Chapter 2
One Year Later
An-Paj walked softly into the dark room where Meri Irhanah lay curled on the bed. Coming to a stop at the side, the blue healer's antenna drooped in sadness. The death of Ariana Caer had shaken all who had known her, but it had devastated her padawan. For the past four days, Meri had been in the infirmary. The first day she was treated for the shock caused by the broken bond. The healers had expected her to come out of the daze she was in, but she hadn't.
The fourteen year old stared blankly at the wall, a fixed frown on her small brow, the sheets clutched tightly in her hands. She did not acknowledged the head healer's presence, and did not seem to hear the whispered voices as An-Paj conferred with the healer who had been watching over her ever since her Master's death four days ago.
"Has she said anything yet?"
"No, Master An-Paj."
"Meri?" The healer's soft voice addressed her next, but the padawan's eyes only flickered to show she had even heard him.
"Meri!" he said more forcefully.
//Leave me alone..// The anguish filled thought never reached her lips.
An-Paj straightened up slightly. As a Healer and a Jedi, he had the ability of telepathic power, and Meri had made no effort to shield the thought. It was the first she had responded to anyone since her Master's death, but the way in which she had responded was not a good sign.
"I can't do that, padawan," he said quietly. He refused to speak with her telepathically, knowing he needed to draw her out from the pain she was drowning in.
//DON'T call me that.// Her eyes were now clenched tightly shut.
Again her unshielded thought surprised the healer, this time more from the thought itself, than that she had responded. "Why?" he questioned softly.
//I'm not worthy to be called a padawan...// The thought was filled with burning agony, and the young teen's small frame trembled.
It was then it fell into place for An-Paj. She blamed herself for her Master's death. "No, Meri. This was *not* your fault. You were obeying the Council and your Master. There was nothing you could have done!"
Deep brown eyes full of suffering finally broke away from the wall and looked up at the healer. With lips trembling and a small tremulous voice Meri finally spoke, her voice rising as she did so. "I should have been there! It is my responsibility as a padawan. I took an Oath!"
"No, Meri! This was NOT your fault!" An-Paj insisted firmly.
Turning her gaze back to the wall, Meri acted as though she hadn't heard him. //Please, leave me alone,// and with that final thought Meri's impenetrable shields fell back into place.
An-Paj stepped back, realizing the conversation was closed. Turning to the somewhat startled healer at the bedside, An-Paj shook his head.
"I'll be back in the morning. Watch her closely tonight," he warned softly. He didn't think Meri would try anything drastic, but he wasn't going to risk it. With once last glance at the young girl, An-Paj walked quickly out of room, shutting the door softly behind him.
Once he was gone, the healer by the bed heard a quivering sigh emanate from the girl curled on her side. Yet still, there were no tears.
|====|----------(
An-Paj had just sank into the chair behind his desk the next morning when a flustered healer swept into his office.
"Master An-Paj, I'm so sorry to interrupt but...,"
An-Paj sighed as he recognized the healer assigned to watch over Meri Irhanah. "Do you know where she went?" he interrupted before the healer finished the sentence.
"No, Master. I'm sorry, Master An-Paj. I didn't meant to fall asle.."
"It's alright," An-Paj cut in again. "Send out a search team, then you may be excused Healer Lilia." Nodding her head thankfully the healer slipped out of the room quietly.
As he sat silently in thought his assistant, Healer Zavian walked in with an armful of records. A shy young man, Healer Zavian had just passed from a padawan to a full-fledged healer. One of his gifts was his sensitivity to what others were feeling, and what they were going through.
"Master An-Paj," the younger healer greeted with a nod.
"Good morning Zavian," An-Paj nodded back. For a few moments he was silent as he watched the young healer replace the files.
"Zavian, I want to ask your opinion on a patient."
With a surprised look, the healer glanced up. "Yes Master?"
"You have seen Meri Irhanah recently haven't you?"
"Yes, Master. Yesterday afternoon."
