Chapter 20
Alex leaned back in his chair and sighed wearily. He had been on Dubh nán for two weeks now and they were barely making any headway. The first week, he listened while the first group made complaint and listed all the reasons why they should own the land they were fighting over. Several times the Jedi knight was forced to call a halt to the proceedings to cool hot tempers. The second week was even more tension filled as the second group objected to the first group's testimony and gave the reasons why they thought they were right. Now at week's end, Alex had made the decision that it would be best to take a few days off before going on.
It was true he wanted to let both sides calm down, but it also provided him the opportunity to do something he had wanted to do for days. Visit his apprentice. While Folly reported to Alex every time he visited Meri, that still wasn't enough for the Jedi.
Swirling around in his head were the images of the last time he'd seen her along with the incredible pain he had caused her. He really had thought it best to leave without any more words between them. They most likely would have been heated words and Alex hadn't wanted to go into a mission distracted. Especially this mission.
Standing up, Alex shrugged on his thick robe and headed for the snow speeder that had been given him. He didn't care that it was late afternoon and the temperature was dropping. He knew he could make it there before dark and had already decided he would stay the night. Unfortunately, he couldn't stay the whole time, but just seeing her would be enough.
Alex parked the speeder a ways from the chalet, just to be on the safe side. As he proceeded to walk the rest of the way, he began shielding to see if she would sense him. As he approached, he saw her figure outlined in the window and he paused and took a closer look before moving quickly on. Finding the door locked, he reached out with the Force and nudged it open. As he stepped inside his eyes were immediately drawn to his apprentice.
"Master!" she exclaimed in surprise.
He said nothing for the moment, but watching her, he noticed a look of relief pass her face before a wary mask dropped into place and over their bond, he could sense her confused emotions. Suddenly he noticed her hair, the braided crown, and the rest falling in thick waves down her back. He frowned.
"I thought I told you to keep you hair up," he said a bit more roughly than he intended.
She flinched as though she had been slapped and then tears began filling her eyes.
The second the words left his mouth he realized how they sounded. His first words to her and they were of harsh chastisement. "Meri, look, I didn't mean that the way it sounded," he said helplessly.
"Is that all you came out here to do? Snap at me for finally letting my hair down for the first time in two weeks!? And who's going to see it? Folly? I'm afraid to let you in on this Master, but Folly already knows I'm a girl!" With those words hiccuped out between sobs, she turned her back toward him. A sign loud and clear that said, "Back off!"
A sign he was choosing to ignore. He walked slowly over to her and found himself face to face with her hair. Without really thinking he reached out and trailed his fingers through the long tresses. He saw her shudder and pulled his hand away. "Meri, I'm sorry, it's just you don't understand how serious this is."
"Understand?" she wavered. "What's to understand? You haven't forgiven me for ever coming in the first place. You didn't even say goodbye on the transport and then you stick me way out here in the middle of a frozen wasteland. I think it's all quite clear," she managed to choke out without turning around.
Alex sighed heavily and placing a hand on her shoulder, turned her to face him. "Look at me, Meri," he commanded softly and waited until she did. "I have forgiven you. I forgave you almost immediately. I didn't say goodbye because I thought it best."
When he saw her brow crease in disbelief, he continued quickly. "I'm didn't want another fight, Meri. I can't be distracted on this mission." He reached out and with a gentle finger brushed away the tear from her face. "You don't want that either, Meri." A faint smiled traced his face. "As for the frozen wasteland, that is the most important thing. After these two weeks, I have seen proved that I was right. These two factions will do anything to win."
When Meri lowered her head, he reached out and tipped her chin back up. "Meri, they would use you against me, can't you see? That is why the Council only sends one Jedi. These people wouldn't hesitate to use you, Meri. If they knew how much you meant to me, that would make you all the more valuable to them."
"What's that have to do with my looking like a boy?"
Alex froze for a moment and thought. "Well, a boy would be less suspicious out here than such a pretty girl," he teased with a smile. "It's not an uncommon thing for a boy to go off hunting."
"I'm not pretty," she murmured. "but if you want, I'll just lop it all off," she said indicating her hair.
"NO!" Alex said too quickly. Meri looked up and he caught the mischievous gleam in her eye. "Why you little," he trailed off and tugged on her padawan braid with smile.
"I missed you," she almost whispered.
His heart thudded and then he felt his chest constrict with emotion. Reaching out he pulled her into his arms and rested his head gently on top of hers. "And I missed you, Meri."
//Never,// he thought, //have I meant those words more.//
**
Brushing a kiss across her forehead, Alex pulled back and smiled. "Now, tell me what you've been up to." He missed the startled look on her face as he turned around to look for a chair.
Meri paused somewhat taken aback by his quick kiss, for he'd never shown affection to that measure. //Stop! You're making something out of nothing. Lots of masters do that in fatherly affection.// She knew the danger in thinking otherwise. The code forbade it.
