. I couldn't help feeling like…like…I didn't know how to explain it. It was nice. I was staying with my best friend again. And I loved it, honestly loved it.

And the next morning…I knew, from experience, that Jess' coffee was almost as good as Luke's. I'd missed that too.

I couldn't wait.