I can't use what I can't abuse

And I can't stop when it comes to you

I may've died.

Lalala... This is Halloween! Ok, sorry, listening to Nightmare Before Christmas theme. Wee!

SHIMBO IS HOT! +must find way to break Shimbo and Ms. Shimizu up+ And so is Zima... And Dita's cute too, but, uh she looks like she's 12. O.o She's flatter than Kairi. +is hit by various flying objects+ WHY MUST I SUFFER FOR SPREADING TRUTH? Whatever. They're characters from Chobits, BTW.

Urrgh, this chapter is giving me problems. I dunno what to write. Ok, I /kinda/ know what I want to write. "Everybody seems so happy. Have I possibly gone daffy?" Well, I think I'll write some one-shots in the meantime. I have a holiday fic planned. Not very original, but still cute. ^_^ "WHAT IS /THIS/?" Ahg, ok, Jo, stop listening to music and writing down whatever catches your attention.

Damn, 10 chapters? This is the longest story I've ever written. I guess the subject has a way of keeping my attention. Or something like that.

Make it stop. I wanna get off. .

You learn to love the pain you feel

Like Father like Son

The queerest of the queer

Hide inside your head

The blindest of the blind

The deadest of the dead

You're hungry cause you starve

While holding back the tears

Choking on your smile

A fake behind the fear

The queerest of the queer

I know what's good for you (You can touch me if you want)

I know you're dying to (You can touch me if you want)

I know what's good for you (You can touch me if you want)

But you can't stop

+++

"This is all bullshit. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it. Is this our fate? To be alone forever?"

"To be alone together. I don't know. As long as I have you, I don't really care."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we don't need anyone; anyone but each other. I love you. You'll never leave me, will you?"

"Never."

Riku lied back on the wooden dock and stared up at the cloudless sky. Cold, Pale blue. He snorted in defiance of the sky's cruel gaze, and looked over at /his/ sky.

Sora let his legs dangle over the edge of the boardwalk, resting his elbows on his knees and looking into the clear water. A few fish swam by, grouped together for... Protection? Fun? He didn't care. 'Fish are lucky,' he sighed, 'no problems except staying alive. Just stay alive.' He turned to Riku, a sad smile on his face.

"Maybe that's all we need to do. Just stay alive."

"Maybe."

Riku continued to stare at the callous sky, contempt and even hatred in his eyes. He finally sat up, and fixed his gaze straight ahead, at the meeting of sea and sky.

"It's not fucking fair. I wish I knew what his problem was. I was never good enough for him. Never. No matter what I did. I always wanted to prove myself to him. I just wanted him to love-" He turned to Sora. "That was why I wanted to leave this island in the first place. Because I didn't want to end up like him. I could feel it happening. I could just- I was locking people out, cutting myself off. When I started to lock you out..." He looked down. "I couldn't let that happen. I had to get away from here. I hated this place. I hated everything. I was getting cold. I hid my emotions, my feelings, my... Love.

"That's why I wanted to build that raft. I didn't care about going to new worlds, or having an adventure. I just wanted something different. I wanted to get the hell away from what was hurting me. God, was it hurting me. I didn't hate everything about the islands, though. I liked certain people. I liked you and Kairi the most, though. That's why I wanted you to come. I don't think I knew I loved you then. Just a deep friendship. Though I /did/ know I wanted to get your attention away from Kairi. I guess I was jealous." He blushed. "You seemed to be ignoring me, too. I thought I'd done something wrong. I tried to change for you, but I just grew more distant from everything.

"I couldn't go on that way, so... I didn't. When the door was opened... You have no idea how happy I was. 'Oh, good,' I thought, 'a way to get away forever.' But I couldn't do it alone. I wanted you to come with me. I waited for you. I was so scared you wouldn't come.

"But you /did/ come. I cared about only two things at that moment: my escape, and you. So when you didn't, or rather, couldn't grab my hand, things kind of... Fell apart." He sighed and looked out at the ocean. "That's how things go, you know? It either falls together or apart. I wanted to go, but I wanted someone with me. And I so desperately wanted it to be you. And I /still/ didn't know I loved you." He laughed. "I'm so dense sometimes, especially about my own feelings.

