Alex walked slowly out of the Council chambers, his neck and shoulders tight with tension. The decision he'd come to hadn't been easy, but he'd told the Council he was leaving Meri on Coruscant. It was done. All the plans had been settled and he would be leaving within the next day or so. Now all that remained was the job of telling his apprentice. // How easy that sounds, // he thought wryly.
Reaching up with a hand, he massaged the back of his neck and grimaced at the thought of what was about to come. He let his hand drop to his side, then briefly concentrated on his apprentice's position in the Temple. Her bright life force was like a shinning beacon and within moments, his feet were carrying him towards her presence.
All the way there, he was trying out different approaches in his mind to use on Meri to tell her the news, but any way it could come out would still not mask the harsh reality of his words.
Stopping in the doorway of the padawan's recreational room, he raised his eyes to search for his apprentice, but the bright blue orbs didn't have to look far. As his eyes locked onto Meri's figure, all thoughts of what he'd come to tell her flew right away, and he was left to stare thoughtlessly.
Almost without realizing it, he masked his presence, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. As he had often chided her about, she was not paying full attention to her surroundings. And no wonder with the loud whistles and other noises from the boys corner. The realization of exactly "who" they were directing those attentions towards caused an annoyed twitch of his lips.
He watched as she stopped in front of her friends and the whole lot broke down into laughter. // Whatever in the name of the Force was she doing, // he thought puzzled, as he stepped out in plain sight of the occupants of the room.
Immediately the whole room hushed and Meri turned to face him. The moment her dark eyes caught his bright blue ones, her face paled, and then to his consternation her cheeks blossomed in a pretty rose color, eliciting burst of laughter and more whistles from the group of boys.
"Hey Meri," Obi-Wan called out tauntingly, his blue eyes snapping playfully. "If you get much redder, you'll resemble those berries you're so fond of!"
Turning his head, Alex narrowed his eyes and looked sharply at the laughing group of boys. As one, they all fell silent. Alex had earned an intimidating reputation when it came to protecting his apprentice from anything he deemed dangerous. Boys included.
Looking back towards Meri, Alex let out a sigh and regarded the young woman before him. He could tell she was mortified; her eyes were now glued to the floor and she wouldn't look up. // I'm not going to ask. At least not here, // he thought dryly.
"Meri, I need to speak with you," he paused and his eyes danced over the group of girls knotted together behind his apprentice. Knowing Meri, he would best tell her about his mission in private. "Alone," he finished.
***
Anyone who was walking through the Master/Padawan quarter that evening had to check at least twice to make sure the noises they heard, were coming from a Master/Padawan set of rooms. The raised voices sounded more like a quarreling couple than a master and student.
Most of the knights or masters simply cast a curious or amused glance at the closed door, but the younger were more curious. Stealing quietly up to the closed doors, they were startled by the roiling emotions of those inside, freely projected by the Force. Yet more often than not, they were sent scurrying on about their business by a stern glance from a passing knight or master before they could learn much.
Inside a deadly calm finally fell and Alex paced agitated, running a hand through his black hair with an impatient gesture. His lavender eyes simmered in barely contained irritation at the young woman who had dropped onto the sofa moments before. Never before had someone been able to push his buttons like she did and stir his anger.
He knew this would all be complicated from the get-go, but her outright defiance he hadn't expected. At points in her impassioned appeal to allow her to go with him, he had almost melted, his heart beating faster when she pleaded with wide soulful eyes. Seconds later, the fact that he had almost allowed a set of mysterious dark eyes, change his mind, frustrated and annoyed him further.
// Force! Why is it I have the hardest time centering myself when she's involved, // he thought wryly. However, it was true. It had been a long while since he'd been this upset and this uncentered about anything. // And I'm a Jedi Master, // he though in exasperation.
Turning again to face his apprentice, he unwillingly found his heart softening at the sight before him. Meri sat perched on the couch, her hands balled in her lap, a miserable expression on her face, and tears shimmering in her eyes.
