Chapter 52

He had lost control. As much as he would have liked to pin his actions down and call them duty, he knew he would be lying to himself. And no matter how many times he told himself she was his apprentice and that she was so young, too young, a part of him refused to listen.

His undoing had been her emotions, which flowed over their bond openly. In the beginning he'd felt in control of the situation, but he had not accounted for the feel of Meri in his arms and the response it would invoke.

When his lips first moved over her soft skin, he felt her tremble and her grasp on his shoulders tightened. He'd always known Meri was fond of him, but tonight something new had been revealed and in the most disconcerting way and at the most inopportune time. The bond between them, normally very strong as it was, had throbbed and pulsed with an entirely new light. She had tried to block him at first; Alex had felt that. And it was her final release of those emotions that had shattered any figment of control.

For while Alex had barely been holding onto himself, the bottom line was that he had been succeeding by telling himself any such advances in real life would be unwanted, besides improper. He hadn't counted on their bond and he hadn't known just how strong things between them had really grown.

He had never experienced a more enlightening, arousing, overwhelming connection with anyone. With every touch and caress the bond between them was flooded with her emotions, her confusion and insecurity, but most of all her feelings for him.

And that perhaps was the most shocking of all.  With the waves of her emotions surging through their bond, Alex's defenses had been obliterated, and for timeless minutes he had forgotten where they were and more importantly who they were as he lost himself to her.

He had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

As he ascended the grand staircase to the upper level, one hand ran thoughtlessly through his thick hair, the other rested lightly on the hilt of his lightsabre, which he had moved to its proper place at his side.

Through force of will, he pushed the thoughts of what had just occurred to the back corner of his mind. How many times as a padawan had his Master taught him on the evils of distraction? Indeed, how many times had he himself lectured Meri on the very same. Distraction for a Jedi was their downfall and he would do well to practice what he taught, no matter how tempted he felt to let his mind wander.

Right now he had to focus on his mission and finding the missing knight. What he had sensed earlier could not be taken lightly. The knight was in grave danger and though he had not mentioned it to Meri, he feared it might be too late for the one they searched.

At the top of the stairs he paused, casting out through the Force while his vibrant blue eyes performed a search of their own. The corridor that stretched out before him was silent and seemed to be abandoned of any life forms. Most were down at the party, he hoped. It would make things a lot easier if they didn't run into anyone.

He proceeded slowly, and silently, an accomplishment that at his size had always, to a certain extent, baffled his apprentice. Alex didn't have to enter any of the rooms he was passing; sifting through them with the Force he knew they were empty and devoid of life. Reaching the end of the corridor he was faced with two options, that of turning right or left, but he paused again. Something was telling him he wasn't any nearer his goal and that in fact were he to continue he would be going the wrong way.

Before he could make any sort of decision there was a flare of something from Meri through their bond, almost as though she had been startled. Then he felt his com link silently vibrating against his hip and he jerked it up, thumbing it on.

"Master?!"

"Yes," he answered quietly with a quick glance around.

"I've…found him."

Meri's voice wavered slightly with her words, a fact which caused one dark brow to rise in concern. There wasn't much that could shake Alex's levelheaded apprentice.

"Stay where you are. Wait for me," he said evenly, trying to infuse his words with a calming effect. Replacing the com link at his side, the knight quickly headed for the stairs, wondering what exactly he would find at his destination.

***

Meri peered out from behind one of the large, gray stone pillars that made up the dark floor she was on. It was damp and cold here, and her exposed skin was flushed with goose bumps.

It had been one of the first things she noticed. That and the filth and smell; never would she have guessed that only a few floors could make such a difference. In the shadows she could see things moving…. spidery legs and quick sharp movements. Automatically she was wary of this unknown, but all her focus was pulled from these things at the sight that had greeted her in the center of the room.

The figure was still and disturbingly silent, but by the tattered tunics and robe, and the flickering of his Force signature, she knew him for the Jedi he was. He hung heavy from the chains that held him, his head dipping so that it rested on his chest.

