AN: Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing for this story. It really means a great deal to me. This is my second ever HP story. The first was completed several weeks before the beginning of Homecoming and is completely unrelated. I had to wait before posting it in the Second Wave of the SnapeFF fic-contest. It's there now, I encourage you to read it. I've gotten a good response so far. Here is a direct link address.

http://www.sockiipress.org/~luthien/snapeff/archive/worthy.html

While you are there… go check out the other stories in the fest. They really are quite wonderful.

Thanks again,

Sammymc

PS: V… sorry but the angst continues for a bit longer I'm afraid.

Disclaimer: See Part 1.

Part 6

It was with reserved reluctance that Harry followed Hermione to the out skirts of Hogwarts grounds. He apparated with her to the apartment she shared with Ron. She had rethought the idea and had managed to persuade him from telling Ron until tonight's dinner date. Ron knew only that Hermione was bringing home the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Harry's palms were sweating as he stepped up to the door. Mione smiled at him reassuringly and opened the door with, to Harry's surprise, a small muggle key. She stepped inside, allowing him to step in behind her.

"Ron!?" she called out, laying a heavy book bag, full of parchment and textbooks down by the door. She pulled off her cloak and deposited it on the rack. "Ron?!!" she called again, taking Harry's jacket and placing it beside her own. "We have company!" she took his arm guiding him into the room, further. Harry smiled a little tensely and allowed her to pull him along. A soft voice called from the kitchen.

"The new teacher?" Ron asked. Hermione shook her head in exasperation.

"Come say hello!!" Harry held back a laugh. A tall, redheaded figure came around the corner, a dishtowel in his hands, eyes trained on his pruned fingers. 'Ron?... doing dishes?' Harry's mind thought, before looking the full-grown form over again. Ron had stopped growing taller during seventh year, and still towered over both Harry and Hermione, by at least a few inches. His chest and shoulders were indeed broader, and his hair was shaggier then Harry remembered it being. Ron looked up then and froze as he looked straight at Harry. Realization made his jaw drop open and his eyes widen.

"Harry?" he asked, voice slightly strangled. Harry offered a real smile and nodded.

"Hey, Ron..." as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he'd been punched in the face. Harry landed against the front door, bent double.

"RON!" Hermione shrieked. Harry put a hand to his mouth, his lip was split. He felt anger surge in him, but he reigned it in before it could explode outward uncontrolled. He leaned heavily against the solid wood behind him.

"Fuck you, Harry! Fuck you!" Ron shouted, seething with anger. Harry closed his eyes against the words. This he hadn't been prepared for. He'd expected anger, and resentment from his hot tempered friend, but nothing this violent. Harry slumped against the door. "Why are you here? Why now? After all of this time, why? Where have you been? Do you know how much it hurt to lose you like that? You owe me an explanation!" Ron fumed. Hermione stepped between them, trying to stop Ron from advancing and seeing if Harry was okay at the same time. Harry forced a laugh past his bleeding lips.

"Fuck you, Ron..." he said lowly. Hermione but her hands up to stop Ron's surge forward. Harry drew himself up and shook his head in disdain. "The entire world does not revolve around you..." Harry growled, dabbing at his mouth.

"Just explain to him, Harry." Hermione whispered, pulling Ron over to the couch.

"Why do I owe him an explanation now?" Harry asked.

"Because he's your friend..." she continued. Harry chuckled, shaking his head. He looked at Ron who sat glaring at him from the couch. "Because *I* am your friend," his eyes flew back to Hermione.

"That's why I left..." he whispered. Hermione's forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"What?"

"Because you're my friends... I left because I had to. Because, I'm not the same person who played Quidditch and Wizard's Chess with you. I'm not the little boy who shared your dorm room anymore, who spent hours worrying about his Potions essay, or learning this charm or that... I grew up a long time before either of you did... I saw things that no child should ever have to see. And I couldn't stay any longer. I hate this world with all that I am, I hate magic and good vs. evil is a crock of shit in most cases... I grew up to be a murderer, and I hated myself because of it. You want to know why I left?" he asked. They looked at him, shocked by his words. "Because I couldn't look at you being so god-damned happy all the time, when I wanted to die!" he whispered forcibly. "Because I lost something you couldn't even comprehend. I was going through things neither of you were even remotely close to figuring out. Because Voldemort was dead, and the last of my family had died at his hands. Because my destiny had been fulfilled and I had nothing to remain here for! Because my whole life I was nothing more then a pawn in the hands of other people, and I didn't want to be the boy-who-killed-Voldemort. I didn't want praise and false friendships and all that stupid shit that comes along with being a hero. I nearly died and they threw a parade!" he fought back tears. "I left so that I could heal, so that I could live a life of my own making, with my own choices, my own decisions. I wanted freedom," he finished.

"Did you find it, Harry?" Ron asked. Harry forced a small bitter smile.

"No, because freedom doesn't really exist. Because the past never goes away, it just hides and springs up on you at precisely the wrong moment.... because they still haunt me, Cedric, Sirius, Mum and Dad, all of the people he took from me. The Dursleys, Arabella, Draco, Cho, Seamus, and Dean... they haunt me still, only added to them was everyone I was hurting by running away.... because the pain never stops, and the wounds don't heal... they fester..." he whispered, before turning to the door and leaving, apparating before either of them had even had a chance to respond.

Tbc…