"I'm only doing this because I care about you, Meri. I don't want to see you get hurt. It's not because I don't think you're capable. This mission is just too dangerous," he said softly. The sudden flair of anger he felt over the bond startled him and he looked up quickly to see that Meri had jumped to her feet again. Her brown eyes were flashing with barely contained irritation and the feeling of // Not again! // washed over him.
"Men are so dense!" She said vehemently, shocking him even further.
"Did it *ever* occur to you that I just *might* care about you? That I don't want to see *you* hurt!?" She paused a moment and watched his stunned face. "By the look on your face, obviously not," she muttered.
Alex finally recovered enough from her words, to realize she shouldn't be speaking to him in that tone. "Meri! I'm not going to get hurt. Why can't you just accept that you have to stay here!"
"If you think hard enough, I think you'll get it," she murmured dryly.
"Meri!" Alex said sharply, finally losing his calm. "Do *not* talk to me in that tone. My decision is final! Now go to your room before you end up doing cafeteria duty while I'm gone."
Meri clenched her jaw, more to keep back the tears, than from anger. " Yes, Master," she murmured with a curt nod of her head, then walked stiffly from the room.
Alex watched her go, then dropped into a chair exhausted and emotionally spent. Leaning forward, he let his head rest in his hands. "Light, she's stubborn," he groaned.
***
Sinking down on her bed, Meri fought back the hot tears that threatened to erupt. The sentiment that there was a first for everything had proven itself that evening in the form of a first fight between her and Alex. Ohh she knew master and apprentices weren't supposed to have fights, they had disagreements, but what had gone on tonight between them was nothing less than a fight.
Her world felt like it had dropped out from beneath her when he told her he was going to Dubh nán. // How could he? // The simple thought dripped with heavy disbelief. He knew what she'd gone through. He knew what had happened to Ariana, how she blamed herself for not being there. Yet here he was asking her to stay behind, simply because he was afraid she would get hurt.
// Selfish, stuck-up, nerf-herder! //
She jerked a brush through her long, wavy hair, with an impatient gesture, then winced when it caught on a knot. Tears rushed to her eyes again, and she felt like stalking out there and slapping him silly. // Anger is of the darkside, // her inner voice offered helpfully. "Oh, stuff it!" she muttered heatedly, throwing the brush on the nearby nightstand, then reached over and dimmed the lights. Pulling her slender legs up onto the bed, she pulled the covers up and dropped onto her side with an outward huff of air.
("I'm only doing this because I care about you, Meri. I don't want to see you get hurt.")
// What? And I *want* to see him hurt? I don't care about him? // The last thought caused her to pause. Her relationship was different with Alex than it had been with Ariana. She couldn't place what it was, she just knew. They were almost as close as she and Ariana had been, but somehow it was different. Sometimes, that part that was different scared her.
Yet she did care about him, very much. The fact that he was so dense about how she felt irritated her more than a little and sith to those compassionate blue eyes.
//Stupid, dimwitted, nerf-herder! //
For the first time in a long while she had erected shields around her mind, and she wasn't a bit sorry. She was so, so very irritated at him. So upset, and so afraid for him it scared her. No matter how much he protested he would be all right, she knew it was a hollow promise. Ariana had been just as skilled as he was, if not more so and look what had happened.
Burrowing down in the covers, she tried her best to drown out the conflicting feelings inside and just go to sleep. After a long while she felt herself drifting off and into a fitful sleep, full of dreams.
She was standing in a barren field that stretched for miles in all directions. The sky above was boiling with dark gray clouds, and the only building in sight, was far off in the distance, sitting on a low hill.
A cool wind blew, whipping the stray pieces of hair around her face into a chaotic frenzy. A cold chill raced down her spine as she glanced around. She knew this was a dream, but a dream so real it was horrifying. In the very center of her being, a cold knot of fear began to grow and it intensified when she saw another figure enter the dream.
Alex.
