Author's Note: This chapter concludes Part Two and the next chapter will begin the last part, Part Three.

***

Alex settled himself wearily into the chair by Meri's beside, his eyes never leaving her sleeping features. All he kept seeing was the pain that had been in her eyes at his declaration. It took him back to the four years before when he had first met her. She had been a thin, small girl at fourteen; long dark hair and eyes that appeared too big for her face. Her dark eyes had been what captivated him during that first meeting. That is, when she had finally looked at him. The incredible amount of pain in her eyes when she'd looked at him for the first time had caused his heart to ache and all of his good senses take leave, apparently.

What was it about her that had made him make such a rash decision as to take an apprentice at age 21 and so shortly knighted?? Yes, a Council member had pressed him, but he wouldn't have been forced and his decision in the end had been anything but forced. In fact, had anyone been against his desire to take her on as his apprentice he very well might have fought for that right. Their connection was such that it had begun forming before they even bonded. Did it have anything to do with what she had asked him...about how long he had felt this way?

His answer to her had been true, however. She had intrigued him at 14, so proud, so stubborn and unwilling to let him help her. Theirs had been a battle of wills and he had fought long and hard to gain her trust.

Are you willing to lose that trust?

The question troubled him. The road to gaining Meri's trust had been long and trying. At times he had wondered if things between them would ever improve. He'd offered to always be there for her, if she needed him, and it had taken the young apprentice a long while before she had actually done so and put her trust in him. Earlier, her almost panicked thoughts of thinking he was abandoning her had almost made him renege on his decision. The impressions he had received from her had opened his eyes to the consequences he was going to face if he chose to go through with this.

She really doesn't think I'll go through with it…

Perhaps it was this realization that allowed him to see just how much Meri did in fact trust him…and how if he did do this, it would obliterate that trust; break it beyond repair.

Am I strong enough to break it?

To break her, he realized. For undoubtedly it would. The breaking of Meri's first bond had traumatized her beyond anyone's expectations, for she'd had a bond with Master Caer since her infancy. Is our bond not equally as strong? He wasn't sure how to answer this internal line of questioning. Who was he to say that they held a stronger bond? On the other hand, he knew for a certainty this bond they held was tenfold stronger than the one he'd held with his own master, and he'd thought that bond incredibly strong at the time.

The sudden dimming of the lights in the room jerked Alex out of his thoughts. He'd forgotten that after a certain, late hour, the lights in the infirmary automatically switched to low.

With a long sigh, Alex pulled his hand out of his hair, briefly wondering when it had become such a bad habit for him. It had become a fidget during times when he was deep in thought or restless and now very apparent in a situation where he didn't know what to do.

Leaning forward Alex rested his elbows on his knees for a brief moment as he again stared at his apprentice, then reaching forward he picked up her hand in his and marveled at the smallness of her hands compared to his.

She is right, he mused as he caressed her hand with his thumb. He didn't know what to do. For the first time in his life, perhaps, he really didn't know what to do, which path to take.Always, even as a padawan, the Force had shown him the clear way.He may not have listened to it in his youth, but the answer had been there.As a young knight things had seemed to fall into place, he'd never been left wondering if he was doing the right thing, he had always been convinced his decision was the correct one.

A sad smile lifted the corners of the young knight's mouth as he lifted the hand he held and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. His decision was made and now he needed to think and plan. His mind needed to be clear for this; he needed to meditate.

Rising quietly to his feet, Alex leaned over his apprentice and watched her for a few long moments. Finally, he bent and placed a light kiss on her mouth, brushing away the dark hairs that framed her pale face before turning and quietly leaving the room.

***

Few hours later

Dark eyes stared listlessly up at the plain white ceiling shrouded in darkness.

Sterile, Meri thought, her eye movements sluggish as she glanced around the empty infirmary room. Even the darkness of night couldn't hide the crisp colors of white and silver. They were incredibly boring to look at. She blinked slowly, fighting off the sleep that was demanding her attention and instead returned her gaze to the empty chair at the bedside. She frowned.

"Why aren't you asleep?" The voice that came out of the darkness startled Meri from the light doze she'd fallen into while staring sleepily at the empty seat.

The form that stepped out of the shadows was easily identified as An-Paj and he moved smoothly to her side. "I gave you enough to knock even your hard headed master out," the words were muttered almost to himself as he began to gently remove the tape holding the tubing steady. "What's bothering you?" the healer questioned as he worked gently to remove the tubing.

