Disclaimer: DO I own HNB? No, I don't, Ha. All credit for HNB goes to
Jhonen Vasquez, and of course Johnny C. Without them, this would not be
possible. *wipes away tear* thank you for this incredible honor, Jhonen and
Nny! Um, sorry.
Yes, just when you little spleen babies and your little dog Toto thought it was safe to revisit the Jhonen Vasquez category, behold the terror as yet another chapter of my feeble attempt at Noodle Boy unleashes itself on your little eyes, pouring into your minds like red hot blood from a fresh wound! READ! Hee, I scared myself. Aren't those cheap breakfast sausages just nasty? I mean come on, I can't even EAT them! Now, I sense my digression, so I'll start my nonsensical ramblings again.
~"These are nonsensical ravings of a deranged mind!" -Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, 'Young Frankenstein'~
*/*/*
Happy Noodle Boy
Not by Johnny C.
A new chapter: Happy Noodle Boy returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fade in: our hero walks into the city park after his long absence in far away space (goddamn this blister between my fucking toes!), carrying his wooden crate. BEHOLD as our hero climbs atop his perch, ready to bring joy to the world yet again!!! FUCK these commercials about Mt. Dew Livewire! They make me crave again!...um, here we go again...
HNB: Good day to you, adventurous squirrel peanut butter cups! Hear my screamy voice and bear witness to yet another birth on live television! Your interests disgust me, you broccoli crunching rock children!!!!! Look long in good health upon the depths of the mind of a genius, and his name is PEANUTS! GLARG!
Little boy: Daddy, save me from the bad noodle guy!
Fat man: Noodloid, I thought I told you to shut up!
HNB: You cannot silence the voice in my pants!!!!!! Though your bad bad laser beams tear my flesh, they wounds not the impeccable powers of the garlic! No vampires here! FEAR ME!
Teenager: what a loony.
HNB: speak you of the great Peter Pan's nugat supply hidden high in the mountains of Malaysia? I will never tell! You is hurting my groin! And my nipples!
(yet again, HNB realizes the horrible truth, his nipplessness)
HNB: Wait! I HAVE NO NIPPLES! For the second time I am forsaken! Damn you, Jack the Ripper! You have taken my marshmallow peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thin man: what the fuck are you talking about, Noodle?
HNB: Under such DIRE circumstances, I suppose you have a right to know the answer to agelong question of the ancients...WHAT IS BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE!!!!!!???
Lady: I don't like him! Make the bad man go away!
HNB: GRRRRR!!!!!!! Johnny C. and the temple of the ancients* (1)!!! Playing soon in a theater near you!!!!!! Growl at the bears, and they shall bite your hands! My head! Oh fuck, it is becoming large and round! My body.I am becoming a stick figure!!!!!
Lipstick saleswoman: You already ARE a stick figure, you idiot!!!!!
HNB: Sailor Moon!!!!!!! Fear my anime cartoon programming!!!! Available on 165 channels!!!!!! FLAVORS MAY VARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man: Is he alright?
Devi (holy cow, why's SHE there?): Somehow I REALLY don't think so!
HNB: I sense that you wish for the powers of the secret toe ninjas in the HIGH PEAKS of Kansas!!!!!! Email me at SnattyRainNoodles27FearMe@msn.com* (2) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shall gather rewards greater than any mortal swordfish!!!!!!! Bring in the flying gorillas now!!! Why don't I have any dancing lobsters* (3)? Why not ME? Get up, come on get down with the sickness, get up, come on get down with the sickness, get up come on get down with the sickness.....* (4) WOOOO!!!!
Devi: I tie all this to Johnny!
Man: who the hell is Johnny?
Devi: was I talking to you?
Man: I don't know! You were fucking talking to your shoes!!!!
HNB: BLACK CATS! Pow pow pow!!!!!!! Listen to the firecrackers!!!! BLAM!!!! Listen you fucking corn-whores! GRAM! I have no gram crackers! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!!!
Kid: Kill him again, daddy.
Man: yes I shall son!
BLAM.
(our hero's head explodes, and he falls to the ground again, licking the dirt!)
Little factoid things:
*(1): Johnny C. and the Temple of the Ancients is a future humor fic I'm planning
*(2): An ACTUAL email address! It really sends to someone!
*(3): Dancing lobsters: reference to the Amanda Show, which my sister likes to watch while I type these stupid things and I overheard and watched the part with the dancing lobsters.