Suddenly people appeared and surrounded the one building on the low hill. By their robes and dress, she knew they were officials of some sort. Alex lead them into the building and a deathly quiet fell over the desolate landscape.
Meri clenched her hands as the strong wind continued to push and pull at her robe, a strong feeling of dread growing within. Even though she tried to move, tried to run towards the building, she couldn't.
"Alex!!" The words were born away on the furious wind, echoing into oblivion, and the panic inside of her mounted. It was like before...just like before...the only difference was...
BOOM!
The building on the hill erupted into crimson flames, the impact of the explosion knocking Meri right off her feet and onto the hard ground. Her scream of "Nooo!" was silent, her voice rendered useless. Just like before tears coursed down her cheeks, and just like before she watched, incapable of changing what had just happened.
The only difference to this dream was....it was no longer Ariana.
Meri bolted upright, her chest heaving with half restrained sobs as the last of the dream played itself out. With the return of reality came the shocking realization....the dream was the same one that had plagued her weeks before Ariana's death, and weeks after.
// I can't let him go alone. //
She collapsed against the pillows behind her and pulled her knees up underneath her chin. The Force swirled around her as her breathing slowly calmed, but the thought still echoed in her mind.
// Can't go alone....can't go alone...can't go alone. //
After that, sleep never found her that night. Instead, her mind whirled with ideas and plans of what she had to do, and when morning came, she was ready to face it. It took all she had to act normal with her Master. He was treating her with care, as though she might break, and when he finally told her he was leaving the next morning, her heart started racing madly. She hadn't much time. Quickly she finished up the lesson she had been working on and rushed to her room.
Vaguely she heard her Master speaking to someone at the door, his voice cool and distant. Shrugging it off, she dug around for the credits she knew she had saved. She would need each and every one if she was to pull this off. After finding what she had, she quickly headed for the door praying Alex would let her leave under the pretense of visiting Obi-Wan. It had to work.
"Master, may I go see Obi-Wan?"
She saw him pause and for a moment, she was afraid he was about to decline. "I suppose so, Padawan. Be back in time for our sparring lesson this afternoon."
Sweet relief flooded through her and before he had a chance to see what she carried, she rushed out the door and in minutes was heading for the main entrance to the Temple.
Reaching up with a hand, he massaged the back of his neck and grimaced at the thought of what was about to come. He let his hand drop to his side, then briefly concentrated on his apprentice's position in the Temple. Her bright life force was like a shinning beacon and within moments, his feet were carrying him towards her presence.
All the way there, he was trying out different approaches in his mind to use on Meri to tell her the news, but any way it could come out would still not mask the harsh reality of his words.
Stopping in the doorway of the padawan's recreational room, he raised his eyes to search for his apprentice, but the bright blue orbs didn't have to look far. As his eyes locked onto Meri's figure, all thoughts of what he'd come to tell her flew right away, and he was left to stare thoughtlessly.
Almost without realizing it, he masked his presence, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. As he had often chided her about, she was not paying full attention to her surroundings. And no wonder with the loud whistles and other noises from the boys corner. The realization of exactly "who" they were directing those attentions towards caused an annoyed twitch of his lips.
He watched as she stopped in front of her friends and the whole lot broke down into laughter. // Whatever in the name of the Force was she doing, // he thought puzzled, as he stepped out in plain sight of the occupants of the room.
Immediately the whole room hushed and Meri turned to face him. The moment her dark eyes caught his bright blue ones, her face paled, and then to his consternation her cheeks blossomed in a pretty rose color, eliciting burst of laughter and more whistles from the group of boys.
"Hey Meri," Obi-Wan called out tauntingly, his blue eyes snapping playfully. "If you get much redder, you'll resemble those berries you're so fond of!"
Turning his head, Alex narrowed his eyes and looked sharply at the laughing group of boys. As one, they all fell silent. Alex had earned an intimidating reputation when it came to protecting his apprentice from anything he deemed dangerous. Boys included.
