TWO
The End of Running
After seven months away I expected Sam to look different. Not that different though. She glowed, and I know that's a cliché, but it's the truth.
Seven months pregnant and engaged. So many changes in so little time. Though it seemed like a long time without her there. She happily announced that Jack was the father of her child and soon to be her husband. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. But I was happy for them. They were right for each other, I hoped.
"Congratulations Major." Hammond said.
"Thank you Sir." Sam smiled.
"I expect you'll be taking a little more time off."
"Yes Sir, but I'll be sticking around to keep track of the progress of the Stargåte missions sir. Nothing like my previous absence."
"Sam?" Janet said walking into the room. Sam turned around and smiled. "Oh my," She said and rested a hand against Sam's stomach. "Congratulations."
"Thank you." Sam smiled.
After everything was explained to Sam, I got to steal her away. I needed her help with a few artifacts we'd found while she was away.
"Daniel." She said. I turned around and looked at her. "You're awfully quiet. Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," I nodded. "I'm just a little, ah, well confused is one word. Awestruck is another."
"Confused? Why?"
"Confused as to why you disappeared without a word for seven months."
"We've got time." She said. "I'll explain it to you."
"Ok." I said and offered her my chair.
"Seven months ago, the day before I applied for leave, Jack and I, well we took a leap."
"Ok, I can follow so far."
"It scared the hell out of me. I panicked I didn't know what to do. So I ran away. Four weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I was going to come back and tell Jack, but I couldn't, I couldn't bring myself to tell him."
"Why?"
"Because I was worried about his reactions. I was afraid that he'd turn me away and I'd be on my own. I know it's silly now, but then, well, it brought back a few memories. Memories, I'd just as soon not have."
4
"Ok," I nodded. "So you were scared, you were running away?"
"Yeh, but it sounds so terrible when you say it like that."
"How would you say it?"
"I wouldn't. It's like that song." She said.
"Oh yeh I know the one." I smiled.
"Out of um, that movie with the singer and Kevin Costner."
"Sing it for me." I said.
"What?" She said.
"Go on Sam, it's just you and me. Who am I going to tell?"
If I should stay
I'd only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way
And I, Will always love you,
Will always love you,
You,
My darling you
Bittersweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me,
So good bye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you need
And I will always love you
I will always love you
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you dreamed of
And I wish for you joy and happiness
But above all things I wish you love
And I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I, I will always love you
Darling I love you
I will always love you
"You have a great voice." I said.
"Really?" Sam smiled and blushed.
"Ok," I smiled and nodded. "Come on, there's a few samples I need you to give me your opinion on. Maybe the ah, you can identify some of these items."
"Ok, lets go." She smiled.
She was happier than I'd ever seen her in my life. She never stopped smiling and she cracked jokes the whole time we were together. I didn't know if it was the baby or her new found love or the break or some third alternative.
"Hope I was helpful." She said.
"You always are." I nodded.
"I'm going to go up to my lab and have a look around, you want to come with?"
"Sure." I nodded.
"Wow, just the way I left it."
"Yeh, Jack dusted it every week. He missed you so much. He used to come here and just sit, just to be close to you."
"I never wanted to hurt him."
"I know. He knows that too."
"Knock, knock." Jack said from the door. We both turned and looked at him. "I couldn't find you in Daniel's office so I figured you would have come here." He said walking over to her. "They just put out fresh jell-o in the commissary. There's plenty of blue." He smiled and put his arms around her.
"You're a different person when you're in love."
"Oh Danny, I'm still a jackass." He smiled. "I just don't show it in front of my kid."
"I'll catch up with you later." I said.
"Bye," Sam smiled. She and Jack moved together out the door.
"I never thought you were a jackass." I called.
"No one said you had to stay behind." Jack called back.
"Great," I mumbled and hurried out of the room after them.
~*~
"You should have told me Jack, that's not something you forget."
"I'm sorry Sam, I didn't forget. You were gone when it was arranged. I didn't know when you were coming back. And I didn't know you'd be pregnant when you did."
"I'm coming with you." I said.
"No, Sam, I won't let you go. We have no idea what it will do to the baby."
"I don't care. Sammy's my daughter."
"You should, I do."
"You didn't even know about this baby until a few weeks ago."
"It doesn't matter." Jack shook his head. "It's still my baby, you're still my fiancé and I don't want to risk either of you."
"It's not safe,"
"It's her birthday present from me and the team." He said. "Carter, she wants to do this, she wants to see other worlds. It's not as if we're going on a mission, we're going to a perfectly hospitable planet. I promised her I would."
"I don't want you to take her off world Jack."
"Then you tell her."
"She doesn't listen to me, she barley acknowledges my existence."
"She doesn't remember you Sam and you won't give her a chance." Jack said. "When she was in the hospital. She just remembered your face. Now, she's learnt so much, she's starting to forget. You've got to give her a chance to remember. She's got to get to know you again."
"Where are you going to take her?"