"I had to find you after that. You and no one else. That's when 'they' came. Maleficent, whom I thought, was in control at the time. How wrong I was. They used me. Ansem... Used me. After that, I was nothing. All I felt was hatred. And I hated you, Sora. I hated you for leaving me, though I know now that wasn't the case. I wasn't me anymore. I could barely feel myself. I... Died. I was reborn into darkness, and the darkness tore me apart. It was horrible. But then I knew, I knew it was wrong. Then I could feel you again.

"And you pulled me through."

He ran his hand through his hair, staring at his lap. A deep sigh escaped him as he turned back to the sky. "I thought I'd never see you again." He turned to Sora. "But I'm seeing you now, and I wouldn't give you up for anything. I was just so scared, so scared I'd end up like him."

"But you're /not/ like him." Sora emphasized, putting a gentle hand on Riku's shoulder. "You have dreams, beautiful dreams." He rested his chin on the other's shoulder as well. "Dreams I want to be a part of."

"You're part of all my dreams." He kissed the younger boy, sealing his words into their lives. He wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the other's chest. They sat like that in comfortable silence for a long while, Riku taking in his love's motions and scent, Sora stroking his companion's long hair.

"Riku." Sora breathed gently.

"Mmm?" Riku looked up.

"Nothing. I just like saying your name." He smiled.

"You're such a retard, Sora." Riku laughed.

"Fine, then I'll just do it all the time if it annoys you." Sora retorted playfully.

"What? Say my name? I could get used to that." He snuggled closer to the boy.

"Ok, then I won't say it at all." Sora went stoic, trying not to laugh.

"I bet I can make you say my name." He grinned mischievously and began doing "pleasurable" things to Sora. (Ok, you're perverted enough to think of what he's doing. I ain't sayin' nothin.)

"Mmmm... Ah!" Sora moaned, trying to maintain his composure.

"C'mon, just say it." Riku grinned.

"Uh-uh. Uh... Ahh, Ah!" (You perverts! XD)

"Aw, you can do it, baby."

"Noouh, Ri- R- ah!"

"Almost there. Just a little bit more."

"R... Ri- Ri- kaaah!"

"Nope, not Rika, Ri/ku/."

"Rikah, Ri- Ah, oh... RIKU!"

"There ya go." Riku stopped what he was doing and collapsed onto Sora, both a bit short of breath. Sora panted heavily as he rubbed his lover's back.

"Daddy doesn't like it when I do that." Riku sighed into Sora's chest. They both laughed out loud.

"Yeah," Sora snorted, "let's get /that/ on tape and show him."

"SORA! You perv! That's why I love you." He smirked and ran a hand through his lover's hair.

"Fuck you!" Sora laughed.

"Ok." Riku sat up.

Sora sighed. "Maybe later." He let his hand rest on the small of Riku's back.

"Ah, you're no fun." The older boy collapsed again and breathed deeply.

"Yeah... Whatever." He grinned. "Now, about a place to live. We can't get our own. It's not like we have money or anything..."

"We could live with our friends for a while. I don't think they'd mind." Riku mumbled.

"But, they don't... Know yet. How will Wakka and Tidus react?"

Riku pondered this. Yes, how /would/ they react? Wakka might not really care, being as mentally damaged as he was, Riku laughed. Tidus, though... He wasn't quite sure. The guy didn't exactly seem all straight-laced, but he was hard to read sometimes. He heaved a deep sigh.

"Well, I guess there's only one way to find out."

+++

WOO! I AM NO LONGER ON HIATUS! XD Okie, I know this took a friggin' eternity to get out, but here it is. I liked it a lot. But, you know, this means I have to work on it again. XB Beh. I've been so overworked lately. I was buying Christmas presents last night and I was about to ask the cashier if I could put it on her Sears card. Gyah. Ok, write more later. Now need sleep. Or work on other crap. +has another incredibly sappy depressing fic running through her mind which she personally loves+

We were close friends

Also lovers

Gave everything

To one another