AN: Special thanks to Jenni for her input on this chapter!! *hugs*…keep those British ass-kicking boots on—that stupid car is STILL there!!! ;-)

Regression

~Reactions~

"Mon, I…I don't know if this is such a good idea," Chandler said softly, as Monica put the finishing touches on dinner.  Chandler was hunched in the corner of the kitchen, leaning up against the sink.  Monica put down her spoon, and turned to look at Chandler.

"Sweetie, this is entirely your decision…you can tell them as much, or as little, as you want to, okay?  But don't underestimate your friends.  They love you, and they have all missed you terribly."

"I know, but—" Chandler shrugged and looked at his hands, as he nervously picked at his cuticles.

"Chandler, look at me," Monica, placed her hands on Chandler's shoulders, and squeezed them reassuringly.  Chandler looked up at her slowly.

"If you feel uncomfortable, I can cancel this dinner right now."

"No…no, I want to see them…I miss them," Chandler smiled.

"Please let me know, if you feel in any way uncomfortable while they are here, okay?"

Chandler nodded, and a small smile played upon his lips.

"Thank you, Mon…I—I'm sorry—"

"If you apologize one more time, I'm gonna lock you in an ATM vestibule with Janice!"

Chandler chuckled, "That's more like it."

"What?"

"I feel better when you…treat me like you used to…even if I act—"

"I will try my best to berate you and humiliate you in front of our friends, then," Monica laughed, happy that Chandler's mood lightened.  Deep down, she was slightly concerned about his seemingly sporadic mood swings.  There were moments, when he acted as though nothing had ever happened…then he would grow sullen, and dwell on it.  Monica knew that she would have to adjust to Chandler's strange new moods…she knew that he might be this way for years.

"Ooh, Mon, it smells great!" Ross and Rachel walked into the apartment moments later.

"Thanks," Monica smiled.

"Chandler!" Rachel's smiled broadened, and she pulled him into a fierce embrace.

"Hey, Rach," Chandler laughed, and hugged her back.

"It's great to see you, man," Ross said, and hugged Chandler once Rachel had released him.

"So, this is the big secret you've been keeping from us, huh?" Rachel winked at Monica.

"What?" Monica asked with a feigned innocence.

"Well, your mood did changed dramatically this week…and now we know why."

"Chandler and I needed to—" Monica started to explain her reasons for not telling her best friend and older brother why she hadn't told them she was talking to Chandler again.

"Mon, it's okay, we totally understand," Rachel winked.

"Alright, Joey's here, let's eat!" Joey exclaimed, as he and Phoebe walked into the apartment.

"Oh my God!" Phoebe saw Chandler before Joey did, but Joey got to him first.

"Where the hell did you go!?" Joey yelled, as he wrapped his arms around Chandler and picked him up off the ground.

"Okay, Joe," Chandler laughed.  He pried himself free of Joey, and hugged Phoebe.

"It's so good to see you, Chandler," Phoebe whispered into his hair.

"It's good to be seen," Chandler smiled, and Phoebe slapped him on the arm playfully.

*

"So, Chandler, what happened?  I mean, where did you go?  Are you back for good?" Rachel had begun the interrogation as soon as the group had sat down for dinner, but Chandler had insisted that they wait until after the meal.

He'd never seen four people eat so fast.

And now Rachel was firing the questions again, and was soon joined by Phoebe.

"Why are you so skinny?  Do you still live in New York?  Did you quit your job?"

"Okay, okay, guys.  Look, I promise I'll answer your questions, but I need you to just…just listen, okay?"

The others nodded silently.  Chandler took a deep breath, and felt Monica take his hand in hers.  He was grateful that she was there, because he wasn't sure he could get through this.

"Monica…Monica really had to convince me to come back…I…I guess I didn't have faith in any of you…I…I didn't have faith in myself.  But…but I hope you guys will understand."

"Chandler, whatever it is, we can help you," Rachel said softly.  Chandler smiled gratefully, but it was clear that his mind was on what he was about to tell them.

"I…I've been going to therapy…and…I didn't want to tell you guys, because I didn't want you to think I was…to think there was something wrong with me."

"Is that it?  Hell, Chandler, I'm in therapy," Ross laughed, but sobered quickly when the others shot him an odd look.