An-Paj didn't miss the obvious sorrow the young man felt at the thought of the encounter. "Your opinion Zavian?" An-Paj asked softly.
The younger healer's gray eyes lowered briefly, before rising again to meet those of An-Paj. "She has a long road ahead of her, Master."
"That is not what I asked, Zavian," the older healer said gently.
An-Paj heard a troubled sigh from the young assistant. "Let me ask you this, Zavian. You have known Padawan Irhanah almost as long as I have. You've helped treat her before, when still only an apprentice healer yourself. So, tell me, do you think she has held a bond with Ariana Caer since her infancy?"
Zavian looked at him baffled, but An-Paj could see he was thinking about it. The older Healer continued, "Ariana Caer was the one who *brought* Meri as a baby to the Temple, and she took her as an apprentice when Meri was only nine. If she's held a bond with Meri for that long...," he trailed off leaving the young healer to finish the thought.
An-Paj let the young man think about it for a minute before prodding him for an answer. "Zavian, your thoughts?"
An-Paj knew what he was suggesting was serious. One of the main reasons that the initiates had a Crèche Master, and were not apprenticed to a Knight, was because they became too attached. A bond that was formed that young was deemed dangerous by the Council, and for good reason. When a child formed a bond as an infant, they became dependent on that bond, and once Knighthood was reached it was an extremely hard crossover for both the Master and Padawan to make. However, if a bond such as that were to be broken prematurely, and by surprise, An-Paj wasn't sure what would happen. He had known many padawans who had lost Masters, and though they grieved, they overcame quickly, and accepted their loss. He had never had one react as Meri was; yet if what he suspected was true then her reaction should come as no surprise.
"Zavian?" An-Paj insistently questioned the still silent healer, "Zavian do you think she held a bond with Master Caer since infancy?"
Zavian's nod was heavy. "Yes, Master An-Paj, I do."
An-Paj sighed, "This is going to very hard on her."
Zavian only nodded in agreement, his gray eyes troubled.
One Year Later
An-Paj walked softly into the dark room where Meri Irhanah lay curled on the bed. Coming to a stop at the side, the blue healer's antenna drooped in sadness. The death of Ariana Caer had shaken all who had known her, but it had devastated her padawan. For the past four days, Meri had been in the infirmary. The first day she was treated for the shock caused by the broken bond. The healers had expected her to come out of the daze she was in, but she hadn't.
The fourteen year old stared blankly at the wall, a fixed frown on her small brow, the sheets clutched tightly in her hands. She did not acknowledged the head healer's presence, and did not seem to hear the whispered voices as An-Paj conferred with the healer who had been watching over her ever since her Master's death four days ago.
"Has she said anything yet?"
"No, Master An-Paj."
"Meri?" The healer's soft voice addressed her next, but the padawan's eyes only flickered to show she had even heard him.
"Meri!" he said more forcefully.
//Leave me alone..// The anguish filled thought never reached her lips.
An-Paj straightened up slightly. As a Healer and a Jedi, he had the ability of telepathic power, and Meri had made no effort to shield the thought. It was the first she had responded to anyone since her Master's death, but the way in which she had responded was not a good sign.
"I can't do that, padawan," he said quietly. He refused to speak with her telepathically, knowing he needed to draw her out from the pain she was drowning in.
//DON'T call me that.// Her eyes were now clenched tightly shut.
Again her unshielded thought surprised the healer, this time more from the thought itself, than that she had responded. "Why?" he questioned softly.
//I'm not worthy to be called a padawan...// The thought was filled with burning agony, and the young teen's small frame trembled.
It was then it fell into place for An-Paj. She blamed herself for her Master's death. "No, Meri. This was *not* your fault. You were obeying the Council and your Master. There was nothing you could have done!"
Deep brown eyes full of suffering finally broke away from the wall and looked up at the healer. With lips trembling and a small tremulous voice Meri finally spoke, her voice rising as she did so. "I should have been there! It is my responsibility as a padawan. I took an Oath!"
