The Wizarding Wireless Network

Chapter 2: MWPP on WWN

I think you might find this interesting, Harry. Remus.

Harry stared down at the note, then at the small sphere he held in his hand. It was a shimmery ball, with golden sparks dancing inside it. He'd been examining it for half an hour, trying to figure out what it was. He'd tried clutching it in his palms, like a Remembrall, but that hadn't worked. He'd searched it thoroughly for some sort of knob, but there was none. He'd waved his wand at it, to no effect. He'd peered into it, shaken it, rolled it across the floor, and played catch with it.

Then suddenly something clicked and he remembered the rows of shelves in the Ministry of Magic. This was some sort of recording.

Those had played after being shattered. That most certainly wasn't the only way.

He pointed his wand at it and said, "Play."

Immediately voices echoed from it.

"And she now says that she cannot imagine life without--"

A sudden burst of static nearly deafened him.

"I think that was okay, check, Wormtail..." His heart leapt up to his throat.

"Is it working?" asked a familiar voice.

He'd heard those voices before... In somebody's memory...

"Padfoot, you recording?"

"Yeah, you ass, you're on air... Speak!"

"Oh er right, I'm sorry everybody, especially you, Sandy, I have nothing against you, but you're a rather boring radio host. Wormtail, turn the bloody radio off! Er, as you've guessed, me and three of my friends have patched onto the WWN transmission, for some time today, as long as we're in the mood, you'll be receiving a broadcast direct from Hogwarts and free of all commercials. Fear not, WWN, we shan't put you out of business... It's just for a couple of hours to alleviate our boredom. I'm Prongs, I can't give out our real names, because we're really bored of detention, and anyway Moony's a Prefect, he'd get in trouble. So..."

"This is Padfoot, hunk extraordinaire."

"Moony the Loon."

"Wormtail."

(A/N: Henceforth, initials are used, P for Prongs, M for Moony, W for Wormtail and S for Padfoot)

M: "Okay, we invite you to send all owl post to the Come and Go room, Hogwarts."

P: "And before I forget, can I take this opportunity to say that James Potter really really likes Lily Evans, and will she please, pleeeeease go out with him?"

Harry snorted.

"He's a friend of ours," added Moony hastily, "and he begged us to give this message."

S: "We have another personal message. It's for Severus Snape. An anonymous person would like to tell him that he is a greasy git and does not wash his pants."

W: "Well well, look! We have our first owl! It's from er, Evans, and she advises Potter to stop being such a show-off."

P: "I am- I mean, he is not!"

M: "That's not all, Prongs, she says she's 'going to go to McGonagall if we don't get off air right now.'"

"She's a Prefect," Padfoot informed the listeners, "and thinks that her sworn duty in life is to make us miserable."

"Take that black, Back!" snarled Prongs. "I mean, take that back, Padfoot! She's an angel, someone you're not fit to..."

S: "Yeah yeah, Prongsie, we've all heard that before."

M: "Stop making it obvious, you morons!"

"Okay well, Evans, go ahead. tell old Minnie. We have some goods on you too," said Padfoot nastily. "I don't think you'll dare."

M: "Here's our next owl. Er....... never mind."

There was the sound of rustling of paper.

M: "No really, Si-"

S: "Let me look!"

M: "Padfoot, no!"

S: "I think you have a really sexy voice, Moony." Loud shouts of laughter followed. "Kieren from Hogsmeade. Will you autograph this and send it back?"

P: "Ho ho, Moony has an admirer! Moony has an..."

M: "Shut up!"

W: "Go ahead, sign that note, Loony!"

M: "Here's another one. Nice owl, by the way, whoever sent it. Er, that would be, Tina from Ravenclaw. Hi Tina! You wouldn't be Christina Rogers, would you? Anyway, Great job, guys. We prefer you any day to old Sandy. His voice is rather like Binns's. Yeah actually, Tina. I never thought of that. You from Gryffindor, right? Really can't say. If Professor Flitwick is listening, please don't give us too much homework tomorrow, we really need to practise for our match with Hufflepuff. Hear hear."

