Chapter 41
"What is it?" Alex asked as he directed a suspicious glance at the steaming bowl of dark soup on the tray before him.
From where she sat fully clothed and perched on her bed, Meri suppressed a smirk as she sternly returned the gaze of her Master.
But looking up, Alex caught the twinkle dancing in her brown eyes and he sent a playful glare her way.
"It's good. Try it," An-Paj said, from where he stood near the knight's bed.
Meri blinked, her eyes growing wide in mock astonishment as she turned to An-Paj. "Infirmary food? Good?" Incredulity dripped from her tone.
The healer cast a disapproving glance Meri's way. He then fixed the Jedi knight before him with a stern gaze. "Eat it. Or I have other methods of accomplishing the same goal."
Meri watched as her Master finally took a sip of the soup. She could see the surprise on his face, as he tasted it.
"It's good," he commented.
"If only people would listen to me," An-Paj lamented as he turned to face Meri. "Now, I'm going to go ahead and release you Meri. I think you'll sleep better in your own quarters. Your back is healing nicely, but I want you to apply this," he paused and handed her a jar of cream. "Once daily, preferably after you get out of the 'fresher."
Meri looked up at the healer hesitantly, before glancing over at Alex.
An-Paj answered the unasked question. "I'm going to hold your Master for just a few more days until I'm sure his medication has done its job."
Alex's brow immediately creased at the healer's words, but he said nothing.
"and Meri, try to stay off your ankle as much as possible," the healer urged, his gaze trained on the silent padawan.
"Yes, Master An-Paj," she replied softly. She shifted uncomfortably as she felt her Master's gaze boring into her.
There was a reason she was obviously hesitant to return to their quarters alone and even if he did not know that reason, Alex sensed it. If he had known that nightmares were plaguing his apprentice, and that it was only his presence that suppressed the dreams, he wouldn't have let her go.
Meri wasn't about to mention her dreams, however. At 17 she felt she should have control of dreams. They stemmed from a buried fear of the past repeating itself, and for a Jedi, that was unacceptable. As her Master would no doubt tell her, he wasn't going to die and he hadn't died. Maybe the dreams would go away soon. *I didn't have one last night*, she thought hopefully.
Later that night as Meri left for their quarters, she sensed displeasure from her Master. He usually knew when something was amiss, and he didn't like the fact he was confined in the infirmary, away from his apprentice.
Meri tried to appear normal as she gave the knight a quick hug before leaving. "Goodnight, Master."
"Sleep well, Meri," he returned.
She could feel his eyes studying her as she left. Neither of them would end up getting much sleep.
**
Shadows dappled Alex's room as he moved into a meditation pose on the cool tile floor. Even though he was in the private wing of the infirmary, healers were always coming and going during the day and he had found that the night was the best time for his short meditation sessions.
Dressed only in a beige tunic of light material, the knight closed his eyes and grew still. Immersed in the Force, the Jedi brushed his apprentice's aura, the familiar presence he'd come to adore, tipping the corners of his mouth in a small smile. She was sleeping; he could tell just by the "feel" of her presence.
At first, Alex had been worried when An-Paj had sent her back to their quarters without him, but she was 17 and definitely not a baby. At that thought, an unwelcome image flashed into his mind, scattering his calm and sending his focus crashing into nothingness.
Forcing the images out of his mind, Alex took in a few calming breaths before finding his center again. Without second thought, he moved deeper into the Force, trying to purge the unwelcome images and feelings from within.
He was so focused elsewhere that at first he didn't sense the trembling over the bond he held with Meri. What happened next he couldn't help but sense.
A surge of dark emotions and fear washed over their bond, causing him to stiffen at the unexpected sensation. Just as quickly as they came, the emotions were shut off, as he sensed his apprentice erecting shields in an effort to hide them.
With a frown furrowing his brow, the knight rose quickly to his feet and reached for the dark brown robe draped over the end of the bed. Without bothering to pull on his boots, Alex moved quietly into the dim hallway.
If need be, he would explain later why he had left without a healer's consent, but at the moment his first thought was of his apprentice.
It took him no more than a few minutes, and he was soon keying in the codes and slipping silently into their dark quarters. Making his way down the short hallway to his apprentice's room, he heard soft sniffles and could still sense the fading fear in the room as light spilled out into the hallway.
She had left her door open and he paused in the doorway.
She sensed him immediately, her head coming up, and dark eyes wide. Without saying a word, she began to cry harder and Alex sensed a conflicting mass of emotions coming from her, guilt being one of them.
"Meri," he murmured soothingly as he moved across the room and sat on the bed. Without hesitation, he pulled her close, lightly resting his chin atop her dark head.