"No, Meri! This was NOT your fault!" An-Paj insisted firmly.
Turning her gaze back to the wall, Meri acted as though she hadn't heard him. //Please, leave me alone,// and with that final thought Meri's impenetrable shields fell back into place.
An-Paj stepped back, realizing the conversation was closed. Turning to the somewhat startled healer at the bedside, An-Paj shook his head.
"I'll be back in the morning. Watch her closely tonight," he warned softly. He didn't think Meri would try anything drastic, but he wasn't going to risk it. With once last glance at the young girl, An-Paj walked quickly out of room, shutting the door softly behind him.
Once he was gone, the healer by the bed heard a quivering sigh emanate from the girl curled on her side. Yet still, there were no tears.
|====|----------(
An-Paj had just sank into the chair behind his desk the next morning when a flustered healer swept into his office.
"Master An-Paj, I'm so sorry to interrupt but...,"
An-Paj sighed as he recognized the healer assigned to watch over Meri Irhanah. "Do you know where she went?" he interrupted before the healer finished the sentence.
"No, Master. I'm sorry, Master An-Paj. I didn't meant to fall asle.."
"It's alright," An-Paj cut in again. "Send out a search team, then you may be excused Healer Lilia." Nodding her head thankfully the healer slipped out of the room quietly.
As he sat silently in thought his assistant, Healer Zavian walked in with an armful of records. A shy young man, Healer Zavian had just passed from a padawan to a full-fledged healer. One of his gifts was his sensitivity to what others were feeling, and what they were going through.
"Master An-Paj," the younger healer greeted with a nod.
"Good morning Zavian," An-Paj nodded back. For a few moments he was silent as he watched the young healer replace the files.
"Zavian, I want to ask your opinion on a patient."
With a surprised look, the healer glanced up. "Yes Master?"
"You have seen Meri Irhanah recently haven't you?"
"Yes, Master. Yesterday afternoon."
An-Paj didn't miss the obvious sorrow the young man felt at the thought of the encounter. "Your opinion Zavian?" An-Paj asked softly.
The younger healer's gray eyes lowered briefly, before rising again to meet those of An-Paj. "She has a long road ahead of her, Master."
"That is not what I asked, Zavian," the older healer said gently.
An-Paj heard a troubled sigh from the young assistant. "Let me ask you this, Zavian. You have known Padawan Irhanah almost as long as I have. You've helped treat her before, when still only an apprentice healer yourself. So, tell me, do you think she has held a bond with Ariana Caer since her infancy?"
Zavian looked at him baffled, but An-Paj could see he was thinking about it. The older Healer continued, "Ariana Caer was the one who *brought* Meri as a baby to the Temple, and she took her as an apprentice when Meri was only nine. If she's held a bond with Meri for that long...," he trailed off leaving the young healer to finish the thought.
An-Paj let the young man think about it for a minute before prodding him for an answer. "Zavian, your thoughts?"
An-Paj knew what he was suggesting was serious. One of the main reasons that the initiates had a Crèche Master, and were not apprenticed to a Knight, was because they became too attached. A bond that was formed that young was deemed dangerous by the Council, and for good reason. When a child formed a bond as an infant, they became dependent on that bond, and once Knighthood was reached it was an extremely hard crossover for both the Master and Padawan to make. However, if a bond such as that were to be broken prematurely, and by surprise, An-Paj wasn't sure what would happen. He had known many padawans who had lost Masters, and though they grieved, they overcame quickly, and accepted their loss. He had never had one react as Meri was; yet if what he suspected was true then her reaction should come as no surprise.
"Zavian?" An-Paj insistently questioned the still silent healer, "Zavian do you think she held a bond with Master Caer since infancy?"
Zavian's nod was heavy. "Yes, Master An-Paj, I do."
An-Paj sighed, "This is going to very hard on her."
Zavian only nodded in agreement, his gray eyes troubled.