P: "Coming up now is one of Re- Moony's favourites, a Muggle disco song!"

The loud refrains of 'Staying alive' filled the room, while Harry fidgeted.

W: "Back again, we have five more owls- Sirius, I love you, go out with me, please, pretty please?! You're so hot and you're so cool! I can barely concentrate when you're in class with me. You know who I am. Are you listening, Sirius, are you listening? There's, Can we please have some non-Hogwarts-centric stuff?"

S: Let me do that. Play me 'Lullaby' by Celestina Warbeck. And oh, Amos Diggory is such a hunk. You're kidding me, that git? I hope that's not you, Tess, Sirius would be sooo mad. James Potter, you conceited ass, you're not exactly being very secret about your identities, are you? Anyone with half a brain could put it together. And you can't have any goods on me. I have no past. Lily."

"Lily, sorry to inform you, one of us here is possessed of an Invisibility Cloak. We know stuff," said Moony in a dramatic whisper.

P: "And you're still listening, Evans. What does that prove?! And we sort of know that we are a bit obvious, after all, there's no one else at Hogwarts with the brilliance and gumption and ability and talent to patch onto the WWN transmission."

M: "Anyone else here think that Lily's epithets are a bit justified?!"

S: "Here's another one... Do this more often... You're taking me back to my good old days at Hogwarts. Is that batty old poltergeist still around? Very much so, er, Ms Harriet."

P: "We'd also like to remind everybody to support Ravenclaw in this Friday's match, because if they win, Gryffindor goes through to the finals against them."

S: "Anybody read that news about those new Dungbomb thingies Zonko's has come out with?"

W: "I heard they really stink. Ha ha."

P: "We can get some next weekend while ol' sexy-voiced Moony is off with his new girlfriend."

There was the distinct sound of a scuffle and things being knocked over.

S: "While Prongs and Moony beat the crap out of each other, I'd like to inform you that we are running a poll... Which team is going to win the League finals next Tuesday- Kenmare Kestrels of Puddlemere United."

"Puddlemore!" shouted Moony faintly. Then, sounding breathless, he said a little more clearly, "The Kestrels really screw up during important matches. Puddlemere have got an excellent team since they replaced their Keeper and Seeker."

P: "The Kestrels have got better broomsticks though. They'll be faster."

M: "Doesn't compensate for talent."

Prongs sounded glum. "I wish the Arrows had made it to the finals. If only that idiot Kayle had caught the Snitch instead of winking at Morgana."

W: "She is good-looking, though."

P: "Yeah, that's because she's half-Veela. She really shouldn't be allowed to play. Unfair advantage."

S: "It isn't fair that I'm handsome and you're not, is it, Prongs? So you can't really blame her."

P: "Ha. You wish. And leave aside looks, she can't be allowed to use her charms for distraction! That's like using magic against the opposing team. The Department should do something about it."

"Prongs used to wish he could be the Harpies' team manager," said Padfoot in a confidential whisper. "That was before Evans, though."

Suddenly there were sounds of squawking and flapping.

W: "Prongs just Transfigured Padfoot into a crow. He's really good at Transfiguration. He helped us all become... er, never mind."

M: "Turn him back, you idiot."

P: "Should teach him his lesson."

S: "Oh you are so dead, Prongs, soooo dead."

P: "Dear dear me, I seem to be breathing, and, gasp, I'm still talking too! Tough luck, Padfoot, I'm very very much alive..."

S: "Not for long, not--"

"Hello, testing. Testing."

"We seem to be back on."

"We are extremely extremely sorry for the interruption, we assure our listeners it will not happen again..."

The sounds faded away, and Harry stared at the sphere, a warm glow of happiness spreading inside him.


~ I invite suggestions for song/ band names, lyrics, adaptation of Muggle lyrics for wizards, themes, hosts, guests, shows. Everybody is welcome to send in owl post on the review board, with requests, dedications, and whatever you want to say. I swear, I'll feature every interesting letter. ~