"Nothing," she said slowly, blinking lazily up at him.

"Right," An-Paj nodded clearly unconvinced as he placed a sterile gauze pad over what she only felt as a sore spot on her wrist before he carefully began wrapping it. "Your entire will is set against getting any rest, I can sense it. You are too drugged up to hide that, padawan."

Meri didn't feel unduly concerned by his observation. Rather she was occupied with thoughts about Alex and wondering where he was. Yet her mind was fuzzy, drugged then, as An-Paj had just so casually pointed out to her. She hated the feeling, there was something important she needed to be doing…or saying? She couldn't quite make up her mind which it was…but it centered around Alex. There was an almost panicky feeling in the pit of her stomach and the last thing she would let herself do was sleep.

"I wan t'get up," Meri was frustrated by the slur her words held and looked accusingly at the healer standing over her.

The tolerant expression of putting up with a small child was on the healer's face as he gazed down at her, along with a hint of a worried frown at her anxiety.

"If it is Alex you are worried about, he promised to be back before morning, though I told him that wasn't necessary. You'll be sleeping until morning. Now," he added.

Meri tried to frown, but already An-Paj's face was blurring and her eyelids were drooping. She barely got as far as framing the word 'no' on her lips when exhaustion coupled with whatever the healer had given her put her to sleep.

***

Alex swept the small stack of data pads into his hands as the students he'd been lecturing filed quietly out of the cavernous room. Sweeping his robe aside, he moved agilely down the steps and hurried for the egress, blind to the curious stares of the younglings who lingered in the training hall watching his hasty exit. Some of the older and female of the species were grouped together talking and giving covert, admiring glances his way, but he was as oblivious to these as he was the curiosity.

His mind was set on getting back to his own padawan, whom he'd had to leave in the infirmary. True she had been asleep when he left, just as she had been the last few days, but according to An-Paj she wasn't resting despite the fact she was for lack of a better term, asleep.The healer had brought this to his attention that very morning before he'd had to excuse himself to give the lecture to the students.

It had been burning in the back of his mind the entire time he had lectured. Even under the influence of administered drugs, Meri wasn't getting the peaceful rest she needed, and he had no misunderstanding on the reason why. Things lay between them, unsaid. He had been afraid to address anything of the sort after the exhaustion she had displayed after their last conversation. He could wait, but apparently she was still distressed about the outcome of what had been brought up. It was not an issue that could or needed to be discussed in that tiny excuse for a room in the infirmary.

"Excuse me, Master Arieh?"

The uncertain voice of a young man broke through his whirlwind thoughts, stopping the knight mid-step in the corridor leading to his quarters. Looking up, recognition lit his eyes. "Padawan Kenobi," he greeted politely yet succinctly.

"I just wanted to ask how Meri was doing? They won't let us see her," the young man added softly with concern, his hands twisting nervously the strings of a small, soft bag he held. "And I was wondering if you could give her this, for me?"

Alex nodded, taking the bag from Obi-Wan and giving into a weary, but relieved smile. "She's doing much better, but sleeping all the time hence the reason she can not entertain visitors. I will make sure she gets this," he promised.

Obi-Wan nodded understandingly. "Thank you, Master. That is all I wished to know, I can see you are in a hurry." The apprentice gave a respectful bow before turning and heading back toward the lifts.

Alex gave a brief nod to the padawan before turning and resuming his quickened pace. He needed to speak with An-Paj before the afternoon was out.

*

"I don't think this is wise," the blue-skinned healer said with disapproval.

Alex inclined his head in acknowledgment of the healer's statement. "I understand your concern, An-Paj, but you have already said that all Meri will be doing, for the next week at least, is resting. I don't wish to do this, I assure you, but it is necessary for reasons I would rather not discuss."

He could feel the healer's pale blue eyes studying him at this declaration. It must indeed sound strange coming from him of all people. Alex usually was only too willing for his apprentice to stay as long as necessary in the infirmary. He didn't avert his eyes, but met the healer's gaze straight on.

An-Paj broke the gaze and then moved to stand behind his desk. The young knight watched as the healer placed his hands on his desk as he moved slowly to sit down.

"You have cause then, to believe Meri will rest better if allowed to return to your quarters?"

Alex noted the speculative light in the healer's eyes as he said this. Probing no doubt for the real source of his request. A dry grin tugged at the corners of his mouth at An-Paj's blatant questioning, but he did not give into the urge to smile. "I know she will," he said confidently.