*(4): Lyric from 'Down with the Sickness', by Disturbed...a GOOD song!!!!!!
Yes, just when you little spleen babies and your little dog Toto thought it was safe to revisit the Jhonen Vasquez category, behold the terror as yet another chapter of my feeble attempt at Noodle Boy unleashes itself on your little eyes, pouring into your minds like red hot blood from a fresh wound! READ! Hee, I scared myself. Aren't those cheap breakfast sausages just nasty? I mean come on, I can't even EAT them! Now, I sense my digression, so I'll start my nonsensical ramblings again.
~"These are nonsensical ravings of a deranged mind!" -Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, 'Young Frankenstein'~
*/*/*
Happy Noodle Boy
Not by Johnny C.
A new chapter: Happy Noodle Boy returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fade in: our hero walks into the city park after his long absence in far away space (goddamn this blister between my fucking toes!), carrying his wooden crate. BEHOLD as our hero climbs atop his perch, ready to bring joy to the world yet again!!! FUCK these commercials about Mt. Dew Livewire! They make me crave again!...um, here we go again...
HNB: Good day to you, adventurous squirrel peanut butter cups! Hear my screamy voice and bear witness to yet another birth on live television! Your interests disgust me, you broccoli crunching rock children!!!!! Look long in good health upon the depths of the mind of a genius, and his name is PEANUTS! GLARG!
Little boy: Daddy, save me from the bad noodle guy!
Fat man: Noodloid, I thought I told you to shut up!
HNB: You cannot silence the voice in my pants!!!!!! Though your bad bad laser beams tear my flesh, they wounds not the impeccable powers of the garlic! No vampires here! FEAR ME!
Teenager: what a loony.
HNB: speak you of the great Peter Pan's nugat supply hidden high in the mountains of Malaysia? I will never tell! You is hurting my groin! And my nipples!
(yet again, HNB realizes the horrible truth, his nipplessness)
HNB: Wait! I HAVE NO NIPPLES! For the second time I am forsaken! Damn you, Jack the Ripper! You have taken my marshmallow peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thin man: what the fuck are you talking about, Noodle?
HNB: Under such DIRE circumstances, I suppose you have a right to know the answer to agelong question of the ancients...WHAT IS BEHIND DOOR NUMBER THREE!!!!!!???
Lady: I don't like him! Make the bad man go away!
HNB: GRRRRR!!!!!!! Johnny C. and the temple of the ancients* (1)!!! Playing soon in a theater near you!!!!!! Growl at the bears, and they shall bite your hands! My head! Oh fuck, it is becoming large and round! My body.I am becoming a stick figure!!!!!
Lipstick saleswoman: You already ARE a stick figure, you idiot!!!!!
HNB: Sailor Moon!!!!!!! Fear my anime cartoon programming!!!! Available on 165 channels!!!!!! FLAVORS MAY VARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man: Is he alright?
Devi (holy cow, why's SHE there?): Somehow I REALLY don't think so!
HNB: I sense that you wish for the powers of the secret toe ninjas in the HIGH PEAKS of Kansas!!!!!! Email me at SnattyRainNoodles27FearMe@msn.com* (2) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shall gather rewards greater than any mortal swordfish!!!!!!! Bring in the flying gorillas now!!! Why don't I have any dancing lobsters* (3)? Why not ME? Get up, come on get down with the sickness, get up, come on get down with the sickness, get up come on get down with the sickness.....* (4) WOOOO!!!!
Devi: I tie all this to Johnny!
Man: who the hell is Johnny?
Devi: was I talking to you?
Man: I don't know! You were fucking talking to your shoes!!!!
HNB: BLACK CATS! Pow pow pow!!!!!!! Listen to the firecrackers!!!! BLAM!!!! Listen you fucking corn-whores! GRAM! I have no gram crackers! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!!!
Kid: Kill him again, daddy.
Man: yes I shall son!
BLAM.
(our hero's head explodes, and he falls to the ground again, licking the dirt!)
Little factoid things:
*(1): Johnny C. and the Temple of the Ancients is a future humor fic I'm planning
*(2): An ACTUAL email address! It really sends to someone!
*(3): Dancing lobsters: reference to the Amanda Show, which my sister likes to watch while I type these stupid things and I overheard and watched the part with the dancing lobsters.
*(4): Lyric from 'Down with the Sickness', by Disturbed...a GOOD song!!!!!!