The sight of the young Jedi knight shook her so that her hands fumbled when she reached for her com link. After contacting Alex, she stayed hidden, as he had commanded, but something began building in her the longer she looked on. She could sense that the young man's last tenuous grasp on the Force was slipping and her eyes took in the chains that held him up. It shouldn't be so.

Gripping the hilt of her lightsabre tighter, she slipped quietly from hiding place and stepped out in the open. Cautiously she made her way over to the Jedi, her heart feeling bruised at seeing a member of her order treated so. There was only the briefest flash of lavender light as her lightsabre cut through the chains, releasing their burden.

Meri just barely caught the knight but was unprepared for the dead weight and was driven to her knees in the filth. Carefully she shifted him, so that he was lying with his head in her lap.

"Master…"

The words came from the knight's cracked lips as little more than a breathy whisper, but Meri sensed he wasn't aware of her presence. Gently she drew a hand over the grimy forehead, brushing off the hair there in a calming gesture. "It's okay now," she offered, feeling the hollowness in her words. They were all she had to offer him in his last moments. That and her presence.

Seeing one of his hands twitch, the fingers curling slightly, Meri reached down and took the hand in her own, her heart clenching almost unbearably tight. She squeezed his hand tightly, tears welling in her eyes as she realized what she was witnessing. There was only a hint of return pressure from the Jedi and then the raspy and shallow breathing stopped and all was incredibly still.

 ***

The sound of dying thunder rumbling away into the distance outside pulled Meri out of her brief lapse in concentration on her surroundings. Pulling her legs under her, she prepared to stand, an action that was quickened when she felt a sharp sting on her wrist. With a quickly indrawn breath, she brushed away the dark speck that had been crawling on her arm and vigorously rubbed the offended area of skin.

Meri could sense her Master approaching and wished he would hurry, but before she was even give more time to do so a tingle of her senses alerted her to something or someone approaching who was not on their side.

Whoever was responsible for this was coming. Somehow they had found out the Jedi's' presence. She could sense that as well.

Meri!

The call was like a lightening bolt across their bond and she responded without hesitation, springing into flight, her steps light and quick as she rushed up the stairs she had descended such a short time ago. The bond between Master and apprentice was flooded with urgency and Meri used the Force to quicken her steps.

Reaching the next floor up, she slid across the slick marble in effort to slow her momentum, and was helped when Alex quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. Without any word of greeting or warning the tall knight pressed her into the tiny storage room behind him, the only room on that floor.

It was musty smelling, filled with storage containers and had scant space for them to fit in, but somehow they managed.

With his apprentice's back pressed firmly against the containers, Alex still just barely fit in the storage room and only just managed to get the door closed behind them. From shoulders to thighs, their bodies were pressed together, a situation that was entirely too intimate for the both of them, considering what had happened earlier.

Meri couldn't help the shudder that ran through her at the contact. If they never had another mission such as this one, it would be entirely too soon for her. It took everything within her not to move at the pressure of his body covering hers, but she couldn't help the slight wriggling that she did allow.

At the slight movement she made, Alex gripped her arms tightly; almost as though he were attempting to hold her still and she couldn't help feeling the way he tensed.

"Don't," he breathed quietly near her ear in the barest essence of a whisper.

Concentrating on keeping his breathing even, Alex listened as voices approached outside, they were coming from the higher floor and moving downward to where Meri had just returned from.

The long minutes it took for them to do so were extremely uncomfortable for the two hiding inside the small storage room. The second they had gone, Alex backed out quickly and Meri followed taking in a much needed deep breath.

Without another word to each other they both moved as quickly and silently as possible for the higher floors. Their mission had been accomplished now they needed to get out.

Alex didn't have to ask Meri about the state of the Jedi knight. He had felt his passing and knew it was too late for them to do anything other than get out and alert the Council to their findings.

A sense of relief fell like a curtain over the apprentice as she concentrated on following her Master silently. No more dressing like a scamp, no more averting the eyes and best of all, no more forcing herself to pretend she was feeling things for Alex, when in truth she wasn't pretending at all!