"We're going to P3X-759, then, we're going take her to see the Asgaurd."
"Asguard? Why?"
"Thor's offered to see if there's anything he can do for her."
"Do for her?"
"Give her her life back. The life she would have had if it weren't for the accident. I want to do things with her that I can't. I want to teach her to drive, to surf, to read, to dance. I want to see her dress up and go out on a date."
"Jack," Sammy said.
"Ready?" He asked.
"Angry." She said.
"No," He shook his head.
"Why?"
"Big people." He shrugged.
"Me?"
"No,"
"You?"
"Yeh,"
"Naughty?"
"Forgetful."
"Tomorrow?"
"Today,"
"Sure?"
"Uh huh," He nodded. "C'mon." He said and took her hand. He led her across to the door. He helped her into her coat. Sammy continued to ask questions.
"Mommy?"
"Can't,"
"Baby?"
"Uh huh."
"A life, a normal life." I said not bothering to wipe away the tears that streamed down my cheeks. "The life I took away from her." I said. Jack froze.
"Car." He said. Sammy nodded and walked out. Jack walked back to me.
"That's it isn't it?" I said.
"Sam, I love you, you know that. This has nothing to do with the accident. It wasn't your fault. I'm going to take her off world because I promised her I would. It's not a reflection on you. It's not, I'm sorry I didn't organize it with you but you weren't here." He said and walked back to the door.
"She's not your daughter Jack." I called. "You'll never be her father." He froze again.
"No, no I won't. I won't ever be her father. But I can be the best dad she's ever had. The way you're acting, you'll never be her mom, you'll only ever be the one who gave birth to her. Anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a daddy." He said and walked out. Slamming the door behind him.
I took a shuddering breath and looked around me. Jack's house was filled with pictures of him and Sammy. On the wall were framed pictures that Sammy had drawn. One in particular caught my eye. I walked up to it and ran my fingers across the glass. It was the picture I'd seen Sammy and Jack drawing the day before I left.
I knew that he really did love her like a daughter and I felt awful for what I said. I knew I deserved everything I got. I'd been terrible to him and I hadn't given her a chance. There was nothing I could do now.
~*~*~
I knew she didn't mean it. I hoped she knew I didn't mean it either. It wasn't that I didn't love her, it was just that I'd promised Sammy I'd take her off world. She was making it difficult for me.
I didn't matter now. It was all behind us.
"Jack," Sammy said. I looked across at her. "Grow up." She said.
She'd never referred to growing up before and at first I wasn't sure what she was saying. She could have been telling my to grow up, but she wasn't. She could have been telling me she didn't want to grow up, but she wasn't. I realized at last that she was asking if she would grow up. I felt my stomach tighten, how do I explain to her that she might not grow up. There was no way in our language so I took a deep breath and dived in with grown up sentences. I decided I'd always use full sentences I didn't want her to get confused.
"You're perfect Sammy," I started. "More perfect than anyone else in the world. You understand things that other people don't. Some people will tell you that you're too simple. But you're not. Thinking simply is the biggest quality anyone can have. I love you no matter what ok, whether you're grown up or whether you're not."
"Ok." She nodded. "You?"
"Only if you want it. I'm not going to force you to grow up. If you want to stay the way you are, then that's fine with me. Like I said, I love you, no matter what."
"Mommy?"
"Mommy loves you too, no matter what."
"Angry?"
"Yeh, she's a bit angry. It's not her fault though. I upset her and I didn't mean to. When you and me get back to the house. I'll tell Mommy sorry."
"Sorry?"
"Yeh, yeh I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I love mommy too and I don't want her to be upset ever. Just like I don't ever want you to be upset."
"Ok." Sammy nodded. When we got onto the base. Everyone greeted Sammy they all knew her well. Teal'c and Daniel stood in the gate room while we left.
When we got back to the house two days later, Sam was gone. I sighed and sat down on the couch. I ran my hands through my hair and looked up. I saw an empty picture frame hanging on the wall. Sam had taken one of the pictures Sammy and I had drawn.
"Oh Sam," I sighed.
~*~
"Molly," I called. "Molly, come here girl." The dog ran up to me. "Hey girl, good girl. Come on." I said giving her a back rub. She followed me over to the car. I opened the back door and she jumped in.
"Ready?" Sammy asked.
"Uh huh."
"Ok." I got in the drivers seat and buckled my seatbelt. We drove out to the lake.
I set Sammy up with a rod and some bate. She cast out.
"Great." I smiled. She smiled proudly back at me.
I cast out myself.
We sat and enjoyed the quiet for a while. I thought about all the times I'd been here with Sammy. It was one of her favorite spots and I was glad she enjoyed coming with me.
Since Sam had left almost two months ago, Sammy and I had come here a lot. I think we both thought that maybe she'd appear again like last time. It never happened though. But neither of us gave up. Sam would come back, she had to, I had to tell her I was sorry.
