Author: Angie

Email: AngieSuth@aol.com

Title: Testing Time

Characters: Josh/CJ/Toby

Rating: G

Summary: Wouldn't that be ironic?  I mean, to find out that they were there all along, to find out that I could have been happy for years. I don't think I could bear that.

Disclaimer: Not mine at all.

Spoilers: No.

Feedback: Always appreciated.

A/N:             Because I am a sucker. Kate and A-K. Always thank you to Rhonda.

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Testing Time

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"I'm warning you, Josh, you put those lips anywhere near mine . . ." Toby scowled at the man sitting on CJ's couch.

"Don't worry, I don't go for men with beards. Especially those with personality disorders." Josh slouched further down on the couch.

Toby walked over and perched on the edge of CJ's desk, shuffling a few of her photos. He looked out of the door at the empty space where she had been not so long ago. "You didn't upset her, did you?"

"God, Toby!" Josh threw his arms up in irritation. "Why does it always have to be me that upsets people? You're not exactly renowned for your interpersonal skills. It could just as easily have been you."

Josh stopped suddenly and put his head in his hands. "Look, we were just having a discussion about love – oh you know, about finding someone who is right for you. CJ let me kiss her so that she could show me that she wasn't the right person for me."

Toby stared hard at the younger man. "Did you like kissing her?" he asked, quietly, his voice almost a murmur.

"Yes, actually, I did. We never pay her that kind of attention, but she is a beautiful woman. Inside too. You know what I mean?" Josh buried the heels of his hands in his eyes. "God, I'm tired."

Toby, his expression unreadable, continued to stare at him.

Josh sighed, adding, "But CJ isn't the one for me. She knew that and I knew that before I kissed her. I just wanted a bit of affection. There's only so long you can go without touching someone or being touched, Toby. It kinda kills your spirit."

Toby didn't move.  His voice still quiet, he asked, "Did she like kissing you?"

"Have you been listening to me?"  Josh's voice almost squeaked.  "She let me kiss her – she didn't let me get too close, but she let me kiss her. She knew what she was doing and she wanted to help me without letting things get out of hand. I bet she hasn't been touched in a while either."

Josh sat up and looked the other man in the eye for the first time. "She did tell me that she knew who was or had been right for her, but that it took 'two to tango' or something like that.  I don't know – she said it better."

Toby set about straightening the papers on CJ's desk. "She's right."

Josh waited.

"You know Andi won't marry me again. CJ's right about it taking two."

"Yeah, well, I was talking about finding out if the people I worked with, the people who I liked already, who know me warts and all . . . well, if one of those was 'the one' for me . ." He looked intently at Toby. "Wouldn't that be ironic?  I mean, to find out that they were there all along, to find out that I could have been happy for years. I don't think I could bear that."

Toby smiled. "You're still not kissing me, Josh!"

Josh returned the smile. He got up from the couch and wrapped his arms around the older man, kissing him on the cheek.

"Well, I think you'll find that I just did, Toby. And, like CJ said, 'nice, but no cigar'. I know you're not the one for me." He pulled away to lean next to him on the desk.

"The interesting question is  . . . do you know who is 'the one' for you, Toby? Is it Andi, or is it Andi and the kids? Because kids grow up. And you have to have something left when they are gone."

Josh stood up straight and picked up the file he'd come in with. "I'm outa here. You want to get a beer? Toby?"

No answer.  Toby was studying the carpet or his shoelaces or maybe his future.

Josh smiled. "Okay, I'll leave you to it. Have a nice night."

*

Again echoing heels faded away to nothing. Emptiness, nothing but.

The End