"Uh, nothing really. What am I supposed to do?" she shrugged. "Eating, sleeping and meditating only get you so far."
Alex laughed, his blue eyes twinkling in mirth. "I thought you might have explored a little outside. You know, see the sights?"
She wrinkled her nose in thought, wondering how much she should tell. "Well, yes. I did do that."
"Good," he smiled in encouragement. "It is well that you know your surroundings."
//He has no idea how well,// she mused silently as she took a seat on the bed. "It's just I don't like it so cold...and wet." She wrinkled her nose again in distaste as she spoke.
Alex broke out laughing at the look on her face and the utter disgust in her voice. She was truly Coruscant raised. "You're cute when you do that," he laughed.
Meri frowned. //Cute? Babies are cute....some baby life forms are cute...but...cute?//
"What?" she asked warily.
"You wrinkle you nose like this," he demonstrated. "and you sound so disgusted with it being wet and cold." He chuckled. "Coruscant raised, through and through."
"I can handle it!" she defended.
"Oh, I know you can, Meri. It's just you don't *like* it, however. Many people love the snow."
"Well, I think it's pretty, but I can only take it so much in *this* situation," she muttered. Something told her he was having way too much fun at her expense. "I mean, it is beautiful," she went on softly. "Perhaps one of the more beautiful things I've seen...but..." she trailed off. She wasn't going to say some things were better enjoyed in the company of those you cared for. The past few weeks had re-taught her the meaning of loneliness as though this galaxy thought she hadn't learned it well enough.
"What have you been doing?" she asked, eager to change the topic.
"A lot of petting egos and cooling tempers," he said shortly. "Just your usual diplomatic mission."
Her eyes flickered and a shadow of doubt passed over them. //If it was the usual diplomatic mission, why did Ariana die?//
"What's the matter, Meri?"
The soft accented voice pulled her from her musings and she shrugged. "Nothing, Master," she murmured averting her gaze.
He paused and she could feel him staring at her.
"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
No, she knew why he'd said that. He was trying to downplay the fact that he was in any danger. She wasn't convinced.
Looking up she gave a shaky smile. "I know."
For the remainder of the night, she didn't want to talk about anything related with Dubh nán. They would have time for that later. For just one night, she wanted it to be normal between them again. No fights, no walls--just talking as they used to do.
Alex leaned back in his chair and sighed wearily. He had been on Dubh nán for two weeks now and they were barely making any headway. The first week, he listened while the first group made complaint and listed all the reasons why they should own the land they were fighting over. Several times the Jedi knight was forced to call a halt to the proceedings to cool hot tempers. The second week was even more tension filled as the second group objected to the first group's testimony and gave the reasons why they thought they were right. Now at week's end, Alex had made the decision that it would be best to take a few days off before going on.
It was true he wanted to let both sides calm down, but it also provided him the opportunity to do something he had wanted to do for days. Visit his apprentice. While Folly reported to Alex every time he visited Meri, that still wasn't enough for the Jedi.
Swirling around in his head were the images of the last time he'd seen her along with the incredible pain he had caused her. He really had thought it best to leave without any more words between them. They most likely would have been heated words and Alex hadn't wanted to go into a mission distracted. Especially this mission.
Standing up, Alex shrugged on his thick robe and headed for the snow speeder that had been given him. He didn't care that it was late afternoon and the temperature was dropping. He knew he could make it there before dark and had already decided he would stay the night. Unfortunately, he couldn't stay the whole time, but just seeing her would be enough.
Alex parked the speeder a ways from the chalet, just to be on the safe side. As he proceeded to walk the rest of the way, he began shielding to see if she would sense him. As he approached, he saw her figure outlined in the window and he paused and took a closer look before moving quickly on. Finding the door locked, he reached out with the Force and nudged it open. As he stepped inside his eyes were immediately drawn to his apprentice.
"Master!" she exclaimed in surprise.
He said nothing for the moment, but watching her, he noticed a look of relief pass her face before a wary mask dropped into place and over their bond, he could sense her confused emotions. Suddenly he noticed her hair, the braided crown, and the rest falling in thick waves down her back. He frowned.
"I thought I told you to keep you hair up," he said a bit more roughly than he intended.
She flinched as though she had been slapped and then tears began filling her eyes.
The second the words left his mouth he realized how they sounded. His first words to her and they were of harsh chastisement. "Meri, look, I didn't mean that the way it sounded," he said helplessly.
"Is that all you came out here to do? Snap at me for finally letting my hair down for the first time in two weeks!? And who's going to see it? Folly? I'm afraid to let you in on this Master, but Folly already knows I'm a girl!" With those words hiccuped out between sobs, she turned her back toward him. A sign loud and clear that said, "Back off!"