I'd never really been a religious person, but I started to believe when my prayers were answered. I'd heard from someone that if you wanted something badly enough and for the right reasons, then you'd get it. Now I believed it. And I hoped Sam believed it too.
"If the woman you loved suddenly came back." A voice said from behind us. Sammy and I both turned around. We dropped our rods and ran towards Sam. Sammy was faster and threw her arms around Sam before I could. I hesitated for a second then threw my arms around her and Sammy.
"I missed you Sam." I said. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did."
"Neither should I." She said. "I'll accept your apology if you'll accept mine. I said some things that were out of line as well. And I'm sorry."
"I never pictured you as the type to run away from conflict."
"Only emotional conflict. Bring on the aliens and I'm there, but as soon as I'm confronted on an emotional level. Well, eat my dust. I need time to myself to sort everything out."
"It doesn't matter now. You're back."
"And I'm never going to run away again. I'm going to start facing my problems." She said. We walked up under the veranda as it started to rain. Sammy stayed behind. She threw her head back and opened her mouth. She closed her eyes and let the cool water run down her face.
"Still hate rain?" I asked Sam. She nodded. I shrugged.
"You go." I said. "I'm not going to keep you here if you want to be there."
"I do want to be there, but I'd rather be here with you." I said and put my arm around her shoulders. I rested one hand on her stomach.
~*~*~
I watched Sammy as she stood in the rain. She dropped her head forward and looked at me. She smiled.
"Come on Mommy." She smiled
I felt my knees fail. Jack caught me and helped me stand. Sammy reached out a hand. I shook my head. Jack took one of my hands and led me towards Sammy. I reached out and took her outstretched hand. She smiled.
The three of us stood in the rain. Holding hands with our heads back our eyes closed and out mouths open. I took a deep breath and savored the feeling of the cool water washing over me.
The way it caressed my lips and face. I breathed in the smell of a newly washed earth, felt the dampness of my clothes and the tickle of rain in my hair.
I closed my eyes and saw the glistening of rain on pavement in lamplight. I remembered the song we were listening to, I remember the screeching of tires and then the endless spinning and turning. I remember opening my eyes to see her gone. Then I remember seeing the cracked windshield and the crumpled figure some distance away from me.
I remember the endless hours spent pacing hospital corridors waiting for any news at all. I remember seeing her sitting on the floor making incoherent sounds and clapping her hands. I remember her clapping and laughing when she saw me, then crying when, time after time, I ran away.
I opened my eyes and gasped. Tears joined the streams of rainwater that ran down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry Sammy," I said and turned to walk away.
"No," Sammy said making me turn back. "No," She said again and shook her head. "I will not let you do this again. I will not let you leave me again, not again." She said. "You've been running away from me half my life. I was always happy to see you again because I thought maybe you'd stay that time. Then I realized that you never would, that you wouldn't stay for me. Now, Jack's convinced me that you will, one day, you'll stay. Make it today. Stay with me today."
"She," I said looking at Jack. "You're," I looked at her, then fainted. When I came to I was dry and lying on a comfortable bed in front of a fire.
"Hey Dad, I think she's coming too." Sammy called. Jack appeared beside me a second later.
"Sam," He said. "Sam,"
"Jack," I said and swallowed the lump in my throat. I started to cry again. Jack pulled me up into his arms.
"It's all right, shh, don't cry." He whispered.
~*~
Sammy was better, that's all there was to say about it. She was better. I didn't know how and I didn't really care. She was better. I had my daughter back and it was all thanks to Jack. If he'd listened to me that day and not taken her off world. I wouldn't have my daughter back.
There were so many things I wanted to say. But a sharp pain in my stomach stopped me.
"Oh God." I said and put my hand on my stomach. "Jack, the baby." I said. "The baby's coming." He smiled at me.
~*~
It was the longest nine hours of my life, but finally, I was holding my baby, my beautiful baby. My son. Our son.
Jack held the tiny bundle and smiled at me. "He's perfect."
"Is he all right, is he ok?"
"One, two, three…ten fingers. One, two, three…eleven, wait a minute." He smiled and counted again. "No, ten, there's ten toes. Two eyes a mouth and a nose. We still have to get the two of you to a hospital."
"Sammy," I said. Sammy appeared beside me. She smiled. "I want you to, if Jack doesn't mind. I want you to name him."
"That's a great idea." Jack nodded. Sammy shook her head.
"No, I couldn't, I shouldn't, he's your son."
"He's your brother." Jack said. Sammy smiled and took a deep breath.
~*~*~
I was about to ultimately make the hardest decision I'd ever have to make. I smiled at my mother again.
"Andrew," I whispered. "Andy." I smiled. "I want to call him Andrew."
"Perfect." She smiled.
~*~
Everything was perfect. Sam and Jack got married, Andrew grew up to be a perfect little boy and I had a normal life. Sam learnt to love the rain and she over came her fear. Now we drive with the radio on and we stop and enjoy the rain whenever we can. I got a job with the SGC and had as many adventures as my mother and father.
End Chapter Two