One white brow rose at his assured statement, but at last the healer nodded."Alright then. You are aware she will probably need help in getting around for the next few days?"

Alex didn't even flinch from this line of questioning. He wouldn't have a problem with it and didn't think Meri would either…at least not much. "I'll take care of it, An-Paj. I promise I am more capable than I was that time she was 14."

As he had expected An-Paj smirked at the memory. "Good. Bring her back in a few days for a check up and call if anything comes up."

"Of course," Alex gave curt nod in farewell before turning to leave, his thoughts already on his apprentice who was just down the hall.

It wasn't to any surprise of his that he found her asleep on her side, but the tightly furrowed brow told him she wasn't resting soundly and he could sense her unease. Stilling the urge to smooth out the wrinkled frown she wore, he shrugged out of his robe and laid it on the end of the bed.

Pulling back the sheets he reached for his robe to wrap around her so she wouldn't get chilled on the journey. Then with cautious gentleness he picked her up, cradling her carefully in his arms, resting her head against his chest. When he felt her beginning to struggle toward consciousness he used the Force to calm her. It would be easier if she remained asleep.

Turning to leave, he saw a healer apprentice standing in the doorway holding a container in his hand.

"The Master healer requested that these be given to you. You're to give them to her for any lingering pain. They'll help her sleep too," added the padawan staring curiously at Alex.

"Thank you," he said ignoring the odd looks he was receiving. He knew they wouldn't be the only one's that he would get, carrying his apprentice through the halls of the Jedi Temple. But all that mattered to him was getting her back to their quarters.

*

I'm dreaming, Meri thought vaguely; sleep still hanging like a mist over her mind. In this dream she was surrounded by warmth and comfort. The sterile smell of the infirmary was gone and in its place….

Meri startled awake as a heady scent she'd come to love filled her senses, in fact seemed to be surrounding her. Alex…?

Prying her unwilling eyes open, Meri found darkness covering whatever room she was in, the only light that which spilled in from the open doorway. She heard muffled sounds outside the room about the same time she came to the conclusion that she was in Jedi quarters. Turning groggily on her side she found herself tucked into a much bigger bed than the narrow infirmary bed she had occupied for the last few days. And the sheets and coverlet were saturated with the scent that was uniquely Alex's.

Her confusion rippled out through the Force coupled with advancing disappointment that Alex wasn't actually with her; the brief spark of hope died and her heart constricted with pain.

"Meri?" the sound of his lilting voice carried from the direction of the doorway. "Awake at last?" he asked as he entered the room and raised the lights.

Meri didn't trust herself to say anything, feeling suddenly vulnerable at the conflicting emotions within her. She was in his room and in his bed and she found herself still lamenting that she didn't understand this man.

Seeming to see the confusion in the dark depths of her eyes, Alex came closer and sat on the bed. Without words he reached for her, causing shivers to shoot down her spine as he smoothed the flyaway hairs from her face.

"I was going to put you in your own bed, but the sheets needed cleaning," he offered.

"Oh," it was all she could think of to say when every aspect of him seemed to be flooding her senses. She dropped her eyes, unable to hold his steady gaze.

"Meri?"

The tone itself caught her attention, even if his gentle touch bringing up her chin hadn't. It was filled with so much emotion. She was afraid of what he was going to say….afraid as she never should be as a Jedi apprentice. She found herself trembling then, not certain if it was because he was openly invading her space or because she feared what he was about to tell her. Please don't send me away! She pleaded silently.

"I can't…" he whispered roughly then, and pulled her into his arms. "I have never defied any Council rule in my life, but for you….," he trailed off and through their bond Meri heard the rest. I cannot let you go, mo chridhe…

Meri shuddered in his arms then as a relief so strong swept through her that she would have swayed if she'd been standing. Burying her face in his chest, she inhaled shakily and clutched at him.

Long minutes passed and then Alex cupped her face with one hand, bringing her eyes up to his. Then he looked at her….and looked…as if trying to find something.

"You don't love Obi-Wan?" he asked then.

The question couldn't have shocked her more. Love??? Obi-Wan? She wanted to laugh aloud at the very thought, but could see Alex was serious. How could he think it? This was a side she hadn't seen, but he wasn't jealous; it was asked in almost wonderment.She remembered then the words he'd whispered on their last mission just before he'd done all those things to her neck with his mouth. "Just pretend I'm Obi-Wan," he'd said.