Looking back towards Meri, Alex let out a sigh and regarded the young woman before him. He could tell she was mortified; her eyes were now glued to the floor and she wouldn't look up. // I'm not going to ask. At least not here, // he thought dryly.
"Meri, I need to speak with you," he paused and his eyes danced over the group of girls knotted together behind his apprentice. Knowing Meri, he would best tell her about his mission in private. "Alone," he finished.
***
Anyone who was walking through the Master/Padawan quarter that evening had to check at least twice to make sure the noises they heard, were coming from a Master/Padawan set of rooms. The raised voices sounded more like a quarreling couple than a master and student.
Most of the knights or masters simply cast a curious or amused glance at the closed door, but the younger were more curious. Stealing quietly up to the closed doors, they were startled by the roiling emotions of those inside, freely projected by the Force. Yet more often than not, they were sent scurrying on about their business by a stern glance from a passing knight or master before they could learn much.
Inside a deadly calm finally fell and Alex paced agitated, running a hand through his black hair with an impatient gesture. His lavender eyes simmered in barely contained irritation at the young woman who had dropped onto the sofa moments before. Never before had someone been able to push his buttons like she did and stir his anger.
He knew this would all be complicated from the get-go, but her outright defiance he hadn't expected. At points in her impassioned appeal to allow her to go with him, he had almost melted, his heart beating faster when she pleaded with wide soulful eyes. Seconds later, the fact that he had almost allowed a set of mysterious dark eyes, change his mind, frustrated and annoyed him further.
// Force! Why is it I have the hardest time centering myself when she's involved, // he thought wryly. However, it was true. It had been a long while since he'd been this upset and this uncentered about anything. // And I'm a Jedi Master, // he though in exasperation.
Turning again to face his apprentice, he unwillingly found his heart softening at the sight before him. Meri sat perched on the couch, her hands balled in her lap, a miserable expression on her face, and tears shimmering in her eyes.
"I'm only doing this because I care about you, Meri. I don't want to see you get hurt. It's not because I don't think you're capable. This mission is just too dangerous," he said softly. The sudden flair of anger he felt over the bond startled him and he looked up quickly to see that Meri had jumped to her feet again. Her brown eyes were flashing with barely contained irritation and the feeling of // Not again! // washed over him.
"Men are so dense!" She said vehemently, shocking him even further.
"Did it *ever* occur to you that I just *might* care about you? That I don't want to see *you* hurt!?" She paused a moment and watched his stunned face. "By the look on your face, obviously not," she muttered.
Alex finally recovered enough from her words, to realize she shouldn't be speaking to him in that tone. "Meri! I'm not going to get hurt. Why can't you just accept that you have to stay here!"
"If you think hard enough, I think you'll get it," she murmured dryly.
"Meri!" Alex said sharply, finally losing his calm. "Do *not* talk to me in that tone. My decision is final! Now go to your room before you end up doing cafeteria duty while I'm gone."
Meri clenched her jaw, more to keep back the tears, than from anger. " Yes, Master," she murmured with a curt nod of her head, then walked stiffly from the room.
Alex watched her go, then dropped into a chair exhausted and emotionally spent. Leaning forward, he let his head rest in his hands. "Light, she's stubborn," he groaned.
***
Sinking down on her bed, Meri fought back the hot tears that threatened to erupt. The sentiment that there was a first for everything had proven itself that evening in the form of a first fight between her and Alex. Ohh she knew master and apprentices weren't supposed to have fights, they had disagreements, but what had gone on tonight between them was nothing less than a fight.
Her world felt like it had dropped out from beneath her when he told her he was going to Dubh nán. // How could he? // The simple thought dripped with heavy disbelief. He knew what she'd gone through. He knew what had happened to Ariana, how she blamed herself for not being there. Yet here he was asking her to stay behind, simply because he was afraid she would get hurt.
