Authors Note: Well you guys just don't kill me if this doesn't have a happy ending *grin* just be reassured that there IS a sequel. Okay, second part of this Rani wrote, the rest is mine.

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Alex stood for a moment, staring after the distraught padawan in disbelief. He had never thought Rani's feelings had gone any farther than a schoolgirl crush, and even then, that was years ago. He never meant to hurt her.

He was pulled out of his temporary shock as he felt Meri sending a questioning pulse over their bond. She wasn't prying, only questioning, concerned. A flood of affection for her came over him and he groaned softly. What he had told Rani was the truth; he had never meant to fall in love with his padawan. In fact, he had fought it for a long time, because of who she was, and her youth. He'd never thought it would be this hard to distance himself from Meri. It was becoming a daily struggle, in fact, and a more difficult one as the days passed.

He had been caught off guard when Rani had questioned if they had already acted on their love in a physical way. That is what everyone else would think too. That Meri and I have been... he pushed the tempting thought from his mind before finishing it. They hadn't, but people wouldn't believe them, of that much he was certain. She won't tell anyone, not Rani. As much as I didn't seem to know about her, I know this.

Automatically his hand threaded through his jet-black hair as his eyes stared at the floor. At least he hoped he knew. The words he'd spoken to Meri a few nights earlier came back to him suddenly. Over the last few years, it was true, he and Rani hadn't kept in touch, maybe she had changed…or was it that he had changed?

Either way, he didn't think she would reveal what she had learned to anyone for the simple fact that if she were to do so, she would also have to reveal how she found out. And from what he sensed, Rani wouldn't want anyone else knowing about her hidden feelings.

He wasn't even certain he could tell Meri. The way Rani had reacted to his and Meri's relationship had been strong. He could still hear her mental voice in his head, the flavor of her tone that dripped incredulity and something else; 'she's your padawan!'

The emphasis put on 'padawan' had made him wince, flavored, as it was, with slight disgust. Whether this was because he was Meri's master and she his apprentice or because Rani was disgusted by the fact he had found out, he wasn't certain he wanted to know. But he thought he knew which it was, and he wouldn't hurt Meri…not for anything. She didn't deserve anyone's disgust anymore than he. They returned each other's love passionately and one couldn't be faulted over the other for acting on it.

Already Meri had shown signs of being fearful of how others would receive their relationship. It was one of her traits Alex found endearing in a way. She was always and had always been so willing to please and hated for anyone to look down on her with disgust or pity or any sort of disfavor. It was the trait that had driven her to be excellent in many areas of her life. It was also a trait Alex struggled to understand in his apprentice.

While Meri was confident in many areas of her life, in fact appeared a very confident padawan on the surface; it hid that fear of displeasing anyone, especially her mentors. Alex thought he knew what it stemmed from. The breaking of her first bond; when he had first taken her on as his apprentice he'd had to be extremely careful with how he handled her, always reassuring her she was doing okay. One harsh word from him would have crushed her.

Though this trait had receded over the past few years, he knew it was still a part of her. Especially in the area of their relationship; he still remembered the feel of her mouth beneath his the first time he'd kissed her. Even through his passion he had still sensed her hesitancy and the reason behind it, her feelings of inadequacy and fear that she wasn't worth his attention; and finally her surrender to her own feelings for him.

A few times since when he had covered her mouth with his, he thought he sensed the same and it had always flooded him with the need to show her just how much she was worth to him and how much she meant. It was always those times that he had a hard time stopping himself from going too far.

Exhaling a large sigh, Alex extracted his hand from his hair and bent to retrieve his lightsabre, which he had placed by his side during his meditation with Rani.

Meri was stretched out on the floor in the main room propped up on her elbows and entering something in a datapad when he entered. As he stepped through the door, she glanced up and smiled at him.

"Back already? Is something wrong?" she asked as she sat up.

Alex made his way to a seat near her and sat down without answering her, his hand automatically reaching to run nervously through his hair. He had to tell her Rani found out, that he knew, but he couldn't tell her of Rani's feelings. It wouldn't be right. Painfully he remembered feeling Rani's shame and her humiliation, and he knew she would never forgive him for sharing her secret with someone else, especially his padawan.

"Alex?" Meri's voice was concerned now and she placed a hand on his knee as she rose up to her knees at his feet. "What's wrong? Did things go badly with Rani?"