Meri edged to a stop behind Alex as they reached the main floor. Everything had quieted down and he only paused briefly before moving silently towards the nearest exit. They would only have a limited amount of time before whoever it was found out they had been there. With all things considered, the getting out unnoticed ended up being the easiest part of the whole night. It was obvious they had, to a certain degree taken their enemies by surprise.

It was a simple matter of getting to their transport and heading back to the city. Once safely inside, a heavy silence fell between the two and Meri concentrated on squeezing the water from her hair from the drenching rain that had returned with the night. She'd gotten drenched in their brief dash for their transport.

"Did you move him?"

Dark eyes danced upwards at his voice and a sudden pang of apprehension sparked through her.

"Yes, Master," she murmured glancing aside. She knew she shouldn't have, and was regretting it. Perhaps had she not moved him, he would not have died. Perhaps there was something her Master could have done to help.

"No, I sense he was too far gone," Alex answered the un-addressed concerns. "However, now they know we have been there. Before there would have been no proof we were."

"I'm sorry, Master," Meri apologized softly. He had told her to wait for him and she hadn't.

Silence descended again and for the first time in a while it was an uncomfortable quiet between the two.

Meri risked a glance at Alex as he focused on navigating through the city. His black hair was just as drenched as hers and she forgot she was staring as she watched the water drip off his hair to trickle down the back of his neck. The few strands that normally hung over his forehead held tiny droplets that reflected the lights of the city outside.

Suddenly his blue eyes shifted and caught her staring. One black brow rose in inquiry. "Do I look like a drowned nerf?"

Meri was thankful for the darkness as heat infused her face and she was able to hide the evidence of her embarrassment. "Something like that," she had to fight to put her usual dryness into the answer. "I'm sure I don't look much better though," she said without thinking.

The sudden gaze that was directed her way made her remember what she was wearing and on top of it all, that it was now drenched and clinging to her even more. His expression however, was as inscrutable as always and this prompted her memory of something he had said earlier that night which she fully planned on getting an explanation for.

"I have a question, Master." Her voice was full of false bravado, for she certainly didn't feel as comfortable as addressing this as she sounded.

Alex glanced at her quickly before refocusing his eyes on where they were going. "Yes?"

"What did you mean tonight, when you said that about Obi-Wan? I mean, what were you implying anyway?"

There was silence while Alex parked the speeder near the establishment they were staying at. Meri shivered in the cool air, goose bumps rising over her arms and she absently rubbed them briskly, purposefully avoiding her Master's eyes.

A warm hand caressed her forearm. "Let's get inside and dry, before we speak about this. I would like to catch transport back to Coruscant as soon as possible."

Meri nodded and wondered at his expression when she had mentioned Obi-Wan, yet she was apprehensive about this talk they were to have.

***

When Meri stepped out of a hot shower, she was feeling only slightly better about this talk they were supposed to have. It didn't help matters when she looked in the reflective glass and saw an odd patch of discoloring on her neck.

What the....her thoughts trailed off as it became obviously clear just where she had obtained the mark and her cheeks flooded with color. She let her eyes slide shut in mortification. How am I going to hide this back at the Temple?

Just then there was a pulse of concern and inquiry over the bond with her Master and she knew he had felt her sudden upheaval of emotions. Taking in a cleansing breath, she expelled it and shrugged into the soft robe that had been placed out for her.

When she exited the 'fresher she avoided glancing at Alex, but she felt his eyes on her and she unconsciously tightened her hold that held her robe closed around her neck. Just what she didn't need was for him to see what he'd unknowingly accomplished. It could only cause more embarrassment for them both.

Moving quickly, she went over to her bag and knelt to retrieve an outfit to wear. No doubt Alex would want to leave as soon as possible, before anyone could trace them back to where they were staying. It took a few minutes of rummaging; the entire time she held the robe close to her neck aware of the eyes burning into her back. What she wasn't aware of was that Alex had moved to stand directly behind her, and when, in one movement, she stood and took a step forward she almost crashed into him.