A sign he was choosing to ignore. He walked slowly over to her and found himself face to face with her hair. Without really thinking he reached out and trailed his fingers through the long tresses. He saw her shudder and pulled his hand away. "Meri, I'm sorry, it's just you don't understand how serious this is."
"Understand?" she wavered. "What's to understand? You haven't forgiven me for ever coming in the first place. You didn't even say goodbye on the transport and then you stick me way out here in the middle of a frozen wasteland. I think it's all quite clear," she managed to choke out without turning around.
Alex sighed heavily and placing a hand on her shoulder, turned her to face him. "Look at me, Meri," he commanded softly and waited until she did. "I have forgiven you. I forgave you almost immediately. I didn't say goodbye because I thought it best."
When he saw her brow crease in disbelief, he continued quickly. "I'm didn't want another fight, Meri. I can't be distracted on this mission." He reached out and with a gentle finger brushed away the tear from her face. "You don't want that either, Meri." A faint smiled traced his face. "As for the frozen wasteland, that is the most important thing. After these two weeks, I have seen proved that I was right. These two factions will do anything to win."
When Meri lowered her head, he reached out and tipped her chin back up. "Meri, they would use you against me, can't you see? That is why the Council only sends one Jedi. These people wouldn't hesitate to use you, Meri. If they knew how much you meant to me, that would make you all the more valuable to them."
"What's that have to do with my looking like a boy?"
Alex froze for a moment and thought. "Well, a boy would be less suspicious out here than such a pretty girl," he teased with a smile. "It's not an uncommon thing for a boy to go off hunting."
"I'm not pretty," she murmured. "but if you want, I'll just lop it all off," she said indicating her hair.
"NO!" Alex said too quickly. Meri looked up and he caught the mischievous gleam in her eye. "Why you little," he trailed off and tugged on her padawan braid with smile.
"I missed you," she almost whispered.
His heart thudded and then he felt his chest constrict with emotion. Reaching out he pulled her into his arms and rested his head gently on top of hers. "And I missed you, Meri."
//Never,// he thought, //have I meant those words more.//
**
Brushing a kiss across her forehead, Alex pulled back and smiled. "Now, tell me what you've been up to." He missed the startled look on her face as he turned around to look for a chair.
Meri paused somewhat taken aback by his quick kiss, for he'd never shown affection to that measure. //Stop! You're making something out of nothing. Lots of masters do that in fatherly affection.// She knew the danger in thinking otherwise. The code forbade it.
"Uh, nothing really. What am I supposed to do?" she shrugged. "Eating, sleeping and meditating only get you so far."
Alex laughed, his blue eyes twinkling in mirth. "I thought you might have explored a little outside. You know, see the sights?"
She wrinkled her nose in thought, wondering how much she should tell. "Well, yes. I did do that."
"Good," he smiled in encouragement. "It is well that you know your surroundings."
//He has no idea how well,// she mused silently as she took a seat on the bed. "It's just I don't like it so cold...and wet." She wrinkled her nose again in distaste as she spoke.
Alex broke out laughing at the look on her face and the utter disgust in her voice. She was truly Coruscant raised. "You're cute when you do that," he laughed.
Meri frowned. //Cute? Babies are cute....some baby life forms are cute...but...cute?//
"What?" she asked warily.
"You wrinkle you nose like this," he demonstrated. "and you sound so disgusted with it being wet and cold." He chuckled. "Coruscant raised, through and through."
"I can handle it!" she defended.
"Oh, I know you can, Meri. It's just you don't *like* it, however. Many people love the snow."
"Well, I think it's pretty, but I can only take it so much in *this* situation," she muttered. Something told her he was having way too much fun at her expense. "I mean, it is beautiful," she went on softly. "Perhaps one of the more beautiful things I've seen...but..." she trailed off. She wasn't going to say some things were better enjoyed in the company of those you cared for. The past few weeks had re-taught her the meaning of loneliness as though this galaxy thought she hadn't learned it well enough.
"What have you been doing?" she asked, eager to change the topic.
"A lot of petting egos and cooling tempers," he said shortly. "Just your usual diplomatic mission."
Her eyes flickered and a shadow of doubt passed over them. //If it was the usual diplomatic mission, why did Ariana die?//
"What's the matter, Meri?"
The soft accented voice pulled her from her musings and she shrugged. "Nothing, Master," she murmured averting her gaze.
He paused and she could feel him staring at her.
"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
No, she knew why he'd said that. He was trying to downplay the fact that he was in any danger. She wasn't convinced.
Looking up she gave a shaky smile. "I know."
For the remainder of the night, she didn't want to talk about anything related with Dubh nán. They would have time for that later. For just one night, she wanted it to be normal between them again. No fights, no walls--just talking as they used to do.