Alex looked at her then, his expression almost blank. "I was helping her meditate, she's been having such a hard time focusing. She missed two feints, the same moves, when we were sparring and so I had her meditate."

Meri nodded encouragingly, her hand still resting comfortably on his knee.

"She was having such a hard time that I helped lead her further and…," he trailed off suddenly uncertain of how to tell her without letting out the truth about Rani's feelings. "She wanted me to help her find the reason she was having such a hard time focusing, and I thought I had found it, the reason she was having trouble. It wasn't, but it was someone she had feelings for and without realizing it, I thought of the person that I feel that way about…"

His blue eyes softened as he saw Meri's dark eyes widen in comprehension and he reached out and caressed her face gently. "I should have been more careful," he murmured.

"Was she….well how did she respond?"

He didn't want to answer her question, it was going to be difficult enough to try and smooth things over with Rani, he didn't want Meri getting upset too.

"She was rather upset…," Alex began, but stopped as he saw Meri's wry grin at his words.

"I suppose that is putting it mildly," Meri commented upon seeing the questioning expression on Alex's face. "She never approved of you taking me on as your apprentice in the first place. I remember the first day she came back and you told her."

As Alex's brows shot up in surprise, Meri nodded.

"I wasn't as lost in my misery as I looked. I was watching to see how your taking such a pathetic excuse for a padawan would be accepted by your peers," again the harsh words were accompanied by a smile that told Alex the words were describing how she felt about herself then and not now.

It struck him then that Meri had matured over the past few years and it was showing in how she was handling this situation. He didn't sense any fear in her that they would be separated, only concern and a little worry, but she wasn't letting it dominate her.

"Should I pack my things?" Meri tried to ask lightly in effort to lighten the mood, but the words caused his gut to twist sharply.

"I don't think she'll tell anyone, Meri," he paused and studied her face and then his expression hardened. "I wouldn't let you go."

Meri sat back on her heels and returned his look. She began to feel the first tendrils of discomfort at his conviction in those words. They comforted her, yes, because she wasn't certain she could live without him. She wondered if he understood the impact of what he was saying.

"I mean it," he said roughly picking up her thoughts easily.

"You would throw away everything you've ever stood for?"

There it was out. The question that their relationship seemed to hang on. It was only in extreme or rare cases that Jedi had relationships. The Jedi Council and the Order looked down on it. Alex being her master made it blasphemous. What he was implying would end up getting them both kicked out of the Order. She didn't want him giving up what had been his whole life for her. She would rather lose her own life than end up someday with him bitter against her because he gave up who he was.

Alex blinked, startled at the suddenness of her question and hesitated as he realized what she was asking him, wanting to carefully frame his words. He would and never look back.

"Never mind, I don't want to know that," Meri said quickly as he hesitated. "What are we going to do about Rani?"

Alex shook his head as she swiftly changed paths. "Wait…let me answer that."

"No, Alex I don't want you to. I don't need to hear that right now. Besides, it wasn't my place to ask you."

He saw the sincerity in her eyes; she didn't want to know, but he didn't understand why she had asked if she didn't want to know his answer.

"I need to speak with her again, she ran out before I could smooth things over, but I'm going to try and catch her at T'lor's knighting ceremony. I am almost certain she won't inform anyone about us, Meri. Too many other things are bothering her; the continued loss of her master is affecting her heavily. I only wish she would let me help her."

Meri reached up and playfully swept the black bangs out of his eyes. "You always want to play the hero," she teased in effort to lighten his mood.

Alex caught her wrist and placed a soft kiss on her pulse point. "I can be your hero," he whispered pulling her gently up into his arms.

Meri wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. "You already are," she whispered back before turning her head and placing a warm kiss at the hollow of his throat.

Alex inhaled deeply and tightened his arms around her, content for the moment just to hold her.

***

Alex smiled at Meri as he left the huddle of knights around T'lor, having said his words of welcome to her. His Padawan was waiting patiently near the edge of the arena, her hands fingering something hidden by her tunics and he realized it was the pendent he had given her.

A motion caught his eye from somewhere in his periphery, and he turned his head to see Rani shaking her head as she watched Meri watching him. She turned her head to glance his way briefly, but the moment their eyes met and she realized he had seen her, she turned away, as if trying to seem she hadn't noticed him there.