"I'm sorry," she rambled over and over again, her forehead pressed against his chest as she burrowed closer to him.
There was desperation in the way her small form clung to him, as though she feared he was going to disappear and he knew immediately why she was trying to apologize. He could sense it through their bond along with the knowledge that she'd been having these nightmares since their return from the war torn planet.
"It's okay, Meri," he reassured her in his softest voice as he rubbed her back in slow circles. He should've meditated with her before this, helped her cleanse out those memories and fears. He knew what she'd been through. This was as much his fault as hers.
Cupping her face with one hand, he tilted her head up so her eyes met his. Everything he'd planned on saying flew out of his mind as her luminous tear- filled eyes focused on him. Within their dark depths he could see the trust and … something else…
Time seemed to stand still and he became very aware of her warm body pressing into his, and of her hands grasping the light material of his tunic. All coherent thoughts were gone, muddled and confused in light of this new feeling flooding his body.
Almost of it's own accordance, his thumb began stroking the soft skin of her cheek, their eyes still locked in an unbreakable gaze. His breathing became shallow and quick when his eyes dropped and saw the pulse in her neck racing and then moved to linger on her full, rosy lips.
She had stopped crying, but the crystalline tears still clung motionless to her pale skin.
Tenderly he brushed away the droplets, leaning closer in the process. All he had to do was dip his head…
His heart was racing madly by this time and slowly he began to lean closer, closing the last few inches between them.
*Jedi…Master… * the cold logic broke through. *Your apprentice…*
At the last moment before their lips touched, Alex lifted his head and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. It did not escape his notice that Meri's eyes had been closed and when he kissed her forehead they fluttered open, focusing on his face, a question burning in their depths.
Gently he unclasped her hands from his tunic and pushed her out of his lap, then stood quickly as he fought to control his breathing. A hand ran distractedly through his thick hair as he averted his gaze to the floor.
When he next looked up Meri had scooted back against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest. She wouldn't look at him.
"I...I didn't tell the healers I was leaving," he finally got out. "I should return. Will you be alright?"
Meri nodded once, but still wouldn't look up.
"We will talk of your dreams tomorrow. I'll help you mediate through them," he said his tone a bit warmer.
"Yes, Master," she murmured quietly.
With one last glance directed at Meri, Alex turned and strode from her room, his mind a tumult of thoughts.
"What is it?" Alex asked as he directed a suspicious glance at the steaming bowl of dark soup on the tray before him.
From where she sat fully clothed and perched on her bed, Meri suppressed a smirk as she sternly returned the gaze of her Master.
But looking up, Alex caught the twinkle dancing in her brown eyes and he sent a playful glare her way.
"It's good. Try it," An-Paj said, from where he stood near the knight's bed.
Meri blinked, her eyes growing wide in mock astonishment as she turned to An-Paj. "Infirmary food? Good?" Incredulity dripped from her tone.
The healer cast a disapproving glance Meri's way. He then fixed the Jedi knight before him with a stern gaze. "Eat it. Or I have other methods of accomplishing the same goal."
Meri watched as her Master finally took a sip of the soup. She could see the surprise on his face, as he tasted it.
"It's good," he commented.
"If only people would listen to me," An-Paj lamented as he turned to face Meri. "Now, I'm going to go ahead and release you Meri. I think you'll sleep better in your own quarters. Your back is healing nicely, but I want you to apply this," he paused and handed her a jar of cream. "Once daily, preferably after you get out of the 'fresher."
Meri looked up at the healer hesitantly, before glancing over at Alex.
An-Paj answered the unasked question. "I'm going to hold your Master for just a few more days until I'm sure his medication has done its job."
Alex's brow immediately creased at the healer's words, but he said nothing.
"and Meri, try to stay off your ankle as much as possible," the healer urged, his gaze trained on the silent padawan.
"Yes, Master An-Paj," she replied softly. She shifted uncomfortably as she felt her Master's gaze boring into her.
There was a reason she was obviously hesitant to return to their quarters alone and even if he did not know that reason, Alex sensed it. If he had known that nightmares were plaguing his apprentice, and that it was only his presence that suppressed the dreams, he wouldn't have let her go.
Meri wasn't about to mention her dreams, however. At 17 she felt she should have control of dreams. They stemmed from a buried fear of the past repeating itself, and for a Jedi, that was unacceptable. As her Master would no doubt tell her, he wasn't going to die and he hadn't died. Maybe the dreams would go away soon. *I didn't have one last night*, she thought hopefully.
Later that night as Meri left for their quarters, she sensed displeasure from her Master. He usually knew when something was amiss, and he didn't like the fact he was confined in the infirmary, away from his apprentice.
