MY HEART IN 1000 PIECES

When I think of you, never ever did I dream you would be so violently ripped from my life. I thought we would always have each other. That after Hogwarts I would come and live with you. You were the only real family I ever had. The Dursleys weren't family. They didn't care whether I lived or died. You were like my father, but also my best friend too. I could count on you for everything. I thought you'd always be there when I needed you. But u weren't, you had to go and die. Why didn't you listen to Dumbledore and stay where you were? Then you'd still be here. Instead you left me all alone. I have no family left, because you went and died. I hate you! I have no one; my world is shattered because of you! I hate you! Why did you let that deatheater kill you? Why couldn't you have dueled better and saved yourself? You meant everything to me and now you're in the same place as my mum and dad. You're happy and I'm not. I'm stuck on this cold earth with no one. I hate you! And yet it's my fault. It's my fault you're dead. It's my fault. If only I had listened to Hermione and not fallen into Voldemort's trap. I'm the fucking Boy-Who-Lived. I should have been able to save you. I saved Ginny, killed Tom, dueled Voldemort, and fought off dementores. I'm the best seeker anyone's ever seen. I've done it all. But I couldn't save you. It's not your fault. You were trying to protect me while I was trying to play hero and thwart Voldemort's plan once again. I am the foolish one. I should be dead not you. Voldemort may not have gotten the prophecy, but he took you from me. And now I'm broken. My heart in 1000 pieces. My conscience can find no rest because you know what pains me the most, Sirius? I never got to say goodbye. I never told you how much you meant to me. You meant the world to me and you still do. But I never got to tell you that. I never will and it's killing me, Sirius? I'll live with this forever and nothing can fill the hole you left inside of me when you died. I want to die Sirius. I want to end it all and come see you, but I know u wouldn't want that. I know you'd want me to live a long, happy life and have children and grandchildren, even though you won't be here to see them grow. I didn't get to say goodbye when you were with me so I'll say it now that you're gone. Goodbye, Sirius. Say hi to mum and dad for me. Goodbye.