The Gift of Life, Chapter 6
"Acceptance"
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Quistis paused in front of the door, finding it slightly ajar. Listening intently, she heard no noises from within the room, and silently pushed the door open.
Entering this room always gave Quistis mixed feelings. Lily Tempest was the sweetest, most vivacious little girl, and by far Quistis' favorite child patient. The child always wore a smile, despite of her hopeless situation; her time was nearing the end, but she never looked depressed. Judging by the picture she had seen, it seemed that Lily was fully aware of her failing health. For a six-year-old child, she seemed wise beyond her years.
On many occasions, Quistis felt her voice catch in her throat while speaking with the girl. Lily had so many tubes and wires connected to her young, pale flesh that it was hard for Quistis not to cry at the sight. It seemed so unfair that this sweet little girl should be bound to the inside of this hospital room, while others her age were enjoying carefree existences out in the world.
The bright moonlight poured in through the open window directly across from the girl's bed. It illuminated both the machines that perpetually surrounded her bed, and the vibrant purple petals of the orchids that surrounded her in vases. An ethereal feeling came over Quistis, as time seemed to freeze at that moment; she seemed rooted to the spot she stood in. She laid her eyes upon Lily's fragile sleeping form; the brown curls of her hair were splashed over her pale cheeks, and her eyelids fluttered ever so slightly. She wore an utterly placid expression in her slumber. The only sounds in the room were the slight humming and beeping of the devices around her.
She averted her eyes, and they laid on Seifer.
He sat nonchalantly in the armchair beside her bed; the moonlight failed to illuminate his expressionless face, averted eyes, or his bandaged head, but rather the pink crease between his lifeless eyes was given a subtle illumination.
It was his souvenir of a troubled past; the unmistakable relic that he carried with him every day; his "reward" from Squall Leonhart four fated years ago.
He acquired it just before the most hellish experience of his life. His selfish decision that resulted in nothing but shame and defeat; his visage printed on every wanted poster around the world. A series of events that virtually destroyed him; Quistis had a hunch that if Squall, or anyone else for that matter, had undergone that experience, they would not have made it, as Seifer did. He seemed to be a shell of a man now, but at least he was alive. If he was well… that was another matter entirely.
He had a dead expression as he sat, and his cold green eyes were fixed upon the form of the sleeping girl.
Quistis didn't dare to disturb him; he looked so fragile, so vulnerable. But before she could think of what to say, he broke the silence.
"It isn't fair."
She noticed now that his eyes held a sparkle, that shined through the shadows of his face.
"I'm living a damned life, but at least I've been around the block. She hasn't even lived yet, and she's almost gone."
The last thing Quistis expected from Seifer was a statement like that. But the tone with which he used to speak, it cut right through her. His words rang through her head, echoing thoughts she herself had contemplated during the girl's long stay at the Deling City Hospital.
She opened her mouth to speak, but only a choked sob escaped. She covered her mouth with her hand, and her eyes glistened with tears. She tried to compose herself, and after a moment, her insides burned with chagrin. She hated the fact that Seifer was witnessing a vulnerable side of her persona. She was somewhat ashamed that he knew one of her weaknesses: the painful lament she felt for the ill-fated child in front of her. As a nurse, she was not supposed to involve herself personally in the lives of patients. She was strictly to give health care to her patients, not to become emotionally attached, especially to terminal cases.
But this was where the weak part of her was exposed. As her former career as a SeeD, she was sworn to do whatever necessary to follow orders and keep innocents safe; she could always make things better by taking action. This was different, though. It killed her, the fact that there was nothing she could do for the cherub-like girl. No amount of crying, searching, or desperate attempts to find a donor would save Lily from her fate.
It was so infuriating, yet so heart wrenching for Quistis. She had to accept Lily's fate. But she didn't know what to do; her anger, disappointment, and grief combined within her, leaving her heart to deal with civil war.
She cleared her throat and looked away. Swallowing hard, she managed to speak softly, her voice wavering only slightly.
"But… there's still hope. If she gets a donor in time—"
"Oh, come on," Seifer interrupted. "You're supposed to be a nurse, not a Hyne-damned idealist. Face the truth and stop lying to yourself." He paused a moment to let her fully comprehend what he was saying, then continued. "That was your problem when you were an Instructor. You knew there were problems with your style of teaching, yet you did nothing; you denied it, or refused to accept it until you took a fall. Why don't you stop fabricating lies for yourself and face reality for once? Lily's dying; she obviously knows and accepts it. Just look at the drawings that you cover with those of the other kids. Stop being selfish and think of her; be there for her during her last few months."
Quistis flinched and looked down as if he had just slapped her across the face. He mentioned her past failures, and his accusations cut into her, his words sharp as knives. Automatically, her lips formed into a snarl, and she clenched her teeth.
No more, she thought. I'm not a child, and I will not be talked to in such a disgraceful way.
"I think it's time for you to come with me—"
Her comment was cut short when she looked back up to Seifer. His eyes were slightly open, and his body was limp. A vein in his temple bulged slightly, and his chin looked rigid, as if he were clenching it shut. He looked exhausted, not just physically. Quistis suspected that there was something he wasn't telling her; something that made him react in such a way. There was just… something about him that concerned her; made her wonder what could have happened to him during his past four years in hiding.
"Come on," she said, in a softer tone. "Let's go back to your room now."
She looked over to Lily, who stirred slightly. She was amazed that the girl hadn't woken up during their conversation, but all the same, she needed her sleep; she wasn't going to get any if they remained in her room.
Quistis made her way to the chair Seifer sat in, and extended both her hands to him. Pursing his lips, Seifer took her hands into his, and she hoisted him up off the chair to a standing position. He leaned on her slightly as they made their way out of Lily's room.
»~~*~~«
Once again, the clock struck four o'clock, which marked the end of Quistis' shift that night. On her way out, Daisy stopped her.
"That patient o' yours, Lockheart is it?"
Quistis nodded in affirmation.
"Well, I just checked up on him. He's doin' just fine, we can release him this mornin'. I'm goin' to change his bandages after breakfast, an' he'll be free to go. Just figured you oughta know."
"Thanks a lot, Daisy, I appreciate it," responded Quistis. She turned to leave, but Daisy stopped her once again.
"Don't be so quick to leave," she said. "That's not all I wanted to tell you!"
Quistis smiled and asked, "Well, what else do you need to tell me?"
Daisy, however, did not return the smile. She took a paper off the raised desktop next to her, looked down at it for a moment, and handed it to Quistis. Her face was dismal, and Quistis' smile faded. Quistis looked down at the paper, her brow creased with worry.
"You got a fax about ten minutes ago. From someone at Balamb Garden," Daisy said, her careworn face beginning to contort, threatening the onset of tears.
"Quistis, I'm so sorry."
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A/N: *Gasp!* *Evil snicker* Indeed, a cliffhanger. WEEEE! It took me forever to write this chapter, I wanted to get all the dialogue and descriptions right. Hope I succeeded, and I hope you guys are enjoying the story.
Until next time,
~Mari
