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Anything for Money......

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Part Two! Hurrah!

Summary: Blue's Clues! Starring.... Lina and Zel?

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Lina: Come on, Zel!

Amelia: Zelgadis! We really need you to finish the show!

Gourry: Shovel and Gourry and me! Where did Zel go? Gee, Pail and Gourry and me, I guess he left. You mean, He doesn't want to play with me and shovel and you, Gourry and shovel and me? No, I guess not, Pail and Shovel and me.

Xellos: Oh dear. :) :) :) too bad, Lina.

Lina: You........

Xellos: What's with the evil look? :(

Lina: GET YOUR PATHETIC BACK SIDE OVER HERE! WE'VE GOT A SHOW TO DO!!!

Xellos: What? Me? Oh no, I couldn't possibly -- !

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Xellos: Let's see, our first clue is a sword.

Kids: Pathetic! Pathetic! Pathetic!

Xellos: *irked* Um.... anyways, our second clue is --

Kids: Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid retard!

Xellos: *even more irked* . . . Our second clue is a marshmallow, right?

Kids: Right, stupid!

Xellos: LISTEN YOU PUNKS!!! Uh, I mean..... stupid is a VERY bad word!

Kids: It is?

Xellos: Yes, it is.

Kids: But Zelgoobas said --

Xellos: FORGET WHAT HE SAID! DON'T CALL ME STUPID!!!

Kids: WHAAAAAA! YOU'RE SCARY!!! WAAAAAAAAAAH!

Xellos: *irked* Look, it's not like I WANT to do this happy-go-lucky show anyhow!

Kids: Happy happy happy! :) Happy happy happy! :)

Xellos: NOOOOO! STOP IT! STOP IT!

Kids: Happy happy happy! :) La la la la la!

Xellos: THE AGONY! THE TORTURE!!!

Mokona the Marshmallow god: Hey, Xellos.

Xellos: Who said that?

Mokona: It's me, the author.

Xellos: PLEEEEAAAASE! I'm begging you! Make them stop!!! WAAAAAAAAH!!! *sobbing hysterically*

Mokona: Calm down, calm down, everything's going to be alright.

Xellos: *sobbing* No it's not! No it's not!

Mokona: Please! Calm down!

Kids: Put a smile on! Put a smile on!

Xellos: WAAAAAH! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!

Mokona: JUST SHUT YOUR LIP!

((((((( SILENCE )))))))

Kids: o_O

Kids: :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) *halo*

Mokona: Thank you! Now, Xellos, what's the matter?

Xellos: *weeping* The happy little children! *sniff* It's too optimistic in here! I can't STAND it!!! *sniff*

Mokona: And what do you want me to do about it?

Xellos: *sniff* I would appreciate it if you would kill all the happy little children in the world :)

Mokona: Nope, sorry. Can't do that.

Xellos: Will you kill me instead?

Mokona: But then it would be no fun!

Xellos: *sobs hysterically* Oh, pleeeeeeaaaaase! I can't take it!

Kids: *halo* :) :) :) :) :)

Amelia: There there, Mr. Xellos. Miss Author, can't you do something for the poor guy?

Mokona: I was getting to that! Xellos, you ARE the host, right?

Xellos: *sniff* Mm hm!

Mokona: Well...... can't you run the show how YOU want to?

Xellos: What's that going to -- wait, I'm the HOST of the show, so I can run it how *I* want to!

Mokona: *sigh*

Xellos: Thanks, Marshmallow Goddess!

Mokona: Any time :) Peace!

Xellos: Please don't say that.

Mokona: Hmph! See if I help YOU again! (((( vanish ))))

Xellos: Okaaaaaay kiddies! Now we're playing this MY way!

Kids: *un-halo* :( Uh oh.....

Kid: *halo* :) :) :)

[The little kid is instantly burnt to a crisp]

Kids: *GASP*

Xellos: Now, if you see anything with shoe polish on it, let me know

OR ELSE! *devilish grin*

Kids: *gulp*

Gourry: Xellos! It's me! Shovel and Pail and Gourry!