His forehead lowered into a frown, and he turned back to his padawan momentarily. "Meri, I need to talk to Rani. You go congratulate T'Lor, I'll only be a few minutes." The young woman's head followed his gaze to the other padawan, who was making her way towards the door with determination, and she bit her lip as she nodded. Alex stepped past her, and strode after the dark-haired girl.

"Rani, wait!" he called softly as she neared the further door. This side of the arena was nearly empty, everyone being clustered up near the door to the antechamber, or near the refreshment tables across the width of the arena. If he kept his voice low, this was a better place than most to talk to her about what had happened earlier that day.

He saw her slow her step, pausing only when she reached the doorway. "What can I do for you, Master Arieh?" she asked in an all-too-formal tone for his liking.

Alex felt his ire rise at the use of his title. "Look, you can stop that right now, Rani. I'm Alex, I'm your friend. Don't put me in that position when we have to talk this out as equals."

"Equals..." she scoffed as she echoed the word. "I think we've said all that needs to be said...Alex."

Reining back his temper with an effort, the Knight drew a deep breath. "Rani, I know you're angry with me, but I was just trying to help you. I didn't know..."

"Didn't you?" she met his eyes finally, drawing up one eyebrow in a not-so-subtle hint.

He cocked his head at her, his voice low as he answered, "I knew about the crush. You and T'lor both. But what I found tucked away in your mind was no simple infatuation, Rani."

"I am trying to forget about it, but you keep wanting to talk. How am I supposed to forget about this...about *you*, if you won't leave me alone?" she finished in a very irate tone of voice.

"I am trying to salvage something of our friendship, Rani," he informed her sharply. "You keep ducking out of this, but I'm not willing to bury that long-term friendship when all we need to do is talk about it."

"*You're* not willing? Don't I get a say in this? Looks like us being equals is just a matter of convenience for you, *Alex*."

He winced at the edge in her voice as she said his name so pointedly. "Rani, is that what you really want? To walk away from all those shared years that the lot of us have been through together? Over *this*?"

"You make it sound like such a little thing. Something that can just be talked away. Well, it's not a little thing to me, and all I want right now is to forget the whole thing ever happened. It's my problem, not yours, and I'd rather not talk about it, all right?" He could tell from her voice that she was getting angrier.

"No. It's not a little thing, and no, it's not all right," he told her firmly. "This doesn't just involve *you*, Rani. You are one of my closest friends, one of the people I have trusted for a long time. I thought you trusted me too, enough to have told me something like this, at the least. It's not a small thing, but I think our friendship is bigger, that's what I'm trying to say."

"Spare me the 'I just want to be friends' speech, okay? I *do* trust you, but what difference would it have made if I'd told you? Reject me five years ago or reject me now, it makes no difference! At least if I was able to admit it to you as a Knight myself, I might have stood a chance with you..." She looked towards the door, shifting her weight slightly. "I think that's all that needs to be said."

Alex shook his head, "No, it's not. Rani, I'm sorry... I can't let this be the ending of a friendship that's lasted since we were young Padawans together. I will not let that happen."

"Well, since it seems I don't have a say in this, I guess I better just listen to you, hmm? So what do you suggest to settle the matter? What's the punishment for a Padawan falling in love with a knight, two hours in the corner?"

His eyes pinched shut momentarily as his mind flew back to his Padawan, as guilty as Rani of that particular error, if that's what it was. They snapped open again with a flash of blue fire as he realized she was baiting him. "*That* was uncalled for!" he snapped back at her. "I did *nothing* to encourage this. I am doing the best I can deal with it fairly and justly, Rani, *all* of it!" his pointed emphasis told her he meant both situations she was referring to.

"And that is the last time I want to hear any comment from you on the matter of Padawans and Knights! This," he gestured between the two of them, "Is between you and me, and that other is *not* your affair!" His voice was cold and hard as ice as he delineated the boundaries of their conversation.

The girl backed up against the wall as he spoke, her eyes wide in reaction to his harsh tone and fierce manner. She seemed frozen for a moment, unblinking, frightened, before turning her head away so he couldn't see her face. "You didn't have to encourage it. With me..." she paused, then continued in a barely audible voice, "Or her. You're just *you*. I don't want you to deal with it, I just want it to all go away, be forgotten," she cried.