"Master!" the word was breathed sharply as the pile of clothing she held fell to the floor between them.

For a moment their gazes locked, but then Alex's eyes shifted to her neck and Meri wished she could simply disappear.

Slowly, Alex raised his hand and lightly brushed away the material covering her neck.

Meri inhaled shakily and allowed her hands to drop away, revealing the light purple discoloration on her neck. She could feel her cheeks flaming.

"I'm sorry." His voice was low as he brushed his fingers lightly against the mark.

Meri couldn't find the words to speak and her heartbeat skipped before starting a mad dash. Instead, she found her eyes traveling upwards until they found a harbor in the bright blue orbs above her.

The knight's fingers settled to rest comfortably on her smooth skin, curling to cup her neck lightly.

Meri knew she should distance herself, but the pull between them was undeniable. Trying to hide the effect his touch had on her, she closed her eyes, but they snapped open immediately when she felt something caress her lower lip.

It was his thumb…resting against her lower lip, and every second or so he rubbed it softly against her lip. She looked up only to see his normally bright blue eyes had changed color and were focused on her mouth. Odd…. she couldn't help thinking even in the midst of this maelstrom of emotions. His eyes were a dusky violet.

She could feel her pulse fairly jumping as her breath became erratic and noticed, too, that his breath had also quickened.

This time there was no breaking the heavy gaze and slowly Alex moved his hand up her neck to cup the back of her head firmly.

Allowing her eyes to drift shut, she tilted her head up in anticipation. Her whole body quivered in delight when she felt the warm softness of his lips against hers. The touch was feather light at first, almost questioning and explorative, yet hesitant. It was not an overly intimate kiss, but it felt right, the best thing she had ever experienced.

Every thought and concern faded away in importance and Meri gave herself up to the sensations being stirred within her.

Her heart was racing madly and she found her arms had somehow inched their way around Alex's neck. He, in return pulled her closer and she reveled in the pressure of his body against hers. But the kiss seemed to last only an instant.

Meri felt lightheaded as Alex broke the kiss, pulling back only far enough to rest his forehead against hers, their lips barely touching. They were both breathing more heavily than before and the feel of his warm breath caressing her lips sent a shiver down her back.

Shyly, without thought, Meri moved her fingers from the base of Alex's neck, upward, into the thick black hair she so adored. Caught up in sensation of running her fingers through his hair, Meri was startled when Alex groaned lightly and let out a breath that was closer to a sigh.

"Meri…," his voice was husky and heavy with some restrained emotion, halting her movements, her fingers still entwined in the black locks atop his head.

Lifting a hand, Alex rested it on her slender wrist then ran his strong fingers slowly down her arm to the slope of her shoulder. Like her other garments, the robe wasn't cut for modesty and still exposed much of her skin. Something, it was obvious, the knight couldn't help noticing.

Neither one was thinking of the consequences of their actions or what they were really doing. In an instant, the spark that had been between them for so long, at long last began to slowly smolder. Any thoughts of status fell to the wayside as they became caught up in finally allowing themselves to explore each other.

Leaning down closer to her once again, Alex nuzzled where the curve of her neck met her shoulder, inhaling deeply. Ever since Meri had stepped out of the 'fresher, the scent of wild Alderaanian roses had teased his senses. Now, at such close proximity the scent of her was enough to drive him crazy and her skin still held traces of the heated dampness of her shower.

Moving his hand up to her hair, he threaded his fingers carefully through the mass of soft, dark curls. The action, along with his continued nuzzling elicited a quickly expelled breath from Meri, almost a gasp.

The emotions that had been gradually growing between them were becoming unbearable. For so long they had denied it, denied this and the pressure without release had become agonizing.

Taking in a long breath, Alex raised his head until they were posed face-to-face, inches apart. There was a deep longing within him, within them both, but both were afraid of giving into it. It was in their eyes as the heated gaze continued.