"Anyway, I suppose that's why Monica thought I was cheating on her.  The thing is…the therapy has opened a lot of doors…doors to my childhood that I had forced myself to forget about."

"What did you find out?" Phoebe asked.

"I—" Chandler's head dropped, and he sighed heavily.  Monica scooted closer to him, and whispered something in his ear.  He shook his head, and looked back up at the others.

"I was…abused," Chandler's voice was small, and it took the others a moment to comprehend what he'd said.

"A-abused?  When?  Who?" Joey's face reddened, and his breathing had increased.  Chandler looked over at him fondly, and smiled. 

"Joey, it was a long time ago," Chandler whispered, and watched as Joey relaxed slightly.

"You were…hit?" Rachel asked.

"The abuse was mostly emotional, and—and sexual," Chandler felt his throat close up, and he started seeing yellow spots.  He was visibly sweating, and trembling.

"Oh," Rachel said, stunned. 

The room held an eerie silence for a long moment.  Chandler was beginning to fear the worst.  He wondered if his first instincts were correct; maybe he should have never told them.  His emotions began to overtake him, and when he spoke, his words were filled with desperation.

"Somebody, please say something," his voice cracked, and a fat tear slid down his face.

"I—I have to go," Phoebe whispered, and left the apartment.  Chandler felt his heart break.  They really were disgusted with him…he was going to lose everything.

"Chandler," Rachel walked up to Chandler, sat on the sofa next to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Tell us what we can do," She whispered, and closed her eyes when she felt him relax slightly.

"Who—Where—I'm gonna kill him," Joey stuttered, and began to pace the room.

"Joey, stop," Monica said sadly, her hand still tightly gripping Chandler's.

"He—he was my stepfather…he's not anymore…I don't know where he is," Chandler said softly. 

"Do you…are you going to try to find him?" Rachel asked.

"I—I don't know," Chandler said honestly.  He looked over at Ross, who was still seated in the reading chair, and was staring forward blankly.

"Ross?" Chandler said hesitantly.

Ross shook himself out of his reverie, and looked over at Chandler.  Ross looked at his best friend, and noted that his eyes were dull, and flat.  The crinkles that usually framed his eyes were gone, because his smile was gone.  Ross willed all of this to be a dream—it was too hard to believe otherwise.

"Chandler—I…I don't know what to say," Ross looked at his hands in shame.  His ears were burning, and his throat was dry.

"You don't have to say anything," Chandler smiled, "Just promise to be my friend."

"I can do that," Ross looked up and smiled, "I can definitely do that."

Chandler nodded, and felt relieved to find that his world had not completely fallen apart.  His friends were here.  Monica was here.  He was going to be okay.  He closed his eyes, and his mind wandered to Phoebe.  He wondered if he would ever see her again.  He wondered if she was disgusted with him.  What could he say to her?  He felt a sadness weighing on him—he was not aware of how much Phoebe really meant to him—and she was most likely out of his life.

"You okay?" Monica asked softly, seeing the pained expression on Chandler's face.

"Yeah…I just…I wonder if she'll be back."

Monica nodded, and felt a twinge of resentment toward her eccentric friend.  She wondered what Phoebe was thinking…she wondered if she knew how much she had hurt Chandler with her actions.

A minute later, Phoebe came back into the apartment, carrying a large black canvas bag.  She sat down on the coffee table, and began pulling out candles, incense, teas, cards, and a few unrecognizable objects.

"Um, Pheebs, wh-what are you doing?" Monica asked.

"Aromatherapy…healing candles…strength…Chandler's aura needs cleansing…and—"

"Phoebe," Chandler sat up forward, and took her free hand in his.  He pulled a lavender candle out of the other, and grasped the other hand.

Phoebe looked down at the floor, and stifled a sob.  She looked up at Chandler, and smiled, "I can make you better…I can," she whispered desperately.

"Yeah?  Alright then, cleanse away," Chandler kissed one of her hands, and sat back on the sofa.

Phoebe paused for a moment, then gathered herself, before looking up at him again, her face alight with confidence.

"You're going to be fine," Phoebe smiled.

Chandler looked around at the people that surrounded him, and nodded.

"Yeah, I am," he whispered.