His anger dissipated like smoke on the wind, and he took an involuntary step towards her, reaching a hand out to touch her arm, "Oh Rani... it's not going to go away. I can't forget, and neither can you. Please, I just want to work this out as best as we can-…"

She snatched her arm away, then instantly looked like she regretted it. He watched her as she pressed herself tighter against the wall, looking around back into the room in desperation, almost like some trapped animal. "I...I can't. I don't… know… how," she said through a tight sob, and covered one hand loosely over her mouth and nose, the other arm wrapped around her, gripping her opposite elbow. "I can't think...it's so *loud*! I...A-Alex...?"

Alex reached for her again, shocked by her sudden fragility and wanting only to shelter her from whatever storm she was facing. Both hands rose to her shoulders and he drew her into his arms, his heart pounding with concern and fear for her. Her face was so pale and she seemed far too narrow and spare as she leaned heavily against his chest, taking a deep, shuddering breath and closing her eyes. But the moment of comfort was short lived, for in what seemed like moments after she settled into Alex's embrace, Rani wrenched back with a gasp of realization.

"Oh, Light, what am I doing?" she cried as she stumbled back along the wall, edging away from him, "I...I'm sorry! I didn't *think*!" He could suddenly feel the shame and confusion rolling off of her. "I can't handle this...I have to go!" she choked as she turned to leave.

"No, Rani, it's all right!" his voice was reassuring but insistent as she tried to elude him, "There's nothing to be sorry for. Just let me help you..."

She didn't seem to hear him, as he saw her shaking her head back and forth, her hands pressed hard against her temples. It was as though she were in physical pain, caused by some unperceived sound. "NO! I have to go!" she cried again, and she quickly rolled off the jamb of the entranceway and fled down the hall, one hand still to her head.

Alex took two steps after her, and then stopped himself, aware that he was more likely to make things worse between them if he went after her now. He shook his head, trying to fathom her extreme reactions, and frustrated that there seemed to be no way he could help her. She needs time, but how much? How can I help her if I can't even talk to her?

**

Meri wanted to decline attending T'lor's knighting ceremony with Alex. Despite her words to her master she wasn't sure she wanted to face Rani. She had never been close to either T'lor or Rani, though she knew them to be Alex's friends since his padawan years.

She'd always gotten the impression they had never approved of Alex's decision to take her as his apprentice. And now that Rani knew about them she couldn't help feeling a bit of apprehension.

The attendance for the ceremony was small, only those who were close to T'lor were invited and as Alex's apprentice Meri had been expected to come. She'd also sensed Alex wanted her to come. The thought that he might need her support to face Rani was reassuring.

They stood shoulder to shoulder as they watched the ceremony and as T'lor's master cut T'lor's padawan braid, Meri felt Alex allow his hand to slightly brush against hers where it hung by her side. Standing as they were with their backs to the wall, and a row of spectators in front of them, their hands were relatively shielded from sight, aided by the long billowing sleeves of their robes. Knowing this, Meri reached out and returned the caress with her fingers. She had to fight a smile as without even glancing at her, Alex grasped at her hand and held it tightly, his thumb brushing lazy circles over her skin.

His touch affected her as it always did and she wasn't certain she should allow him to continue, standing as they were, surrounded by other Jedi knights. Suddenly she felt his grip loosen and she almost gave a sigh of relief until she felt his touch return, this time his fingers brushing lazily across her wrist.

Snatching her hand away, Meri shot him a look only to find him focused on what was happening in front of him as if nothing out of the ordinary had just gone on. Through their bond however she felt his acute amusement at her reaction.

Relax, Meri…

Meri gave a measured sigh before folding her hands safely in her sleeves. Is that what he's trying to do? Get me to relax….that is the wrong method, she thought to herself while her fingers busily scrubbed at the area that was still tingling from his touch.

I could do better…he sent and Meri wasn't at all certain she liked his tone.

She was just about to answer him through their bond when she felt a firm, Force given pinch to her backside and she straightened abruptly, fighting not shoot him a glare. The small glance she did get revealed he wasn't even grinning. His face was as stoic as any Jedi master's should be. He was practically laughing through their bond however, his amusement was so strong.