Tenderly Alex brushed a thumb across the soft skin on the curve of her cheek, debating. But it was only for the briefest moment.

For the second time that night his lips moved over hers, taking them, much more insistent than before and more demanding for surrender. The passion that had been simmering just below the surface exploded with a brilliant haze that clouded the mind.

Briefly, before attempting to deepen the kiss, a fleeting thought occurred to Alex of how Meri how responded to Cillian...but the thought trailed off into nothingness as the sweetness of her mouth intoxicated him. She hadn't reacted to Cillian this way….

As her mouth responded in an awkward, but obviously open invitation against his, it became his last coherent thought, as well as hers. The bond between them was a molten cord of heat, pulsating with every quickened beat of their hearts.

A sudden crack of thunder outside shook the very building to it's core and pulled the two apart with a guilty start.

They were both breathless; Meri stared at him with wide eyes, startled by his depth of passion, and Alex focused his eyes on her, wondering what he'd just done, realizing with sudden clarity something he'd been denying all along. He was in love with her.

***

The sound of rain pounding relentlessly on the roof dominated the room as the two occupants stood motionless, almost as though frozen in the reality of what had just occurred between them.

Finally unable to bear the silence any longer, Meri took an insecure step back, away from Alex. The twenty-five year old had dropped his gaze, his hand rubbing at his forehead as though in pain. At her movement he glanced up.

At the sight before him he wanted to groan. His breath caught anew as despair at what he'd done clenched painfully inside his chest. "A Dhia, thoir cobhair," he whispered barely loud enough to be heard, his voice heavy with regret. She was standing before him and looked as though she were ready to bolt. Where she would run, he didn't know, but the only thing that registered was that he had caused this. He had just broken the Master/Padawan trust; he had just done the unthinkable and the unforgivable.

He turned, took a step away and did something that pained him more than he ever thought possible. He closed their bond from his end until he couldn't sense the turmoil of his apprentice's emotions.

"Alex?!"

Her voice was clear, yet high with alarm, pain, and confusion, but it was his name that hit him like a physical blow.

He turned slowly; resolve stiffening his spine. He had to amend this mistake, no matter how much it hurt the both of them. Some things just were not acceptable in the Jedi order.

"No, Padawan," he managed to get out, surprised at how his voice sounded so firm and in control when inside he felt like a part of him was dying. The pain only intensified as he saw her flinch visibly at the formal address.

"This was a mistake. A dire mistake. The other Jedi masters were right. I was too young to take an apprentice."

Meri backed up even more at his words and he thought for a moment she was going to try and run from him.

"They were right," he went on more slowly, "because I shouldn't have….allowed myself to feel this way. I allowed my affection to grow beyond what it should, beyond what is right."

"No, no it's not…," she began almost frantically.

"Yes, Meri," he broke in more firmly than he had intended. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is my fault, do you understand me?" He gazed at her pointedly, inside his heart breaking at the shattered look of hope on her face. "This mistake was mine and I will correct it. I will," he added firmly, sounding as thought he meant to convince himself as well as his apprentice.

Tears were glistening in her dark brown eyes and even as he watched they welled over and ran down the soft curve of her cheek. It took an immense amount of will power to restrain him from comforting her. She wasn't looking at him now and he didn't blame her.

"I'm sorry," he said again softly. "I'll fix this," he added resolutely. At his words she glanced at him and he saw the fear in her dark eyes at his meaning and the question. But he had no answer for what she wanted to know. If stepping aside were what was required of him for her to achieve her knighthood, then he would do it. She had too much potential for him to put that in jeopardy simply because he fancied himself in love, something that was almost unheard of among the Jedi.  A fact that he would, as it was, be spending much time and thought meditating on in the future.

"I will return shortly, I am going to acquire transport back to Coruscant. Be prepared to leave when I return."

There was no 'Yes, Master' or even any acknowledgement to his statement, but he didn't care. Eager for the escape from those dark, haunted eyes, the door shut silently on the sound of soft, broken crying.