Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing...what a big surprise.

Warnings: Dark

Notes: POV, make of it what you will.

Why can't you see me? I know you're looking at me, you're in my face like you always are. C'mon man, my face is cracking with the effort of smiling. The smile's painted on, why can't you see through it?

Why don't you notice how dead my eyes are? My hands are shaking, my body is weak, my voice is fake. Why don't you see it?

Oh yeah. I didn't want you to. I didn't want anyone to be able to see. I'm a mess, a heap of trash, a contradiction, a mistake...and a damned good actor. I laugh when I cry, and I cry...well, I don't cry.

Crying is for people who still have tears left. Crying is for people who can see the tears, can feel them running down their face. As for me? The well was burned long ago.

I'm sitting here, and I'm screaming at you to look, just look, dammit, one look! Look past the charade! I'm screaming, I'm crying, I'm dying and you still think I'm smiling.

Would it make it more obvious for you if I took the knife and rammed it through my own throat? I would've tried, but I don't want to make a mess on the floor. Blood is such a hard stain to get out. And I don't want that to be your last memory of me; as a copper stain on the floor.

Ironic, isn't it. That I think you'll actually care, whether I'm here or not. I need to think that, don't you see? It's all I've got left to hold onto, because I can't rely on myself. I can't survive alone, I can't survive not alone I can't...

I'm a pressure cooker, waiting to blow. Simmering softly, secretly, until the last pop. I'm a tight ball of emotion, gift wrapped elegantly. Please, just see through the gaudiness! I need release from this pain, from these thoughts.

I need you, and it hurts. I'm trembling inside, because I want you to see. But you laugh and turn away, and I'm almost relieved.

I can hide for one more day.