Meri didn't even dignify his action with an answer, afraid if they kept this up she would either burst out laughing or slap him. Either of which would draw attention to the both of them.

As the ceremony drew to a close there was a surge of knights and masters who moved forward to accept T'lor into their ranks, including Alex. Meri stepped back and watched him as he greeted T'lor and gave her a brilliant smile and swift embrace. They exchanged a few brief words before Alex turned and began to try and make his way back to where Meri stood.

He gave her a small grin as he navigated his way through the small throng of people who were clustered around the new knight. Suddenly as if sensing someone, he turned his head and she followed his gaze to see Rani staring at them.

The look on Rani's face was like an unexpected blow to her middle. Her expression as her eyes lingered on Meri was something akin to disgust. Quickly Meri turned her eyes back to Alex only to find him still looking intensely at Rani. Turning her eyes back to Rani, she saw Rani briefly meet Alex's gaze before turning away.

Alex glanced back down at her quickly. "Meri, I need to talk to Rani," he touched her hand briefly. "Wait here." And then he was gone, striding after Rani who was hurrying towards the exit.

Meri's eyes followed him briefly before her gaze fell to the floor before her. If she wasn't to worry about Rani why was he so worried? It was quite obvious he was very worried about something. Rani was the first person, other than Obi-Wan to find out about she and Alex. And from the looks of it, her reaction was nothing like Obi-Wan's.

Uneasiness swirled inside of her as she thought about it. Slowly she raised her eyes and saw both Alex and Rani standing on the far side of the arena. They looked to be in a somewhat heated conversation, judging from her master's stiff posture.

Quickly she made her decision and started walking briskly along the side of the arena. Carefully and quietly she slid up along the adjacent wall to the doorway and hid behind it, carefully shielding her presence. Her master was so preoccupied with Rani he didn't even notice her approach. The voices were low, but she could hear them easily from her position.

"Well, since it seems I don't have a say in this, I guess I better just listen to you, hmm? So what do you suggest to settle the matter? What's the punishment for a Padawan falling in love with a knight, two hours in the corner?"

The harsh words were like a physical blow and all color drained from Meri's face. She'd known Rani was upset, but hadn't been prepared for such hostility against her or her relationship with Alex.

"*That* was uncalled for!" she heard her Master snap back sharply. "I did *nothing* to encourage this. I am doing the best I can to deal with it fairly and justly, Rani, *all* of it! And that is the last time I want to hear any comment from you on the matter of padawans and knights! This, is between you and me, and that other is *not* your affair!"

Even though it wasn't directed at her, Meri cringed at the harsh and cold tone of voice her master used, yet a sense of relief filled her at how strongly he was defending them. Rarely had she heard him use that tone with anyone, much less her. But what did he mean? She was thoroughly confused. Something started nagging persistently at her, but she pushed it away as a totally insane idea. She had to strain to hear Rani's answer, but when she did she almost forgot her shielding.

"You didn't have to encourage it. With me...Or her. You're just *you*. I don't want you to deal with it, I just want it to all go away, be forgotten,"

Those simple words were enough to make Meri understand the element in their conversation she had been missing. Words previously said, and facts she knew, all fell into place to tell Meri one thing. Rani was in love with Alex. The pain she felt flowing off Rani, the hurt, and the way her voice was full of so much agony. It all spoke to her and told her what she had previously not been willing to see. She heard her master reply, his voice much softer now, and all traces of anger gone.

"Oh Rani... it's not going to go away. I can't forget, and neither can you. Please, I just want to work this out as best as we can-..."

Rani's reply was bit out in sobs, and Meri cringed at the waves of uncontrolled confusion and pain that rolled off her. Meri wasn't certain what to think anymore. The situation had gotten doubly complicated and now she had new doubts, and some old that had previously been buried but had now sprung to life.

Meri shook her head in a vain attempt to clear it and pushed off the wall. With quick and quiet steps she headed out of the room, trying to regain control of her wild thoughts while still maintaining her shielding. Soon she found herself heading towards the lifts, and boarded one quickly. When she finally stopped walking she found herself at one of the highest levels in the Temple, in an observatory room that allowed a spectacular view over Coruscant. Folding her arms around her chest, Meri stared unseeing out the floor length windows at the ever-busy Coruscant traffic, her thought whirling.

