Chapter Four

*~*

Madam Pomfrey was handing me potion after potion. We went through the same routine before every one of my transformations. There was no potion that would help to ease the pain, so she tried to give me as many as she could without giving me an overdose of one type of pain killer. It made me dizzy and sick, but that was only because I wasn't in pain yet, so my body was trying to adjust to the potions.

When she was satisfied with the potions she'd given me, she took my arm and began to walk toward the entrance hall. From there, she would make sure the coast was clear and take me down to the Whomping Willow. When we got outside, it was cool and somewhat windy. Her hand was still on my arm, and I was becoming more and more tired by the second. I was so dizzy, now, from the potions that I couldn't see straight. We got to the Willow and she walked in with me. "Now, Remus, I want you to wait for me to come and get you in the morning. If I'm not here, don't panic. I'll get down around 8 o'clock, because usually by then I have the potions I need to fix the cuts and bruises you usually have." She said as I unclasped my robe (with much difficulty) and handed it to her. My head was throbbing, but I managed to nodd. "I'll see you in the morning." She said, and with that she turned and left.

It wasn't long before I heard steps coming through the Shack. "Moony?" Sirius said. "How much longer?" I asked. I hadn't seen the sun setting all the way. "Prob'ly 10 minutes or so." He said, leaning against the wall. "You should probably transform, just in case." I said, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples.

"Headache?" He asked. "I'm dizzier than as if I have been spinning for hours on end, and my head is throbbing." I replied.

"Ah, doesn't sound pleasant. Well, I guess I'll speak to you in few moments." He said, and when I opened my eyes, there was a large black dog in front of me. I smiled for a brief instant and stared at him. "Well, Padfoot, not much longer." I said, feeling a tingling in my arms. I knew my transformation was going to begin.

I cried out as the first phase of the transformation ripped through me, causing me to double over. I saw my hands turning into beastly claws; My arms changed shape and were covered in a thick, brown fur. I closed my eyes and bit down fiercely on my lip as the rest of my body changed into the wolf. The worst was over now, and I just had to make it through the night without tearing at my arms and legs with my claws. That's why Sirius was there... To keep me calm...

*~*

When I woke up, I had an unusual feeling of comfort, something that wasn't usually there when I woke from my transformation. I opened my eyes and saw that my head was rested lightly on a back of thick, black fur. I smiled, wondering if I should wake Sirius so he could transform into his human form and get back to the castle before Madam Pomfrey came down and found him there. Weakly, I stood and walked into the passageway of the Shack to see how high the sun was. Judging by it's height, it was probably about six o'clock.

I looked at the small hanger that had my robes and shirt on it and I pulled them off of it and pulled my shirt on over my head. I hung my robe up again. I was shaking a little from the effort of moving around, and I steadied myself against the wall. Using the wall for support I looked back through the entrance at the sun. I heard a rustle coming from a little ways away and I turned to see Sirius standing and stretching. He walked over to me, "Need any help getting anything?" He asked. I wasn't really used to him still being here. Usually, when I woke James, Peter, and Sirius were already gone.

"I think I'm ok." I said, leaning against the wall.

"C'mon... Come in here and sit on something a little more comfortable than dirt." He said, offering me his shoulder to support myself on. I put one of my arms across his shoulders and supported most of my weight on him as I walked. He helped me to sit down and then walked back to the entrance. "Did you already figure out what time it is or should I try to remembed my Astronomy notes on time?" I heard him ask.

"It's about six."

"Bloody hell... How did I manage to wake up?" He walked back in and adjusted his hair and clothes. I shrugged, closed my eyes, and leaned against the headboard of the slashed bed. The bed moved and I opened my eyes to see him sitting on the end of it.

"Remus?"

"Hm?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me about your parents?"

I almost fell over. I hadn't been expecting that. I was silent.

"I mean, we've been really good friends for a while, I can understand keeping the whole 'I-change-into-a-werewolf-every-full-moon' bit a secret, but I couldn't believe you hadn't told me how your parents died... I always assumed.." He trailed off and I looked at him, sighing deeply. I didn't know if I could tell him why without telling him anything I wouldn't want him to know.

"I just..." I said, searching for the words. "Not many people know... My aunt and uncle know, the Ministry knows. God knows the Ministry knows... They tried to stop me from coming back to school after that. Said I was too dangerous to be around other students."

"You still haven't told me why you didn't tell me."

"I don't tell the people that I'm close to... That I care about... I'm too afraid to lose them, I guess. You're the best friend I've ever had, Sirius. James and Peter were a little spooked when you lot found out about my 'condition', but you just stayed calm and acted like it was something you see everyday. I didn't want you to be afraid of me like my aunt and uncle are."

"Your aunt and uncle are afraid of you? Your own family?"

"I killed my parents, Sirius! Of course they're going to be afraid!"

"Well... I wasn't when you told me."

"I thought you would be. But I didn't actually tell you purposely... it was just... I don't know." I said, becoming more emotional again. He moved up and sat next to me. "I know what it's like to be in a family full of nutters. Ignore your aunt and uncle. I like them... I don't think they like me, but I like them. They just don't understand what you go through and how you can't control what you do. There are times when I can't control myself, either." He said, not taking his eyes away from mine.

"When?" I asked, confused.

"Like now." He said, somewhat nervously. I didn't understand what he had meant, and I opened my mouth to say, "What do you mean?" but all that got out was "Wha--" before his lips touched mine.

I didn't understand what was happening, and it took my brain a moment to react. I closed my eyes and tried to figure out if I was dreaming or if it reall was happening. With one hand, I pinched my side. With the other, I reached up and touched Sirius' face. I didn't want it to end. I didn't care if Madam Pomfrey came in and found us kissing, I just wanted to make the moment last forever. I didn't want him to pull away, and I most certainly had no plans of pulling away any time soon.

When we finally did part, it was because neither one of us wanted to die from lack of oxygen. We couldn't look eachother in the eye for a few moments, and I thought he regretted it when he finally swalloed hard, and, still not looking at me said, "I've wanted to do that for a long time. I just... I thought you'd..."

"Push you away?" I asked, not looking at him, either.

"I thought I'd ruin our friendship... Did I?"

"I participated in that kiss as well... I'd like to think it was consensual." I said, trying to get him to laugh, but I only saw the makings of a smile on his face.

"I thought maybe you thought you had to..."

"Sirius, I've wanted that for a long time. Longer than I'd care to admit."

He turned to look at me and I smiled sadly. "Me, too." He said, and then he kissed me again, though this time he put his hand on the back of my neck to bring us closer together. I touched his shoulder and when we pulled apart both of us were somewhat flushed.

"I should probably go.. If Pomfrey catches me down here, she'll kill me."