Disclaimer: this story is completely humor, it was going to be a one shot, but I couldn't

bear to leave it so short! Let me say that I do not own Harry Potter or any related

characters, they are owned by J. K. Rowling and publishers, and I do not own Sailor

Moon or Wheat Thins, which are owned by Naoko Takeuchi and Nabisco respectively.

This story is slash, m/m, and if you have a problem with this then please discontinue

reading. Also, it tends to get a bit lemony, so bear that in mind as well.

In Which Harry and Draco learn about the Birds and the Birds

~Pocky Faery~

Chapt.Two: In the Dursley House...

Harry Potter, teenage wizard, better known as The Boy Who Lived, was sitting on his bed one hot August afternoon, staring at the calendar marking down the days till his return to Hogwarts. The steamy air coming through the window combined with the cake Hermione had sent in his stomach were making him drowsy...

He drifted off to sleep, and surprise surprise where did his dreams take him but Hogwarts!

He was in Potions, thinking to him self that it could've at least been a *good* dream, when he saw it...across his bubbling cauldron he laid eyes on the object of his desire for the past 4 years...

Draco Malfoy.

A voice in the back of Harry's head was screaming that this nightmare was getting worse and worse, but the Harry in the dream continued to stare dreamily into Draco's eyes.

Suddenly Hermione popped up next to him, wearing Ravenclaw quidditch robes. (Well, that's not right...?) said the voice in the back of his head. "Hey Harry, I just heard that Draco has an evil plot ready for you!!!"

Harry suddenly jumped onto Snape's desk and his robes burst off revealing a superman uniform. "I will VANQUISH him!" he yelled triumphantly. The rest of Potion's was spent chasing Draco around his cauldron in circles, getting extremely dizzy but aided but anti-puke charms by Ron of all people. He finally grabbed the hem of Draco's robe and pulled him to the ground.

"HA! Evil spawn of the husband of my cousin's cousin who is my Godfather!" he said.

"huh?" asked Draco, who had no idea that Narcissa Malfoy was really Narcissa Black, cousin of Sirius Black.

"I see that your stupidity exceeds expectations..." Harry continued in the booming superhero voice. "So what is you evil evilly evil plan, you dastardly prat!?"

Draco looked at the floor. "Ok, I'll tell you. First I was going to hit you over the head with a wet fish, thereby making you pass out, and then I was going to drag you to the Slytherin common room where I was going to ravish you in the hope that you would reveal secrets to me that are helpful to my father the Death Eater!"

At that, Harry woke up, also in a cold sweat, and looked around his room, making sure that this really had been simply a dream. Him, having illicit thoughts for in the middle of potions! That was rubbish...

The next morning, however, after a particularly...uh...detailed dream about Malfoy, he was forced to consider other wise.

"Hmm...I think I like Draco. OK!" he hopped off his bed and headed to his desk, where he promptly drew many shiny pictures with his brand new pack of 64 crayola sparkly crayons. "Yay!"

Harry was in the middle of a particularly...er...colorful picture of himself on his Firebolt, when his bedroom door opened and Vernon walked in.

"Boy," he began, "Petunia is insisting I talk to you."

Harry dropped his crayons, wondering what on Earth it could be that Petunia would insist Vernon talked to him about.

"Well, she has noticed an increase in our little Ickle Dudly-kuns's interest in the, er, opposite gender. And she thinks that even your kind might need to be aware, er, that certain things happen at, er, certain times in a boys life, er..." Vernon trailed off uncertainly and looked at the floor.

"It's ok, I already learned about all that stuff at Hogwarts!" At the sound of the name of the Wizard school, Vernon turned a rather delicate shade of purple and swelled up like a large bullfrog.

"I will NOT" he punched the bed "TOLERATE" punch "MENTION" punch "OD THAT FOOLISHNESS" punch "UNDER MY ROOF!" and with that he seemed a little calmer and threw something vaguely in Harry's direction. "Petunia will send dinner up later."

Harry watched his uncles retreating back before finally looking at the box in his hands.

"10 lubricated condoms!" It proclaimed.

"Gah!" said Harry, before stuffing the box in his trunk and pretending it didn't exist.

"Sex talk my sweet, Quidditch toned ass!"

~END~