Chapter 43

The next morning, Alex found his attempts at meditation ineffective. It was not clear to him why, but it seemed his focus on the Force was slipping considerably. //Perhaps the Force is pointing out the mistakes I made in my discussion with Meri,\\ he concluded. Every time he would try to slide deeper into the currents of the Force, something he'd said, or even worse, something he shouldn't have said, would resurface in his memory.

Giving up at last, Alex opened his eyes and glanced at his apprentice as she sat opposite him. She was deep in meditation, or at least giving a good impression of it. Through their bond, Alex knew it was the latter.

//Why am I allowing some kid to get under my skin?\\ he wondered. He knew Meri had been speaking honestly when she said they would be nothing but friends, and that it wasn't in her nature to shun someone else. He admired her for that. Yet he was also very cautious of this Cillian Kaeton.

Perhaps rumors had gotten out of hand, but given everything he had heard about the boy, he wasn't about to take this friendship between his apprentice and Kaeton lightly. Even the circle of Jedi Masters was not immune to gossip. Alex had heard that some did not have a high opinion of Cillian's Master. But in the final analysis, most of the other Masters took the position that "it doesn't distract from training, and it is mere harmless fun among youngsters." Of course, the fact that Cillian's Master was of a species where such behavior was looked upon as normal might have had something to do with that view.

Alex had his own opinions, but he recognized that irrespective of them, he shouldn't have snapped at his apprentice.

Taking a steadying breath, he allowed himself to think back to two nights before. He wasn't sure what had almost happened, but it had scared him. Ever since then, he had not been able to concentrate, his thoughts flying around like deranged wampa bats, as he tried to figure it all out. The only thing he was sure of was that it wouldn't be any time soon that the answer would come.

Sitting back on his heels, the knight placed his palms flat on the floor, and once again studied his apprentice. She was trying hard to pretend she was meditating, but Alex could sense her inner turmoil.

"I'm sorry, Meri," he said, watching as her eyes opened quickly to focus on him. "I find myself saying that quite a bit, lately." His lips turned up in a lopsided smile.

"I won't count the times when you were sick," she said graciously with an impish smile.

"How kind," he murmured, his bright blue eyes focused on the floor before them. Silence fell for a few moments. "Just …," he paused glancing upward to find her dark eyes trained on his face patiently. "Be careful," he finished.

Meri didn't say anything for a moment, instead she moved into a more comfortable position before speaking. "Honestly, I'd go for Obi-Wan before I went for Cillian," she admitted.

"I don't know that he's much better," Alex said wryly.

"Master!"

He let out a full laugh at the expression on her face. "Well, you two were trouble personified in your younger days."

"Yes, but not that kind of trouble," she muttered indignantly.

"No, thank the Force for small mercies," Alex laughed again. He enjoyed seeing her in a dither. Or at least pretending she was. Her dark eyes snapped and she was trying her best to frown, but one corner of her mouth wouldn't stay turned down.

"We weren't that bad."

"Hmm," he murmured skeptically. "That's a matter of opinion and one to debate later."

Meri raised one eyebrow inquisitively.

Standing to his feet, Alex reached a hand down to pull Meri to her feet. Neither of them noticed when he held onto her hand longer than necessary. "Speaking of which, we're going to visit one of your and Obi-Wan's old haunts."

"Do I want to ask?"

"The infirmary,' he answered with a broad grin. "An-Paj wants to check you over one last time."

"No," she sighed. "I didn't.

***

The next few weeks flew by for Meri as she fell back into the rhythm of the Temple. Her lessons resumed in everything but lightsabre techniques, for the healer had insisted she not put any strain on her ankle. She missed sparring with Alex, but made up for her loss by getting into the habit of watching him spar with another partner instead, usually another Jedi knight.

The only thing she was allowed to do was kata's at the lowest speed. Alex would do these with her and then she would fall back and watch him.

As for their relationship, things seemed to have returned to normal, and this suited Meri just fine. She had missed their close talks and the warm teasing and joking while they were confined to the infirmary. And although she sensed an underlying sense of tension, things had definitely settled back into a semblance of order.