// Selfish, stuck-up, nerf-herder! //
She jerked a brush through her long, wavy hair, with an impatient gesture, then winced when it caught on a knot. Tears rushed to her eyes again, and she felt like stalking out there and slapping him silly. // Anger is of the darkside, // her inner voice offered helpfully. "Oh, stuff it!" she muttered heatedly, throwing the brush on the nearby nightstand, then reached over and dimmed the lights. Pulling her slender legs up onto the bed, she pulled the covers up and dropped onto her side with an outward huff of air.
("I'm only doing this because I care about you, Meri. I don't want to see you get hurt.")
// What? And I *want* to see him hurt? I don't care about him? // The last thought caused her to pause. Her relationship was different with Alex than it had been with Ariana. She couldn't place what it was, she just knew. They were almost as close as she and Ariana had been, but somehow it was different. Sometimes, that part that was different scared her.
Yet she did care about him, very much. The fact that he was so dense about how she felt irritated her more than a little and sith to those compassionate blue eyes.
//Stupid, dimwitted, nerf-herder! //
For the first time in a long while she had erected shields around her mind, and she wasn't a bit sorry. She was so, so very irritated at him. So upset, and so afraid for him it scared her. No matter how much he protested he would be all right, she knew it was a hollow promise. Ariana had been just as skilled as he was, if not more so and look what had happened.
Burrowing down in the covers, she tried her best to drown out the conflicting feelings inside and just go to sleep. After a long while she felt herself drifting off and into a fitful sleep, full of dreams.
She was standing in a barren field that stretched for miles in all directions. The sky above was boiling with dark gray clouds, and the only building in sight, was far off in the distance, sitting on a low hill.
A cool wind blew, whipping the stray pieces of hair around her face into a chaotic frenzy. A cold chill raced down her spine as she glanced around. She knew this was a dream, but a dream so real it was horrifying. In the very center of her being, a cold knot of fear began to grow and it intensified when she saw another figure enter the dream.
Alex.
Suddenly people appeared and surrounded the one building on the low hill. By their robes and dress, she knew they were officials of some sort. Alex lead them into the building and a deathly quiet fell over the desolate landscape.
Meri clenched her hands as the strong wind continued to push and pull at her robe, a strong feeling of dread growing within. Even though she tried to move, tried to run towards the building, she couldn't.
"Alex!!" The words were born away on the furious wind, echoing into oblivion, and the panic inside of her mounted. It was like before...just like before...the only difference was...
BOOM!
The building on the hill erupted into crimson flames, the impact of the explosion knocking Meri right off her feet and onto the hard ground. Her scream of "Nooo!" was silent, her voice rendered useless. Just like before tears coursed down her cheeks, and just like before she watched, incapable of changing what had just happened.
The only difference to this dream was....it was no longer Ariana.
Meri bolted upright, her chest heaving with half restrained sobs as the last of the dream played itself out. With the return of reality came the shocking realization....the dream was the same one that had plagued her weeks before Ariana's death, and weeks after.
// I can't let him go alone. //
She collapsed against the pillows behind her and pulled her knees up underneath her chin. The Force swirled around her as her breathing slowly calmed, but the thought still echoed in her mind.
// Can't go alone....can't go alone...can't go alone. //
After that, sleep never found her that night. Instead, her mind whirled with ideas and plans of what she had to do, and when morning came, she was ready to face it. It took all she had to act normal with her Master. He was treating her with care, as though she might break, and when he finally told her he was leaving the next morning, her heart started racing madly. She hadn't much time. Quickly she finished up the lesson she had been working on and rushed to her room.
Vaguely she heard her Master speaking to someone at the door, his voice cool and distant. Shrugging it off, she dug around for the credits she knew she had saved. She would need each and every one if she was to pull this off. After finding what she had, she quickly headed for the door praying Alex would let her leave under the pretense of visiting Obi-Wan. It had to work.
"Master, may I go see Obi-Wan?"
She saw him pause and for a moment, she was afraid he was about to decline. "I suppose so, Padawan. Be back in time for our sparring lesson this afternoon."
Sweet relief flooded through her and before he had a chance to see what she carried, she rushed out the door and in minutes was heading for the main entrance to the Temple.