Looking up finally, she caught the slight pain in his eyes at her hesitation and reaching up, she explored his face tentatively with her hand. "I love you." The words were soft and she felt such a relief to finally be able to say it…to admit it to him.

Her heart felt immediately lighter as Alex gently gathered her tighter in his embrace, nuzzling her neck with tenderness. But at this, Meri stiffened and tried to pull away, color infusing her pale face. She felt dirty, she hadn't bathed in days and she knew she didn't smell fresh or sweet, she'd been sick.

Alex pulled away, an understanding light brightening his crystal blue eyes and a warm smile lifting his mouth. "Would you like to bathe?"

Meri nodded, thinking how feeling clean again would make her feel almost normal. It wasn't unit she tried to stand with Alex's help, that she found her legs were going to be completely useless. She felt like a newborn nerf. She was clinging to Alex's chest and his arms held her firmly to keep her from falling.

Alex smiled gently as he looked down on her upturned face that held a frustrated frown at her lack of control over her body. "Don't worry, we can do this together."

A brief jolt of surprise went through her at his words. He's going to help me? She wondered. Well…why not? Came the next thought. She would undoubtedly have had a healer apprentice helping bathe her back at the infirmary, though the difference there was it would most likely have been a female. She had another revelation as she realized the idea wasn't as appalling as she might have thought in the past. Not as embarrassing, even though she would be extremely shy about it all.

"Does this bother you?" Alex wore a concerned expression and Meri shook her head.

"No," she said firmly though her cheeks flushed with color.

Alex didn't comment on it, though his soft smile widened ever so slightly. He insisted on carrying her into the 'fresher; there he sat her on the counter while he got the hot water running and the temperature right.

The next half hour passed in a blur for Meri; Alex was careful with her and every bit the gentlemen, keeping his eyes averted as much as he could as he helped her wash her long hair and lather the soap over her body. By the time the shower ended, she was beginning to feel exhaustion creep up on her and almost fell asleep as Alex wrapped her in two warm, soft towels, rubbing her hair with one until he was satisfied enough dampness had been removed. She was practically asleep in his arms by the time he was through with her and he had to shake her awake to help her dress. Instead of going all the way to her room, he had instead grabbed one of his oversized tunics and helped pull it over her head.

Dressed, clean, and incredibly warm, Meri was almost unaware as Alex carried her back to his bed. She felt ready to sleep for a month, but stirred as Alex moved away. "Wher'are you going?" she managed to ask sleepily.

"It's my turn now," he commented as he moved away and Meri woke a little as she watched the 'fresher door close behind him. Some time later, a little longer than he usually takes, she thought groggily; he reappeared, dressed for sleeping, looking relaxed.

She found herself surprised when he sat on the bed and then stretched out alongside her under the sheets. "Come here," he murmured and his brogue was thick.

She tried as much as she was able, but he ended up moving to her, pulling her closer, draping an arm around her waist and she did likewise, cuddling up to his warmth as she wondered at what he was allowing. As their combined body heat created a cocoon of warmth, Meri found herself falling into a contented doze; she almost feared to sleep lest she wake and find this all only a dream. The last few days had been a torment in and of themselves as her very nerves had been on end. She found herself needing this and wondering if it was only a figment of her very creative imagination.

"Go to sleep now, Meri. Dinae worry," he said softly, his accent deepening. Then lowering his head, he covered her lips with his, sucking gently on her lower lip before pulling away.

Meri sighed, and had she not been so exhausted she might have at least tried to kiss him back. As it was all she could manage was a sleepy smile at the burr in his voice and then the kiss. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this way. She drifted into her first real deep sleep of the last few days with the feel of his heartbeat under her palm.

Alex watched her dark lashes come to rest on pale cheeks and marveled at the sensation his unleashed emotions were causing him. Never in his 25 years had he felt something so right and been so content. The Force throbbed around them, pulsating between them through their bond. There was almost no mental barrier between them where he ended and she began and that was a far more intimate thing than anything he could imagine; as far as the intimacy between them could go, until she was a knight. He had broken the rules for her, but he would not shame them both. As much as his body longed to take her and make her truly his, he knew this wouldn't be right. Right now, holding her was enough, would have to be enough.

As he fell asleep he couldn't help wondering how this was going to affect their lives, but found he looked forward to every day by her side and every day the Force gave them.