Unlike Alex though, Meri knew very well what had almost happened that night. She was trying her best to forget that it had happened and even more so, what had caused it. She was very glad Alex hadn't wished to discuss it, because she would have been mortified. What was she supposed to say? //Yes I wanted you to kiss me.\\ Even thinking of it made her cheeks pinken.

She'd been told by older, women Masters that it wasn't unusual for a female padawan apprenticed to a male Master to develop a crush. However, such infatuations were never to be acted upon or encouraged. Nor even acknowledged. Meri was ready to admit she thought Alex highly attractive. She was *not*ready to admit she had a crush.

As far as the Cillian matter was concerned, Alex had grudgingly accepted his presence in Meri's life. So far Cillian hadn't done anything to provoke her Master, but then again, he also made sure that he avoided Alex. No matter how hard Cillian tried to come across as extremely self-confident, Meri was sure that he feared her Master.

She knew Alex was watching Cillian very closely. Of yet, Cillian hadn't tried anything, other than occasional so-called accidental caresses, usually on her arms or the small of her back. If Alex was to see one of those, Meri feared the result. Despite her best efforts, though, Meri knew tension was slowly building, until when, six months after the mission at Dubh nán, things really started to heat up.

It began one day as Meri sat watching her Master spar with a partner in preparation for the Temple's upcoming annual lightsabre tournament. Even months after the incident, An-Paj would not allow her to do any strenuous sparring, though she had began to step up her kata speeds.

She was frowning at the thought when she sensed a familiar presence approaching and glanced up to see Cillian walking towards her, a warm smile creasing his face.

"Hi," he said, as he joined her on the matted floor. His eyes flickered toward the intense sparring match and then returned to Meri's face.

"Hey," she returned neutrally. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you could help me out with something?"

"What would that be?" she inquired without taking her eyes from Alex's quicksilver moves.

"Me and a few friends are playing this game, but we need a fourth player," he explained.

Meri glanced at him. "I don't know," she hesitated.

"Please? I've already asked all my other friends and they were busy. Pretty please?" he pleaded with a beguiling smile.

The Force quivered at his words, and Meri honestly wasn't certain of the truth in them. "Well, alright, but let me speak to my Master first," she replied as they both stood to their feet.

"Thanks Meri," he murmured trailing a hand lightly down her arm.

Meri tensed and he drew his hand away as he quickly told her where to meet them before striding out of the room.

She turned back towards the sparring pair, only to find they were no longer sparring. Alex was standing, feet apart and the look on his face was quite intimidating. She knew he had seen Cillian's flirtations, but she decided to act as though everything was completely normal.

Walking up to him, she gave him a warm smile. "Who's winning?"

"I am," an amused voice from behind Alex interposed.

Meri peeked around Alex's broad shoulders and smiled impishly. "Hi Knight Rilian. I'm glad. Someone has to take him down a peg or three," she grinned with a wink at the older, fair-haired knight.

"Did you need something, Meri?" Alex questioned, bringing her focus back to him. There was a barely veiled tension underlying his words.

"Yes, Cillian needs a fourth player for this game of his. I told him I'd speak with you first." She looked up at him, a pointed question in her eyes. She vividly remembered the conversation they had had about Cillian. It all came down to trust. She could see the conflict in Alex's eyes as he looked down on her, his body as taunt as a wire.

A muscle is in his jaw jumped before he answered her. "Very well, Meri."

His voice was amazingly soft for the situation, she thought, as she looked up at him. She gave him a bright smile and wanted to give him a touch of assurance, but did not.

"I'll see you later," she murmured, her dark eyes finding his and giving them a warm message of assurance.

Alex merely nodded and watched until she left the room.

"Are you ready, Arieh? I don't have all day!"

Alex heard the snap-hiss of Rilian's lightsabre as the knight behind him ignited his blade.

Another muscle clenched in his jaw, and he ignited his own deep blue blade as a small sigh of frustration escaped.

"I'm ready," he said evenly.

Pushing all thoughts of Meri from his mind, Alex strove to keep her and Cillian from his thoughts as he threw himself into the sparring. Pivoting on his heel, he charged the other knight, bringing his blade down with such force that sparks flew, and Rilian stumbled backwards.

"What's come over you?" Rilian panted when the two blades locked a few minutes later.

"Nothing," Alex replied, only slightly winded, then jerked his blade free. "Nothing at all."