Xellos: *suddenly cheerful* hello, Shovel and Pail and Gourry. How art thou?

Gourry: Excuse me?

Xellos: Wuz up?

Gourry: Can you help us?

Kids: YEAH!

Xellos: NO! *burns half of the children*

Kids: Erm, no.

Xellos: Hm, I wonder where Lina's off to...?

Lina: Good news Xellos!

Xellos: NOT GOOD! *burns Lina*

Lina: OW! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! What's the big idea?!

Xellos: Sorry, I've just been emotionally crushed. What was it you were saying?

Lina: I've got a replacement for you :) *drags Zelgadis onto the stage*

Xellos: Oh goody! My coffee break! Toodles! *gives Zel his devilish grin* (((( vanish ))))

Zelgadis: *monotone* hello you stupid punks. Did we find any more clues?

Kids: Nope, not yet.

Zelgadis: Rats. Let's keep looking. *pretends to walk*

Gourry: Hi, Zel! It's me! Salt and Pepper and Peprika and Shovel and Pail and Gourry!

Zelgadis: Oh no....

Gourry: Can you help me?

Zelgadis: No, I -- *sees Lina doing the "I'll kill you" sign and Amelia giving him a stern look* I mean, Sure. *acts like a possessed schoolgirl* What do you need?

Gourry: I need help finding Paprika and Salt and Pepper and Shovel and Pail and me find her and his and her and his and his and my favorite book, but she he she he he I don't know the name of it!

Zelgadis: *back to monotone* Go to the library.

Gourry: But but but but but but! She he she he he I don't know how to get there!

Zelgadis: Ask the map.

Remaining Kids: That's in Dora's Backpack!

Zelgadis: NO ONE ASKED YOU!!!

Amelia: Zelgadis! You're going ot make (what's left of) the kids upset!

Zelgadis: Good for them. (didn't there used to be more of them though?)

Lina: Come on, Zel!

Zelgadis: This is ridiculous! There is no way I'm going to help a dinner ingredient find a book!

Kids: A clue! A clue!

Zelgadis: Is this the last one?! Where?!?!?!?!?!?!

Kids: On the fireplace!

Zelgadis: *sketch sketch* OK, so we have a --

Kids: WAIT!!!!!!!!

Zelgadis: WHAT NOW?!

Kids: You gotta go to the thinking chair, Zelgoobers!

Zelgadis: MY NAME IS ZELGADIS! STUPID BRATS!

Kids: Zelgrabit, Zeldigas, Zel....

Zelgadis: *sigh* call me Zel.

Kids: OK! Now thinking chair!

Zelgadis: I'm not tired. Why don't we just --

Kids: NOOOO! THINKING CHAIR!!!

Zelgadis: *mumble grumble grumble* Ok, now, We have a sword, a the author, and a fireplace.

Mokona: HEY!

Zelgadis: A sword, a MARSHMALLOW, and a fireplace.

Kids: oo! oo! Lina wants to roast marshmallows!

Lina: No, STUPID! I want to eat the author!

Mokona: EXCUSE ME?!

Lina: Chop up the author and cook her over a fireplace! Duh!

Mokona: I'll show you!

[Lina is attacked by a suicide bomber]

(((((( BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! ))))))

Amelia: Oh no! Miss Lina!

Gourry: She, he, she, she, he? No, is pail a he or a she? what about shovel? Mr. Salt is a he, Mrs. Pepper's a she, Paprika's a she, and I'm a he, so what are they?

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Gourry: Did I miss something?

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WILL XELLOS RETURN FROM HIS COFFEE BREAK? WILL I GET EATEN? WHO IS THE SUICIDE BOMBER? WHERE THE HECK IS FILIA? WHO CARES? IS PAIL A SHE, OR A HE? DID LINA DIE? WILL GOURRY SNAP BACK INTO REALITY? AM I INSANE? ARE THERE ANY MORE STUPID QUESTIONS I CAN ASK? ALL WILL BE UNCOVERED IN THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF..... The Slayers!!! R&R!

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