Meri tried to appear normal as she gave the knight a quick hug before leaving. "Goodnight, Master."
"Sleep well, Meri," he returned.
She could feel his eyes studying her as she left. Neither of them would end up getting much sleep.
**
Shadows dappled Alex's room as he moved into a meditation pose on the cool tile floor. Even though he was in the private wing of the infirmary, healers were always coming and going during the day and he had found that the night was the best time for his short meditation sessions.
Dressed only in a beige tunic of light material, the knight closed his eyes and grew still. Immersed in the Force, the Jedi brushed his apprentice's aura, the familiar presence he'd come to adore, tipping the corners of his mouth in a small smile. She was sleeping; he could tell just by the "feel" of her presence.
At first, Alex had been worried when An-Paj had sent her back to their quarters without him, but she was 17 and definitely not a baby. At that thought, an unwelcome image flashed into his mind, scattering his calm and sending his focus crashing into nothingness.
Forcing the images out of his mind, Alex took in a few calming breaths before finding his center again. Without second thought, he moved deeper into the Force, trying to purge the unwelcome images and feelings from within.
He was so focused elsewhere that at first he didn't sense the trembling over the bond he held with Meri. What happened next he couldn't help but sense.
A surge of dark emotions and fear washed over their bond, causing him to stiffen at the unexpected sensation. Just as quickly as they came, the emotions were shut off, as he sensed his apprentice erecting shields in an effort to hide them.
With a frown furrowing his brow, the knight rose quickly to his feet and reached for the dark brown robe draped over the end of the bed. Without bothering to pull on his boots, Alex moved quietly into the dim hallway.
If need be, he would explain later why he had left without a healer's consent, but at the moment his first thought was of his apprentice.
It took him no more than a few minutes, and he was soon keying in the codes and slipping silently into their dark quarters. Making his way down the short hallway to his apprentice's room, he heard soft sniffles and could still sense the fading fear in the room as light spilled out into the hallway.
She had left her door open and he paused in the doorway.
She sensed him immediately, her head coming up, and dark eyes wide. Without saying a word, she began to cry harder and Alex sensed a conflicting mass of emotions coming from her, guilt being one of them.
"Meri," he murmured soothingly as he moved across the room and sat on the bed. Without hesitation, he pulled her close, lightly resting his chin atop her dark head.
"I'm sorry," she rambled over and over again, her forehead pressed against his chest as she burrowed closer to him.
There was desperation in the way her small form clung to him, as though she feared he was going to disappear and he knew immediately why she was trying to apologize. He could sense it through their bond along with the knowledge that she'd been having these nightmares since their return from the war torn planet.
"It's okay, Meri," he reassured her in his softest voice as he rubbed her back in slow circles. He should've meditated with her before this, helped her cleanse out those memories and fears. He knew what she'd been through. This was as much his fault as hers.
Cupping her face with one hand, he tilted her head up so her eyes met his. Everything he'd planned on saying flew out of his mind as her luminous tear- filled eyes focused on him. Within their dark depths he could see the trust and … something else…
Time seemed to stand still and he became very aware of her warm body pressing into his, and of her hands grasping the light material of his tunic. All coherent thoughts were gone, muddled and confused in light of this new feeling flooding his body.
Almost of it's own accordance, his thumb began stroking the soft skin of her cheek, their eyes still locked in an unbreakable gaze. His breathing became shallow and quick when his eyes dropped and saw the pulse in her neck racing and then moved to linger on her full, rosy lips.
She had stopped crying, but the crystalline tears still clung motionless to her pale skin.
Tenderly he brushed away the droplets, leaning closer in the process. All he had to do was dip his head…
His heart was racing madly by this time and slowly he began to lean closer, closing the last few inches between them.
*Jedi…Master… * the cold logic broke through. *Your apprentice…*
At the last moment before their lips touched, Alex lifted his head and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. It did not escape his notice that Meri's eyes had been closed and when he kissed her forehead they fluttered open, focusing on his face, a question burning in their depths.
Gently he unclasped her hands from his tunic and pushed her out of his lap, then stood quickly as he fought to control his breathing. A hand ran distractedly through his thick hair as he averted his gaze to the floor.
When he next looked up Meri had scooted back against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest. She wouldn't look at him.
"I...I didn't tell the healers I was leaving," he finally got out. "I should return. Will you be alright?"
Meri nodded once, but still wouldn't look up.
"We will talk of your dreams tomorrow. I'll help you mediate through them," he said his tone a bit warmer.
"Yes, Master," she murmured quietly.
With one last glance directed at Meri, Alex turned and strode from her room, his mind a tumult of thoughts.