It had come with great surprise to learn that Rani was in love with Alex, yet at the same time it made perfect sense. She was a little confused as to why Alex hadn't told her. He had only told her Rani had found out about them, not that he was the one Rani was in love with. Just now, sensing Rani's humiliation and shame she could maybe understand a little bit of why he hadn't told her.

After all, if Alex had found out she was in love with him, but hadn't returned those feelings, it would have crushed her. She didn't think she ever would have had the guts to tell him if he hadn't made the first move. Her fear of his rejection would have been too great.

As it was Rani's reaction to their relationship caused something within her to cringe, even though she knew she shouldn't care. But there was no way she could have missed the open look of disdain on Rani's face as she had looked at Meri.

It was clear Rani disapproved of her and of their relationship. She was worried about the reaction she'd seen in Rani and wondered how the rest of the Temple would react if they were to find out. If a mere padawan had shown such disgust, she couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen should a Council member find out. The thought was more than a little daunting and a little bit terrifying.

What am I doing? She wondered. Deep down, she'd always known she should never have allowed herself to fall in love. What made it worse was that he was her master. What normally would have been a complicated situation was doubly so. And now it not only affected them, but also was affecting those around them. The feeling of Rani's pain through the Force had been acute.

Meri bit her lip at the thought. Over the past few weeks she'd been doing a lot of thinking on their relationship. The fact that Alex alluded that he would give up being a Jedi for her had made her feel distinctly uncomfortable. She loved him for who he was and knew he was dedicated to being a Jedi. It would tear him apart to leave the Order. Of that, she had no doubt. And the thought of what the Jedi Council would do to them, should they find out, caused her stomach to twist in knots.

"What are you doing all the way up here?"

Meri squeaked and jumped, her heart taking off at a mad pace as she whirled around. She let out a sigh as she saw Alex standing in the entrance to the room, his expression one of concern and puzzlement. For a moment she just stared at him before she began to realize he was still waiting for her to answer.

"I…well, I needed to think, master," she answer quietly, though even to her own ears the answer sounded weak.

Alex's black brow rose as he looked at her before he took the last few steps that brought him in front of her. "Master?" he questioned, reaching out to push the hair behind her ears before gently grasping her chin and tilting her head up.

"You're upset," he observed quietly, his eyes scanning her face and she felt him reach out and touch her mind through their bond.

She didn't say anything or shield her thoughts of what had just occurred, or of what she had just found out as he continued to look at her silently. Finally, without saying a word, he pulled her into his embrace, accepting and understanding her fears and concerns of what had just happened with Rani.

"Is it that wrong Alex?" she finally asked, pulling away far enough to look up into his face.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he lifted his hand and began to gently trace her features with the tips of his fingers. "Is what wrong, Meri?"

She looked down, silent again, trying to compose herself enough to speak; she was afraid to ask, and afraid of the answer.

"Meri?" he questioned softly, his fingers stilling on her face.

"Us," she finally whispered so quietly that he had to strain to hear the single word.

She felt his fingers tighten on her jaw almost imperceptibly.

"Look at me..."

Meri took in an unsteady breath at the command in his whispered tone before slowly raising her head to look up into his eyes.

"Rani doesn't understand, give her time, Meri. There is more going on with her than either you or I know," Alex emphasized, his eyes tender as he looked down on her. "It will be alright, Meri. You'll see. Give Rani time, she's just confused right now."

"She's in love with you," Meri said, twisting slightly to pull back farther from him.

Alex paused, one black brow arching at her movement. "Yes. Does that bother you?"

Meri looked down again as she shook her head. "No, it's just I feel…," she trailed off.

He tilted her chin up again. "You feel guilty?"

Meri didn't answer, but apparently Alex didn't need her to.

With one hand, he fingered her padawan braid as he slipped the other around to the nape of her neck. "Don't be…neither one of us could have stopped this." Slowly he lowered his head until their foreheads almost brushed. "I would never have believed I could feel this way about my apprentice…I love you…so much," he finished, his words no more than a sigh against her mouth as he allowed his lips to brush hers before he instinctively deepened the kiss.

Meri allowed his kiss to act like a balm against the emotions that had been battering her heart. She wished that his embrace could also erase the sudden feeling of trepidation that had crept into her being and would not, for all his words of assurance and love, go away.