There's beauty in release
There's no one left to please
But you and me
I don¹t blame you for quitting
I know you really try
If only you could hang on through the night
("Safe and Sound"~ Sheryl Crow)
Regression
~Progression~
Two Days Later
Chandler was dozing on his sofa, when he heard a soft knock on his door. He yawned, and shuffled groggily toward the door. He looked through the peephole, and smiled. Monica.
Just after his last session, Chandler brought Monica to his apartment—a tiny studio in the Tribeca district—and they talked briefly about what Chandler had revealed that day.
"I think you should take a couple of days, Mon, and let all of this sink in. I think…we both need the space…just a couple of days, ya know?"
Monica had nodded silently, and left soon after that. And sure enough, exactly two days later, she was back at his door.
Chandler unlocked and opened the door, and smiled.
"It's been a couple of days," Monica smiled, and walked into the apartment.
"It has," Chandler said as he closed and locked the door—a new habit of his.
"I've missed you," Monica said softly, "Isn't it strange that I could miss you just as much in two days, as I did in those six long weeks you were gone?" Monica giggled, but sobered quickly when she saw that Chandler was not laughing with her.
"I—Mon, I'm sorry I did all this to you. I never meant to hurt you, I just—"
"Oh, God, Chandler, I know!" Monica crossed the room and took Chandler's hands in hers, "I didn't mean it like that, I—oh, sweetie…"
"I guess I…I was so sure you would walk away. I guess that's why I gave you a couple of days to…I just thought that I would give you a chance to walk away," Chandler let a tear flow down his face unchecked.
"Why? Why would you think that I would do that? That any of your friends would do that? I love you, Chandler, and the others love you, so much."
"But I…I'm"
"You were horribly abused, and none of it is your fault. You did nothing wrong," Monica wiped Chandler's cheeks with her thumbs.
"I was too weak to stop him…I am too weak—"
"You are much stronger than you think you are," Monica whispered, and Chandler smiled.
"I can't believe you're here," he said softly, "I mean, I was—"
"You were wrong."
"I know. I want to get past this, you know? I just want to…not remember anymore."
"But wouldn't you rather know everything, and then deal with it? I mean, you brain must have been trying to tell you something with those awful nightmares, right?"
Chandler smiled and Monica, and pulled away from her, before walking toward the kitchen-area. He turned to face Monica again.
"Mon, you are so…so much stronger than I am. Maybe you could handle this, head-on, but…but I'm not so sure that I can."
"Chandler, neither of us know how I would have handled this…I could have turned into a basket case! And you are handling this unbelievably well…better than you think you are."
Chandler sighed sadly, and nodded.
"Are you hungry?" Monica asked. The randomness of the question startled Chandler.
"Uh, I—I guess?"
"You look like you need food. I'm gonna cook you something," Monica said sternly.
Chandler just nodded, knowing that it was no use arguing with Monica once she set her mind to do something.
God, he envied her strength sometimes.
"What is it?" Chandler wrinkled his nose at the large yellow vegetable in front of him. He and Monica were at the grocery store, a trip taken after Monica had discovered that Chandler had nothing but cold cereal and beer.
"It's called a spaghetti squash," Monica said, as she placed the oblong squash into the basket.
"Does it taste like spaghetti?"
"Well, it shreds like spaghetti noodles…and you can put tomato sauce on it."
"But what—"
"Chandler, trust me, okay?" Monica laughed.
Chandler shrugged, and pushed the cart down the next aisle, stopping abruptly at the edge of the aisle. He was staring straight ahead, and Monica felt panic rise inside of her.
"Chandler, what is it?"
Suddenly, Chandler's face broke into a wide grin, and he skipped across the aisle.
"Mon, we GOTTA get these!" Chandler cried, as he held up two pre-packaged, preservative-filled, Hostess chocolate pudding pies.
"Chandler, those things are nothing but sugar!" Monica scolded. Inside, she was completely shaken. Chandler had scared her to death, and he had no idea.
"Please, Mon? They're so goood!" Chandler batted puppy dog eyes at her.
"Fine," Monica smiled, and laughed when she saw Chandler jump up and down. It was almost like he'd completely forgotten about what had happened to him. She felt a surge of warmth run through her, as she realized that he seemed to be drawing energy through her presence. She vowed to herself, in that moment, to make sure that she was always there for him, no matter what.
No matter what.
AN: I thought I'd lighten it up just a bit…the last chapter drained me, ya know? lol.
